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Poetry, songs and more (Trigger Warning)
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Do it Put a gun to my head,
I won't beg.
Shove me to a wall and threaten me,
I won't beg.
Put a knife to my throat,
i won't beg.
Tell me life is over,
i won't beg.
I'll simply look at you and whisper,
"Do
it.
Ripped ApartRipped apart, piece by piece.
Body wreaked, by painful memories.
You're not even human, you can't feel.
Can't tell what is fake, and what is real.
Everyone that has left you, took a part with them.
Broke your soul, left you alone.
No more is your happiness.
Only left, with bitter sadness.
Ripped apart, piece by piece.
Soul destroyed, by memories.
Stolen He stole your breath, took it with a grin.
Captured your heart and took it for a spin.
And when he was finished, he shattered it.
And threw it away, and you weren't the same ever again.
You Never Tried You saw me and wanted me.
It was amazing and perfect it had seemed.
But when everything went wrong, all you did was leave.
You didn't fight, you didn't try.
Hurts to know everything was a lie..
You said those words that night,
Telling me it wasn't right.
We couldn't be together, but you didn't want me to cry.
Sorry boy.. You don't get both of those things, this is my final goodbye.
Big Fat Liar Look at you smiling at me like so, you swear you’re a friend till the end.
but no-
‘Cause when I turned away, I felt a pain.
And came to find your knife sticking in my back.
Now how did that get there I wonder?
You’re a little liar.
A dirty backstabbing cheater.
No matter how much you smile when you speak, I know, you’re lying straight through your teeth.
Petty words and promises you make, but never keep!
You don’t even have to try-
‘Cause mostly everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie.
Liar, liar pants on fire.
Big fat liar, deceiving manipulating fiend.
How can you stand to be that way, don’t you have anything nice to say?
So go on, eat your words.
You and your twisted words,
Go on spin your web of lies.
Catching and screwing your friends over, like a spider and a fly.
I can’t wait till you get caught in your wicked schemes, and everyone can see who you are.
Not who you pretend to be.
Shut up now, I’m so tired of these games.
Oh go to hell, go to hell, burn
in
hell.
Ah, liar, liar, pants on fire….
When You Are Alone When the lights go out,
when the silence falls.
Can you hear me calling your name?
When the day is done and you feel like everything is falling through,
Can you feel me there with you?
When you're all alone and feeling sad,
simply think of me.
And i can guarantee i'll be thinking of you too.
Just close your eyes, you're not alone.
Never truly alone.
I'll always be in your heart, if you choose to let me stay.
When you stop and think, do you ever think of me?
Does your mind wander like mine does?
I sure hope it does, and goes directly to me.
Hold onto what you feel is right,
Never give up hope darling.
Remember you are loved and needed in this silly life.
Hold onto your hope,
remember you have my love forever.
Keep me in your heart, so I can be there
when you are scared.
When the lights go out,
when the silence falls.
Can you hear me calling your name?
Do you hear my whispers through the dark?
Calling you hoping,
you'll hear my beating heart.
When you're all alone, listen to the silence.
Listen to the whispers, carried by the wind.
Listen to my quiet words, when I whisper this sweet melody.
Remember this simple question baby.
When the lights go out,
and when the silence falls.
Can you hear me calling you by name?
The Difference Between a Nightmare and Reality In reality I'm sad and tired of wondering what could be.
I have few friends but many who despise me.
The voices in my head are loud and cruel,
And through their screams and yells I feel like a fool.
Then there's the person I love but the problem you see,
Is that they totally and unconditionally hate me.
Then after the this hell I try to sleep trying to pretend I don't care.
I close my eyes as I toss and turn I finally fall into a nightmare.
In a nightmare I might be screaming, crying, or hanging in a tree.
Somethings are different but one thing is that my love still hated me.
One thing that is different though is the voices are quiet in my head.
Without them the want is lessened, the want for me to be dead.
No voices, not as much fear;
It's not heaven but it's sure not the hell I've been living this year.
And after the blood and screams, maybe betrayal, I'll open my eyes.
And myself back in my bed in this hell and all hope dies.
So the difference between a nightmare and reality you see,
Is in a nightmare, I have hope, and have the chance to be happy.
Once Once you see, what you did to me
You'll understand why I was the way I was.
Once you know what I had done,
You'll see why I hated myself.
Once you get and see all that,
It might turn out,
That I'm already gone.
Once I wasn't like this.
Once I didn't know pain or darkness;
But that all changed.
Once of the past is gone,
And I'm gone.
You're reading my past, now my present is decided.
And my future is dark.
Once is wasn't too late, but now it is.
Goodbye.
UntitledYou found me broken and alone,
You took me in, made me your own.
But now that's over, and you're gone forever,
And all I am is breathing.
My heart not beating, you tore is out when you left me.
Hope you're happy now, but there's one thing you'll never see.
It's that even though I was nothing to you,
You were my everything.
Tonight A breaking heart, a hurting head,
some sleep tonight never with what's under your bed.
No, no you'll stay with us tonight.
The voices whisper where there's no light.
You'll hear us scream and cry,
We are the monsters that love to lie.
And just wait, you will see,
That once or twice, you'll be like me.
A hurting girl, in a messed up world.
With only monsters to keep her company,
Oh yes, watch out or you'll be like me.
Bye Bye Bye bye little girl, I'm sorry you had to go.
This wasn't how it was meant to be, but there's no turning back.
I didn't mean to kill you, I didn't I swear.
But it's all over, and now only pain and strife haunts the air.
That little girl was once so innocent, but it's too late.
Everything's said and she is gone.
But just one more thing you see,
Is that little girl,
Was once me.
Pain, Hate, Death So much arguing,
So much pain,
With only myself to blame.
So many harsh words,
So much self hate.
Since when is this a debate..?
I'm so sorry-
That you'll have to break down my door,
Just to see me,
Bled out on this floor.
My Addiction (June 30th 2014)
I'm smiling and laughing as you see,
Nothing could possibly be wrong with me.
Laughing and smiling like everything is fine,
But if only you knew that I had crossed the line.
Just last night I had cried,
As I felt part of my heart, mind, and soul as it died.
From my smile and clear wrists,
I doubt you'd think I have an addiction. Tsk, tsk.
It's not smoking or drinking,
Or any of the things you might be thinking.
My addiction is a strong as a steal chain link,
And I can kill myself in just a blink.
I'm an artist you see,
But with a twist indeed.
My tool isn't a brush,
It's a razor to make blood gush.
My canvas isn't paper oh my,
No no it's just my scarred up thigh.
My colors aren't many-just one,
And it's Crimson red Hun.
Watching the Crimson dots appear,
Oh it's terrifying yet I have no fear.
As I can't feel the pain,
But my tears fall like rain.
I am stuck in my addiction,
Oh how I wish this was fiction.
But it's my life,
One filled with strife.
Waiting for the scars to heal,
Waiting for someone to make me feel.
But then again when I stop- I see,
This is me.
A liar with an addiction,
Waiting to realize my realization.
That I am stronger,
Than my addiction.
Circles (I'm Sorry) (June 17th 2014- *backstory* I wrote this when I was in a realationship/friendship with a very verbally abusive guy. He blamed me for ever little thing, and this is how I felt about it during that time period.)
I can't believe how stupid I am,
How gullible I am, thinking that you'd change.
Just how desperate I am for you to stay.
How many more fights will it take?
How much pain will you cause me before I learn?
How many scars will I give myself, before you finally stop?
This continues to happen, again and again.
Just a circle of hurt,blame and anger,
And I can't seem to get out.
But then again, it's my fault, as you say.
Always mine, and I believe your lies.
Cause you know you can hurt me, and I'll stay.
You lie, say your "different",
but hurt me the same.
You say you're numb, and I long to help,
Long to make a difference to you.
But I don't, I only mess things up.
My fault, again and again; and it kills me.
But I don't leave, and you know I won't.
So I stay, in this circle, in pain.
But I have to, cause it's my fault,
Always mine- only mine.
So I have to stay it seems,
In this circle, of love then hate.
Then blame and pain,
Again and again, torturing.
But it's my fault and I stay,
And I might stay until it kills me,
But it'll be my fault, I was too "insecure".
And scared, my fault sorry again.
So I'll stay in this circle till it kills me,
Sorry about getting blood on the floor.
Sorry I used some meds and a razor,
My fault, my own fucking fault again.
So sorry I was born, sorry again.
Maybe if I was more normal it'd been okay?
That wasn't the case, I'm sorry.
I take the blame, once again-
And I'll take it to my grave.
Cause I can't get out this circle,
But death can break it for me.
I'm sorry I left, I was weak.
It's my fault again, but I can't do it again.
I'm sorry I was so horrible.
Everything is my fault, and it always will be.
Even when I am dead, I'll be sorry.
Because don't you worry, for I am sure-
After all the stuff you've said I've done,
I'll end up in Hell.
Forever tortured as the demons hear my screams.
That I'm sorry,
I'll always be sorry, for everything.
For even being born.
Suicide awareness poem one (female victim) She'd been called a bitch again,
She'd dealt with it fine over the years.
But she decided she was done with the tears.
Thoughts rushed through her mind over and over and fucking over
As she ran to her broken home.
She walked inside
with her desire to simply die.
She grabbed the rope, and started the noose.
Thinking she had nothing to loose.
She was done with this cruel world.
With her tear streaked face,
Her heart started to race.
She got a chair and tied the rope around the branch outside.
She put the noose around her throat,
And jumped.
It broke her neck, and she hung there.
Her lips turning blue, as her body went cold.
She for filled everyone's wishes it seemed.
Cause indeed of living,
She ended up dead.
Suicide awareness poem 2 (Male victim) He was tired of being different,
Tired of being hit.
And done being the fucked up misfit.
That cold winter day, he'd had enough.
He was done being tough.
He'd never again be the useless son.
So he got home and walked to his father's drawer,
And grabbed the loaded gun.
He ran out the door into the cold winter air,
He ran as the fresh snow fell in his hair.
As he ran he left prints in the snow,
Leading too the dark woods he had loved.
He ran and ran tears stinging his eyes,
Finally out of breath he stopped.
He looked at the gun in his hand.
He just wanted it all to stop,
So he put the gun to his head.
And with a finally breath pulled the trigger.
With a bang, he dropped dead.
Crimson blood, on white snow.
And nobody even saw the show.
On that day, a boy had died,
Because he believed himself when he lied.
And had said, "I am better off dead."
If only he could have lived instead.
Haunted By These Memories I can't even sleep at night,
Still trying to single out the lies.
I never wanted to win this fight,
And I see you everytime i close my fucking eyes!
I really wish I could sleep,
I could use the peace.
But i'm still thinking of all your secrets that i keep,
Why do you have to be such a tease!?
Oh,
Of all the lies you told, my favorite would have to be:
"I love you forever, and I promise i'll never leave."
Oh i can't believe I was so naive!
I'm haunted by these memories.
Everywhere I look you're all I see,
No matter how much I try to forget, you're always on my mind.
Oh, gotta say you're really pushing me,
C'mon leave me be if you'd be so kind!
Even when I lay down to rest,
You're still in my head.
This has to be my hardest test,
And i'm losing cause you're the monster beneath my bed!
Oh,
Of all the things you did my favorite was,
the way you made me smile when you'd speak.
But now all you do is make me want to cease to be.
I'm haunted by these memories.
I can not hide from my own thoughts,
Ghosts of you haunt my dreams.
Convincing me this is all by fault.
I'm forever on the list of broken teens..
I need to get away,
This isnt me, it's all on you!
It's time for you to pay,
For this Hell that I went through.
Oh,
Of all the things that haunt me the worst,
it'll forever be you. All I can do is cry, and hope i don't lose my mind.
Forever haunted by these memories...
These memories,
These memories,
The bittersweet memories of the ghost of you.
Couldn't Stay The words in my head, are destroying me.
Slowly taking over my memories.
Leaching out the little happiness left inside.
So stay with me tonight.
[Chorus]
Stay with me tonight,
I need you here.
I'm losing myself,
and i can't take this endless silence.
You're not here, as I cry alone.
Shaking, in fear of what's in the dark.
Demons influencing my every thought.
You're not here, where the hell did you go?
[Chorus]
Come to me tonight,
I'm all alone.
The silence as sharp as a razor.
But my mind is a screaming hell.
Thought you'd stay with me forever,
But you're in the ground.
You couldn't stay, you threw your life away.
You left me all alone.
[Chorus]
I'll join you tonight,
we'll be together forever.
It's to late, no turning back now.
As my blood stills out on the ground.
Now we'll be gone together, forever.
Lost at Sea I've been lost,
for all my life.
Drifting away,
alone at sea.
I call for help,
but no one hears.
So cold,
and far from shore.
I can not swim,
in this dark water.
My fears are,
taking over me.
I am alone,
all the time.
Locked in my mind,
screaming inside.
What time is it?
I never know.
And i'm still,
drifting further from shore.
The sun hides,
all the time.
I'm never warm,
and always scared.
I've never known peace,
i don't know warmth.
I can't sleep,
and I don't eat.
I don't know where,
i am drifting to.
I only know,
i'm ready to go.
I am drifting,
further away.
And forever i'll be,
Lost at Sea.
Push Me (song) You push me to my limits,
Tell me I'm a misfit.
Tell me I'm a fucked up,
good for nothing bitch.
Who are you, bitch?
Who do you think you are, you hypocritical whore!
I just can't take your shit anymore.
You put me down, and kicked me when I tried to get up.
Leave me alone,
Don't talk to me slut.
You can't keep me down ho,
No matter how hard you try.
So keep your damn opinion to yourself.
Push me off the ledge, i'll come back with a newfound pledge.
To make you pay, for that bitter day.
So better watch your six, cause this ain't no game you prick.
From the beginning i saw through you,
and all that you tried to do.
You liar and backstabbing cheat.
I just don't understand,
why you even tried to lend a hand!
You picked me up then shoved me on my ass,
Oh, i'm not going to let that pass.
I'll break your face,
this isn't a fucking race!
To see how crazy we can be,
your pass in life isn't free.
And you're not going to win,
cause your whole life if a damn sin.
Sleep and cheat your way to the top.
You'll do anything, whether it be bend over, lay down or hop.
You say it's so easy to be you, hun you don't have a clue.
You'll be drinking and moaning all weekend long,
but you'll be at church on Sunday singing a song.
Your parents think you're so sweet,
but don't know how you're a pimp's sugar treat.
You two faced bitch!
You spread rumors faster than a bullet,
You are so fucking full of shit!
How can you live a lie, and then treat me like you're any better.
You're so opinionated and stuck up,
don't you have someone to go suck?
You're live like a princess in a whore house.
I'm Through I'm lost and confused,
I've been beat down and lied to.
I'm alone once again,
waiting for this all to end.
Dreaming of a place i'd love to be.
I've cried alone,
broken and bruised.
I've fallen away from all that i've known.
Can't someone help me find a new home?
I've been here too long and I don't know,
how long i can go on being strong.
I can't even count,
all the tears that i've cried.
Or how many times i've lied,
when i said i was fine.
I don't want to fake this,
'cause i know i'm never going to make it.
Can anyone tell me,
when my happily ever after will
come to be?
Maybe the ending to my story,
is a world without me.
I've been beaten and hit,
I've been tossed from family to family.
I've been told it'll get better,
as i hold all the emotion inside.
But i can't hold it in anymore.
And I think i've finally lost my mind.
Once again i believed a lie,
and i ended up getting hurt.
When will I ever learn?
A pretty face and petty words,
are just weapons for a monster in disguise.
I've been tricked and fooled,
toyed with and played.
I've been giving everyone my all,
and nothing to show for it.
I should really know better,
than to give away my fragile heart.
But i crave to have someone there,
to pick me up when i fall.
You pretend you'll be there till the end,
but now you're nowhere to be found.
So I'm picking myself up,
I'll stitch up my own wounds.
I'm through with all of you.
I'm through, with always being there.
I'm through, with being here at all.
I'm through, with waiting for things to get better.
I'm through, I'm so through with you all.
Below are some of my writings, and I actually have a goodreads writing page at
this link -----> https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...
If you find you like any of my writing, you can (pwease) go there and push the like button under whatever article you find to your liking.
Thank you guys, much love <3
Anyone is welcome to PM me about any comments, questions or just to say hi.
:) Thanks guys!
-Love from Tabs