ok is this a good horror introduction

[Claire]

I am currently beginning a novel and wondering is this introduction is good enough.


She felt a cold clammy presence behind her. He was close, too close. She stifled a horrified scream ignoring the small, sharp stones that pierced her naked, torn up feet as she ran aross the field of bloodied three inch thorns and rocks. Her feet looked like flesh rags attached to bone now after he did what he did to them. He had done that with pleasure taking delight in discovering what lay under her skin; even giggling to himself while he did it. The pink flesh could be clearly visible in between the hanging strips of skin and flesh.
He never said anything but occasionally she could hear his high pitched shriek behind her along with the uneven hooflike thuds that were his footsteps. How could she have fallen into this trap? The cold night air stung her bloodied eye sockets and she stared into the onyx darkness that blinded her vision. Her eyes were useless to her now especially since she had none. Now as she ran on the bones of her feet, flesh flapping in the wind, ignoring the intense pain she was experiencing, she was crying blood.

[Jeff]

I think its great! May I suggest a few more details about running without eyes, the fear of being chased.

A great idea, and I love it, but more detail would be great.

[Kevin]

Hi Claire,

The first thing that strikes me is that no one would be running with that amount of damage caused to their feet across thorns and rocks. They would be lucky if they were hobbling. I would make it that her feet were the only part of her that hadn't been tortured by this other person and maybe just make it rocks as sharp as pieces of flint and then at the end of the paragraph you could mention that the bone is starting to expose.

Reading it several times I'm not quite sure if the character still has her eyes (and they are damaged enough to be useless) or if they have been removed from the occular cavities, so it maybe needs clarification.

Choosing to start right in the middle of the story is always a smart idea (it certainly gets the blood going) and this one if off to a good one.

The best of luck with it.

[Claire]

Jeff wrote: "I think its great! May I suggest a few more details about running without eyes, the fear of being chased.

A great idea, and I love it, but more detail would be great."

Yes i will edit the story to include more of that. thanks :)

[Claire]

Kevin wrote: "Hi Claire,

The first thing that strikes me is that no one would be running with that amount of damage caused to their feet across thorns and rocks. They would be lucky if they were hobbling. I wou..."

Thanks i meant to say that her legs were ripped by the torturer but also since she's running on sharp objects it made them worse. I go more into description in the story. Her eyes were gouged out, so I will make that more clear in the story. Thanks :)