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Why did YOU become a feminist?
Hi! I'm Calli, I'm 19 and live in England. I'm really glad to have found this book club, I can't wait to see how it develops. I hope you all have a lovely day.
Hey there, my name is Tim, 29 year old male in the US, and while I'm not proud at all about my story of truly realizing a feminist perspective, there actually is a precise moment in time that ignited it. I thought I could share my story to demonstrate just how deeply patriarchal constructs penetrate the subconscious of all people, and hold men hostage too.My story centers around a girl (don't they all?). An intelligent, lovely, militant feminist and vegan who was a close friend before we grew to love each other. The women in my family are all very strong, successful, and amazing, so I always knew to treat women as equals and with respect. She taught me a lot more about the women's rights movement and contemporary struggles against patriarchy. I understood it and went right along with it. It's easy to intellectualize the idea that of course men and women are equal; it's a simple concept and not very difficult to understand.
Over the course of our relationship, we experimented with seeing other people as a way for us both to explore our equal freedom. I had plenty of misgivings about this at first, feelings in my gut that I intellectualized away by reminding myself that I believed in her right to choose what to do with her mind and body whenever she wanted, just as much as I wanted the same freedom for myself. Practicing an amateur version of polyamory was difficult though, as some very deeply-hidden subconscious programming rose to the surface over time. I slowly felt myself becoming jealous, possessive, and controlling of her actions, even though my conscious mind celebrated our idea to see other people and still love each other.
Those hidden resentments came to a head at a music festival in San Francisco. You might imagine there was a strain on our relationship given my increasing jealousy, and we weren't having as good of a time together as we had hoped. One day at the festival, we split up to catch different sets and agreed to meet again for the final set of the night. When she didn't show up, I figured that the crowd was too big and too loud for us to try to find each other, and hoped she would just enjoy herself until we met up afterward.
When I couldn't find her and she wasn't answering, I grew concerned. When she finally answered, incoherent and slurring her speech, she told me she didn't know where she was and that she was with some guy. I panicked. I thought someone had drugged her and taken advantage of her, and worst of all I had to talk to this guy on her phone to find them because she was vomiting and had no idea what was going on around her. Still panicking, I finally managed to find them. I took her and her phone from the guy and told him to walk away. He didn't at first, and my panic turned to anger at his blatant disregard for his actions or her well-being. I pushed him away, putting as much distance as I could between them. When he actually charged at me, I hit him in the face and grappled with him for a bit. He ended up walking away, and my heart was pounding with rage and fear and adrenaline.
I walked back to check on her. I had to hold her steady by her shoulders to keep her upright. As we began to walk away, side-by-side with me supporting her, she asked why I did that because "he was such a nice guy". My heart, still racing from panicking and fighting, turned to stone in my chest. She had chosen to go with him. I asked her as much, and got a snarky answer in reply. It was the scorn in her voice that sent me out of my body. My hand that was reaching across her back to support her by the shoulder cocked back and snapped forward across her cheek. I hit her, and then I fell apart.
I had never done that before. It was against everything I believed in my conscious mind, against everything that I had intellectualized about feminism. She hated me with every fiber of her being after that, and I couldn't blame her. I was left to pick up the pieces of who I thought I was and retreated into self-loathing for a time. I had to figure out WHY I did what I had done, WHAT it was in me that reared its ugly head that night.
Interestingly enough, I found my answer in the introductory chapters of The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, a guide to polyamorous relationships whose logic is built on feminism. The authors deftly explain how we are subconsciously programmed by patriarchal society to align with a certain set of (often sexist) beliefs, and that these "tapes" that play all throughout our childhood and upbringing through media, advertising, parents, teachers/mentors, and nearly everything else in society that supports this construct. Here was the cause of my hidden, subconscious jealousy and possessiveness. I have been told my entire life, in one way or another, how men are supposed to behave and feel about "their women" and the actions they take. The authors also empower the reader to realize that, even within society, we are free to choose which constructs with which we will engage, and also that we are free to erase and re-record over our subconscious "tapes" to create the life we want. It was almost painfully liberating. I saw how limited my perspective was as a result of patriarchal societal constructs, even though I had intellectually supported feminist ideals in my conscious mind. I saw how much they had hurt me, and how they had very dearly cost me. Since then, I have been exercising mindfulness of my subconscious thoughts and feelings, making sure that they are in line with what I believe is truth.
I have only told this story to my very closest friends because I am still ashamed of my actions so many years later. However, I think it's important example of how men can also happen to be the victim of the patriarchal constructs which they often support, whether they are aware of it or not. I hope others can find some kind of truth in my example, and use it to create a more loving and accepting world.
P.S. Sorry this is so long! I don't think I've written out the whole story before.
I am Sara from North Carolina. I'm 19 and a college student studying Sustainable Hospitality and Tourism. I became a feminist because I am the youngest child with all male siblings. Yes...that means I was and apparently always will be the "baby girl." Growing up, I always admired my older brothers. I always wanted to do all the things they did. My dad did many things with only them. My dad would take them hunting, four wheeling, fishing, paint balling, and many other activities. I would ask my dad if I was allowed to come and the answer was always no because I was the "baby girl" and no one could risk anything happening to me. I was also constantly scolded because I rarely acted "lady like" and I never had the right image of a respectable woman (I have never been skinny). My father and grandmother would scold my mother for failing at teaching me how to be a lady. This ALWAYS infuriated me and I never knew why but my family always just said I was acting like a brat because I didn't get my way or that I needed to learn how to be more lady like. Now I know because even at a young age I knew it was unfair and wrong.
Today I am a feminist because the treatment of women around the world is appalling. The attitude and practice of bringing down women in the world has been so normal that even my mother, who is a highly accomplished and respected business woman saw treating me like I was different from my brothers was okay as a child.
I am IN LOVE with the book we're reading this month. Gloria Steinem is a new role model of mine.
Hi, I´m Beatriz. I started to feel this vocation of being a feminist since i was a little girl. In that time, I already felt a kind of discrimination of being a girl. That happened mainly in situations that envolved me and my brother. And i always thought "why am i different of him? why do i must do certain things just because i am a girl? Am i doing something wrong?" I think that we must fight for what we believe. I believe that men and women must have the same opportunities and rights and i will always fight for it.
Mod
Then, I became a teenager, and I started going out late at night. And I would be so angry with my mother sometimes. She was insistent that I should never go back home alone, which meant that I should ask my male friends to go with me, or else I had to take a taxi, to which I also had to walk in the company of someone else. Under no circumstances should I ever find myself alone, at night, in the street. To me, my mother was obnoxious and conservative - wasn't I worth of her trust? Wasn't I a responsible girl? Her old-fashioned ideas meant that I was mocked by all of my friends, who often refused to go with me all the way down, 'because you live in a safe area and you're a scaredy cat.'
Fast forward some three or four years, when I started paying attention to the photographs of missing girls my age or younger in the news, their bodies being found somewhere. The abuse, the violence, the cruelty - just because somebody could do whatever they wanted to them, and so they did. I realised then that my mother was nor conservative nor obnoxious (well, maybe just a little bit LOL). She wanted to protect me because, in fact, alone at night I was not the same as my brother, as I would often complain. I was vulnerable.
In retrospective, I think this caused something deep down inside myself to wake up. Perhaps it was just a seed, or the echo of that vague notion of equality from my childhood days suddenly being contested in my daily life, for the first time. I don't know what it was exactly, but that was my wake-up call. Maybe it was a silly one, compared to some of your stories. But it was mine nonetheless.
Later on, some of my readings further helped to develop that seedling within me. I started to talk to some of my closest friends about some of these issues and often found that while we basically defended the same, they seemed to reject rather disdainfully any link with feminism because...well, because...
'Feminists, you know.'
What is it that we know exactly?
Later on, I have met some other people who, much to my surprise, were fully on board with the whole notion and would engage in a conversation about it. And then, I guess, voilà. I fully came out of the closet and now, hear me roar y'all, I am a feminist. :)
My experience has been very like Lynda's. I was the eldest girl in an Irish Catholic family. My parents were working poor and I grew up in London during the fight by women for equal rights which came about at the same time as working men were striking for higher pay. In the early 80's I joined the women's peace movement and my eyes were opened to intellectual feminism. I read The Women's Room, A Room of One's Own, The Second Sex, The Handmaid's Tale, The Bell Jar. I discovered Andrea Dworkin, Angela Y Davis, Kate Chopin, Judith Butler and Germaine Greer. I didn't agree with everything I read but they made me think and see the rigged system that women dealt with every day. It's easier now for women like my daughter who was born in 1993 and has never thought there was anything she couldn't do just because she's a female. But it's still there, the patriarchal oppression - it's just more subtle and interwoven with fashion, religion, the cult of celebrity. It warms my heart to see so many young people working for equality for all. This was all we have ever wanted and the only shame is that it's taking so long.
I became a feminist because when I was younger I was always told by my mom that since I am in upper level math classes I will always be surrounded by guys and not women. guys will dominate most of my classes. For most of my classes that is true to this day and I find it completely unfair. What makes it that only some women are in these classes? It shouldn't be this way. I know women may not want to take it but it's not like they are being encouraged to take these classes like men are. Furthermore, there has been tiny yet powerful discrepancies growing up along with boys and they made me feel as a girl inferior to them. That is when I decided I was a feminist because it shouldn't be like that women should be equal to men; men should be equal to women. That should be the end of the story, but it is not. And I hope I can contribute into working to fix that.
Edit: I'm sorry for the length! I rambled on a bit, sorry!I am a feminist and my mom raised me as such. She is one of the wonderful examples in my life that women can be anything they want to be, and achieve a great deal, and still be women. They can have trouble with emotions, not like fashion, be independent, have a logic-focused scientific mind, succeed in science, and be an instrumental part in history. They can also be emotional, sensitive, like fashion and makeup, be a stay-at-home mother, and succeed in the personal-based fields. Especially anything in between or that doesn't fit those things at all. Do and be and feel and express yourself in any way you want - and still be a woman. I grew up thinking of women as powerful, individualized, amazing, and diverse - also way more relatable than a lot of the ways men are pressured to behave due to the toxic masculinity while growing up.
My mom is an aerospace engineer and worked on the Saturn V rocket along with others, and was instrumental in it getting off the ground in the first place. She served in the Air Force, and met my dad there too. He's also an engineer and works today designing parachutes for the army. My mom moved to being a stay-at-home mom when she had to battle the school system to figure out what would be the best way to raise her hard of hearing child (me). There are no other hard of hearing people in my family (aside from those with failing hearing at very old age), so she had to learn a whole new language (American Sign Language) to make sure I still had language growing up even when I couldn't hear, to get hearing aides for me, and find a good preschool (Cchat School) that would help me learn to hear, talk, and fit in with the mainstream kids in upcoming Kindergarten. I've been mainstreamed ever since until 9th Grade when I needed to drop out due to increasing health issues making it hard to keep up. However, she has been the strongest advocate in my life for life-long learning, the importance and help of coping mechanisms, how to be my own advocate and take my needed equipment and disability access into my own hands. She still encourages me in my dreams even if my original future plans have to be set aside for ones that I can actually do (due to slow-progressive health issues).
If that's not enough, my mother's sister, my Aunt is a graphic designer and designed the artwork ads for the Skylander game among other video games and amusement park rides, and is a total geek and nerd and die-hard lover of Star Wars and Star Trek and anything "creepy" or "cool" in the horror and sci-fi genres. My other Aunt [who married in] is a well-known architect like her husband, and very good at what she does and still loves all the so-called "girly" stuff without any apologies. My grandma [mom's mother] had trained to be a Kindergarten teacher but had to give it up when she married my grandpa (It was a different era :( ), and helped with the Boy Scouts troop, travelled, and started the now-decades old tradition of craft day one Saturday a month at the local library [where there were a lot of people of color living there] to encourage attendance in the library and to help the kids make things for themselves and their family as well as simply to have fun creating art. By the time she died (R.I.P.) she had second and even third generation kids coming in whose parents and grandparents knew her and had made art under her loving attention and guidance.
So in that way, I was never not a feminist and grew up in a very supportive family (my mother's side at the least) who all helped and encouraged each other with love and firmly believed everybody - no matter their gender - could do whatever they wanted to do and set their minds to. That still sticks with me today even as I am setting out on hormone therapy and have transitioned from woman to man. I only came out as a transman at age of 18 yrs (I'm 21 now) when I was fully convinced after years of tentative experimentation that I am a man at heart not a woman. An effeminate gay man yes, but still a man.
Part of what kept me from realizing earlier than that (only a part though), was the thought that you could be any way possible, feel and express yourself anyway you like, like all sorts of things even if its not "standard" and still call yourself a woman. So I just overlooked all the things that might've been clues until something so great finally snapped me out of it and forced me to realize that I'm actually a man at heart, even if I was not born the same way as most men. It might sound bad to some people but I don't think of it as such, rather the opposite. I simply believed so much that you can be anything and any way you want and still be a woman if you identify as a woman, so I didn't notice it for so long while growing up. :) I take that same belief now as a man, that you can be anything and any way you want (yes even "sissy" and "girly") and still be a man if you identify as a man. Hell, I believe that thoroughly for any gender people are and have and identify as and even wish to be. If it feels right to you, then you ARE that gender, full stop. :D
However, I grew up as a girl and then a woman, so I KNOW first hand how much that discrimination and sexism sucks. I'm still having to remove a lot of damaging programing (like "take up less space, speak quietly and softly, give way before others, the happiness of others is worth far more than your own happiness, sacrifice your happiness for others, give your all in relationships, its vitally important to 'get a man,' listen don't talk, don't be a burden on others, cook and clean and keep house for your man, mandatory child birth and child rearing, bust your body trying to succeed in both career and family but if it should come to one or the other ALWAYS choose the family, should be skinny and fit in small jeans sizes, don't do well in math, go into the humanities not the sciences, etc. etc. etc. etc." all that B.S.) Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
Not to say any of that is BAD per say. I'd love to raise a kid of my own, and due to my health issues I probably will not be an active breadwinner of the family, and would stay home most of the time. I love art and writing and the creative sides, I know how to cook and clean, and my dream future is to putter around the house and take care of my cats and garden and be all relaxing like that. It's just when every woman is told to aspire or to do those things regardless if it comes naturally for them, that it's bad and damaging and I'd like to stop that! Not everyone can be or even want to be nurturing or have kids. Hell, I ended up having to teach my mom how to deal with emotions when I was past Middle School because I refused to close my emotions back like my engineering parents did, and wanted to fully express them and give them, along with intuition, the respect and validation they deserved alongside logic and reason.
Just some of the MANY reasons I am working tirelessly for equality and get so damn happy when I see the changes in even just a generation let alone 50 years ago! GO US! Yaaay! My favorite songs of late are "Sister Suffragette" from Mary Poppins, "Salute" by Little Mix, "Gunpowder and Lead" by Miranda Lambert, "Miss Independent" by Ne-Yo, "Never Underestimate a Girl" by Vanessa Hudgens, and "Honey I'm Home" by Shania Twain. I don't forget my roots. :)
sandy here-Chicago suburbs, Il USA 69 years oldI was always a strong woman with a lot of opinions and a need to be taken seriously. This is what I thought it meant to be a feminist...that I would stand my ground and not take any crap.
And of course, this is an element of feminist thought, that we must be strong and able to stand up for our needs and wants.
But I did not understand feminism as I do today and I did not understand the difference between being powerful and being empowered. Once I understood "empowerment", all else fell into place...not necessarily as I would wish it to be but as I exist within what is. I can not change others...only myself and my interaction with others and by so doing, I change others. Funny little conundrum.
But the most important thing, for me, has been to understand Patriarchy and how patriarchy overtly and very very subtly diminishes the role of women (and consequently men) in the world order.
As a woman of another era, I also stand her with 20/20 hindsight...hopefully a mirror for the younger feminists to not forget from where we have come so that we will not go back. It is oh so easy to go backwards, in complicity, and not realize that we haven't always grabbed a new coin, we have simply flipped the old one.
Watch a movie called "Afghan Star" to see where women once were in Afghanistan. Oh so easy to slide backwards if our eyes are not completely open.
I beg of you...read and learn about patriarchy. Men are not the enemy...patriarchy is.
Hi, I'm Layna and I'm 14 years old. I've always been around strong women in my life (my mother, aunt and grandma are all feminists and incredible women) so I grew up in am environment where the principles of feminism were taught as a core belief. However, I became a feminist after witnessing unfair treatment of girls in my school system. I have been in the advanced classes through out my entire schooling, I remember being confused why the boys in my class made fun of my very geeky self. I was called bossy for taking charge with projects. When I went to middle school, I was appalled to see that gay was an insult and suddenly girls were just objects to the boys in my grade. I decided I was a feminist. I went on the Internet and read dozens of articles on feminism, I fell in love with somewhat basic concept of equality.
When I traveled outside of my small town and went to major cities, I noted the poverty that I saw. I noted that it was mainly WOC that were less fortunate. I had the huge urge to change things. To make people happy and equal.
I started spreading the word about feminism. This is hard when you are a teenager, people don't take you seriously. So naturally, my activism takes place mostly online but I try to make change when I can in my daily life. Simple things; correcting pronouns, educating ignorant white boys, standing up to unfair dress codes, etc. I'm quite proud to be a feminist, the world is so amazing and beautiful, let's make it more beautiful by creating a safe and equal earth for all.
Hi, I'm Layna and I'm 14 years old. I've always been around strong women in my life (my mother, aunt and grandma are all feminists and incredible women) so I grew up in am environment where the principles of feminism were taught as a core belief. However, I became a feminist after witnessing unfair treatment of girls in my school system. I have been in the advanced classes through out my entire schooling, I remember being confused why the boys in my class made fun of my very geeky self. I was called bossy for taking charge with projects. When I went to middle school, I was appalled to see that gay was an insult and suddenly girls were just objects to the boys in my grade. I decided I was a feminist. I went on the Internet and read dozens of articles on feminism, I fell in love with somewhat basic concept of equality.
When I traveled outside of my small town and went to major cities, I noted the poverty that I saw. I noted that it was mainly WOC that were less fortunate. I had the huge urge to change things. To make people happy and equal.
I started spreading the word about feminism. This is hard when you are a teenager, people don't take you seriously. So naturally, my activism takes place mostly online but I try to make change when I can in my daily life. Simple things; correcting pronouns, educating ignorant white boys, standing up to unfair dress codes, etc. I'm quite proud to be a feminist, the world is so amazing and beautiful, let's make it more beautiful by creating a safe and equal earth for all.
I became a Feminist when I was in the 8th grade. I had always been an avid reader who would look up random subjects that grabbed my interest and then read everything I could find about them in the library. That year, I had recently read a book about the history of women's suffrage in the United States, and I wondered why I had never learned about it at school. Then I began to wonder about all of the other bits of history involving women that were missing from my formal education. At some point, I stumbled across several books by and about Feminism and decided then and there that I am a Feminist. It's often been difficult, but I've never regretted it.
I can't ever recall deciding to be feminist. From the time I was a small child, I was very "rah rah girl power" (I was a small child in the 90s). I had a very acute sense of right and wrong, and that tied into how people were treated based on gender. As I aged, I began to care about different things more strongly. With every new thing I learned, I cared about something new. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn.
I'm a very different person as a feminist then I was ten years ago, five years ago, or even one year ago. But that isn't because I wasn't a feminist ten years ago, it's because I keep learning and growing.
I don't even recall the first time I called myself a feminist. I remember hesitating as a child because there was this perception of feminists as being angry women who didn't like having doors held for them. I remember calling myself one despite this and eventually getting over that perception. I can't remember the first time I called myself one though.
Basically, I never really decided to become one. It's been something that's been part of me since childhood. I hope that if I ever have children, they will be feminists as little ones too.
Sandy 69 yrs oldIt's like Michelangelo said about sculpting:
I was always a feminist. I just had to chip away at the layers of patriarchy until I could see it and it took shape.
I believe I started to think about these things when I saw how my family treated each other. I have two brothers older than me who are married and each have two children. One of the brothers was treating his wife in a way I couldn't understand at the time I was too young. Now I look back and feel outraged that he was and still is treating her in a way that makes me believe him to not be a feminist. I also saw how my mother relied heavily on my father, now that he has passed she is unable to function in the day to day and often calls frantic needing help. Over the past few years I have thought on how I've been treated in life and see some issues regarding gender equality throughout and so I'm now looking to change this, to educate myself in feminism and stand up for my beliefs.
Sandy wrote: "Sandy 69 yrs oldIt's like Michelangelo said about sculpting:
I was always a feminist. I just had to chip away at the layers of patriarchy until I could see it and it took shape."
I'll second that! <3
I think I've always been a feminist, more or less conditionned by gender stereotypes. When I was young I was always with the "boys" because I thought girls were stupid and loving pink (I was in the blue team). I remember my mother who didn't want me to were jogging because "I was not a boy" or judging the clothes of other women and saying it was "calling for rape". Then I had to abort, then I realised that all my relationship with men were a bit abusive (even if them didn't know they were abusive too, it just "was like that" and there was nothing more to be said). I realised when I moved to the capital (Paris) (I'm french, so I'm sorry if my english is not perfect ^.^') that I was afraid to say "No" because I didn't think I had the right to do so and even if I had said "No" many times, no one was listening (men) because I was a woman and "they knew I wanted it". I didn't have the right to think I could be clever (this changed when I was accepted in the best school of literature of France and moved to Paris. I remember how stunned I was to be accepted in that school when a lot of teachers in highschool, even if I was really good, told me I wasn't gonna do anything of my life).
I met, after all those stories (stories that still haunt me today, I'm so ashamed of myself and angry too), a wonderful man who is a real feminist and egalitarist. He really opened my mind to a lot of new things, especially to cultures of Middle East. I really think discussing with him and his friends (women) really released me and from that moment (around 3 years ago) I started to read a lot of articles and to "build" my critical mind. It was like an addiction and for every kind of topics, I realised I wans't just a naive child but a human being who needed her rights but also a part of the very lucky class of "white and quite rich people" and so I had to try not to be a jerk towards anyone, help as much as I can and realise how lucky I was compared to so many people =)
Hi my name is Libby, I am a New Zealander who is now living in Australia.I don't think I became a feminist, instead I feel that it has always been a part of me. Growing up in New Zealand I was always lucky that when I looked at a $10 note there was Kate Sheppard staring right back at me. For those of you who do not know, New Zealand was the first country that allowed women to vote. I remember when I was old enough I would look up her name in an encyclopaedia and read about what she and other New Zealand women had done and thought well doesn't it just make sense for women to be treated equally. This sudden sense made me start to see the world in a different light.
It wasn't until I was then in my last year of high school working on a big history report that I was allowed to pick my own topic from a list provided, the topic I picked was Women's suffrage in the US. I started to feel more passionately about believing in the word feminism and what it's true meaning is.
It wasn't until I attended a coupe of lunches last year that were hosted by different groups (one was Women in Media the other was helping to get more women on Boards) that I started to feel more passionate about being a feminist again. I feel it was hidden within me but hearing these women speak made me realise it is time to embrace what has always been a strong belief of mine.
I'm still learning everyday about feminism and I think it is a part of me that will help me grow but also grow along with me as I learn and live.
I didn't particularly become a feminist (for I unintentionally cringe at any type of labeling) but in a way I think I'm a feminist because I believe women have proven throughout the years that they're very efficient at tasks that have been initially male dominated eg. military, sports, journalism...Feminism is happening weather some people like it or not. It's happening because it's happening. And you can't kill an idea once it's established. Then why is it that we find people who are anti feminism? In well developed countries I think this refusal is just a product of misjudgment and boredom (some people would disagree just for the sake of it)... Now in less developed countries, the prohibition of the idea of feminism is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.. I'm not saying that domestic violence or refusing women the right to learn and work and even drive a car is specifically found in 3rd world countries... These mistreatments happen everywhere but we can't disregard the fact that they're a more HUGE issue in less developed countries.
I think becoming a feminism or at least acknowledging the struggles women face everywhere is the least we can do to actually solve those issue..
And remember YOU CAN'T KILL AN IDEA
So, I think somehow I've been a feminist since ever.. Even when I was just a kid I always questioned about so many that bothered me. But i think that seeing my father almost beating my mother was the exactly moment that I realized that something was really wrong. Since then I've been searching, studying, talking a lot about feminist and trying to show everybody else how much important it is for all of us!
I am a feminist for many reasons, I think learning more about it in university really opened my eyes- started getting more involved during that time and I remember one turning point was seeing Carlos Andres Gomez perform at a poetry slam, it actually brought me to tears. An amazing way to show that feminism is not "man-hating" and that it is to our mutual advantage. I suggest checking him out on YouTube! Distinctly beautiful is my favorite.
Hi, my name is Liz and I am 22 years old.I was raised by a single mother. She had a household, a fulltime job and raised my brother and me, all at the same time. She never needed a man's help, did everything by herself. She's the perfect example of a strong woman and therefore she has always been my rolemodel. That's also the reason I grew up knowing I am just as valuable as a man. I love her for that. As I got older I started to see that women are treated differently than men. Emma's speech for the UN really opened my eyes to the inequality between men and women. I learned that when I will start working next year, I probably will be paid less than a man doing the exact same work. People expect me to give up my (futur) career to take care of the (futur) kids. I am 'supposed to' do the cooking and cleaning just because I am a woman. These things make me really angry. I want to chase my dreams, do what I want and not be held back because of my gender.
Hearing Emma speak up about genderinequality made me realise that I am a feminist. I have always been, I just didn't really know there was a word for it.
I think I have always been a feminist but I didn't really call myself one until I read about it. I always tried to point out how unfair my parents were being allowing my brother all the freedom in the world and treating my brother better than my sister and I. In relationships I would speak up about the sexism but I wasn't very good at it until I took a women's studies class, then I felt more empowered because people weren't able to gaslight me about it anymore, I knew for sure I was not just imagining women's oppression. I am so glad there are classes available, it would be nice to have feminist classes start in elementary school instead of University.
Hello, I am primarily here because I want to share my experiences with others.About me: I am not a 'blank slate' and have had a lot to contend with. Maybe I'll find people here who are doing similar.
Becoming a mother to a boy is what made me become a feminist. I know that sounds a little backwards, but as I was pregnant I really began to notice all the things out there designed to keep women down. One of the little things that has stuck with me as one of the main reasons my veiws turned more feminist was a shirt that I saw a girl wearing one day that said "Act like a lady, think like a Boss." I hate the message that it sends saying that women aren't bosses or can't be in charge unless it is secretly because we have to project that "feminine vibe" (whatever that is) so that we don't intimidate others. I don't know why the slogan is the thing that really set me down the feminist path, but it is. And I knew after I saw it, that I didn't want my son to grow up thinking that women can't be strong and powerful, or that their personalities and voices should be kept quiet. I want my son to know that women are just as capable and deserving as men are to anything it is that the desire, be it positions of power, equal pay, basic respect, etc... Just as all men are capable of doing things that are traditionally seen as more of a "feminine" role and also deserve equal respect and pay in fields that are more female based.Basically I am a feminist because I want my son to know that everyone deserves to be viewed and treated equally regardless of gender.
I only started thinking of myself as a feminist quite recently. I grew up in a small village where nobody ever made me feel like I had disadvantages because of my gender. My elemantary school teachers where supportive of me and all of my classmates (no matter if male or female) and pushed all of us to do our best, so we could obtain the best possible education. In PE we all not only jumped rope together but also played soccer together and weren't even aware that is not always the case. Now I know that this is not always the treatment girls get and I am more aware of how thankful I have to be for all of my opportunities. My highschool was an all-girls-school. So I can't say that experienced gender-based disadvantages there either. I guess you could say that my only sister and I have grown up in a very privileged, safe and sheltered environment.
That is probably part of the reason why I was so oblivious to the gender issues going on in the world (which I am quite ashamed of). It was only when I went to college that I started researching the topic and I was completely shocked. Not only was I shocked by the mistreatment people have to face because of something they have absolutely no influence on, but also by the fact that I had no idea about all of this. As I am only 21 by now you could say that I am still fairly new to the topic of feminism but I have become very passionate about it and I'm very exited to learn more about it through this group. It's amazing to read all of your stories and be inspired by all the strong women in this community.
Colten, 24 years oldI grew up in a small National Socialist household, I was born in Detroit and we moved to Laurens, South Carolina when I was 16. We were home schooled and taught that men was the natural breadwinner and warrior, so the woman was the natural homemaker. I never really agreed with my family and communities' positions on race, gender, or anything really and I finally left in November 2011. I currently live in Seattle. Being raised in an environment where everyone's political identity was based on racism has led me to become stridently anti-racist and believe that it is necessary to fight for human liberation in all its forms. My anti-racist activism eventually led to me getting involved in other movements including feminism.
I've increasingly been gravitating towards feminism in the last 3 years because I believe that women are the most oppressed of every oppressed group and therefore they have the capacity to unite and lead a larger movement that will address all injustice including racism, poverty, homophobia, xenophobia, anti-Semitism, ageism, and war.
As a man I think that the fight for women’s equality would guarantee everyone wins, because when those at the bottom rise up, everyone moves up with them. Working class men who are feminists know that when they fight for women's rights, they are making a stand for all the exploited--including themselves!
I think I always have been, I just didn't know it. Feminism wasn't something I ever learned about until I started doing my own research as an angry 16 year old fresh out of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. The ending of that abuse drove me to quit school as my peers were made up of mostly victim blamers and my abuser was stalking and intimidating me inside and outside of school. Although I missed out on a full junior and senior year of high school, this gave me the opportunity to learn things that school would never have taught me. With my free time I did lots of reading and educated myself on many things that I found important and interesting, intersectional feminism being one of those things.
Started with a couple of lesbian friends, solified with 2 daughters and a wife.
As some of you said (although I didn't read all the pages but only the first three and the last on, I didn't become as feminist, I was once since, well always because this is how my parents raised me. I'm very grateful (full ? Sorry english isn't my mothertongue) to have a feminist family and this is how i will raise my children as well the day I'll be having some. This said, it took me a while to use the word feminist and to say that I am one. And I am very glad that we talk about feminism more and more, i'm glad of all the work the UN are doing to make people understand how important it is that we are all equal.
Hey, I´m Jenny from Germany. And actually I really never thought about myself as being a feminist. It is just the way I see my own strength and kind of seeing the world, I guess. Yes, I also had these experiences when I was younger, like "Oh go get yourself in the kitchen" or "You´re not that good in math, you´re a girl", but I always knew, I am much more than they see and I stood up for me, for girls, for women in general. But more important, I´ve always tried to help, when I´ve seen injustice, no matter what.
Doing things somebody told you, you cannot do, is one of the most pleasures in life. It always pushes me further.
Ever since I was told to "act like a lady."
I served as a police officer for nearly 12 years. During much of that time I was the only female patrol officer in the department, despite the fact over half of the community we served was female. Women victims were often treated poorly. When I asked for assistance from our detectives on a rape case I was often asked if the rape "was a real one". Sometimes victims were blamed for becoming a victim because the clothes they wore.
When a new administration took over their sights landed on me. I tried to draw attention to their actions, but no figure of authority would pay me any attention. Finally, after years of dealing with daily harassment, I resigned - leaving the community with no female officers on patrol. I will always feel like I abandoned those women.
I'm also an adoptee. I advocate for adoptees' rights to know their cultural heritage, genetic lineage, and family medical history. Adoptees deserve the same right as all other citizens of these United States to access their original birth certificates. To know who you are and where you came from is a basic human right.
The modern adoption industry pressures women into giving up their children, making them believe it is necessary when it is not, and forces laws into place to protect adoption agencies and prevent families from reuniting in what we call the Georgia Tann legacy. They often make a handsome living doing so. These laws and practices not only seek to break familial bonds, but they can lead to devastating circumstances:
An Adoptee's Nightmare: https://youtu.be/P7bTbFohMog
Now I've earned a degree in information technology and hope to start a new career as a network engineer. I have a job interview coming up and I'm excited, but I also worry. Yet again I've chosen a field populated mostly by men. Every leader in this company is a white male. I'm concerned I will be overlooked for the position, or treated poorly if I am given the opportunity, because of my gender. Things are tight in the bible belt.
It is for these reasons and others I became a feminist.
Because the amount of violence against women worldwide is unacceptable
Hi, I'm Jess from Australia and I am a feminist and proud of it. Being at school I have heard many jokes like 'Ha a girl did better than you' and I think thats crazy and if people from the age of 14 onwards have that attitude already then what are they going to be like when they are adults. At my school many people in my year level know that I am a feminist and I cope jokes about feminism and how it is "man hating" and how feminist are "cows" and even though boys make these jokes, my female friends laugh at these. Do they not realize that by laughing at these jokes that they are encouraging these people to make more jokes and when they become adults to not treat and view women equally? There are many more reasons why I became a feminist but this is my main reason, to help close the gender gap and to help people know the true meaning of feminism.
Heyo! My name is Justin (Just refer to me as Lim) and I am Australian. I wouldnt define myself as a feminist, as I believe in equal rights regarding gender, race, age, culture, sexuallity, or religion. I am 17 and I follow the code of Chivalry. I find it very agitating when hearing racist or sexist remarks towards people. I firmly believe in an Utopian society where all is equal. As Jess has pointed out above, I find these "Jokes" is you will, to be rather undermining. Why people havent closed the gender gap in this modern era yet is beyond me. Unlike most males i know, I do respect and honor women's rights, views and actions taken against this unequal society.
Hi! I'm from Syria...and I think i have always been a feminist but I didn't take it seriously until my family and I moved back to Syria and I saw how most of people look at women as the week naive creature even some women was totally convinced...and how they act when they give birth to a baby girl like some kind of disappointment and some times they really get angry like they have failed or something....with out mentioning the dozens of Prohibitions and rules that they surround the girls with since the day they were born..while giving men full freedom with no judgement and the answer that we all get when we question the validity of those rules we all get the same simple answer: because you are girls and they are boys...how obvious!! Right??So even that I'm not in position to change the world (yet)
but at least when ever this subject is under discussion I make sure that my opinion about it is crystal clear..
p.s: not all the People here are like that...just being honest
Hi! I'm from Syria...and I think i have always been a feminist but I didn't take it seriously until my family and I moved back to Syria and I saw how most of people look at women as the week naive creature even some women was totally convinced...and how they act when they give birth to a baby girl like some kind of disappointment and some times they really get angry like they have failed or something....with out mentioning the dozens of Prohibitions and rules that they surround the girls with since the day they were born..while giving men full freedom with no judgement and the answer that we all get when we question the validity of those rules we all get the same simple answer: because you are girls and they are boys...how obvious!! Right??So even that I'm not in position to change the world (yet)
but at least when ever this subject is under discussion I make sure that my opinion about it is crystal clear..
p.s: not all the People here are like that...just being honest
Hi! I'm from Syria...and I think i have always been a feminist but I didn't take it seriously until my family and I moved back to Syria and I saw how most of people look at women as the week naive creature even some women was totally convinced...and how they act when they give birth to a baby girl like some kind of disappointment and some times they really get angry like they have failed or something....with out mentioning the dozens of Prohibitions and rules that they surround the girls with since the day they were born..while giving men full freedom with no judgement and the answer that we all get when we question the validity of those rules we all get the same simple answer: because you are girls and they are boys...how obvious!! Right??So even that I'm not in position to change the world (yet)
but at least when ever this subject is under discussion I make sure that my opinion about it is crystal clear..
p.s: not all the People here are like that...just being honest
Hi! I'm from Syria...and I think i have always been a feminist but I didn't take it seriously until my family and I moved back to Syria and I saw how most of people look at women as the week naive creature even some women was totally convinced...and how they act when they give birth to a baby girl like some kind of disappointment and some times they really get angry like they have failed or something....with out mentioning the dozens of Prohibitions and rules that they surround the girls with since the day they were born..while giving men full freedom with no judgement and the answer that we all get when we question the validity of those rules we all get the same simple answer: because you are girls and they are boys...how obvious!! Right??So even that I'm not in position to change the world (yet)
but at least when ever this subject is under discussion I make sure that my opinion about it is crystal clear..
p.s: not all the People here are like that ..just being honest
This question is kind of interesting to me. I never "became" a feminist. Its been me as long as I can remember. In the second grade my mother called me her little Helen Reddy. At the time I thought she was saying "Hell and Ready." My memories of it really morphed when I realized she was calling me a feminist instead of her little devil. I didn't use the word feminist as an eight year old, but I always knew I could do anything the boys could do regardless of what someone else told me. So I guess I became a feminist as soon as the world started to treat me differently.
And as we know, that happened very very quickly
Why am I a feminist? I'm a disabled woman. Specifically, I have hydrocephalus. My neurosurgeon advised me that getting pregnant wasn't a good idea. Between this and the fact that I had issues that necessitated birth control in order to just have a regular (but still painful) cycle, I was finally able to get sterilized a few years ago. That decision was mine, and mine alone, and I'm so grateful for that.I get harassed on the street. Men tell me things like, "You're a cripple, you can't possibly have a man in your life!" (I'm engaged. Again, my choice); "I don't need your consent!" etc, etc. Fact is, I can make choices. I can say no. I can say yes. We have a long way to go, though.
I can't say that I've never NOT been a feminist. To my recollection, I've never distinguished between what a man and a woman can do (or between races, religions, etc) and I owe most of that to my mother. She's never been willing to concede that she can't do something and she's never been willing to wait on someone else to do something for her that she felt she could do herself. If she didn't know it, she taught herself. I think her influence is directly related to the type of woman I became and to my love seeing those women in literature, film, etc - those strong women who just do it, whatever it is. Growing up with that influence it's hard for me to imagine the feeling others must have when they feel they can't do something. It was never an option for me to say I can't do something because of my sex and honestly it wasn't until I was much older that I even realized people do see that as a clear distinction.
I can now say, being a part of a team in an office that is 90% male, that I do see it far more often than I thought I would. Comments directed at me that have taken away from the work that I have done and related my sex to my success. And although I know it says more about that person (and their insecurities) than it does about me, I've never just been one to let comments like that slide! Just like Gloria rights in this months book - all movements begin at the bottom and everyday experiences and education can lead to a more changed world.
I became a feminist over a span of time and didn't actually identify as one for even longer. It wasn't until I had a daughter that it really clicked with me, but I've been fighting for equality since watching the sexes be separated growing up religious or being sexually assaulted and listening to people talk me out of reporting.
I have been a feminist unconsiously for a very long time, I think. I have always been interested in women's rights but I was always afraid to lable myself as a feminist, because - unfortunately - many people still believe that it is a bad term and so did I. I just always believed that I (as a woman) was equal to a man and that notion was so natural to me that I did not see everyday sexism and discrimination.At university last year I had this amazing seminar called "Do we still need feminism?" - it's focus was on American Literature and we discussed a couple of great books. This course made me realize my strong belief in equality and it also cleared up the term of feminism/feminist, so that I'm now able to proudly call myself a feminist in public (and am also able to explain feminism with clear cut, precise but passionate words). Plus, Emma's speech at the UN definitely struck a cord with me and fuelled my passion :)
Ardit wrote: "Hello!We're all (I assume!) feminists here because we believe men and women should be equal to each other in all kinds of aspects in life.
However, I wanted to make this thread to ask if there w..."
The moment I wanted to speak up for equality, was when I had a conversation with a (not particular good) feminist. Basically, all men were evil, and no blaim could be assigned to women. All the whilst she was relentlessly unequal and discriminating against men.
The thing is, I have always had an equalist approach. Equal rights, that is. Nobody is equal, we each have our own strengths and weaknesses. combining these differences makes us a good team. And sure, some things are more likely to occur in certain genders, it is no warranty, hence there is little sense to assume so.
I like to relativate anyone's opinion to see that both gender were stereotyped, and that both genders have problems with that. And most importantly that most conflicts between people are originating from not communicating (or never having been taught how to communicate) their wishes and expectations.
I'm Lydia, and I'm 23 and I'm from Australia.
I became a feminist because I needed to. After a lifetime of being unable to respond to casual (or outright) sexist responses, questions and quips, I needed to reply.
I became a feminist because a young man in a high-school Christian fellowship group not to wear anything that might "tempt boys".
I became a feminist because I am married to a woman, which means that we, as a household, earn less pay.
I became a feminist because women feeling uncomfortable during sex, or not having orgasms is a widely accepted social phenomenon.
I became a feminist because, in certain cultures, many breastfeeding women feel the need to apologise for feeding their children in public.
I became a feminist because so many women do not have access to clean, useable sanitary products when they menstruate.
I became a feminist because there are still so many young women in the world who aren't going to school because they're girls.
// this is a little bit bitter, oops. I love this thread and this group though, it's so wonderful to see so many people talking about feminist issues, from such a wide range of places in the world.
I can't wait to see what happens next. :3
I became a feminist because I needed to. After a lifetime of being unable to respond to casual (or outright) sexist responses, questions and quips, I needed to reply.
I became a feminist because a young man in a high-school Christian fellowship group not to wear anything that might "tempt boys".
I became a feminist because I am married to a woman, which means that we, as a household, earn less pay.
I became a feminist because women feeling uncomfortable during sex, or not having orgasms is a widely accepted social phenomenon.
I became a feminist because, in certain cultures, many breastfeeding women feel the need to apologise for feeding their children in public.
I became a feminist because so many women do not have access to clean, useable sanitary products when they menstruate.
I became a feminist because there are still so many young women in the world who aren't going to school because they're girls.
// this is a little bit bitter, oops. I love this thread and this group though, it's so wonderful to see so many people talking about feminist issues, from such a wide range of places in the world.
I can't wait to see what happens next. :3
Hi! I'm Aixa, from Spain! Sorry if my english isn't perfect hahahaWhy did I became feminist? When I was younger I was one of this people who always says 'I'm not feminist because feminism isn't necessary anymore'. But one day, I met this feminism girl who changed my entire life. For that time, I was in a hard relationship and talking to her made me realized that something in my relationship was wrong. It was very toxic and I was suffering a lot, but when I shared my experiences with her I realized that I wasn't the only woman going trough all of that. And the most important thing, what was worrying me had political and social causes.
So, I started reading feminist books and articles and I started talking with other women and men who were worried about the same topics as me. You can say it was a slow process, but everyday I became more and more feminist. And here we are! Now I'm more concerned about political, social and economic inequality and not only about women rights, but also about LGBT+ community rights. Moreover, I try not to focus my feminism only in white women and understand that feminism can be very different from one culture to another but that's what makes it rewarding.
Savannah [semi - hiatus] wrote: "Why did I want to become a feminist? Well, truthfully, I don't want to be a feminist anymore. I want there to be equality for both genders, and it is my belief that the term feminist does not promo..."Hi Savannah,
Thank you for your candid post. I fount it interesting. I discussed the use of the word, "feminist" in another post and I think it's relevant to your post. Here it is:
People get confused by the word, "feminism" because it's female-centric. The reason the word is female-centric is because it's acknowledging the fact that worldwide, females are the ones who mainly suffer from systemic sexism and misogyny. Yes, men suffer too because of strict gender rules, but women carry the burden of oppression. Acknowledging oppression while striving for equality does not mean the oppressed group wants anything other than equality. This reminds me of #BlackLivesMatter vs. #AllLivesMatter. There is nothing about, #BlackLivesMatter that insinuates other lives don't matter. It is simply acknowledging the fact that many Americans don't value African American lives. When people use #AllLivesMatter they are using a smokescreen in an attempt to obscure or shift attention away from this fact. There is nothing about the word, "feminism" that is anti-male. It always seems to me when people suggest feminism is divisive, or about special privileges for women rather than equality, they just don't want to acknowledge the inequality women face. Oppression is divisive, not the movement to end that oppression.
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This is were everything began i read about Emma and got shocked how good is she! intelligence and beauty its like a perfect example o a woman to me and till this moment i began support feminism with all powers i have , In school i push more and more on empopularazing feminism and i actually succeeded in having some supporters! But i hope one day we can climb to top where my voice together with yours can go out from borders of school town and city and this inspiring voice will go inside everyone encouring gender equality and no more violence on woman! #IAMHEFORSHE !