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message 51:
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kavi ~he-him~, Books are my escape from Reality
(new)
Oct 09, 2016 03:42PM
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How's this? I tried working it down to the main points, but it might still need a bit of editing... Hopefully this will help you, though :D[This story idea is brilliant by the way. I want to read it!]
Ayana Crane is a bookworm. Her life in reality has been really rough so far. Her mom left her when she was younger, and her dad is barely home, but she does have two best friends, Jolie Hood, and Lucas Bradley. They're bookworms too, and they all share a favorite book titled, Niles Comis and the Elemental World. They became friends because of that book, and they all want so badly to escape the real world and live in that book's world.
One day after school, they are hanging out at Ayana's house when all of a sudden, a porthole appears right next to them and sucks them into another world. Niles Comis and the Elemental World! Not only that, but Ayana, Jolie, and Lucas suddenly have Elemental powers, just like the other characters of the book! Most amazing of all is that they get to actually meet their favorite characters--Niles Cornis and his best friends, Jayce Stanis, and Xandra Florou.
Unfortunately, there are also villains in this place, and they're after Jayce, Ayana, and their friends. Will they be able to make out alive? And is it possible to fall in love with a fictional character?
The only way out is through. Will they make it?
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[This story idea is brilliant by the way. I want to read ..."
I love it thanks!
Skyril wrote: "How's this? I tried working it down to the main points, but it might still need a bit of editing... Hopefully this will help you, though :D[This story idea is brilliant by the way. I want to read ..."
The second version is a lot better than the first, in my opinion. The first one was very...storylike, as opposed to teaser. It felt like I sat there and read the whole thing. But the second one captures more of the mysterious "what will happen" factor and I like the formatting better too. I still think it's a little prose-y, but it's a lot better than the first shot. Either way, the story sounds phenomenal!!!
Mod
Prologue:
My name is Ayana Crane, and I am sixteen years old and I am a bookworm. I am a Junior at Waterfalls High School, which is in Virginia. My all-time favorite book is titled, Niles Cornis and The Elemental World, which is written by, my all-time favorite Author, Ella Tipping.
The book, Niles Cornis and The Elemental World, is about a whole another world, called, The Elemental World. The Elemental World is a World, where everybody has Elemental powers, such as, Water, Ice, Earth, Air, Fire, Lightning, Light, Dark, and Shadow. That world is also split between both the Light people and the Dark people. The Light people consist of Niles Cornis, and his two best friends, Jayce Stanis and Xandra Florou. Niles has Water powers, Jayce has Air, and Xandra has Light. Then the Dark people consists of the Villains- Balthazar, Niklaus, Cole which has Dark powers and Crowley, Warlow, Neferet, which has Shadow powers.
The Villains all want to take over the world and make it full of Darkness and Evil, and rid of all the Lightness and Good. But Niles Cornis and his best friends, Jayce Stanis, and Xandra Florou were born, and there is a prophecy saying that those three are the ones that have to defeat the villains, and stop them from taking over the world. And because of the prophecy, the Villains are now after Niles, Jayce, and Xandra, and they want to kill them.
This book had played a huge part in my life. My life had been really rough so far. My mom left when I was younger and my dad is barely home. But I do have two awesome best friends, Jolie Hood, and Lucas Bradley, who are both also Bookworms, just like me. We all share a favorite book, which is, Niles Cornis and The Elemental World. In fact, that book was the reason, that all three of us met and became best friends, and the one that brought all of us closer to each other.
We all hate reality though, and we want so badly to just escape this world and just live in our favorite book's world. That world would be so much better than mine is. But then one day, everything changes.
should I add more to this or just keep it as it is?
Hermione Granger (aka. Kavy Jackson Fullbuster) wrote: "Guys I finished writing my prologue. Prologue:
My name is Ayana Crane, and I am sixteen years old and I am a bookworm. I am a Junior at Waterfalls High School, which is in Virginia. My all-time..."
As far as the prologue length, I think it's fine. It's a great first draft, and it has room for improvement. I like the premise of the story a lot. It has a lot of potential and I hope you keep with this idea!
Mod
Here's my work...hope you like them and looking forward to hearing from everyone!https://www.goodreads.com/story/list/...
Mod
"It's your first day after all. Everyone is always nervous on their very first day. You're gonna love it here."
Kavy (Bob) Jackson Fullbuster~daughter of Poseidon/Gryffindor~You fell so hard~ wrote: "are these good sentences?"It's your first day after all. Everyone is always nervous on their very first day. You're gonna love it here." "
In what context? Grammatically, yes.
I have some poetry, a short story, and some letters in my writing. I wouldn't mind getting some help with them. You can find them here: https://www.goodreads.com/story/list/...
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This is the prompt:
Describe a challenging experience in your life and what you learned from it (500 words min).
And this is what I have:
One of the challenging experiences in my life was when I was having trouble fitting in with all the other kids, and I also was struggling with the stress with my school work, and exams. I don't really do well under too much pressure. I have difficulties make friends with other kids because I'm really shy and I can be really awkward at times. But I learned that I liked being different from the other kids. I liked being myself, and I accepted the person that I am today. And in Junior and Senior year, I made some really nice and amazing friends and they accepted me for who I was. Even though, I didn't have that much friends, back in high school, I was happy with the friends, that I did have. And I learned that not everyone will like me. There will be some people that like me, and accept me for who I am, but not everyone is like that. And I also learned that, it's okay to fail sometimes, as long as you try your hardest. Sometimes when you fail, you can get back up and keep going, until you make it. I learned that I'd rather fail, then never try. I learned that popularity is not always everything. What really matters, is your personality, and your attitude, and how you get along with others. Everyone is beautiful just the way they are, inside and outside. I learned that I am never alone, no matter how much it feels like it. When I was younger I used to care about fitting in with the other kids, and I used to try so hard just to be other people’s friends. But no matter how hard I tried, it was still hard to fit in with the others. But then as I grew older, and I entered into high school, I stopped caring about fitting in with others, because I realized that I liked being different. I liked being different, because it’s me, and I grew up as an artist, and I was born to stand out. Being different is good, because everyone in different, and that’s what makes us all unique. It’s okay to fail because we are all only human, and we all make mistakes. It’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them. No one in this world is perfect. I learned that sometimes, it’s okay to put yourself before others and just focus on your own self. Studying is good, but don’t let it stress you out. Sometimes, you just have to try your hardest, and even if you fail, at least you tried. Sometimes, people change, but it’s okay because there will be new people. I learned, that no matter what happens, you should always believe in yourself, because confidence and patience is the key to life. You can’t expect to pass in something, if you don’t think positively.
Is there anything I need to change, or add or remove?
