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All Things Writing > I need feedback PLEASE!

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message 1: by Claire (new)

Claire (cycraw) | 278 comments I've been having an argument with myself concerning my book and was hoping for some input from this wonderful group. I am writing a book for YA (fantasy - but the genre doesn't really matter here.) The story is told from the POV of the main YA character. The thing is, while her story is unfolding, another story is unfolding simultaneously with the MC's mother. The two meet later in the book, but a lot of what is happening with the mother is important to the story.
I am wondering if jumping between the two on a chapter by chapter basis is frustrating to the YA age group. I wouldn't alternate every chapter, because the mother's story is much smaller, but maybe have two chapters and then break for a little more of the mother's story.
Anyway, hope I explained myself coherently and hoping for your input.

message 2: by G.G. (new)

G.G. (ggatcheson) | 1053 comments Mod
It seems like you have no choice but to do it the way you want to or the readers will miss an important part.
I am not a YA, heck far from it, but I don't think YA would be frustrated by two well done POVs the way you are describing.
Let's hope some YA or at least YA story fans will come out and tell us their opinion.

message 3: by Cassandra (new)

Cassandra Lawson | 91 comments I should be fine as long as you are very clear on which POV you are using in each chapter.

message 4: by Bisky (last edited May 06, 2014 09:40AM) (new)

Bisky Scribbles (bisky_scribbles) | 2536 comments Mod
Is the mother's section written from her point of view too? Sorry just wanted to make sure, I'm alittle scatter brained :3

(edit: maybe a sample of the text if you want? My brain has become mush, I shall return to thread after coffee)

message 5: by Claire (new)

Claire (cycraw) | 278 comments @Bisky, I am deciding between the mother's point of view or a YA maid who works for the mother and tells what she sees.

message 6: by Claire (new)

Claire (cycraw) | 278 comments @G.G @Cassandra, thanks.

message 7: by Rachel Annie (new)

Rachel Annie (snapdragoness) Could the sections with the mother be done in 3rd person POV instead of 1st? Less head-jumping may help if you were concerned about reader confusion.

I don't read too much YA--didn't know if 3rd person is a no-no.

message 8: by Claire (last edited May 06, 2014 10:05AM) (new)

Claire (cycraw) | 278 comments My whole book is 3rd person, but third person limited. Also, I totally wouldn't head jump. I'd keep an entire chapter or clear section as one POV and then the next chapter as another POV.
My main question was because the mother's story involves mainly adults. YA is defined by the character's age.

message 9: by Rachel Annie (new)

Rachel Annie (snapdragoness) Ah! My apologies, I'm not sure why I assumed 1st person. : /

I think that would work well in 3rd, and would probably hold the interest of YA readers based on how engaging the mother's story is as opposed to the age of the character involved.

Just my 2 cents. ☺

message 10: by Claire (new)

Claire (cycraw) | 278 comments @Rachel, thanks.

message 11: by Bisky (new)

Bisky Scribbles (bisky_scribbles) | 2536 comments Mod
Ahh, Rachel cleared up what confused me.

I don't think it will be too much of a problem. But when the mother and daughter are together I'd start the chapter with the POV you want, then start a new one when you want to switch. Just to be sure. Not sure if that helps :3 I'm writing my newest in 3rd person so I might ocme across the same problem.

message 12: by Claire (new)

Claire (cycraw) | 278 comments Once they meet, I'll stay in the daughter's POV.

message 13: by Bisky (new)

Bisky Scribbles (bisky_scribbles) | 2536 comments Mod
Ahh then I don't see any problem :3

message 14: by Claire (last edited May 06, 2014 11:18AM) (new)

Claire (cycraw) | 278 comments Thank you all. This has been a real help! But now my head is exploding with all my new ideas, so I'm going to watch Star-Crossed to distract me.

message 15: by Steven (last edited May 06, 2014 02:22PM) (new)

Steven Freeman | 13 comments Bisky wrote: "Ahh, Rachel cleared up what confused me.

I don't think it will be too much of a problem. But when the mother and daughter are together I'd start the chapter with the POV you want, then start a ne..."

I agree. And based on reducing the confusion when the mother and daughter meet, perhaps it would be better to tell the mother's story from the maid's POV. That way, when the mother and daughter are together, the reader is more inclined to gravitate towards the assumption that--with the maid absent--the POV must be the daughter's.

message 16: by G.G. (new)

G.G. (ggatcheson) | 1053 comments Mod
To reduce the confusion when both are together you could start by either a dialogue that would state clearly who the 'I' is, or with a scene that would do the same. You could also stick with the daughter's POV whenever both are together and the readers should be able to pick up on that.
Either way, mother or maid or third pov, choose the one that fits the story best and work around it. If you do it the other way around, your story might suffer the (lazy) choice.

message 17: by J. David (new)

J. David Clarke (clarketacular) | 418 comments It sounds fine to me to cut between them on a chapter basis, or as you said periodically cut to the mother. I don't see a problem with it.

message 18: by M.J. (new)

M.J. Mallon (kyrosmagica) | 26 comments @Claire I think as long as you make it clear whose POV you are in it should be fine - e.g. new chapter for new character POV. I have done this in my novel, a YA - not published yet - when I felt that it was important to see the POV of the father of the main character. The main character was incapacitated at the time which meant that it would have been hard to see her POV. I hope that helps. I'm still finding my way.....

message 19: by Claire (new)

Claire (cycraw) | 278 comments Yes @M, that does help.
I'm just wondering about agents. I want to try go traditional at first, and they can be soooo picky.

message 20: by M.J. (new)

M.J. Mallon (kyrosmagica) | 26 comments @Claire. I know. I want to try traditional too. Scary business isn't it? Hoping to get mine edited, or at least read through by a keen eye that is not mine! I have someone in mind and then look for publishers/agents etc. Good luck!

message 21: by Rick (new)

Rick Soper (RickSoper) | 169 comments I come from a TV background so I think of points of view like different cameras pointed at the same subject, each one providing it's own angle on the situation. Then you extrapolate that out further to each camera being run by a different personality, then each camera is expressing a completely different view of the situation. So I think you get a more complete story by showing the different points of view, even after they come together, because you've already established that other point of view, and if you didn't go back to it then people might wonder what that point of view was thinking after meeting the daughter.

message 22: by M.J. (new)

M.J. Mallon (kyrosmagica) | 26 comments @Rick. That's helpful Rick. From now on I shall think in camera mode!

message 23: by James (new)

James McCormick Is this a dual protagonist story? If not then the mother's story is a sub plot. I personally would have her chapters/ sections shorter and less frequent- maybe 1:4 ratio.
To be honest - this is a very subjective point and writing is an organic process. I think you have to decide the story you want to tell and work backwards from that. I tend to plan and write separate chapters and only worry about order and so on when I start weaving it together - only then do I worry about the structure- I find this way I don't stifle my creativity in the early stages

all the best


message 24: by M.J. (new)

M.J. Mallon (kyrosmagica) | 26 comments @James A. Sounds a bit like the way I write. Only problem it makes for a lot of restructuring.

message 25: by James (new)

James McCormick Hi M,

I know what you mean- but the more I tinker, the more ideas I get and so on ... can't imagine what it would be writing to a deadline though

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