it's personal discussion
300+ views
>
☠ Mind the Gap ☠ - (*) -
message 51:
by
[deleted user]
(new)
Mar 01, 2015 11:59AM
XD
reply
|
flag
It gets harder and harder to find my thread on here.
Mod
Jenny wrote: "You're good at writing. You have an interesting style, too."thank you.
If you've not read 'summons the chaos' yet, wtf are you waiting for? ...nah just kidding, but seriously if you get bored enough, give a look.Summons the Chaos – Not your average journal
43 views, very few comments, conclusion - I have a lot of stalkers! jk
YES! me with the Hat trick! first time to top all three slots on GR's popular creative writing list! ...ok moment of boasting done. carry on as you were. https://www.goodreads.com/story?tab=p...
THANKS to all that have read, liked and or commented.
Not sure whether to be honoured or pissed off. There is a blog on blogger that has copy & pasted 14 of my journal entries. I Hate Plagiarist!!
http://www.paroletainment.com/
Had to speak to a rep from state farm today, ironically the guys name was Jake, so of course I asked what he was wearing...apparently he gets that a lot.
'It's been a long day, without you my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again...we've come a long way from where we began and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.' ~~ Wiz Khalifa, ft. Charlie Puth
Move along, there's nothing to see here...
5/21/15I attract all the weird ones, but this tops the list, this chick asked if I'd pretend to be her date, she'd even pay me. DO I LOOK LIKE AN ESCORT?!
'Its not the hand you're dealt, but rather how you play it that matters.'
"If you're a writer, every day is a new chapter." ~ N Farren
"You're not to be defined by one moment in time,"
Mod
I attract all the weird ones, but this tops the list, this chick asked if I'd pretend to be her date, she'd even pay me. DO I LOOK LIKE AN ESCORT?!"
Did you?
Cαiтℓуn ~We'll leave behind a world that never cared~ wrote: Did you?"
NO. ..though I'd be lying if I didn't say that I did consider it for half a second. In my defense though, c'mon easy money, just simply take her to dinner and pose as her beau, can you blame me?
Mod
hence the reason no. Idt Cass would have quite gotten the money angle part of it.
Mod
If tables were turned I wouldn't be too keen about her accompanying some guy to a dinner affair, even if it was suppose to just be platonic. Don't get me wrong I trust Cass, but can't say the same for the bloke offering money for someone to pose as a date....so that's kinda how I looked at it and it was quite weird, I mean WHO does that ?! smh Strange
Mod
No but from what I could gather, she's quite career oriented but I think she said she told her family she had this guy, and they were coming into town for some formal dinner/banquet thing, idk I was trying to change her tire at warp speed to end the awkwardness.
Mod
...Idr what I came on here to type. *head Desk* I hate that
hi & in this case yes, the end I was referring to was the washing machine was entering the final cycle.
Today is the tomorrow that you thought about yesterday...c'est la vie
I agree. First time that was said to me, I had to think about it for a second. Though, you'd be surprised how many ppl don't get it at all.
Mod
All these kids going on about this 'charlie, charlie thing', smh its supposedly summoning some ancient mexican demon, so why is his name not Carlos or something? Never met a Mexican named Charles.
Mod
I swear if come across a bunch of ppl doing it I'm going to pretend to be possessed by the spirit of Charlie the mexican demon and freak the hell out of them. I could use a good laugh
Mod
I was going for amusing, though interesting could work too
Nate wrote: "I was going for amusing, though interesting could work too"
You must record it.
You must record it.
Mod
Why Weren't You There? wrote: "Nate wrote: "I was going for amusing, though interesting could work too"You must record it."
Youtube it, eh?
Jenny wrote: "I'm on chapter 26 so far; I can't stop reading. You have such a hilarious and interesting life. XD"Awesome. Thanks. You'll have to leave a comment, I'm always curious to know what ppl got from my writing, if anything. If I made someone laugh that's a bonus
Mod
Nate wrote: "Why Weren't You There? wrote: "Nate wrote: "I was going for amusing, though interesting could work too"
You must record it."
Youtube it, eh?"
Yes please o.o
You must record it."
Youtube it, eh?"
Yes please o.o
Jenny wrote: "Yeah, I'll comment. It's great knowing that other people respect writing too. I think you'd be superb at writing a blog, by the way."Thanks, I suppose in a way my journals were my blog.
Do you write as well?
Writing would be a lot easier if there were a device that would take the words from my head and transfer them to a word doc on my computer. I keep waiting for someone to invent this...
June 26 2015 Darkside Its been a long time since I've been in this place. That place where the anger wells up from seemingly nowhere and no matter what you do you can't seem to suppress it. Something so minute triggers a wave of fury, and you wind up saying and doing things you don't really mean. I don't even know how I got here ...well that's not entirely true I suppose looking back I should have seen it coming. The increasing irritability, the restlessness and the insomnia should have been clue enough. But even still...how do you stop it? I mean really what measures can you take to head off this demon?
The truck was in the shop and I didn't want to be stuck all day home without means of transportation should I decided to go somewhere. My solution was to I drove Cass to work, so I'd have her car for the day. Simple enough, right? It should have only take about half an hour or so, 15 there and 15 back..but when we got to her work she realized she had forgotten a set of keys that belonged to her boss. I had to drive all the way back...not like I've never forgotten anything, I have, but for some reason that little thing threw me into an unjust fit of anger. & In that moment you know you're being unfair and irrational but for whatever reason you just can't stop yourself. I backed the car out of the space and tore through the parking lot at a much faster rate of speed than legal or safe for that matter. I saw Cass clutching the door handle and bracing herself. She sat quietly for the first few minutes but when I sped up to make it through the light and then swerved into the next lane to avoid a car turning she spoke up letting her feelings be known. We argued the rest of the way home. The drive back to her work was in silence.
Don't get me wrong, its not like the forgetting of the keys and the extra travel and time were the only things to tip the scales, sending me to the darkside. I have a quick temper, yes, though a few minor inconveniences is part of everyday life, I've learned to deal with them. There was just what seemed to be an overwhelming array of setbacks and on that morning those few inconveniences just happened to be what pushed passed the breaking point....which I've yet to be able to figure out exactly where that point is. My theory is if I knew where my tolerance level was perhaps I could prevent the wave of ire and avoid the spiraling out of control effect. Not likely, but its a theory. YOU got something better? jk
When she got home from work I was still in a foul mood. Events throughout the day only amped it up. Cass went out for a bit which I can't blame her, smart on her part. By the time she came home later in the eve, I was starting to somewhat resemble something close to calm and collective again...though I don't know how I got to either place. It's rather ...idk discouraging? Not to mention it makes you feel like an ass *feel free to choose your own derogatory term* I guess on the bright side though, its been quite a long time since I've been to that dark a place....yeah..that didn't make me feel any better.
I regretted how I snapped at Cass, the things I said and how I acted. To make it up to her I took her out to dinner, restaurant of her choice. Gotta love her, she picked the most expensive place. Moral of the story - being an ass will cost you, in more ways than one. Thankfully she's understanding and knows I have my flaws...many of them. Hey, whatdya want? I'm a work in progress, give me some slack.
June 26 2015 (cont'd.) I made a phone call today, dunno why , though I suppose it did some good. Perhaps it was the thought that he’d be the only one who might truly understand where I was, how I got there, and more importantly how to get out.
He didn’t answer the call, but he rang back straight away. I hadn’t talked to him in months, almost a year and its been even longer since I’ve seen him in person; given the circumstances I expected the conversation to be quite awkward. But to my surprise it wasn’t.
“Hey Nate, how’ve you been? Did you and Cass get settled into your new place? …” Mark’s voice came over the line chipper as ever, rattling off an array of questions. Nothing too personal, although it hadn’t escaped me that he must have some intuitions as to the real nature of my contacting him, but he carried on sounding more like a friend than a therapist; Which is what I liked about him. Mark was more than that, he’s actually a neuropsychiatries – what the difference between that and a regular therapist is, other than more letters behind their name and the right to prescribe medications , I have no idea - before I was ever formally introduced to Mark he was a colleague of sorts of my father’s and over the course of a few years they formed a close friendship . Though, I bet it never dawned on my father that someday he’d need to call upon Mark for his professional services for one of his own. The fact that my parents had required me to see a therapist – a few years ago- to begin with didn’t sit well with me, but talking to Mark was more like talking to an older brother. He had a way of making you feel relaxed enough to tell him anything and he didn’t judge or jot down notes on a clip board.
“…So how are things going?” He ended his line of questions.
“Good.”
“Good, huh?...so this is a social call? You getting married or something?” He laughed lightly.
“Or something..” I said.
“How are things really, Nate?” His tone had dropped and I could hear the more serious doctory edge.
I took a deep breath, more of an automatic calming mechanism. “I don’t know, could be better I suppose. I just…I don’t know.” I cleared my throat. There was a certain destitute quality to my tone that even I was surprised to hear. The unspoken words held more meaning than anything that I actually said.
“Nate, I have to put you on hold for few. Do Not hang up, ok?” His instruction was laced with concern. I wasn’t even on hold long enough to figure out what song they had instrumentalized for the sake of waiting callers.
“Nate?”
“Yeah,” I answered, letting him know I was still on the line.
He didn’t start in with your typical pressuring questions in attempt to get me to tell him what was going on or what prompted my phone call, instead he asked if I knew that one of the bands I liked was coming to a venue nearby and from there we continued to chat about bands, songs, and then moved onto movies. He things casual. It was probably a good 45 minutes or longer before we got around to the issue at hand.
I told him about what had happened that morning and how over the last few days or I don’t know perhaps longer, I’ve been increasingly more irritable and things just seemed to be mounting. I was spiraling and couldn’t seem to find a hand hold. He asked some questions and reminded me of some of the things I could do to ease the pressure. He also reminded me that this was to be expected, especially with the course I’ve chosen to take. Not that others wouldn’t have to same highs and lows but I was at more of a risk and needed to be more aware of things in order to keep from cycling out of control. I know he’s torn on one hand he supports my decision in wanting to do things my way but on the other hand he knows how quickly things can get away from you, and let’s face it we are always the last to realize there’s a problem. That’s not to say I or others can’t admit when there’s an issue but its more simply that we honestly just don’t realize it. It’s hard to distinguish between what’s normal and what’s above and beyond emotional turmoil. Especially when there really is no defining line of what’s Normal and one persons normal and another persons normal may be very different. It’s a hard line to draw. He dropped his subtle hints of what course of action he’d rather see me take, even if was only temporary. I gave no indication of taking him up on it, even when he pointed out how well it had worked. That’s probably about the time I started to tone him out and I know he was quick to pick up on it and quickly redirected the conversation. He did recommend taking a few days off from work. Something that I wasn’t too keen about at first but the more I thought about it the more I figured it couldn’t hurt. I had sick time accrued so it’s not like I’d be hit financially. For the first time in ..I can't even recall the last time, anyway, I called in sick.
We caught up on some things, I filled him in on recent events like where I was working now and how Cass was doing, what courses she was taking in school.
“by the way, yes.” I said.
“Yes, what?” he asked, the confusion evident in his tone.
“I did sorta propose to Cass. Cheers” I laughed knowing that was not going to sit well as an end to our call.
“Wait, You what?! Seriously?, Dude don’t you dare hang up.”
I gave him the run down on what happened in the ladies bathroom at the restaurant a few weeks ago and how it was more like being engaged to be engaged. He laughed and taunted me saying something about wedding bells in the future.
The ice cream truck reminds me of a Jack-in-the-box, I hate that music, its like fingers on a chalkboard. Where's my paintball gun when I need it?
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Brother (other topics)Artful (other topics)
