Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Need a memorable first line...
date
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Hmm. I guess it comes down to which one best sets the tone of your book. The second is more whimsical and tries too hard. The first seems foreboding. The third just strikes me as a classic start to a romance story. I hope that helps. Whatever you go with, sounds like a lovely story!
I like the first one. It's simple and effective. I agree with Mickey though; the first line should of course match the tone of your story, so make that your first priority. :)
Thanks so much for your help you guys :)
Maybe use a specific day, unless it interferes with the story."Tuesday, Lucille caught pneumonia."
What's your POV? It looks like you're writing in first person, but do you stick with the viewpoint of just one sister (I assume it's the sister), or do you jump between each of them, maybe in alternating chapters?If the story is told by one character only, then the options you've presented focus on something that happens to someone else besides the protagonist. Yes, pneumonia is serious, but so is falling in love. Combining the two, as you've done in the second option, is probably a good choice.
"Tuesday was bittersweet: I fell in love, and Lucille caught pneumonia."
I like Pat's idea of using a specific day.
I like the second one. It gives character and a little humor :-)
How about a brief xplain, Constance. What length and genre? 75k romance? 125k wartime spy thriller? Add another vote for Pat. Even further, 'Tuesday, June 6, 1943, Lucille caught pneumonia and I fell in love.' (Use a perpetual calendar to get the day-of-week matched with the date.)
"It was" should almost always get your red pencil. Passive and the pronoun has no antecedent.
Thanks, Pat. Spelling out the date gives it a newspapery feel. Not knowing even the genre it's hard to guess whether that's right for Constance.
Martin,Nice idea with the newspaper date to liven the intro. But "was"in that first line is 'be' in the simple past, not passive tense, e.g. "was given" or "was born".
Try reversing option 3."I fell in love and Lucille caught pneumonia."
or maybe
"What a day! I fell in love and Lucille caught pneumonia."
It was the day Lucille caught pneumonia.
Life, as it turns out, is not like the movies; kissing in the rain only gets you pneumonia.
Lucille caught pneumonia that day, and I fell in love.
The story centres on three sisters in occupied France, during World War Two. As you can probably guess, the story begins when the eldest sister catches pneumonia after kissing the gardener in the rain. Can anyone think of anymore opening lines, or think of ways the ones I have can be improved?
Thanks,