Query Help - NA Light Sci-Fi

[Juan]

LJ, in a query I would recommend rounding to the nearest thousand. Also, I would recommend starting off your query with trying to sell your story first, so move your first line to the back.

As far as the actual query, the part with the story, I would recommend that you re-write it. I recently had my query letter critiqued by a literary agent I hired. Basically there is a specific format they want your story pitch to go:

two-paragraph flap copy or query pitch
First Paragraph:
• Opening
• INCITING INCIDENT

Second Paragraph:
• Stakes

Ex. Orphan Anne Shirley arrives at the Cuthbert's house, Green Gables, full of joy because she's finally being adopted, BUT HAS HER HOPES QUICKLY DASHED. THERE'S BEEN A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. THE CUTHBERTS WANTED A BOY TO HELP OUT WITH THE FARM CHORES.

Beautiful Green Gables, and the blooming cherry trees that surround it, feeds Anne's soul, which has been starved for wonder and poetry. Having been raised in an orphanage, she has never had much of nature's music and glory in her life. She's desperate to stay at Green Gables. But what can she do? She can't make herself a boy. And if she can't convince the Cuthberts to keep her at Green Gables she won't just go back to the orphanage. No. She'll have to go a neighbor lady, who has six spoiled children under the age of 5 (one set of twins) who need looking after.

In the opening, start off with what the character wants and why, and what's standing in his/her way. Then the inciting incident and then the stakes (riddled with the consequences of failure).

Hope this helps!

[SweetSophie777]

Yes, Juan is right. You want to hook them usually with an inciting incident and then give the stakes. Basically let them know what your character wants, what's in the way, and what will happen if she doesn't succeed.

Some agents want to know from the start the genre and word count and why you're writing to them so I think that paragraph could go at the beginning or end. Be sure to check each agent you submit to and see if he/she says specifically what format he wants.

And, hey, if you need a critique or some editing for your story, please check out my website www.owlediting.com. It sounds intriguing and I'd love to help.