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Brigid ✩
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Jul 22, 2009 05:21PM
Does anyone want feedback on a synopsis?
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I'm still writing mine... I can't really work on it until I finish editing. :(
i have one that i probz need help on. O.o i'll post it later.
Eck, I can't write a synopsis. Every time I try I make my book sound corny. LOL
haha same here .... i really need some feedback on mine, since i'm not sure if i wrote it correctly. i will post it in approximately a minute. lol
Here it is! please help ... ?Synopsis of Reborn
Genre: Urban fantasy
Word count: 133, 361 words
By Brigid Gorry-Hines
Seventeen-year-old Kami lives in a world that never changes. She is one of the Protectors: a group of immortal teenagers dedicated to protecting humankind from a group of rival immortals called the Destroyers. In her five hundred years as a Protector, Kami has learned to accept that the violence will never end. Still, she remains confident that she and the Protectors will one day be victorious – until a single battle changes her outlook forever.
Minutes before the climatic battle breaks out, the Protectors watch their enemies approach, and notice one Destroyer girl whom they don’t recognize. Only after the mysterious Destroyer kills Kami’s brother does Kami realize that the girl is Clio: her sister, who has been missing for the past century. The shocking betrayal leaves Kami wondering what she really knows about trust.
Two months later, Kami and her friends, Ismene and Zephyr, travel into the city in search of the Reborn – the newest reincarnation of an immortal being, living in the form of a teenage human. The Reborn, in this case, is a boy named Jack. Jack leaves his home to join Kami and the other Protectors.
It isn’t long before Jack begins to show his unusual abilities. Kami’s friend Ismene, who can read minds, cannot read Jack’s mind. Furthermore, Jack discovers that he possesses rare and dangerous powers, such as the ability to make fire appear out of thin air and to summon storms at will. Scariest of all: when he uses his powers, he can’t control them.
Kami still trusts Jack, despite the frightening things he can do. However, their friendship is thrown into peril when they find out that Jack’s true, immortal spirit is Ravi: the most powerful and most evil immortal in history. Centuries ago, in a past life, Ravi tried – and nearly succeeded – to take control of the immortal world. After another Protector – Kami’s past self – killed him, his spirit disappeared, and has never been Reborn … until now. Usually, when an immortal spirit is reborn, he or she lives passively in his or her new form, only interfering in the occasional emergency. Ravi breaks this rule by attempting to take over Jack’s mind. If that wasn’t bad enough, Ravi also wants revenge on Kami’s immortal spirit for killing him.
For the next few days, Kami watches Jack struggle between his true self and the demonic spirit inside of him. Even though Kami fears Jack’s powers, she knows that Jack is scared of them, too. Jack is determined not to give in to Ravi’s powers, because Ravi wants to kill Kami. Kami trusts Jack not to hurt her, and she believes that he can win against Ravi.
Through the conflict, Jack and Kami manage to survive and to stay together, but it is far from easy. Jack’s internal struggle is not their only problem. They must also withstand the disapproval and suspicion of Ismene and Zephyr. Also, Clio begins tracking them and trying to get Jack on the Destroyers’ side. Another Destroyer group, led by an immortal named Sita, is trying to hunt down Jack and kill him.
But the greatest danger of all is Kami’s questioning of her existence. Her friendship with Jack causes her to realize that she no longer understands the battle between the Protectors and Destroyers. Furthermore, she wonders how thin the barrier is between good and evil. For the first time, she understands her own emotions, and it is because of that understanding that she makes the ultimate mistake. Because of Jack, she breaks a strict rule of the immortal world: she falls in love.
Almost as soon as Kami realizes how she feels about Jack, Jack is gravely injured and kidnapped by Destroyers, under Sita’s instructions. In a startling change of character, Clio turns to the Protectors again, and offers to lead them to Jack.
By the time they manage to get Jack out of the Destroyers’ hideout, he is already dying. But with the last of his strength, he allows Ravi to take over, and he uses Ravi’s powers to drive away the Destroyers. After that, there is one way to eliminate Ravi’s spirit from the immortal universe, and that is for Kami to kill Jack. While Kami knows that she has saved the immortal world, she vows never to forgive herself.
But Jack comes back to life, and he has a new immortal spirit: his own. For the first time in history, there is a new Protector. Fearing how other immortals will react to this drastic change, Kami, Jack, Ismene, Zephyr, and Clio isolate themselves by running away. They know that the immortal world is changing forever … and they are going to change with it.
umm any more feedback ? :] how can i make it better??
wow....uh, there were some parts that sounded not you...they didnt sound smart enough....idk, just try to edit and revise over and over, till, you get it right
define "not smart enough" ... ? can you site anything specific that i could change, please?
kk... Two months later, Kami and her friends, Ismene and Zephyr, travel into the city in search of the Reborn – the newest reincarnation of an immortal being, living in the form of a teenage human. The Reborn, in this case, is a boy named Jack. Jack leaves his home to join Kami and the other Protectors.
☺-this paragraph isnt as detailed-more specific at the end.☺
Kami still trusts Jack, despite the frightening things he can do. However, their friendship is thrown into peril when they find out that Jack’s true, immortal spirit is Ravi: the most powerful and most evil immortal in history. Centuries ago, in a past life, Ravi tried – and nearly succeeded – to take control of the immortal world. After another Protector – Kami’s past self – killed him, his spirit disappeared, and has never been Reborn … until now. Usually, when an immortal spirit is reborn, he or she lives passively in his or her new form, only interfering in the occasional emergency. Ravi breaks this rule by attempting to take over Jack’s mind. If that wasn’t bad enough, Ravi also wants revenge on Kami’s immortal spirit for killing him.
☺-i dont get it...elaborate more....the ravi being jack or the jack being ravi is confusing...the relationship between them just isnt clicking--also, why is it forbidden to fall in love?☺
okay, thanks so much! :)yeah i know it's confusing ... i don't really know how to explain it O.o lol
welll it's more feedback than i've gotten so far! lol. and i need to know how to fix it, cuz i know it's not working ><
idk....i dont remember posting that.....
sorry, i just have really bad short term memory loss
Just my opinion; again, I lack experience with this type of thing: “Kami has learned to accept that the violence will never end. Still, she remains confident that she and the Protectors will one day be victorious” This seems like a contradiction to me. Either she thinks the violence will never end or she believes they will be victorious. Frankly, the phrasing implies a bit of a cliché. Just try to describe a world accustomed to the habit of war. What details of the culture show that this is a War culture? Frankly, I think details like that throughout your synopsis might help slow things down a bit so that it’s less confusing. Tell us about specific motions, dialog, settings… things to make the piece come alive.
Hope I helped
Marise
and, technically, it will end for a bit when they die....right?
Marise wrote: "Just my opinion; again, I lack experience with this type of thing: “Kami has learned to accept that the violence will never end. Still, she remains confident that she and the Protectors will on..."
Thanks for the feedback! :)
Kirilee Fey Hycanth wrote: "and, technically, it will end for a bit when they die....right?"ahhh no they don't die exactly ... they're immortal. i mean they can die, but they come back to life every once in a while. acck i need to make it clearer. lol.
Your synopsis is very long. As they say, less is more.
True. :] haha, i'm working on it ... I just don't know how to make all the plot fit; the book itself is pretty long, too. *sigh*Well, on the bright side, one of the agents I queried asked to see my manuscript! :D
This is my snopses for The Seventh Dimension... is it good? Does it capture you're attention? Is it flawed? too long? Confusing? Please tell me :)"In a flash he was gone, having disappeared in a flare of emerald-tone lighting."
There are Seven Dimensions in the universe; each is a shadow, a reflection of earth, showing different choices and decisions, different realities in the form of dreams. The Dreamers more often known as the Somnium are people on earth who can travel between the folds and rifts in reality to go into one of these other Dimensions, they can change the present within the blink of the eye, and they can alter the future. The only downside is if they meet there counter in one of these other dimensions, they die, and are lost for eternity drifting in a form of nothingness, alone, having lost their bodies they can’t return to the Seventh Dimension, the reality.
A girl-- untrained shows up with the power of the Somnium, born from a mortal and abandoned, brandishing blue fire, baring a mark like no others. She's the newest of the Somnium, first born in the form of a mortal as they all where. Jeremiah dreams about her repeatedly, he's the one whose supposed to find her, and when he does, will she listen?
Its a world of life and death. Of colored fire and immorality. With bends and twists in reality, folds and ripples in dreams. Dimensions, all mirroring a single counter, different versions of earth, different emotions represented in each, different realities coming in the form of dreams. A life of war and killing, eternal sacrifice and lies, filled with hidden truth and danger, with forgotten pasts and love ripped in two. A story of blue fire.
ooooh-sounds interesting-but, ull have to ask brigid-im not good at this kinda stuff
Kriss wrote: "This is my snopses for The Seventh Dimension... is it good? Does it capture you're attention? Is it flawed? too long? Confusing? Please tell me :)"In a flash he was gone, having disappeared i..."
It's well writen, but I don't think it's what agents or publishers want for a synopsis. For example you ask the question 'will she listen?'. At this point, agents want you to tell them everything, including whether or not she will listen. They want to know the whole plot from beginning to end with no cliff hangers. That's not what you have here.
Sorry to sound so negative... I'm not critisizing what you wrote, just telling you what I've read on the subject.
Also, in general they expect it to take about a page (maybe a little less) for you to tell them the plot.
Marise wrote: "Kriss wrote: "This is my snopses for The Seventh Dimension... is it good? Does it capture you're attention? Is it flawed? too long? Confusing? Please tell me :)"In a flash he was gone, having..."
:) Alrighty, and you dont sound negative, actually degative is what I need because if all I ever get is: Thats great, Kriss! How can I improve?
Its for my NaNoWriMo novel, and I was wondering whether it worked well enough or not, I haven't even started the novel yet... gotta wait till november.
Why do you have to wait till november? Of course, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
Marise wrote: "Why do you have to wait till november?"The goal is to write an at least 50,000 word novel in one month, and November is the month they choose. I can't submit anything but an expert and a description and till then.
Ha! Interesting concept. Have fun! (Personally, I think I'd cry but that's just because it takes me about a year to finish 50,000 words. lol).
Hi Kriss, I sent you feedback in a "Friend request."Good luck!
Listen to JE$$IE's recordings here
Kriss wrote: "This is my snopses for The Seventh Dimension... is it good? Does it capture you're attention? Is it flawed? too long? Confusing? Please tell me :)
"In a flash he was gone, having disappeared i..."
Kriss wrote: "This is my snopses for The Seventh Dimension... is it good? Does it capture you're attention? Is it flawed? too long? Confusing? Please tell me :)
"In a flash he was gone, having disappeared i..."
drigid, what does NaNo WriMo mean agaiN?
Wow, the story sounds great! :D But you're right, it's a little choppy, and there are a few grammar issues. Firstly, synopses should be written in the present tense. Also, there are a few run-on sentences.Umm I guess I'll do this sentence by sentence ... I'll put what you wrote in italics and my suggestions in regular type, and questions/notes in double parentheses. :)
Layla wanted only two things when she moved to New York; the big picture and the great escape.
Layla only wants two things when she moves to New York: the big picture and the great escape.
((Also, could you be more specific? What "big picture"? "Great escape" from what?))
She wasn’t contended of what her little hometown had to offer or the limitations her guardians are giving her, but more of the world out there.
She isn't content with life in her small hometown or with the limitations her guardians give her, and she longs to see more of the world.
((Who are her "guardians", btw?))
The world she found though wasn’t exactly what she was expecting.
But the world she finds isn't what she expected.
When a boy who she had seen on the bus everyday for the past three months since she moved to her new life suddenly became curious about her, Layla can’t help but feel trapped, suffocated and afraid.
Three months after Layla moves into her new life, a boy on her bus suddenly becomes curious about her. Layla can't help but feel trapped and afraid.
((Is there anything particularly special about this boy? Like, is there anything unusual or mysterious about him? Is he supposed to be important? And why does Layla feel afraid – is she afraid of him?))
Especially when it happened the same morning she imagined feathers were growing from her back—or did she?
The same morning, feathers start growing on her back, and she suspects that the two incidents are connected.
((I'm assuming by "it" you mean the boy taking interest in her, but you might want to make that clearer. Also, avoid "empty questions" like "– or did she?" Just get to the point!))
A tale of hidden past—where history is more than just a lame subject, questionable identity—where your first rule was to trust no one, new worlds—when you thought the world was big, it just got bigger, and forgotten love—when real heartache hurts more than you thought it would.
Layla soon finds herself in a world where she can't trust anyone, and learns that real heartache hurts more than she ever thought it would.
(Title) is a tale of hidden past, questionable identity, new worlds, and forgotten love.
:)
Of course, this would just be a beginning to a synopsis ... When you start trying to get published, if an agent asks for a synopsis (other than the one in the query) it should typically be 1-2 pages long, and the synopsis should outline the basic beginning, middle, and end of the story. But what you have now could work in the body of a query letter, with some revisions. :)
Hope that helps! ^_^
okay, this is for my NaNo WriMo novel, please read and critique!Synopsis for ?Alien Invasion? ((temporary title-thats what the ?'s are for))
The world had changed. Aliens have invaded, destroying cities and towns, mountains and lakes, killing humans, animals, every living thing in sight. Elizabeth Robbs is just one victim. Her father died, her mother was kidnapped, and her older sister was brain washed and "reprogrammed" to work for the aliens.
Elizabeth takes her yougder brother and sister, invades her parents money stash, and goes to visit the apparently oblivious President. But the president is under mind control, and orders Elizabeth and her siblings to be found and killed. Her siblings are taken in for questioning.
Elizabeth travels home alone in grief and finds an unlikely alley; her best frind Nathan. Nathan's family is all gone, taken by the aliens. Nathan narrowly escaped by hiding in something is poisionos to aliens; water. Elizabeth and Nathan join together to try and defeat the aliens, or be killed in the process.
Kirilee,I'll give you a few pointers on writing a synopsis.
-First things first, you have to strive for absolute perfection. I understand that this is not the final version you intend to submit to an agent or publishers, but if you begin by getting all the misspellings out run on sentences out of the way, you'll have fewer things to worry about later.
-When you are writing a synopsis you have to write in the present tense. Words like "had" needs to become "has", "was" needs to become "is", and so forth.
-You should also be aware that every good synopsis has to include the end of the story. Publishers and agents don't want authors to play footsie with them or try to create suspense with the material they send. They want to know your story in its entirety. This means that your synopsis has to reveal the overall story including the most improatant plot points.
-With a glance, I can tell you that your synopsis is too short. Because of the nature of a synopsis, they usually require a greater word count than what is currently in yours. Truth be told, publishers and agents hate it when authors send them stock material. They usually have their own specific requirements about the length and content of a book submission. This means that you have to research every agent or publisher that you intend to submit your work to in order to learn what their specific requests are. Like me, they can dissect a synopsis with a single glance and tell if you have individualized your submission for them.
-One of the most important things to keep in mind when you write a synopsis is that it has to be very visual. You are telling them a condensed version of your story. Without using overly ornate or prosaic language, you have to make certain that you are not writing a treatise. Your synopsis should be exciting and make the agent or publisher want to read every word. Use very descriptive language and make sure there is lots of energy in your synopsis.
-You will also have to learn that a synopsis has to be formatted a certain way for each submission. Many agents and publisher require you to submit your synopsis with double space and a 1/12 inch quarter margin for your synopsis. Others have different requirements.
-I think one of the major problems with your query is that the theme of your book is not present. this is also something that needs to tie your synopsis together.
To sum it all up, there is a lot more you need to do to get your synopsis in submissable form, but I would rather you fix the things I have mentioned already and do a little research on what a synopsis is supposed to look like. I have included the links to a couple of websites that I think you will find useful.
I'll also see if I can dig up some of the material that I have in my files on writing a synopsis. AS soon as I find them, i will post them online for you. In the meantime, feel free to do your own research on this subject. There are many ways to write a synopsis, so you need to familairze your self with them. I'll get back to you as soon as I can with that information. But in the meantime here are those links:
How to write a synopsis:
http://www.writing-world.com/publish/...
http://www.fmwriters.com/Visionback/I...
Information about why you need an agent:
http://bit.ly/dutiu
To help you see what I mean about each agent or publisher having thier own submission standards, take a look at this publisher's Submission Guidelines:Tor Books-submission guidelines
Submitting writing to Tor
We'd have sworn our submissions guidelines covered all the necessary information, but a few questions keep turning up. Like: How much detail should there be in the synopsis? And: If the book has a prologue, does that count as one of the three sample chapters, or can the writer send the prologue plus the first three chapters? And so forth.
The answer is simple: send whatever you think is necessary and sufficient to sell the book to us. This isn't a class assignment.
The question that puzzles us the most is, "What are the odds of getting published by Tor?" That is, what is our ratio of acceptance to rejection for manuscripts in our slush pile?
Answer: for very good books, the odds are excellent. For books we don't like, the odds are abysmal. No other measurement is meaningful. If we have a month in which we don't see any manuscripts we like, we don't buy manuscripts we dislike just to keep up our acquisition rate.
If you absolutely have to have a rough estimate of our rejection rate, the answer is that we reject most of them. But look at it this way: if you don't send us your manuscript, the odds that we'll publish it approach absolute zero. It's your call.
________________________________________
The Official Tor Submissions Guidelines
Dear Writer,
Here are some good rules to follow when submitting your work to us.
1. Do not submit work on disk, tape, or other electronic media; do not submit work by email. Submissions should be sent to Tor Books, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York NY 10010.
2. Address unsolicited science fiction and fantasy submissions to Patrick Nielsen Hayden and unsolicited mainstream submissions to Melissa Singer.
3. Submit only the first three chapters of your book, and a synopsis of the entire book. (We're not big on query letters, since we can't tell whether we'll like the book until we see a chunk of the manuscript.) And please make sure you send the first three chapters. No matter how good your synopsis is, it's difficult for us to get a good sense of the book from chapters 4, 17, and 32.
4. Your cover letter should state the genre of the submission, and previous sales or publications if relevant.
5. Never send us the only copy of your book. The U.S. Post Office is no more perfect than the rest of us, and things do get lost in the mail. Always put your name and address on the manuscript. In addition, your name, the manuscript title, and the page number should appear on every page of the manuscript. If you wish your manuscript to be returned, enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope large enough to hold your submission; publishers are not responsible for returning submissions unaccompanied by return postage. If you do not wish your manuscript to be returned, please say so on the cover letter, and enclose a stamped, self-addressed, business-sized envelope for our reply. If you enclose a stamped, self-addressed postcard, we will return it to verify receipt of the manuscript.
6. Type your manuscript on plain white paper, double-spaced, using only one side of the page. Do not staple or otherwise bind your manuscript; a paper clip will suffice. If you use a computer and printer, do not submit low-resolution dot matrix printouts; they will not be read. Please do not use a fancy font (this is almost as difficult to read as the palest dot-matrix), and please make sure you use a font large enough to read easily. Please turn off margin justification and proportional spacing; pages with ragged right margins are easier for us to read, and easier for our production department to set.
7. Please indicate italics by underlining and indicate boldface by drawing a wavy line beneath the affected characters. Copy to be typeset needs to be marked in very specific ways, and if you use italics or boldface in the manuscript, they will still need to be marked up by production.
8. Please allow at least four to six months for your manuscript to be considered. If you haven't heard from us after four months, and wish to make sure your manuscript got here, please write a letter stating the genre, the date of submission, and the title of the manuscript, rather than calling. We will respond promptly.
9. We do not accept simultaneous submissions.
Good luck!
well, technically, mine isnt really a synopsis....its more like a teaser...something that goes on the back of the book or the inside cover
Kirlee,I guess I was confused by your language. A synopsis is simply a condensed version of your story which is often submitted to an agent or publisher in the hopes of landing a book deal. What you are referring to is what we call a pitch or blurb. In that case, what you posted above for NaNoWriMo is much more appropriate for a blurb or pitch. But I would suggest that you try to tighten it up even more and make it read with a little more intensity. My suggestion to you is to take a look at the blurbs on the back of a DVD/VHS box or novel and try to mimic what you see there. It will give you a pretty good example of how to write a blurb.
well, the thing is, i dont really know exactly what is going to happen--that was just a rough draft for until i finish((or try to))the book at the end of november--im still trying to work out the kinks in the plot and all that
That's okay. At least you've already given yourself a running start. The beautiful thing about writing a blurb or synopsis before your book is complete is that it serves as an outline to help guide you in the writing process. So as far as I'm concerned, you're on the right track. ;)
thanks--and fyi i finished chapter 2 of fire touched, if you want to take a look and give feedback ☺
No problem, Caitlan. I'll be sure to check out the new chapter and let you know what I think.BTW, I've noticed I keep calling you by 3 different names. What would you prefer I call you? Caitlan, Cat, or Kirilee?
um i dont really care, thought i would prefer kirilee or kat
