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message 1: by Owen (last edited Mar 06, 2016 04:08AM) (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments Hello Folks,

I think I've found something I hate more than writing a blurb for a book: writing a blurb for a boxed set of books. My co-author and I have decided to offer the first 3 books of our series as a boxed set, and that implies a . . . you guessed it.

Although this does not affect the blurb directly, I'll note that this is military sci-fi that is most assuredly not for kids nor "young adults" nor others who don't wish to read about things like human trafficking, and its attendant "unpleasantness".

Anyway, below is our attempt.

Abandoned and enslaved as a child, Loralynn Kennakris lost everything, even her name. As a young woman, she’s fighting to get back what they took from her . . . except that may not be what she thinks it is.

Welcome to the story of an extraordinary young woman forced to come of age while looking death in the eye. This collection of the first three books in the Loralynn Kennakris series contains over 1000 pages of thought-provoking science-fiction adventure unlike any you have ever read. Inside are the following:

The Alecto Initiative (Book 1): Freedom to die for?
Eight years growing up in hell prepared Kris for everything but freedom, and her new life is not what she imagined. Not only must she find her way in a bewildering society full of bizarre rules, but the very people who rescued her think she’s a terrorist plant, a beautiful interstellar celebrity is complicating matters in more ways than one . . . and now someone is trying to kill her.

The Morning Which Breaks (Book 2): It was supposed to be the beginning of a new life . . . not a replay of her old one.
Enrolled as a cadet at the Nereidian League’s military academy, all Kris brings with her is a unique set of skills, a profound ignorance of ‘civilized’ society, and a large chip on her shoulder. But if she isn’t quite sure what to make of the Academy, the Academy has no idea what to make of her. So when she’s approached to help capture a terrorist warlord, Kris is more than happy to leave the halls of academia behind for awhile. Kris knows she’s not signing up for any pleasure cruise. What she doesn’t know is that the key to the mission’s success is reliving her very worst nightmare.

Wogan’s Reef (Book 3, Pt.1): War is all hell . . . and there’s no place like home.
War has erupted between the Nereidian League and the Dominion of Halith, and it’s not going well. The League’s Colonial Expeditionary Forces have been forced to bend repeatedly but they have yet to break. For Ensign Loralynn Kennakris, Lieutenant Commander Rafael Huron, and a Marine captain named Minerva Lewis, the time for bending is over. They’re on a mission to start breaking things, and they don’t much care if they have to go through hell to do it.

Asylum (Book 3, Pt.2): Armed. Dangerous. And nothing left to lose . . .
First they called her a hero. Then they called her a medical problem. Now they’re calling her a criminal. It’s been an exciting first year of active duty for Lieutenant Loralynn Kennakris. Pushed too far, Kris did the unforgivable and her enemies finally have the excuse they’ve been looking for. But they are right about one thing: Kris is dangerous, and now she has nothing left to lose.


message 2: by Martin (new)

Martin Wilsey | 447 comments I think the individual blurbs all look really good as stand alone blurbs. I will be putting these on my reading list. (covers are excellent as well, good job) The second and third ones seem to give away what seems like they might be serious plot points from earlier books.

The over arching blurb doesn't sound adult enough based on what you said.

Another question: How does Createspace support Box Sets?

"the time for bending is over" the 12 year old in me snickered and said to butthead "bending over..."


message 3: by Owen (last edited Mar 06, 2016 07:12AM) (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments Thanks Martin!

The plot points issue is a tough one. Our feeling is that the probably don't? As for the content warning, we have added one in the past, but as it doesn't form part of the blurb proper, I didn't include it here.

Some of our characters have at times felt like they got "bent over" -- they are none to happy about it. ;-)

We have an email into Createspace on the boxed set question. Right now, we are preparing the Kindle edition as we wait to hear back.


message 4: by Christina (last edited Mar 06, 2016 09:20AM) (new)

Christina McMullen (cmcmullen) I would suggest changing 'come of age' to 'grow up too fast' or something with a similarly sinister connotation that is definitely not YA.

Other than that, you've got a solid formula. Most people will stop after the intro blurb and pick it up, whereas those who want more info can read each separate synopsis. I like it!


message 5: by Owen (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments Christina wrote: "I would suggest changing 'come of age' to 'grow up too fast' or something with a similarly sinister connotation that is definitely not YA.

Other than that, you've got a solid formula. Most people..."


That's a good thought. "Coming of age" does have a different feeling and, to some, a different connotation.


message 6: by Owen (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments Martin wrote: "Another question: How does Createspace support Box Sets? "

Heard back from Createspace on the Box Sets question. The short answer is that they don't.


message 7: by Owen (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments Here are the current changes based on feedback:

Abandoned and enslaved as a child, Loralynn Kennakris lost everything, even her name. As a young woman, she’s fighting to get back what they took from her . . . although that may not be what she believes it is.

Welcome to the story of an extraordinary young woman forced to grow up too fast while looking death in the eye. This collection of the first three books in the Loralynn Kennakris series contains over 1000 pages of thought-provoking science-fiction adventure unlike any you have ever read. Inside are the following:
...


message 8: by G.G. (new)

G.G. (ggatcheson) | 2491 comments I like the new blurb. My only concern is that until you said it was scifi, it read like a drama.

The individual blurbs had a feel of military sci fi that this one is lacking.


message 9: by Owen (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments G.G. wrote: "I like the new blurb. My only concern is that until you said it was scifi, it read like a drama.

The individual blurbs had a feel of military sci fi that this one is lacking."


Thanks G.G.! That's quite true. That first part reflects the overall arc of the series, which is subsumed into the more mil-sci-fi plot lines.


message 10: by Christina (new)

Christina McMullen (cmcmullen) It works for me. I can only hope people read it and don't skim the words 'young woman' and expect a YA, but you know you could just write a blurb of: "Death, sex, bad stuff and swearing happens in here!" and someone is still going to be shocked. ;p


message 11: by Sarah (last edited Mar 07, 2016 11:12AM) (new)

Sarah Doebereiner | 15 comments Abandoned and enslaved as a child, Loralynn Kennakris lost everything, even her name. As a young woman, she’s fighting to get back what they took from her . . . although that may not be what she believes it is.

Welcome to the story of an extraordinary young woman forced to grow up too fast while looking death in the eye. This collection of the first three books in the Loralynn Kennakris series contains over 1000 pages of thought-provoking science-fiction adventure unlike any you have ever read. Inside are the following:
...

I'm not sold on the first 'as a young woman' because the wording is so similar in the subsequent paragraph, but also because it doesn't add much to the description. I think 'now' would make it more active while still showing the passage of time.

If there is graphic content you could use a more adult phrase like 'Welcome to the story of an extraordinary young woman whose adulthood was thrust/forced upon her' for the duel meaning.


message 12: by Owen (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments Christina wrote: "It works for me. I can only hope people read it and don't skim the words 'young woman' and expect a YA, but you know you could just write a blurb of: "Death, sex, bad stuff and swearing happens in ..."

Undoubtedly some will, although that hasn't been such a problem of late. To tell the truth, I don't even know what the popular consensus is on what age range "young women" fall into these days. As far as I'm concerned, it's anyone 45 or less. ;-)

In this case the M/C is 20 to 23, and if I call her a "new adult" -- or whatever that term I just saw is? -- she's gonna hurt me bad.


message 13: by Owen (last edited Mar 07, 2016 03:49PM) (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments Sarah wrote: "m not sold on the first 'as a young woman' because the wording is so similar in the subsequent paragraph, but also because it doesn't add much to the description...."

Thanks, we overlooked that. Originally, we thought it was needed to alert people that this was not a book about teen. But things are condensed now, and the repetition is less need. "Now" does pack more punch.

You may to on to something with the adulthood angle. Maybe: "thrust/forced into adulthood while..." Will consult with my boss on that, but I think it has merit.

Thanks!


message 14: by Owen (new)

Owen O'Neill (owen_r_oneill) | 1509 comments We just pulled the trigger on this collection, and the final version of the first two paragraphs came out to be:
"Abandoned and enslaved as a child, Loralynn Kennakris lost everything, even her name. Now, she’s fighting to get back what they took from her . . . although that may not be what she believes it is.

Welcome to the story of an extraordinary young woman forced into adulthood while looking death in the eye. This collection of the first three books in the Loralynn Kennakris series contains over 1000 pages of thought-provoking science-fiction adventure unlike any you have ever read. Inside are the following: "

Thanks to everyone for your feedback!


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