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First things first...*waves*
Hi, Melissa! Nice to meet ya!! Okie doke. I didn't touch the first part cuz I figured that was your hook. Anyhoo, here's my "shortened" take on the rest:
Years of avoidance comes to an end when a homework assignment challenges them to work together.
Just as Ami reaches her breaking point in dealing with Joshua’s miserable attitude,
And about herself.
Hope it helps some! Best of luck!!
Hugs,
Ann
Oh wow! Thank you so much -- I love these edits!! :D
You're most welcome, Miss Melissa! Glad it helped a bit ^_^
I think you need to use a different word from 'ordinary' in your first line because many ordinary cities have crime, corruption and are divided.Perhaps you could make a starker contrast by calling it an idyllic city or something like that. Peaceful, or variations on that type of charm.
Anna wrote: "I think you need to use a different word from 'ordinary' in your first line because many ordinary cities have crime, corruption and are divided.Perhaps you could make a starker contrast by callin..."
Oh good point. Thanks, will take note!
Good edits, Annie! Sounds like an interesting book, Melissa! You could say "Bretonville looks like any city..."
Annie wrote: "First things first...
*waves*
Hi, Melissa! Nice to meet ya!! Okie doke. I didn't touch the first part cuz I figured that was your hook. Anyhoo, here's my "shortened" take on the rest:
Nice work Annie! And I like your suggestion , D.
*waves*
Hi, Melissa! Nice to meet ya!! Okie doke. I didn't touch the first part cuz I figured that was your hook. Anyhoo, here's my "shortened" take on the rest:
Nice work Annie! And I like your suggestion , D.
Aww, thanks! You guys are too sweet! I'm super excited to see what Miss Melissa comes up with!! ^_^Hugs,
Ann
D. wrote: "Good edits, Annie! Sounds like an interesting book, Melissa! You could say "Bretonville looks like any city...""Thank you! I will make a post when I finally manage to get it published.
Btw, I wasn't expecting such friendly feedback. I've never really gotten around to posting or being involved in these groups they way I'd like to so I really appreciate it. Thanks again.
Bretonville looks like an ordinary city;
yet, behind its humble exterior
lies something more sinister —
crime, corruption and a
community divided.
None embody those divisions greater than 17-year-old West-Ender Ami, an over-achiever with aspirations of attending UBC, and East-Ender Joshua, an apathetic “bad boy” whose only goal in society is to have no part in it. Both happen to attend Redwood Academy and despite their shared Aussie heritage, the two couldn’t be more different.
Years of avoidance comes to an end when a homework assignment challenges them to work together.
Just as Ami reaches her breaking point in dealing with Joshua’s miserable attitude, she discovers where he lives, a revelation that causes her to question everything she thought she knew about him ...
And about herself.