Joyce Runs Wild

[Joyce]

Dear Dougie Wougie,
    Amazon told me that I have to break-up with you if I want to post a review, but the rules say I can't curse. Next time I meet you, I'm going to hit you with your favorite pie that I'll bake special for the occasion and then we're through, you no good, good for nothing Author. We're done, I tell you. Finished. Don't ever come to my door again. Be gone, rogue, and return my scarf and [other stuff].
    Oh wait, am I talking to the right person? Can I see your fingerprints and your iris scan. If it's you, call me later. If not, I still want a scarf. Silk. By personal envoy and I want a singing telegram too or whatever they call it nowadays

[Douglas]

Joyce wrote: "Dear Dougie Wougie,
    Amazon told me that I have to break-up with you if I want to post a review, but the rules say I can't curse. Next time I meet you, I'm going to hit you with your favorite pie..."

I told you that when I sent you on "Mission Impossible that should you be killed or captured, the Secretary will deny your existence.
    If you're going to hit me with a pie, I'm not giving you a silk scarf. And by-the-way, the expression is "Don't ever darken my door again."
    If you want me to sing, you have to come into my shower.