Out of Nowhere by Roan Parrish

[Ulysses]

Out of Nowhere
Roan Parrish
Four stars

The much-awaited sequel to “The Middle of Nowhere” does not disappoint. What fans of the first book will grab onto immediately is that this is Colin Mulligan’s story. Colin was the bad guy in the first book, Daniel Mulligan’s homophobic decade-older brother. In a truly powerful parallel narrative, Parrish writes about Colin’s lucky meeting with Rafael Guerrera outside a rough gay bar in Philadelphia. She drags us into Colin’s tortured, self-hating mind, where his compulsive neatness, obsessive exercise and alcoholic binge-drinking are his only release from the constant pain of his self-imposed misery.

It is hard to hate Colin for long, because it’s clear right away that Daniel had no way to understand the psychology behind his brother treating him so badly. Rafe Guerrera has no clue what makes Colin tick either, but his instinctive need to connect to this wounded, angry man is stronger than any doubts he might entertain. Rafe, from a big, loving blue-collar Mexican-American family, seems to be the opposite of Colin’s short-fused Irish auto mechanic; but his outward gentleness masks pain and uncertainty as profound as Colin’s own. Watching them interact—all from Colin’s perspective—is tortuous and tantalizing. Colin is possibly one of the most self-defeating people I’ve ever read, so assured is he of his own worthlessness. Yet Rafe is relentless, seeing only the possibilities, the potential, rather than the self-loathing and fear. Without knowing the facts, Rafe understands who Colin is, and therein lies the path from darkness into light.

It was hard for me to believe that internalized homophobia could be so intense and destructive in this day and age, 40 years after my own coming out in the 1970s. Yet Parrish writes Colin’s character vividly and believably. This is a story of redemption and salvation, and she populates it, as she did the first book, with wonderfully real characters who create a world that gradually alters Colin’s perception, and allows him to slowly pry off the shackles with which he has kept himself bound for most of his life. In particular, the various queer teenagers with whom Rafe works—and for whom Colin becomes an object first of curiosity and then of affection—are amazing and beautiful. They are funny and fragile and innocent in spite of their wounds. We don’t get to know a lot about them, but what we know made me feel protective and anxious for their happiness; which is exactly what happens to Colin. Ignorant of Colin’s unhappiness, the kids all assume that he’s a role model; and his need not to disappoint them ultimately aids in his own liberation.

There’s lots of sex in this, which I would say isn’t necessary, but is very well done and nicely integrated into the plot. Colin knows about sex, but he knows nothing about making love with another man. The sex—when it finally happens, and the slow burn is pretty striking--is all part of Rafe’s relentless effort to heal a badly burned soul. The sex isn’t any more realistic than it is in any m/m book—but it is an powerful metaphor for Colin’s gradual liberation from his self-made prison.
The two stories come together at the same funeral that served as the setting for the plot-twist in the first book. We see those overlapping scenes through Colin’s eyes, not Daniel’s, this time around, and that shift in perspective is as painful as anything else in the book. We know the truth, but Daniel doesn’t, and we realize that there’s nothing we can do but trust the author to let it play out.

Parrish structures her writing extremely neatly, interweaving many little motifs and metaphors that hold together and amplify the story arc. It is a masterful piece of literary craft, very well told, that delivers great emotional impact with no sentimentality. It is a much tougher book that “In the Middle of Somewhere,” as suits the different characters and setting.

And there’s a nice little set up for a third book. Which I definitely want to read.

[Liz]

Ulysses wrote: "Out of Nowhere
Roan Parrish
Four stars

The much-awaited sequel to “The Middle of Nowhere” does not disappoint. What fans of the first book will grab onto immediately is that this is Colin Mulligan..."

I was back and forth on reading this sequel because I really disliked Colin, but it was my desire to know more about Daniel and Rex that lead to my decision to read it. While I love Middle of Nowhere and have read it a few times, I have no interest in reading Colin's story again. I still don't care for him.

While the idea of a parallel story line sounded good, the result actually was that I was extremely eager to get to the pivotal funeral scene to see how that played out from Colin's perspective and learn more about how it impacted his relationship with Daniel, but I found the scene unsatisfying because at that point, nothing really changed.

I had a difficult time understanding why Rafe was interested in Colin from the get-go. As an recovering addict who avoided booze, what was he doing in that bar where he met Colin in the first place? And what was it about the drunken self-loathing man looking to get the shit beaten out of him that appealed to Rafe? It was nice that he came to Colin's rescue, but after that, I'd wash my hands of him.

And Colin's character was all over the place. I had a hard time reconciling this thoughts with his vastly different actions. I realize that some of that was because he was in conflict with himself, but a number of times I found his internal debates to be far more insightful and self aware than his character appeared to be. In a few of his inner monologues, Colin was aware that his abusive behavior towards Daniel was what drove him away, but later when Daniel confronted him with this, Colin was truly astonished by Daniel's accusations.

The more I thought about the two books, the more I realized that Colin and Rafe were really just variations on Daniel and Rex. The damaged Mulligan brothers and their gentle giants who teach them about love, and put together the puzzle pieces of their shattered lives. Because Middle of Nowhere is told from Daniel's perspective, we've always known what it was about Rex that made Daniel crave him and fall in love with him, but I was never really sure what Daniel did for Rex. After reading this follow-up, I realized that Daniel did the same for Rex - made his puzzle pieces come together too.

If there are more stories about Colin and Rafe, I won't be reading them, but I'm hopeful for another story about Leo, because how can you not adore Leo?