Criticize Less … Congratulate More

[Daniel]

Rather than criticize myself, I have learned to make a contract with myself in which I agree to congratulate myself even for the teeniest improvement … no matter how small. The process of contracting is an essential one. It requires that we become aware of our tendencies and of the patterns in which we are involved. It is also essential that we learn to start to forgive ourselves. As I found out, forgiving ourselves may not always be easy. Usually, in our very competitive and perfectionistic societies, we are far more used to criticize ourselves and others, than to forgive.

As long as I am going in the right direction, I consider that I am doing very well. If I have made mistakes, instead of punishing myself with guilt, I have learned to forgive myself and to Minimize The Damage (MTD). I have learned that before we are able to switch from the wrong tendency to the right one, we usually have to “bottom out.”

Over the years I have learned that, rather than criticize myself, it is essential that I congratulate myself for the “tiniest” progress that I am able to make. I have learned to congratulate myself even when my mistakes have become smaller. I have become able to congratulate myself even when I am able to reduce the damage that I have done, especially compared to the damage that I used to cause in the past.

Missing Links, Chapter 3, page 44

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