My first flash short

[Jennifer]

Hi everyone,

I have just starting writing fiction. I am taking a creative writing course online and posted my flash story. It is about a couple discussing an unexpected event. It was for a unit on Dialogue.

please check it out and let me know what you think.

http://www.genuinejenn.com/2016/01/sh...

Thanks!

[Iesha (In east shade house at...)]

For me, it was predictable after reading Miranda coming out the bathroom. Other than that, your dialogue was natural and good for the scene. However, if this is their first child, I can't help, but feel Brad lacked emotions. Was he happy Miranda was pregnant, secretly or was he shocked but hiding it behind caring words he knew Miranda wanted to hear?

[Jennifer]

Iesha (In east shade house at...) wrote: "For me, it was predictable after reading Miranda coming out the bathroom. Other than that, your dialogue was natural and good for the scene. However, if this is their first child, i can't help, but..."

Thanks, I have been thinking of turning it into a short or a novella. They are young, maybe 21 and yes, this is their first child. Ben is being caring, but I feel he will be more nervous than he lets on.

[Iesha (In east shade house at...)]

Jennifer wrote: "Iesha (In east shade house at...) wrote: "For me, it was predictable after reading Miranda coming out the bathroom. Other than that, your dialogue was natural and good for the scene. However, if th..."

You should turn it into a novella. I'm curious as to where the story will take off if the piece I read was the beginning.

[Jennifer]

Iesha (In east shade house at...) wrote: "Jennifer wrote: "Iesha (In east shade house at...) wrote: "For me, it was predictable after reading Miranda coming out the bathroom. Other than that, your dialogue was natural and good for the scen..."

I am sure I could run with that being the beginning, or very close to it. Thanks!