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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Book Blurp - help and advice please

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message 1: by Benjamin (new)

Benjamin Smith (benjaminsauthor) | 11 comments Hi This is the current info on my book, I would like some help to improve it before adding it to the final book cover. any help is appreciated. Thanks Benjamin

YOUNG VIDEO GAMERS TELEPORTED INTO THE GAMING WORLD GRAVEN VENGEANCE NOW THEY MUST FIGHT FOR THEIR LIVES TO SURVIVE
Josh, Ryan and Kieron were at home having a normal evening after school playing their favourite online video game Graven Vengeance.
The Graven Warriors in the game Graven Vengeance use a teleportation machine QTM-X8 to bring elite gamers into their video game world.
Becoming mystical warriors called the Overlords within the game, the boys must use their magical powers to help the Graven Warriors fight against the Dark Lord Xaizden.
Xaizden rules over Fellowdonia in the fantasy video game. The land of Fellowdonia has fallen under his Dark Magic.
A battle between good and evil unlike ever before the Overlord Warriors using their gaming skills to fight to survive in Fellowdonia.


message 2: by Reid (new)

Reid Minnich | 7 comments I'm bad at blurbs and not a gamer, so bear with me. Don't tell me about normal. You have 150 words max to grab my attention. What are the words that grab your audience? Is it Graven (3 times), QTM-X8, Xaizden(2x), Fellowdonia (3x).
Specific is better than vague. What skills do they posses that others don't? Eye-hand coordination, clicks per minute, strategy? I have a formula that sometimes works: Who is the main character? What makes them special, or what is special about their circumstance? What do the have to gain? What do they have to lose? I try to finish with a question that asks the reader what they would do.
Hope that helps


message 3: by Benjamin (new)

Benjamin Smith (benjaminsauthor) | 11 comments Reid wrote: "I'm bad at blurbs and not a gamer, so bear with me. Don't tell me about normal. You have 150 words max to grab my attention. What are the words that grab your audience? Is it Graven (3 times), QTM-..."

Hi Reid thanks for the feedback, good to have a formula to work with I will give it a try.


message 4: by Pat (new)

Pat | 105 comments It needs some punctuation, as well. Young video gamers ARE teleported into the gaming world of Graven Vengeance. Now they must fight for their lives, or Now they must fight to survive. As written is redundant.
The Graven Warriors in the game (you've already named it, no need to do so again)...use a teleportation machine to bring gamers into their world.
Last sentence doesn't make sense.
A battle unlike any before ENSUES between good and evil as the Overlord Warriors use their gaming skills to survive in Fellowdonia .


message 5: by Benjamin (new)

Benjamin Smith (benjaminsauthor) | 11 comments Thanks Pat, all appreciated just the kind of comments I was looking for.


message 6: by Pat (new)

Pat | 105 comments My pleasure.


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