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Cat Calling
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No offense Trixie, but to me it seems as if you are complaining about the guys or the terrible people who cat call. We have to change things the way we can. If men want to change, they can, but we as women cannot change them, especially if they don't want to. Also, you are right, there are movies but I can just about count on my fingers how many movies like that there are. Also, Marvel and D.C Comics have like about 3-6 female superheroes wile like 20 Male ones. We are changing yes, but we are changing too slowly at them moment to actually make a huge difference.
I am a man, a straight man, and am very sexually attracted to the female body. How do women think they can decide that their bodies are no longer to be sexually attractive to men? Also, sometimes "catcalling" is nothing mire than a guy or guys letting you know you're goodlooking. You can be arrested just for walking up to a women now. Oh, come on!
Men like you Vance are the problem. Keep your thoughts to yourself!
Vance wrote: "I am a man, a straight man, and am very sexually attracted to the female body. How do women think they can decide that their bodies are no longer to be sexually attractive to men? Also, sometimes "..."You seem incapable of distinguishing between compliments and unwelcome, threatening, sexist, disgustingly objectifying behaviour. Yes, I have eyes too and can appreciate a fine-looking male just as much as the next person, but it's not like my hormones demand I start yelling aggressively to invade his personal space, just so I cam boost my own ego and nether regions in the process. There is a neat invention called self-control. Come on, you too.
Vance wrote: "I am a man, a straight man, and am very sexually attracted to the female body. How do women think they can decide that their bodies are no longer to be sexually attractive to men? Also, sometimes "..."I had no intention of rejoining this conversation, seeing as it was moving in the right direction, but there were a few comments I felt needed addressing, if only to inject a sense of reality. For starters, Men do not get arrested if they approach a woman on the street, unless, of course, they are soliciting an undercover cop. We should really avoid the overuse of hyperboles.
I suppose, before I go any further, I should establish my position by stating that I, too, am a heterosexual male. I used to work construction in my youth, so, regrettably, I am all too familiar with the atmosphere of catcallers. With that out of the way, I feel it is necessary to comment on Vance’s message. Vance, nobody is saying you can’t be attracted to the female form, it’s quite natural. However, it is one thing to be attracted and express yourself in a respectable manner, it is quite another to act like a knuckle dragging Neanderthal who screams out obscenities. In doing so, you only set a bad example for the rest of the male population.
There is a time and a place for letting a woman know you find them attractive, such as a party, or maybe at a bar or some other social gathering. A place where you can approach her, look her in the eye and, and talk to her like a normal human being. This is called “social interaction.” It’s how rational people do it. Screaming “Shake that thing” from the roof of a house or from a moving vehicle is called catcalling. Following them down the street making “kissing sounds” while claiming you have “something for them you know they can’t live without,” is called sexual harassment. Granted, that’s a bit of an oversimplification of the situation, but I’m sure the point gets through.
When a man yells at a woman, from across the street, it is not to acknowledge her attractiveness, it is to intimidate her. It is to get a reaction out of her. There is simply no other way to look at it. By doing so, he raises himself in the eyes of his peers. He cares nothing for the target of his vulgarity, she is simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. He doesn’t see the effects that such words have on her. He doesn’t see the shame, the fear, the pain she feels, and that is regrettable, because maybe if he did, he would think twice before saying them.
It's also a matter of respect Vance. If you Know it's an unwanted advance and that does not stop you then that IMO is the definition of harassment.Women have.made their voices heard and it's nearly unanimous that they do not wish to deal with cat calling or any of the ugly situations that it generates.
So I ask you Vance will you harass every women you deem beautiful in the off chance one enjoys your advances?
I understand it's hard to put ourselves in a woman's shoes. It's hard for me to fully understand. We should at least try Vance and not just dismiss it outright. Anyway that's my 2 cents.
Viatororis wrote: "Vance wrote: "I am a man, a straight man, and am very sexually attracted to the female body. How do women think they can decide that their bodies are no longer to be sexually attractive to men? Als..."Well said. Was it already posted in this group or elsewhere? There is a YouTube video where men watch their daughters walk down a street with a hidden camera on. Or sons watching their mothers get cat called. Or husbands/boyfriends their partners. None of the guys of different ages had realised what it is at the receiving end. Without exception they are repulsed and ashamed on behalf of men. Perhaps Vance should go watch it, too, whilst imagining his mother, sister, daughter, female friend or partner get yelled at by some brute. Maybe it isn't as tight in the pants thereafter in inappropriate moments.
while i was walking down the street one morning, a man, driving a car, was coming in my direction, slowed down, and said 'i like to see them bounce,' then drove off. it shook me, but i kept walking. then i saw his car come around the corner ahead toward me and i got scared.after the scared part, i got angry. as he slowed down again, i stared at his license plate, memorizing it. he noticed what i was doing, and sped off. when i got home, i called the cops.
and, yes, they tracked him down and issued him a fine for 'pandering'. it is illegal to do such a thing! plus, his wife wasn't very happy about it - he was driving her car, so the police contacted her first! that was justice from two directions!
Sandra wrote: "while i was walking down the street one morning, a man, driving a car, was coming in my direction, slowed down, and said 'i like to see them bounce,' then drove off. it shook me, but i kept walking..."Ugh. Tongue in cheek: What did you expect though? Your boobs are public property, meant to be ogled and commented on and ogled some more. Karma really can be a *censored because feminist group even though I still use that word*
yeah, ain't it the truth! and, karma certainly can be! lol!!!
I just wanted to say that I am overwhelmed by the comments. I'm so glad that we are able to have a productive discussion about this problem in society. This in a way has been kind of like a therapy for me because I know that I'm not the only one sick of being objectified. Thank you all!
I'm sure this thread has helped open a few eyes and change some conceptions. it's made me more aware of how threatening it truly is.
yay, robert!stuff like this is something men really have no idea about. i've already been grabbed in the crotch as i was walking with my boyfriend (the grabber was one of 3 sailors, it was daylight, we were walking from our parking space to a store). no cops around, this was before celll phones. men don't normally have to worry about something sexually violating and intimidating happening to them as they walk down the street.
unfortunately, that boyfriend was a jerk, didn't ask how i felt, and i was left with an ugly taste in my mouth (metaphorically speaking), and shaken up. to this day, i can feel it if i think about it. that happened about 50 yrs. ago. this kind of crap can be emotionally scarring, lingering. it's horrible.
I hadn't realized it was such a problem until this group brought it to my attention. so there really isn't much out there in terms of educating the general public I don't think. also as much as I agree it's wrong to do, I really only came to be disgusted by it after watching some of the hidden video stuff on YouTube. there's something about seeing it.
personally I cannot say I recall ever seeing it in person where I live though I'm sure it happens.
Yea I've had it happen to. At work. It was so gross. I stood up for myself and told him if he does it again it will be the. Last time he said anything like that to me. He stopped after that. It should never be tolerated.
I just got cat called by three different vehicles at the same time. One car drove back towards me when I yelled at them. I know that not all men do this, but the actions of these men is uncalled for. The men who do not act like this need to do better job of condemning this behavior!
i got the police involved by memorizing the lic. plate #. the guy was fined for 'pandering'. it is illegal.
Sandra, do you know if it's illegal in every state? I was scared that these men were going to attack me since they turned around and drove right to where I was standing after I asked them to leave me alone.
I would think you have a valid reason for lodging a complaint even if it is not illegal assuming you remember the plate. especially because they looped back after you told them to leave you be and genuinely made you fearful.
Yeah they made me fearful. I had no idea if they were going to attack me or not. They really need to make cat calling illegal everywhere.
i was in wisconsin at the time. don't know about other states. but, i agree with robert that getting lic. plates and registering complaints would be a good idea.i don't blame you for being scared. i was, too, and it was only one car. but, when he saw me staring at his lic. plate the second time he came around, he was the one who got scared and drove off.
granted, i was in a residential area - plenty of houses around. i don't know if that makes any difference. that looping back move, tho, is scary as sh*t!!! alexis, i hope you never have to go thru anything like that again. i went home and took a shower - even that made me feel dirty and violated!
i wonder if something like this happens on the street with guys standing around, if it would help to simply stop and dial 911 in front of them. a power move. these guys have got to learn that this is wrong!
There were two cars. I didn't get to catch their license plate, I rushed into my car and bloated out of there.
This makes me want to protect myself in someone-pepper spray or something?
i don't blame you for bolting - that was a really scary situation. i probably would have 'bloated' as well from the stress!!! this crap has got to stop!
I'm from the UK and I have been the victim of catcalling and other sexist acts numerous times. I can say that the person committing the act probably goes home and forgets they ever said anything. But, the victim remembers, just like bullying it can wear you down. I remember vividly being in the first week of my first year of University (3 years ago), and we'd been on a night out. We were walking to get food before a taxi home, and I happened to be walking beside one of the boys in our group. Some boys on the other side of the road screamed at us "she's a size 12 but fuck her anyway." I will never, ever forget that.
Another example, this time of sexual harassment, would be, again in my first year of university, I was in a club with my best friend at the time. She was talking to some boys, who I wasn't too keen on. Anyway, she went to the bar with a boy to get a drink and I was left in the group waiting for her. The boys circled around me and one of them lifted my skirt right up. It was a tight skirt so it stayed up when he let go. Luckily I was wearing tights, but I was disgusted and embarrassed. Meanwhile, the boy at the bar has chucked stuff at the bartender in a mood. Fair to say me and my friend got out of there as quickly as possible.
From my experience, it's a no-brainer why girls stick together on a night time or in clubs. I've been inappropriately touched, called a bitch or a whore when I won't kiss someone, had a boy from my own course try and put his hand up my skirt, had boys try to physically drag me by my hand or arm out of the club. This is just naming my experiences from nights out.
I now carry a rape alarm whenever I leave the house after 7pm.
In my opinion, catcalling and sexual harassment isn't, or at least in my case anyway, something you can just forget about or pretend didn't happen. I am sick and tired of trying to go out and have fun, only to have my night ruined by sexist pigs. I have numerous male friends whom I love, who aren't sexist, who respect me and don't see me as a piece of meat.
All women want is to be treat with decency and respect, it's not much to ask for.
I'm so sorry that happened Ashley! I no longer go to one club because I've been groped there by older men, and they think it's normal to touch people like that. I really want to start carrying pepper spray or something.
of course, we don't forget. we've been violated! even if it's only words, they slash through us and leave permanent scars. sorry you had to go thru that, ashley, and also for everyone who has had these horrible experiences. it's not right.i'll tell you, though, the cop who came to my house, who issued the ticket to the guy in the car, he actually stood in my living room and made a difference between that kind of behavior on the street and in a bar/club! he said, it's not right to be accosted on the street, but if a woman goes to a bar, she could more or less expect that kind of behavior. as if to say that if we go to a bar, we're basically asking for it. it left a rather ugly taste in my mouth when he said that. pepper spray sounds good!
That's so nasty Sandra! If I ever have a son, I will drill into his mind that cat calling is always unacceptable!
Alexis wrote: "I'm so sorry that happened Ashley! I no longer go to one club because I've been groped there by older men, and they think it's normal to touch people like that. I really want to start carrying pepp..."I know me too, I wish it was legal to carry pepper spray in the UK!!
Sandra wrote: "of course, we don't forget. we've been violated! even if it's only words, they slash through us and leave permanent scars. sorry you had to go thru that, ashley, and also for everyone who has had t..."Yes it's awful that people go through that, but I'm glad people are sharing their stories on here. It's something that needs to be said!
That's awful Sandra, that police officer ought to be ashamed. I would have had an awful taste in my mouth too!
Alexis, I will do the same if I ever have a son! Young girls should not be learnt to carry pepper spray and rape alarms, boys should be taught not to harass them!
It's illegal to carry pepper spray in the UK? Why?!
Yup i'm pretty sure, it's classed as a weapon, we're not allowed to carry weapons. You might get away with it in extreme self defence, but I wouldn't wanna risk it.
That's ridiculous. It's not a weapon. It can't kill people. How do you protect yourself?
I think I had just been cat called ( the guy only honked and yelled ) but I hope that people begin to understand that it feels like it is lessening you as a person and is making you feel more like an object which is crap. I know I can't just say stop and these people will stop but you need to know that it's horrible no matter what you think! Maybe you mean no harm but I'm sure you've heard many times that people don't like it so stop. I'm saying this for everyone who has felt this way.
And the fact that men think it's okay to objectify a woman is the problem. We need to educate bouts from a young age that this isn't acceptable, and we need to criminalize it. It can easily become violent!
Alexis wrote: "That's ridiculous. It's not a weapon. It can't kill people. How do you protect yourself?"I know it's stupid, makes you feel really unsafe when walking alone at night time. Usually I just don't walk alone, or if I do I have a rape alarm attatched to my keys. So I just walk with my keys.
I know girls who walking with their keys between their fingers as weapons. It's sad to think that we have to resort to that.
It's awful, and I doubt criminals including rapists will follow the "no weapons" law
my daughter, when having to walk alone at night will always walk with her cell phone to her ear. she's either talking to someone or pretending to. she also taught me about walking/talking like she's 'crazy' - acting very abnormally, speaking nonsense out loud. she says that people usually leave others alone when they don't seem 'quite right' (no aspersions to people with mental illness. - i suffer from mental/emotional illness and i understand this to be a practical matter of safety only, including the terms i've used.) or, she walks aggressively and has body language like she's just had a fight with someone and is extremely angry, could possibly be out of control with rage. i've also walked down the middle of a street (no traffic) to avoid darkened doorways.any type of body or actual language that doesn't give off a vibe of fear or victimization is usually the antithesis of what attackers are looking for, and will most often leave that alone in hopes of finding someone 'easier' to target. we learned all this before there were such things as rape alarms or pepper spray. i've also heard of the keys between the fingers. and, yes it's a crying shame that we have to carry ourselves in such a manner. unfortunately, it is the reality of our day and age. i'd rather look and sound ridiculous for a few blocks if it means i make it home safely that night.
Sandra wrote: "my daughter, when having to walk alone at night will always walk with her cell phone to her ear. she's either talking to someone or pretending to. she also taught me about walking/talking like she'..."I've pretended to be on the phone before, but the other suggestions are new and I will definitely keep them in mind!! Thanks for posting them, they're good suggestions that might well save someone who reads this in the future. I completely agree with you I'd happily look ridiculous to get home unharmed. It's always better to be safe than sorry.
Thanks for the suggestion Sandra! Society really need to do a better job of keeping women safe!
i totally agree! unfortunately, for now, that's just not happening. glad some of these suggestions might be helpful. here's to no more attacks!!! no more cat calls, either! this must be stopped, and if we're the ones to have to do our own stopping, so be it. woman power!
To lighten the mood: this strip has been published a few days ago on xkcd (webcomics by Randall Munroe... I like his work!) :-)http://xkcd.com/1763/
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I'm sorry they made you feel that way. Unfortunately, school uniforms put ideas into some people's heads, even though they shouldn't when worn by a child.