Great Middle Grade Reads discussion
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Can you beta read my MG manuscript pls?
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Just wondering how I can improve on my blurb. Do you think my opening line will make it more enticing? Or could you give suggestions what is needed? Thanks!Give it to Pig
To move forward, some things have to be left behind; superstitions, beliefs and children.
For Kai, there is nothing worth celebrating, even if his father has returned for the festive season. His pig, and only friend, has just been killed, just so that they can have lots to eat for the occasion. Kai’s father has been away working for as long as he can remember. His mother is home, that is good enough for him. Until the crops withered last year and there wasn’t enough to feed two mouths.
At the reunion dinner his father announces that he has found a job for his mother, looking after a sick boy in the city. In both their absence, Kai is entrusted to look after their farm and the new black piglet. Before Kai’s mother leaves, she gives him her jade pendant, a family heirloom and a talisman she believes would watch over him.
In the city, her desperate employers resort to asking for divine guidance to find a cure for their only grandson. They learn about the fruit of a rare tree that will cure, but only after it has been elaborately treated. The nearest tree is located in the rural mountains where Kai lives. Kai gets involved with their quest.
A turn of events lead the employers to move to their country home in a town close to Kai. Kai’s mother thought she would be close to him again. But on the day they arrive, the pendant is found dangling on the neck of a dead man.
I am getting too close to it and wondered if someone could help me read through it and let me know what you think of it. Just to help you a long, if you can answer any of the following questions, it would be a great help.
1. Any sections you got bored/ lost concentration
2. Unnatural/stilted dialogue
3. Do you feel yourself rooting for my main character as the story develops?
4. Any sections that seem too convenient or unconvincing.
Here's the blurb.
For Kai, there is nothing worth celebrating, even if his father has returned for the festive season. His pig, and only friend, has just been killed, just so that they can have lots to eat for the occasion. Kai’s father has been away working for as long as he can remember. His mother is home, that is good enough for him. Until the crops withered last year and there wasn’t enough to feed two mouths.
At the reunion dinner his father announces that he has found a job for his mother, looking after a sick boy in the city. In both their absence, Kai is entrusted to look after their farm and the new black piglet. Before Kai’s mother leaves, she gives him her jade pendant, a family heirloom and a talisman she believes would watch over him.
In the city, her desperate employers resort to asking for divine guidance to find a cure for their only grandson. They learn about the fruit of a rare tree that will cure, but only after it has been elaborately treated. The nearest tree is located in the rural mountains where Kai lives. Kai gets involved with their quest.
A turn of events lead the employers to move to their country home in a town close to Kai. Kai’s mother thought she would be close to him again. But on the day they arrive, the pendant is found dangling on the neck of a dead man.
Thanks for reading!