Sapiosexuality

[Marina]

If you've not heard the term, "sapiosexual" is supposed to mean being attracted to intelligence.
Have you heard of this term before? Many consider it ableist, do you agree?
Are you sapiosexual? Is your community just misunderstood?

[Ana, Our Shared Shelf Moderator]

I have heard this term before! Not too comfortable with it, though. Because of the potential ableist risk, but also and to be honest, mainly, because I think it's sort of a special snowflake label. Which is very ironic, because I could easily call myself a sapiosexual...but it doesn't feel right. To each their own, however. As long as you don't claim to belong to some sort of minority, because that would reek of privilege to me, at least if you do it from a straight perspective. Not that anyone would, really.
Now, demisexuality, that is something that I have been reading about wth much greater interest lately. Although I do admit many would not be willing to recognise that one either. ;)

[Ana]

I don't know if I'd call myself a sapiosexual. I think labels are good when you want to do a research furthermore I try to take people for themselves ignoring labels. In any case I do feel attracted not only by intelligent people but by smart people. This is hard to describe and specify but specially I am attracted by the way people use language and cultural and scientific information in a fun way in their daily lives. People that can use multiple languages and code their brains in different ways. On the other hand someone texting me or e-mailing me (mainly if is in Spanish which is my native language) with a lot of orthographic and grammatical mistakes is definitely a turn off.

[Marina]

@Ana I think demisexuality deserves its own thread ;) (maybe along with the ace spectrum) Although it's true that the definition of sapio is clearly based on demisexuality.

@Ana (message 3) does it also turn you off if someone isn't a native speaker of Spanish and makes mistakes?

In general I'm not a fan of assuming people want to be special snowflakes... But I do think self-described sapios may be mixing up identity and preferences/turnoffs.

[Laure]

I had encountered the word before but wrongly thought it meant you needed a kind of intellectual connexion to be attracted to someone. Thanks for the clarification.
I find myself quite in line with this article: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles... (had to laugh at some bits!)

[Marina]

Yeah, I agree with this article. "when even tumblr doesn't believe your sexuality is real, you have a problem" :DDD
fwiw while demisexuality is generally described as needing an emotional connection, i'd say an intellectual connection also fits there. it's hard to separate these from one another anyway.

[Sherrie]

Marina wrote: "@Ana I think demisexuality deserves its own thread ;) (maybe along with the ace spectrum) Although it's true that the definition of sapio is clearly based on demisexuality.

@Ana (message 3) does ..."

"I think self-described sapios may be mixing up identity and preferences/turnoffs"

THIS! I think you nailed it. I'm heavily attracted to intelligence. I'm also attracted to tall people. These things aren't part of my sexual identity, they're just what I like. Once I hit my late twenties, I was kinda done dating people who didn't meet the basic criteria of what I know I'm attracted to. Why waste both our time? Still not a sexual identity, just being a picky dater. :)

That said, if someone calls themselves a sapiosexual, I will just smile and go with it because it's up to them to decide how to define themselves. If they're a good friend, we can discuss whether or not that's a reasonable label...but for most people, I'll just shut up and respect your choice.

[Evelia]

Interesting and weird. I had not heard about this word before.

[Gerd]

I'm biting my tongue not to say "Anybody who claims himself to be sapiosexual probably won't fit his own standards". :D

But then, I'm not one to claim to know how sexual attraction works, so who knows, maybe there's such a thing as sapiosexuality.

[MeerderWörter]

I've come across this term before, but I don't know. I'm not really comfortable with it. Like metrosexual and lumbersexual, I think it's not really a sexual orientation, it's more like what you like others to have. I mean, from my perspective you can't compare them to hetero- or homosexuality, but I won't speak too loud because I'm not sapiosexual.

[Ana]

@Marina it depends on which terms the person learned and is trying to use the language. If it is someone that has lived in a Spanish speaking country for a long time and struggles with the basics, yes it is definitely a turn off.

[Ana]

And thinking on how Carrie Brownstein talks about her sexuality at some point, she says something as "it just happened" and she didn't start thinking on whether she was a lesbian or not and just let it be. I like that way of approaching things, just let them be...