Fringe Fiction Unlimited discussion
This topic is about
The Dead Tree
Blurb: The Dead Tree
Lori, do me a favor and edit to add the genre, thanks.
Okay, without knowing the genre -Nit-pick: there should be no comma after "seen" in the last paragraph.
Nit-pick: the second paragraph/sentence has a series of phrases set aside by commas, which makes it read a bit staccato.
Substantive: I don't know what the book is about. At all. This is cool backstory, but where is the conflict? What is the issue that faces Ariel? It's not just fighting to get this tree chopped down, right?
Mod
My only critique off the top of the noodle is the tone is very casual, like you're mentioning it in passing. Maybe a little more campfire story tone?
Mod
Sigh.Major crash, I just got back online. I was about to say, oops, forgot to put that in the guidelines. I'm going to lick my wounds and fix the guidelines.
Slinks away...
Lily, this is another huge problem I'm having. :( This is a book that's hard to put into a genre. I added what I *think* it is. There is some romance. Not enough romance that true romance aficionados would approve of my calling it romance.
I'd call it family saga/suspense...
Jason :) I am a comma sticker. It's one of my bigger editing issues. Too many or not enough.The story is told from 3 different pov:
Ariel the 23 year old woman who catches her boyfriend in a compromising situation with 2 woman. She lives in California and inherits her great aunt's estate in Missouri and figures it would be good to start over.
Blythe is (was) the great aunt who willed the estate. We go back in time for her pov. She falls in love with a young man and catches him cheating on her with...you guessed it, two other women. Blythe is broken hearted and her older brother wants to "make things right," and Blythe lets him -- after all, blood IS thicker than water. Blythe's boyfriend (Grayson Tucker) hangs himself from the tree. The two other girls disappear...
Grady Tucker is the 26 year old man whom Ariel hires to help her clear some land for a greenhouse. She wants the tree to come down. He tells her about the legends that have surrounded the tree all these years and it piques Ariel's curiosity. Especially when she learns that the young man who hung himself from the tree was related to Grady way back in the family tree.
This is what it's about. (In addition to what you've already figured out from my pathetic blurb.)
Okay, that's good enough. This is why I added genre or category. Many books are hard to define in a neat little package.I will let you know, though, that might turn off a lot of readers of genre fiction. Such readers tend to have genre expectations. Romance? There better be a hero and heroine. Suspense or thriller? There better be a lot of blood. Family saga? It better make me cry for a family, and no, not make me cry for anyone who isn't a family member.
Harsh, I know, but that's the reality of genre fiction. I mention this because if you're iffy on the main theme (romance or suspense?), this will reflect in the blurb.
My suggestion is to take the time to pin point the most important element that the story can not live without, and cal it the genre. All other elements are just gravy. Then, we can work on the blurb :)
Thanks Courtney! The title is very fitting for everything that happens in the book. One of my beta readers mentioned that parts of the story reminded her of "The Giving Tree." I don't know because I haven't read that. :)
Mod
Exactly Courtney. Which is why I hesitate also calling it a romance. :)
Yeah, it does come across as light horror as it is right now. Which I don't mind, but if that's not what you want, some changes are needed.
Btw, The Giving Tree is a children's picture book, so I'm a little confused. Unless there's another Giving Tree I don't know about?
Has anyone read:
This is very similar to the feeling I get from my book. People who liked that book might also like mine.
That book is listed as: (from Amazon)
Literary Fiction: Psychological
Literary Fiction: Sagas
Literary Fiction: Mystery, Thriller & Suspense
So definitely, Literary Fiction. Psychological - check. Saga - check. Mystery - check. Suspense - check.
Thriller, maybe. But I don't see it as a thriller because I knew what was coming. LOL
Hmm. I don't know. The woman who beta read it said: "I liked the story of the oak tree planted at Blythe's birth and the feelings associated with it -- like 'The Giving Tree'."
Ah! I was wondering if "literary" would be better.Literary Thriller is a genre, and currently favored. That might work for you.
Odd, I'm guessing it's the literary aspect that gave her that impression. Just a guess.
Definitely literary. :) That's the biggie. I can't believe I failed to mention that in the beginning, because I've been thinking that all along. I didn't set out to write it, the characters thought otherwise. :)
Okay, Literary, possibly Literary Thriller, that helps a lot, thanks!Members, let's get to work on the blurb...
"When twenty-three-year old Ariel Fountain inherits her reclusive Great Aunt Blythe's estate in nowhere, Missouri, she leaves California -- and her lying, cheating ex-boyfriend -- to start over."Does the book start with catching the boyfriend in bed or finding out about the inheritance? Why do we need to know she's twenty-three?
"A giant dead oak tree stands in the front yard of the inherited property, and Ariel wants it removed, but handsome landscaper, Grady Tucker, is reluctant to cut it down, saying it would be bad luck."
You've repeated the concept of inherited twice, remove the second one, it' already understood. I'm having trouble with this paragraph. It does make a good reference that ties in with the title, but it doesn't really say anything. Does Grady refuse because of bad luck? Protest? Argue? Does anything happen?
"Decades ago, a young man hung himself from the tree, and though his death was deemed a suicide, many believed otherwise. After the apparent suicide, it was discovered that the man had been dating three women at the same time -- one of whom was Ariel's Great Aunt."
Interesting backstory, but backstory never belongs in a blurb.
"After the hanging, the other two women disappeared, never to be seen, or heard from again. Legend has it they are supposedly buried beneath the dead tree, and Blythe Fountain was said to have murdered all three of them."
Same deal, too much backstory. Unless we actually see these events in the book as they happen, there isn't much point putting it in the blurb.
Here are my questions:
What's Ariel's main purpose? What does she sets out to acheive? What stands in the way of her goals?
Does the cheating boyfriend ever make an appearance?
What's Grady's purpose other than reluctant tree-cutter? Handyman? Neighbor? Priest?
Okay, that's enough for now :)
Does the book start with catching the boyfriend in bed or finding out about the inheritance? Why do we need to know she's twenty-three?The actual event happens on page two, and the first page leads in that direction. We don't need to know her age. I'm going back to my query writing days for YA. :) The inheritance comes after the "event."
Grady doesn't refuse, but he tells her about the tree's legend and isn't real anxious to take the tree down - dead or not because he's superstitious. It would be like tearing down a historical building... in a way.
Ariel's main purpose is to put her past behind her. Get over her broken heart. She was born in Missouri and when her parents and baby brother died in a fire, she was sent to California to live with her grandparents when she was three. It's a chance to get back to her roots and start life over. She's just earned a degree in organic farming and is anxious to put it to use.
The cheating boyfriend makes a cameo in chapter two, but that's it for him.
Grady and Ariel wind up falling in love with each other, but there are obstacles (isn't there always?!) Ariel's not sure she can trust him.
This is good. It's making me think. :)
I didn''t get what you mean by event leading, etc. I understand you don't want to give anything away, and I'm not asking you to do that. I'm just asking for the info anyone would see by reading the first page.Ariel's running from her past? Or, does she have a goal of planting her roots? I'm not just asking about first goal, I mean the overall goal for the whole story.
Here is the first page: (Forgive the formatting)Classes were done for the summer, and I was out celebrating with some of my fellow classmates before we went our separate ways. It was Friday night, and my boyfriend, Bryan, had told me to go have some fun. We rarely spent Fridays night apart, but we'd be spending all of our time together soon enough. He said he didn't mind, it would give him time to pack, as we were moving in together at the end of June once my lease was up.
Bryan and I were high school sweethearts. We were completely in love, and I trusted him with my life. We planned on getting married as soon as we finished college and got jobs.
Shawna, my roommate, was moving out and going back home to Oregon, leaving me alone in the small house we'd rented for the school year. We weren't particularly close, she was a bit of a slob, and although I wasn't a neat freak, compared to her, I was spotless. She called me anal. I called her lazy.
My best friend Dina was supposed to have been out celebrating with me, but she'd come down with a migraine and couldn't make it. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy partying with my friends from school, but it wasn't as much fun when I was the only sober one of the bunch. Being stone cold sober around a bunch of drunken college kids wasn't my idea of a good time.
Bored out of my mind, I was tired of tossing shots of tequila over my shoulder instead of into my mouth. I was also a little surprised Bryan hadn't sent a text or called, and I sort of hoped he would, so he could rescue me from the octopus sitting beside me who had become steadily more friendly with each drink. Silly me. I had always thought "no" was the same in any language. Apparently, not in Tequila-ish.
Ariel is not running from her past. She is running toward a new future. She needs a change of scenery. The legend of the tree sparks her interest and she becomes engrossed in the story.Once she's in MO, her goal because figuring out what really happened surrounding the hanging, and the disappearances.
That doesn't help lol No need to copy any text. Just, what's the sequence of events?Ariel catches boyfriend in bed.
something happens
Finds out about inheritence, but finds out how and why?
"She is running toward a new future. She needs a change of scenery. The legend of the tree sparks her interest and she becomes engrossed in the story."Honey, that's your blurb :)
1. Ariel catches boyfriend in bed.2. No second chances for Bryan. (He tries...)
3. Ariel receives a certified letter about her inheritance. She calls the lawyer and agrees to meet with him.
4. Ariel flies to St. Louis to meet with the lawyer and gets the keys to the house where her reclusive aunt lived.
5. Ariel decides to stay -- she can be an organic farmer anywhere.
Gosh. This is hard.
:) I think you're on to something, Lily! <3
Btw, this is the same wringer I put Jason through, so don't think you're the only one I torture lol
No, I'm enjoying it. I hate when people ask, "So what's your book about?" Oh just some woman with crazy relatives...she's afraid she's going to become one of them." LOL
Well, now you have a better description to work with.
Very true! This helps me relax a little. I was really worried which genre it was going into for starters.
Knowing the genre helps a lot for everyone. It may be why you've had some frustrations with reviewers. Well, if reviewers don't know the genre, they're going to make blind guesses, and often, they'll be wrong.
True! It helped to figure out what other book mine was similar to and see what it was labeled as.
This is what we came up with: When Ariel Fountain walks in on her boyfriend having sex with two of her friends, all the dreams and plans she's made with him turn to dust. Angry, confused, and hurt, she doesn't know what she's going to do, but life tosses her another curve -- her great aunt Blythe has died…leaving Ariel a very wealthy woman.
In taking possession of her inheritance, Ariel learns of the Legend of the Dead Tree. It seems her great aunt's lover hung himself from the tree, but many believe it was not suicide.
When she meets Grady Tucker with his sexy bod and gorgeous dimples, Ariel is attracted to the handsome landscaper, but little does she know -- she and Grady have a lot more in common that raging hormones. The past is about to rear its ugly head and change both their lives forever!
Wow, vast improvement! I now know what the story is about :DThe last paragraph is still a bit iffy. Words like bod, gorgeous dimples, raging hormones, gives me the impression the plot just stops and nothing but sex takes its place. Now, if that does really happen, well, more power to ya lol
If that doesn't happen, I suggest changing your word choices. After all, only teenagers have raging hormones, and this isn't a YA book nor a romance novel, so I would be concerned such words would attract the wrong audience.
The final sentence of the last paragraph, kinda made me cringe. It sounds like your story is good enough on its' own, no need to force any of it with an exclamation point. Also, in a blurb, it's best not to say what's going to happen, just, what is happening.
What's the ulimate choice or choices they'll have to face? That's the kind of thing that belongs in the final line.
Very valid points. :) I don't want to give the impression that this book is about sex, or even primarily a romance. It's neither.I'll get back at it.
Ariel is the one with the choice. She needs to decide if she's ready for a relationship with Grady. The things she uncovers about the tree take her down a different road.
The past is, in a round about way, tied to the present events.
So, it comes down to the tree or the man?
It comes down to the matter of history repeating itself.
Okay, but I was trying to sum it up for you :)No one needs to know the grand finale in the blurb, that would defeat the whole point of reading a book. All we need is simply the ultimate choice that eventually leads to the grand finale. The ending can be kept hidden completely.
Random bad example:
Jack and Jill run up the hill searching for water. When they find an old haunted well, they're forced to make a choice: double suicide or run down the hill and hope they survive.
Umm...Liky, that would be the most awesome bedtime story EVAR!
I agree. I know that there was some issues with "too much back story" but... it's not exactly back story.As I've mentioned, the book has three pov. Grady, Ariel and Great Aunt Blythe's POV is told from her memoirs. It takes place in the past. It is completely relevant to the title of the book.
Blythe Fountain loved Grayson Tucker.
He cheated on her. Her brother steps in and... well, blood is thicker than water. It all (more or less) revolves around the tree itself.
Ariel fountain's ex Bryan cheated on her. Now, she's met Grady Tucker and finds the name similarities and the situations so uncanny -- she worries that the past repeats itself.
So, she sets out to find the answers -- the truth around the legend of the tree. She gets it...
It's all wrapped up in a neat little bow at the end. :)
It's hard to not give back story. I also understand about not giving away the ending. The fact that the past and the present collide isn't giving anything away, not really.
Jason wrote: "Umm...Liky, that would be the most awesome bedtime story EVAR!"lol See what can be done with blurb writing? ;) Just a few choice words, and that's all you need.
Lori, but don't give away the ending either ;)
Why is it I can write a complete novel, but when it comes down to writing a query letter, a synopsis, or a book blurb, I feel like a monkey doing a math problem?!
Sigh, believe me when I say you are not the only one. It's a problem for every single author on the face of the planet.And of course, it's always easier to critique others, than critiquing yourself.
My recommendation, take a deep breath and a big step back. You're not doing anything wrong. It's similar to the impression I got from Jason. Trying toohard.
Blurb writing has nothing to do with talent. At all. It's a learned skill. It takes practice and nothing but. In fact, it's best not to use your talent. It's ironic in a way. Those who have the most developped talent for creative writing, tend to find blurb writing the hardest. (With a few exceptions here and there).
I find it best to write a one paragraph summary of the whole story I have in mind before I write a word of the story. It saves a lot of grief in the long run. Because once I finish the story I'll think to myself, but it's really about this, or that, and there's all this symbolism and I have to say everything to show the whole story, and, and...
I'll go back to my notes, see the one paragraph, and remember the initial simple idea that got me started on this journey.
So, further recommendation, think about the initial idea. Take all the time you need.
When twenty-three-year old Ariel Fountain inherits her reclusive Great Aunt Blythe's estate in nowhere, Missouri, she leaves California -- and her lying, cheating ex-boyfriend -- to start over.
A giant dead oak tree stands in the front yard of the inherited property, and Ariel wants it removed, but handsome landscaper, Grady Tucker, is reluctant to cut it down, saying it would be bad luck.
Decades ago, a young man hung himself from the tree, and though his death was deemed a suicide, many believed otherwise. After the apparent suicide, it was discovered that the man had been dating three women at the same time -- one of whom was Ariel's Great Aunt.
After the hanging, the other two women disappeared, never to be seen, or heard from again. Legend has it they are supposedly buried beneath the dead tree, and Blythe Fountain was said to have murdered all three of them.