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Why you shouldn't have children
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message 1:
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Buffalotinchen
(new)
May 24, 2016 12:01PM
Were you asked before about when you are going to have children? Is it allowed to ask this in job interviews in your country? In my opinion, this question is pure sexism.
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I had my kids at a fairly young age compared to our national standards, so I wasn't asked before getting pregnant.In Denmark it isn't legal to ask about (expected) pregnancies at jobinterviews, but I have been told that it is fairly common. I have two kids (and 1,8 is the average in Denmark), so it hasn't happened to me.
And - in my family my husband is the most stable and solid parent and he also has the best terms when it comes to sick kids etc. He has definitely taken the majority of those - but he has never been confronted with the possible backslash of having small children.
Asking such questions in the US would leave the employer vulnerable to a lawsuit for discrimination under The Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993. Discriminating against employees or potential employees of any gender on the basis that they may have caregiver responsibilities within their families is a prohibited form of discrimination.Employers are permitted to ask questions such as would you be free to travel for this job or to work nights. It's up to the employee to decide if that fits with their other responsibilities not to the employer to decide that a parent couldn't do such things.
frequently be asked this same question.so depressing.a bit afraid of having a child under social pressure.
No one ever asked me that, and I'm grateful because I don't know how would I react. In Spain is illegal to ask such a questions (as well as any question regarding nationality, ethnic or religious background), though sometimes you can find a narrow-minded person that doesn't care about whether it's legal or not.
I haven't been asked at a job interview apart from the question of do I already have children. The pressure is elsewhere, family, friends etc. People believe in the order of getting married then quickly having children. I've been married for years and so am used to the grandchildren comments, friends asking and even people who are acquaintances asking. It's hard because I question myself a lot about whether or not I want to have children, I feel given the space I'd be able to decide but there is a lot of pressure around this subject and I wish there weren't.
I'm South African and while its fairly common to have children in your early twenties here, nobody EVER asks in your job interview if/when you plan on having kids.
I'm Israeli and it's illegal to ask a woman questions like that at an interview. People do it all the time anyway, especially since have a bunch of kids pretty young is common here, but theoretically if you get proof that you weren't hired on the basis that you want to have kids in a year or two, you can sue them for discrimination (as a law student I've seen this actually happen, so people do win lawsuits about it).
I'm Dutch and at the time I wanted to apply for a "side-job" next to my school activities, I was only 19. Now they didn't ask me if I wanted to have children in the future, but if i was already married and had children! They only assumed so because my last name is Turkish (though I don't look like it, my father was ony half-Turkish) and they figured that because of that I would have married and had children young.In the end I didn't get the job, becasue of budget problems. But is sure isn't legal in the Netherlands to ask such questions, or questions about sexuality, religion and so on.
In all modern monetary countries, there is more and more pressure on women, giving birth while going to work. Since the work is perceived differently as parenthood, many of companies does not want to see, if they employ a women, and then is going in a few years on a maternity leave. This represents to a monetary system a huge gap, so this represents to monetary system a money drainage. Monetary system cannot accept any instant solutions, which provide eg healing without medicine, free services, passive solutions etc, because there is no input of money, and monetary system does not have any benefit. The same goes for maternity. The women which want to have children and are asked when they want to have it, means nothing else as filtering the right person (number), as company needs it.
Motive out of why do women want to have children, is entirely different story.
It isn't just a sexist question, it is a very personal one too. Having children is something you should think about for yourself, because it affects your life most of all. Also, if you told your potential employer in a job interview that you want to have kids, they might decide to get someone else instead, because a pragnancy will include you taking a couple of months off work etc. I didn't know this wasn't allowed in the Netherlands (and other countries). But I'm glad it is and I think people that ask that question should seriously consider what they're asking.
Naomi wrote: "I'm Israeli and it's illegal to ask a woman questions like that at an interview. People do it all the time anyway, especially since have a bunch of kids pretty young is common here, but theoretical..."That's interesting because I once went to a meeting promoting aliyah, and they told us that such questions could arise, but I didn't realize it was illegal there.
As for me, here in the States, I've never been asked that question, but I once let a potential employer know that I'm the mother of teenagers, which was sort of answering the question before it got asked. I intended to convey that since I have teenagers, I wouldn't be taking off as much time as I might with babies or little kids, but perhaps he didn't get the point because I didn't get the job.
I'm Canadian and I think it's pretty traditional to ask friends and family about when someone wants to have kids. It's nosey but it isn't meant to be nosey. In Canada we have pretty good maternity and paternity benefits though. IMOOn a personal note, I think society is slowly growing out of this tradition since more and more people are making non-traditional choices about how they build a family.
I was really glad over the holidays to see a push on social media to not ask relatives about when they would have children. I get fewer of those questions anyway because I'm not in a relationship, but plenty of my cousins have struggled with infertility issues.
Technically, to not have children is rather against humanity itself, but that is not really my opinion. As someone who can not have children I struggled for quite a while why that is and how I feel about it. I still don't fully know. I used to think, that the fact I cannot have kids is because inside I do not see myself as a bad person completely good person and I would only want what is best for the kid, what I could not have myself, support, the possibility to study, to travel, to have a childhood one would love to remember. And I probably could not provide that and it would break my heart. I got couple nasty people tell me how I am not woman enough yada,yada, yada . The usual bit. The conclusion is, to me, that whatever decision you make need to agree with you, in your heart but also mind. This short time we spend here is made amazingly difficult by the society established, don't add to that.
In Brazil there always the question "When you are going to marry?" and then, later "When are you going to have kids?". It's like a woman is not a complete being without giving birth. And it is completely untrue, unfair even. I have a 6-months-old baby now, I wanted a baby fora long time and I found a good husband to be parent with me. I doesn't mean I don't feel tired and have problems everyday. Now imagine a woman having kids just because the society said she must have them. I have some friends that would be crapy mothers, you know. The point is to have a choice in life. You can have a career, travel, take care of puppies, it doesn't matter, you have to do what you want to do, mother or not.
I'm still in college (I'm only 17) but here in my country (Philippines) it's not illegal to ask some questions like that. But we have here a limitations especially when the question is personal.So basically, it's up to you if you want to answer that personal question or not.
I also live in the States. I'm 20 years old, still in college, and currently working 2 jobs. Both job interviews didn't include any questions about my wanting or already having children.I personally don't really like talking about such personal, sensitive topics, especially since I don't really know what I want myself. Besides it being sexist in this context, I also find it rude and intrusive. I am very big on my privacy. Having kids shouldn't make a woman any less qualified to do her job and do it well. I haven't heard of any men being held up or turned away from an opportunity just because they have kids. They're simply seen as the breadwinner, the provider. The same attitude should be applied to women.
Fyi in Germany it is not allowed to ask the question, as its privat. If they ask, you don't need to answer.But just in case the country you live in, you have to answer, I would simply say that you re not sure yet and that many things have to fit at the same time for a baby (right man, right job...). What else can you say? Who can "plan" a baby? You can't really plan it. I am 31 and I have two little ones, I know it
