Love of Writing discussion
Monthly Short Story Contest
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January 2016 - Castle Challenge
Shelly wrote: "Shelly wrote: "The Sand Castleby Shelly Heskett Harris
853 word count
The two men stood behind a collapsed, adobe-wall and watched the boy on the beach. He wore shorts, a jacket and his shoes wer..."
Is it just me or is Shelly's story not visible?
iCora wrote: "Shelly,
I liked your story.
But was slightly confused about the child living with the cat, and his being autistic; what was the relationship between the two? Also about the two men, who kidnapped..."
thank you so much for the critique. I'm fairly new at short stories. I expect too much out of my readers, I had over 100 words to write more explanation. and should have done so. 35 years of newspaper - writing tight - has spoiled me.
I am one who really appreciates constructive criticism. How else will I learn? thanks again, Shelly
Oh, dear, please ignore that first part. I haven't got the hang of this yet. You can teach an old dog new tricks . . . it just takes longer,S.H.
Hi Shelly,I can relate to what you are saying... I too earlier worked for a newspaper, where you had to really squeeze news breaking stories into just so little space.
Now, I work as a freelance editor for various publications and again, I have to work on other writers stories to make the language crisper...
My short story for this month was 971 words. I wanted to restrict myself to just 750 words, but it is easier to cut other writers words than your own :)
That's why writers get an editor to do the dirty work for them!
Shae wrote: "Holly, you did well working it in. would liked to have known what happened to Killian though.I'm sorry I couldn't put that part in. I originally wrote a bigger part for Killian, but at over 1,500 words I had to trim a lot of the story to make it fit. Once I sit down to write I have trouble writing less than 2,000 words. Still, I'm just grateful you read it. There are so many great entires I wasn't sure you'd have time :)
David wrote: "Hi everyone,These are all great stories.
T.K. what kind of a storm or was that left to reader's imagination?."
In the African Sahel climatic zone, December is dust storm season. If one has shelter and can close the winds and dust out, then it surprisingly evokes being hunkered down in a snowstorm - only warmer of course and so long as you don't look out the window, which will be a 'brown-out' instead of a 'white-out'. Can't do much until it passes as you can't see but a few yards in any direction. If one is stuck outside, it's what one would expect with dust - in eyes, nose, mouth, dry and gritty. Just have to stop, make oneself as comfortable as possible and wait it out.
:)
Lynette,As always your story is exciting.
Holly,Great twist to cliche about what heroes are meant to be:)
Guys I failed, I tried, but I just couldn't come up with anything. I am so sorry, I'll make sure to writed something for next month.
TessaMarie wrote: "Guys I failed, I tried, but I just couldn't come up with anything. I am so sorry, I'll make sure to writed something for next month." Welcome to the group TessaMarie! There are just some month's the muse deserts us. At least you're here and can enjoy the stories.
Hi all,-Shelly, it looks like "The Sand Castle" hit on quick-sand.
-Holly, nice story, and thanks for the note of clarification.
-TessaMarie also welcome to you. Glad the story count took a good rise at the end!
David
ps. Shae, do we send our votes to you or whom? Is LinkedIn still the poling place? Thanks.
Here are the stories to vote on. A CAT NAMED TROUBLE by Mirta Oliva
Love at Turku Castle by David Russell
The Curse by Cora Bhatia
Winter Solstice by Glenda Reynolds
How the Cat Found his Gadio by T.K. Naliaka
Paws for Effect by Rebecca
Glinda Through the Glass by Karen Hopkins
Soldiers Above, But Lilith with Me by Richard Bunning
Wondrous Change by Randall Lemon
Sheltering in Hoarend Castle by F. Burwick
The Sand Castle by Shelly Heskett Harris
Waluna by Holly
Edger's Secret by Lynette
you can message me here or in LinkedIn or send me an email to s.hamrick.books@sbcglobal.net and please specify 1st place, 2nd place, and 3rd place.
I keep forgetting I can't post messages from work... Sorry guys and gals.
Mod
Do we know who is doing next month's contest?
I miss it also. As for the next host, I hadn't gotten a specific response from anyone yet and there are only the four of us who have responded in general. Though I think Randall mentioned wanting to host at some point but I may have lost that email.
As late as it is, I may host next month and then ask each of the volunteers about specific months coming up.
Mod
Well, I hope you get to feeling better. I just came through my own battle. adding prayers for you to the ones for those in the snowstorms and floods.
Senior moment!! Top 3 or top 5 for voting???
Sorry, just reread instructions. Top 3.
@ Cora Thank you. @ Shea Thank you for a great month. I am certain someone volunteered to take February. I thought it was Stephanie but it might have been Randall. If no one steps up you can put me down for February and some one else for March in my spot.
I vote:1st: Paws for Effect
2nd: Glenda Through the Glass
3rd: How the Cat Found his Gadio
I hope it was okay that I left them here instead of emailing you, but I was already here :)
This is great maybe I will write next month!
@Holly, normally votes are done in silent mode. but if you are comfortable with a public vote, there is no rule against it.
if you want to message me from Goodreads, click my picture to get to my profile, then click the arrow "v" beside the follow/unfollow button and a list of actions appears to include "message".
Oh, okay. I'll remember that for next month. Sorry about that, I haven't been on Goodreads very long.
Not a problem, Holly. It took me a while to find it myself. I haven't been using it very long either.
Amazing stories. I wish I could have participated this month, but I missed the deadline by that much (said in a very Maxwell Smart-like voice). I thought I had time while I was on vacation to write a story, but I only returned home on the 24th, so I wasn't able to post it. Ah well, I'll catch next month's contest. Great effort by all, though!
Stephanie, shoot. would love to have read your story also.
Well, Voting is winding up here. few more days left and i have 7 votes still out. Please keep in mind that by the rules posted at the beginning, if you don't vote, you can't win. I really would like to see everyone vote. Thanks.
Shae wrote: "Well, Voting is winding up here. few more days left and i have 7 votes still out. Please keep in mind that by the rules posted at the beginning, if you don't vote, you can't win. I really would lik..."I'm not sure how to send my vote private. I prefer it not be open.
Shelly: You can send it as a private message through the Goodreads messaging center. Shae also provided these ways to keep your vote private: "you can message me here or in LinkedIn or send me an email to s.hamrick.books@sbcglobal.net and please specify 1st place, 2nd place, and 3rd place."
Finally got my votes in. As usual it was a tough decision. Great stories, everyone!!
Shelly wrote: "Shae wrote: "Well, Voting is winding up here. few more days left and i have 7 votes still out. Please keep in mind that by the rules posted at the beginning, if you don't vote, you can't win. I rea..."Click on Shae's MOD picture right there, which takes you to Shae's page. Then stay with the same picture which is now in the upper left corner of the page and notice the button under it that says 'follow author' but that's not what you want to click - notice just to the right of that is a pale grey chevron like a v - it doesn't look like anything important, but hover your pointer on it and you'll see it grabs, so click on it and you will see a drop down menu with a number of options - second option is 'send message.' Click on that and it'll give you the message box, and then type away and send.
It took me a long time to discover that drop down menu function - it's a bit too subtle and isn't labeled.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
:)
So Shea,This just appeared in my email. I don't know if you were aware of it. Mail Delivery Subsystem
Jan 26 (1 day ago)
to me
This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification
THIS IS A WARNING MESSAGE ONLY.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO RESEND YOUR MESSAGE.
Delivery to the following recipient has been delayed:
no-reply@mail.goodreads.com
Message will be retried for 2 more day(s)
Technical details of temporary failure:
The recipient server did not accept our requests to connect. Learn more at https://support.google.com/mail/answe...
[mail2.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.82: socket error]
[mail1.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.81: socket error]
[mail21.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.84: socket error]
[mail27.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.90: socket error]
[mail22.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.85: socket error]
[mail20.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.83: socket error]
[mail25.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.88: socket error]
[mail23.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.86: socket error]
[mail24.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.87: socket error]
[mail26.goodreads.com. 216.74.35.89: socket error]
@TK Thank you for that message. I totally forgot about that feature.
Lynette wrote: "@TK Thank you for that message. I totally forgot about that feature."Hi Lynette! Yes, someone else had to tell me about that - I never would have found it!
Anyhoo, all figured out just in time for a computer glitch! Oh well!
; j
Lynette wrote: "@TK Thank you for that message. I totally forgot about that feature."Heh. I just discovered I don't have either button, follow author or drop down menu for my author page.
#i'llgetbacktoeveryoneafterIarriveinthe21stcentury
o.O
Lynette,I just checked your profile and it does have the FOLLOW button. (We do not see OUR OWN). Follow T.K. instructions quoted below to see Shae's "message" link.
T.K. wrote: "Click on Shae's MOD picture right there, which takes you to Shae's page. Then stay with the same picture which is now in the upper left corner of the page and notice the button under it that says 'follow author' but that's not what you want to click - notice just to the right of that is a pale grey chevron like a v - it doesn't look like anything important, but hover your pointer on it and you'll see it grabs, so click on it and you will see a drop down menu with a number of options - second option is 'send message.' Click on that and it'll give you the message box, and then type away and send.
It took me a long time to discover that drop down menu function - it's a bit too subtle and isn't labeled.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
:)"
PS. I just checked and not everyone has a FOLLOW \/ button. It does not appear to be related to an "administrator" status, based on the ones I checked. Some do and some don't. Some have a center line below their profile stats with a visible "send message" link.
Mirta wrote: "I just checked your profile and it does have the FOLLOW button. (We do not see OUR OWN).."Oh, I knew that...!
no, actually I didn't.
But I do now!
;D
Hi Everyone,I managed to post the votes.
Are volunteers still needed to take a month or more? If so, I will.
Mod
~*******~*******~*******~
"The first several paragraphs are unnecessarily wordy and contain
details that have no relevancy to the story - like Clarence being a
French horn player for the Helsinki Symphony. All you need is one or two paragraphs to establish that Clarence is a talented baker, that Finland is going through hard times, and that the 1952 Winter Games are about to begin.
This is the essence of flash - to tell a complete story in few words.
Just because we have a 1,000 word maximum limit for this list doesn't mean that all flash stories are approximately 1,000 words in length. The average length for a flash story is actually 500-750 words. You'll often encounter flash pieces that are less than 500 words long. And in a flash story, more wordiness means less drama. Think of flash fiction as lean but tasty meat - with most of the fat cut.
Let me give you an editing suggestion that will show you how to trim the fat and punch up your dialogue. Here's a passage that you wrote:
'For Clarence the olympic games would bring Kristine Kristov, a
young-appearing 27-year-old Russian woman who was an outstanding skier.
As the date for the olympics approached, Clarence was in charge of a snack shop that sold specialty items to please the palate. In walked Kristine.
"Excuse me, do you have a half dozen rolls I can take back to the
Russian ski team? We simply love them," she said smiling and her frame brightened with a red silver necklace.
Waving her hand she added, "Also, that chicken vegetable soup...'
Now here's my suggestion for rewriting that passage:
In early 1950, the International Olympic Committee had decided to hold the 1952 Winter Games in Helsinki. It would feed the starving country and raise the spirits of the Finnish people.
As the Games were about to begin, Clarence ran a snack shop that catered to discriminating palates. One day, his first customer turned out to be Kristine Kristov, an outstanding Russian skier who looked younger than her 27 years.
"Excuse me, do you have a half dozen rolls I can take back to the
Russian ski team?" A red silver necklace outshined her bright smile.
"Also, some of that warm chicken soup for those cold slopes."
You see what I mean about cutting the fat and punching up the
dialogue? I know that writing flash can be challenging for newcomers, especially those who haven't been exposed to much flash. But I know that you can do it. Good luck with this story - I hope that you get it published.
~EP"
Wow, Nice edit. I liked that. I learned a few things there.Lynette, I have no idea why you got the google error, i use Yahoo for most of my emails. (Shrug.)
I have gotten most of the votes. Four left. And I will say, EVERYONE has gotten at least one vote for their story. Everyone presented great plots, characters, and story twists this month. Well done.
Really GR8 stories by all. Very inventive and original, fresh takes on the month's parameters. It was a long work month for me and I so wish I'd had time to write, but Que Sera, Sera - I'll try to catchup next month and congrats to the eventual winners - you all did an awesome job.
to Shea, my votes are in. Hopefully they are private.Stories were a joy to read
Shea: You are correct. This story is actually a spin off from the last story posted in the anthologies named Rebel King. I am seriously considering expanding it into a stand alone novel.