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Archived Author Help > Umm. Do I need a restraining order...?

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message 1: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments Okay, okay, maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic. Just a tiny bit. XD

Soooo, I get a poopload of requests to RnR indie books. Which I totally understand! No biggie!!

Here's my reply:

Hey [dude's name],

I'm actually not accepting indie books for review anymore (I got a slew of them haha). Rather, I'm simply considering recommendations. If I choose a book, I will buy it myself to read and review.

Thanks so much!
Ann

People are normally pretty respectful of this. Except...

Dude: Well...will you consider buying mine?

Me: Yep. I consider every suggestion as long as it's in my preferred genre. I do not inform authors, though. Just purchase, read and review. Thanks.

Dude (3 days ago): i'm not an easy egg.

Dude (3 days ago): ..and how do you decide which might be your preferred genre? Curious.

Dude (5 hrs ago): ..and? did you have an opportunity to reconsider? - even on the fly?

Dude (just now): Can't we just talk it through? I can be very persistent...

I'm getting a legit creepy vibe. Ugh. Should I just answer him and say no? Or keep ignoring? Double Ugh.

Oodles and oodles of thanks for any words of wisdom. Cuz I need me some wisdom hahaha.

Hugs,
Ann


message 2: by Morris (new)

Morris Graham (morris_g) I get a lot of emails that I delete each day. I call them "noise." This looks like it falls in that category.


message 3: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Mr Morris: Oh, thank goodness! I thought I was just attracting creepiness hahaha. Much appreciated, good sir!! *hugs*


message 4: by Christina (new)

Christina McMullen (cmcmullen) Um, yeah. That's abuse. If it was here on Goodreads, flag him. No author should be soliciting reviews via PM unless the person they are reaching out to has specifically asked to be contacted and even then, show some respect. But to keep nagging you? That's uncalled for.


message 5: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Mr VM: Oh, don't worry! I'm not being gloomy about it! At least, I hope not hahaha

Tbh, I have a really hard time ignoring people. I feel like it's super duper rude *sigh* But I don't wanna encourage him. *shrugs*

LOL I've never done online, so hooray for new experiences? Hahahahaha! For reals, though, thank you :)

Hugs my fellow ninja,
Ann


message 6: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Miss Christina: He's actually emailing me. Though we've had a brief exchange on GR too (publicly). I can only flag him if it's through PM, right?


message 7: by Rachael (new)

Rachael Eyre (rachaeleyre) | 194 comments Report him. Contacting you once after you said no was bad enough, but that many times? At best he's socially inept, at worst he's creepy. Either way it's harassment and should not be allowed to stand.


message 8: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Miss Rachael: He's emailing me, though. Would GR take that into consideration? I mean, how would they know I'm telling the truth? Of course, I could forward emails...?

And thank you, guys! Wasn't sure if this was semi-"normal" LOL

Hugs,
Ann


message 9: by Kat (new)

Kat Add his email to your spam filter so they won't reach your inbox anymore. That way you don't feel rude deleting them by hand.


Tara Woods Turner Wow. Bunny boiler.
No further response is necessary as it seems this is actually what he is after. Better to just ghost on this one. You didn't create this awkward situation so please have no qualms about getting yourself out of it.


message 11: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Miss Kat: Done and done. Thank you, ma'am!

@Miss Tara: Yes, I'm pretty sure you're right about that. I always feel like a butthead ignoring anyone, but I'd rather do that then encourage bad behavior.

*activates my butthead willpower* XD

Hugs,
Ann


message 12: by M.L. (new)

M.L. | 1126 comments Textbook stalker. Definitely creepy.


message 13: by Morris (new)

Morris Graham (morris_g) Wow. When I first saw the post, for a minute I thought you had a fan stalker which is annoying but it makes you feel like you've become successful. But an author stalker? He needs to get a life!


message 14: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Miss ML: Telling it like it is hahaha. Love it!!

@Mr Morris: Nope.

Had it been a fan stalker, I would've titled the thread: "Umm. Is it weird that I'm flattered...?"

^_~

Hugs all,
Ann


message 15: by John Hooker (new)

John Hooker | 90 comments But when someone shows up, unannounced, at your door twice, there really is cause for alarm (I did not have to resort to a restraining order, though. A short lecture on appropriateness seems to have worked)


message 16: by Marie Silk (new)

Marie Silk | 611 comments I know of some professional reviewers who say they get all kinds of authors demanding that they review their work and basically harassing them. I don't understand why anyone would think that is okay.

On a side note, I felt SO BAD when I accidentally contacted the same reviewer twice, when she already had my book in her queue! I did not recognize the email address and sent another review request as if we had never corresponded before. Embarrassing...


Tara Woods Turner Having had a stalker I can tell you there is nothing flattering about it. In fact our claims are never taken seriously at first because authorities tell us we're over reacting to what must 'obviously' be awkward attempts at displaying a compliment. When I filed my report the two police officers literally gave one another sly glances and asked me if I had somehow encouraged the guy - clearly they hadn't been listening when I told them my story. Sorry to be a wet blamket but you have to nip these things firmly in the bud and steer clear.


message 18: by Charles (new)

Charles Hash | 1054 comments lol what a douchebag

I'd tell him that he pretty much just cancelled his own check.


message 19: by Christina (new)

Christina McMullen (cmcmullen) Tara wrote: "Having had a stalker I can tell you there is nothing flattering about it. In fact our claims are never taken seriously at first because authorities tell us we're over reacting to what must 'obvious..."

That is truly awful, Tara and sadly, your experience is all too often the norm.


message 20: by Annie (last edited Jul 08, 2016 10:53AM) (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Mr John: I *think* you're kidding. In which case, I giggled. If not, then...oops.

@Miss Marie: No kidding! I mean, I'm thinking that some people would just get annoyed enough to leave you a 1-star rating or something, eh?

@Miss Tara: re When I filed my report the two police officers literally gave one another sly glances and asked me if I had somehow encouraged the guy

That's effin' stupid as sh*t. Sorry you experienced that, ma'am!

@Mr Charles: Haha I'm glad you think so too. I thought I was just overreacting, but he got legit douche-y today XD


message 21: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments V.M. wrote: "PURE AWESOMENESS"

I need a like button. Here you go: ♥


message 22: by John Hooker (new)

John Hooker | 90 comments Annie wrote: "@Mr John: I *think* you're kidding. In which case, I giggled. If not, then...oops.

I wish I was kidding! It kinda makes you "twitchy" about fans after that sort of thing.


message 23: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Mr John: Oh, geez! Sorry!! I thought you were being funny!!! Yikes. Twitchy, indeed!!!


message 24: by John Hooker (new)

John Hooker | 90 comments Annie wrote: "@Mr John: Oh, geez! Sorry!! I thought you were being funny!!! Yikes. Twitchy, indeed!!!"

No worries, the talk worked and I've come down off the ceiling!


Sam (Rescue Dog Mom, Writer, Hugger) (sammydogs) | 973 comments Annie (squeezing your hands in support),
Take everyone's great advice here. Sorry this happened to you. I know what you mean. You want to help everyone, but when it cuts into your time, you're not helping yourself. Then when some cheezeball crosses the line, that just makes it worse!

Sorry for everyone who has been in such an icky situation, especially when you tell someone and get the feeling they don't believe you.

V.M. That list is great and should be published somewhere!

Huge Supportive Hugs to All, Sue
I know this ain't the hug room, but I just had to.


message 26: by G.G. (new)

G.G. (ggatcheson) | 2491 comments How did he get your email?
I don't know about every email provider but with Outlook you can block his email. No more bugging.

If he PM you on Goodreads, depending on what he said and how he said it, you can report him.


message 27: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Yeah, I used to have a stalker online, too. It's not fun. It's creepy as hell and I hated every moment of it. At one point I did respond with a "I HATE YOU" and I've never used those words on any living being before or since. So, to Annie and the rest of you that have dealt with stalkers, I feel for you.

You seem to have had a lot of good advice about this. I don't have much to add other than best of luck, we're here for you, we care about you and if I see the guy in a dark alley...


message 28: by Charles (new)

Charles Hash | 1054 comments nobody loves me enough to stalk me online :(


message 29: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Miss Sue: Awww, thanks! And I promise I'm totally fine hahaha. I just wanted to know if I should respond again or not. Again, I'm a huge suck LOL

@Miss GG: My email addy is floating around GR a bit. I've included it on some posts for people and it's readily available on both my websites. Probably a dumb idea *shrugs* XD

@Mr Dwayne: ROFLMAO!! Thanks for defending me in dark alleys!

@Mr Charles: I can start if you'd like ^_~


message 30: by Joe (new)

Joe Jackson (shoelessauthor) Once upon a time I was a moderator for a video game message board. That has to be the fastest way to attract stalkers. The flamers on the forums are easy enough to deal with, the ones that follow you across social media? Not so much.


message 31: by Kat (new)

Kat Be thankful, Charles!


message 32: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments Too late, Miss Kat. Mr Hash officially has a little Asian stalker...


message 33: by Kat (new)

Kat Hahaha, oh alright.


message 34: by K.A. (new)

K.A. Lentz (kalentz) | 57 comments So much going on in this thread!
Annie *hugs* =/
Tag them to be blocked, your email should have that feature.

Tara, that appalling you had that experience! I wish I could do more for you, but I'll shake my head in serious anger and keep signing petitions to get this sort of thing taken seriously! D=

John, that's horrible too! I bet you were on the ceiling! I know my heart would be with my knees knocking away. =C

V.M. your Manaissance Guide is awesome and priceless! I'll be looking for it in ebook and refer to it aloud when I feel there's a need! =D


message 35: by Zoltán (new)

Zoltán (witchhunter) | 267 comments When I saw just the topic I thought: "Of course you need one! With so much energy you will go supernova one of these days!" :)

But then I read the post. First of all, remember, that most people have such a big mouth only online. Dump him in your spam or set up a filter in your mailer. It's going to be boring to talk to a wall...

If he keeps stalking you, there is still an ace up your sleeve he apparently hasn't considered. Go and review his book. Say that you actually considered to review his book, but he kept stalking you and that made it a DNF and consequently a one star. It's much worse than a one star for bad story or grammar.

He's not worth spending energies on...

We are all yours here for that :P


message 36: by John Hooker (new)

John Hooker | 90 comments K.A. wrote: John, that's horrible too! I bet you were on the ceiling! I know my heart would be with my knees knocking away. =C

What's the phrase -- "learning experience". I wondered afterward, how you can tell the difference between a stalker and someone who has a warm and genuine interest in you. Then it came to me: stalkers read everything you have written, genuine friends and relatives hardly ever read any of it!


message 37: by Annie (last edited Jul 08, 2016 01:46PM) (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Miss Kat: You're a good person. You tried to help Mr Hash. But alas...

@KA: Thank you! *hugs back* And yep, I already stuck him in my spam. *shrugs*

@Zoltán: re Go and review his book. Say that you actually considered to review his book, but he kept stalking you and that made it a DNF and consequently a one star.

Hmm. I reckon that some folks do this, and honestly, I do think it's warranted to a degree. However...

I...just...can't... *sobs in a corner*

It feels too...um...icky? haha. I'm the girl who feels bad not answering an email, remember? You're asking waaaay too much of me XD

Supernova hugs,
Ann

EDIT: @Mr John: My friends read my shizz. They're all guys. I write romance. *smirks*


message 38: by Charles (new)

Charles Hash | 1054 comments pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft


message 39: by John Hooker (last edited Jul 08, 2016 01:53PM) (new)

John Hooker | 90 comments Annie wrote: EDIT: @Mr John: My friends read my shizz. They're all guys. I write romance. *smirks*

Ah. But now I'm having a hard time deciding whether that is a good thing or not!


message 40: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Mr Hash: I just PMed you again. Why you no answer? Whyyyyy? (Pretty sure I sound more whine-y than stalker-y. I'll work on that *smirks*)

@Mr John: It's more about exerting my powers of persuasion than anything else ^_~


message 41: by John Hooker (new)

John Hooker | 90 comments Annie wrote: "@Mr John: It's more about exerting my powers of persuasion than anything else ^_~"

Then that's good -- always best to be in the driver's seat!


message 42: by Marie Silk (new)

Marie Silk | 611 comments Love the Guide, V.M.!

Has anyone else noticed that facebook is now putting a message in your inbox when you add a "friend" encouraging you to send them a message saying hi? As if the creepers needed any more encouraging! Ahem.

Annie, I hope you get it sorted in a way that is not too uncomfortable. Sorry that you have to deal with it and to anyone else dealing with stalkers :(.


message 43: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Mr John: Hahahaha I totally made myself sound like a jerk! *blinks**shrugs**does happy dance*

@Miss Marie: Thank you, ma'am! It's all good. People be people, eh? I just "accidently" dropped it in my spam. Oops. XD

Hugs,
Ann


message 44: by Gary (new)

Gary Power | 1 comments Why don't you warn him, Say you are not interested, back off or i'llreportya ... too many people are suggesting you go for the can of mace. Escalate things, that way the guy has only himself to blame.


message 45: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Charles wrote: "nobody loves me enough to stalk me online :("

Or you just haven't noticed me... um.. never mind.


message 46: by John Hooker (new)

John Hooker | 90 comments Annie wrote: "@Mr John: Hahahaha I totally made myself sound like a jerk! *blinks**shrugs**does happy dance*

That's not being a jerk, It's just having a good survival instinct.


message 47: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Mr Gary: Yeah, I might, if he gets (more) excessive. I'll probably be real nice, though LOL Like, "Hey, I'm sorry to have to do this but, blah blah blah..." I swear I actually have balls...I just don't wanna hurt people's feelings... haha

@Mr Dwayne: You're legit creepy. I should send you after him XD

@Mr John: re That's not being a jerk, It's just having a good survival instinct.

Hmm. *prints on business card* I like this.

Hugs gentlemen,
Ann


Sam (Rescue Dog Mom, Writer, Hugger) (sammydogs) | 973 comments LOL! Dwayne, have you been stalking incognito? : )

Charles, like they say, be careful what you wish for.

Annie, John's got it. Survival instincts. You have a great positive attitude and sense of humor... and everyone in this group that cares about you.

Huge, Sue (puts Annie's laptop in the freezer)


message 49: by Annie (new)

Annie Arcane (anniearcane) | 629 comments @Miss Sue: re ... and everyone in this group that cares about you

Well, dang. Way to hit me right in the feels, woman!

Hugs,
Ann


message 50: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (last edited Jul 08, 2016 02:41PM) (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4353 comments Mod
Gary,

I think she's done all she needs to do in regards to contacting him. She's told the guy twice she's not interested. She's tried ignoring him. He's already said he's a "tough egg" and "very persistent". He's already broken good author etiquette by asking her to buy his book. Should she report him, he should not be surprised at this point. He already has himself to blame.


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