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message 1: by Yadira (new)

Yadira  Denisse | 5 comments I guess I just need to vent at the moment.

I feel fat. I've been saying I need to loose weight. My doctor told me to loose 10lbs last October which I did but I got stuck. I was 30lbs overweight. I need to loose 20 more for my ideal weight and 10 to feel comfortable.

My wife had the same goal but for personal reasons. She just didn't wanna be like "one of those fat lesbian couples" so when she got tired of whining about her weight and I decided to do something she followed. She lost at least 20 lbs already and seems to be still loosing. Her pants fall off without a belt now and she could not be any happier.

Does she now think I'm too fat? I've always had issues with eating family never ate healthy so I didn't grow up in such environment. I'm from MX so my food habits are extremely different than most people. Mexican is my life.

I work an evening shift and wake up just in time to get ready and go to work. When I come home is 10pm so I just lay down to watch tv or read a book. I never do anything outside of that anymore. I mostly eat on the go. I have no desire to cook at midnight or to wake up early to cook. So I mostly eat fast food, I hate it, but when time flys by and I need food now and I'm alone there's nothing faster than that. Me being alone and feeling lonely is whole different story hat I think also supports my bad habits.

In HS I weight 90-98 lbs any given day! I was a stick!! When I went to the academy at 20 years old I was 120lbs and I felt good! I did martial arts my entire childhood and teenage years. I was in the military. In the academy, like in the military, I had to be running and athletic.

This overweight things is new for me both physically and mentally. I do not know how to handle this. I hate this social need to "be fit and healthy" I really do think that society "bullies" people that are over weight. I hate that moms tell their kids that they're fat. I hate the way my wife thinks in materialistic external ways like that and puts a higher price on the way you look. I absolutely hate it!!! But then from time to time (like right now) I feel the burn. I feel the stigma, the judgement, the fucking stares!! The comments from my family or friends looking back at my old pictures! Once my aunt who I had. It seem in a year and a half didn't recognized me. Or the comments when people see what I eat.

I cannot get the motivation to stick to a better or healthier diet. I am 28 now. I've thought of going to a therapist for this. I've been depressed before and I sense this pessimistic negative thoughts coming every time I think of this issue which then leads to my depression all over again. I am 5'2 and weight 145 at the moment. I'm not obese or anything but I am also not the eyes of society or whatever. Right now I feel horrible for eating a whole 8oz steak with 1.5 tortillas and half a bag of chips with salsa that I ordered in from a restaurant. I think I'm mostly depress now because I had to do this alone. I've been trying to find someone to talk to and I cannot think of anyone I can actually text and vent with about my true feelings that is not going to judge me for heating so bad and being so unhealthy.

I'm hating myself even though I shouldn't. This is the pessimistic thoughts that cross my mind and guide my depression.

message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

You can talk to me. I don't judge anyone. I've got no right. Everyone has imperfections and issues they face. I always try to just listen to people and talk to them. It's up to you. I'll listen though.

message 3: by Yadira (new)

Yadira  Denisse | 5 comments Artemis wrote: "You can talk to me. I don't judge anyone. I've got no right. Everyone has imperfections and issues they face. I always try to just listen to people and talk to them. It's up to you. I'll listen tho..."

Thank you Artemis!!! Well I guess I was so frustrated I really needed to vent and feel that I was not alone on that =)

So really, thank you for listening...for being there

message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

Anytime :D

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