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Requesting Feedback > Suffrage - The First World Key.

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message 1: by Julian (last edited Dec 12, 2015 06:01PM) (new)

Julian Green | 20 comments Hi All,

I've been reading about blurbs. Man they are a pain to write. After what I read, I changed the project page for Suffrage. Finn and I are eagerly awaiting some artwork from Finns brother to litter the project page with, but I'd appreciate your input into my attempt at a blurb.

Suffrage noun

- The right or chance to express an opinion or participate in a decision.

There is something hidden on Earth that could change the fate of two worlds. There's also a secret so immense it's worth killing and dying for.

A small group of Freedom Fighters must change the fate of their own world, by coming to ours...but at what cost?

Suffrage is a quick paced sci fi adventure about the right to control your own destiny and the lengths people will go in search of that elusive goal against impossible odds.


message 2: by Craig (last edited Dec 13, 2015 10:43AM) (new)

Craig Munro In my opinion less is more with these things:

-The right or chance to express an opinion or participate in a decision.
A good opening, but really more flavour than content. Doesn't tell me what the book is about. Probably more of a quote for the first page of the book itself.

-There is something hidden on Earth that could change the fate of two worlds. There's also a secret so immense it's worth killing and dying for.
Too long/semi repetitive. I'd lose the second sentence entirely.

-A small group of Freedom Fighters must change the fate of their own world, by coming to ours...but at what cost?
Works for me. Sets the scene/conflict, as well as the SciFi element in one sentence.

-Suffrage is a quick paced sci fi adventure about the right to control your own destiny and the lengths people will go in search of that elusive goal against impossible odds.
I'd drop "against impossible odds". Just too much of a mouthful with it, and doesn't really add anything. I went with this type of descriptive blurb myself.

Hope some of that helps!


message 3: by Bekki (new)

Bekki Leber (primaimperatrix) I would throw in some information about characters. Who are these Freedom Fighters? What makes them interesting or relatable? Why are they fighting for their freedom? From whom? Don't be afraid to say what is hidden on the Earth if the entire story isn't the discovery of that hidden thing, and what could result if they find it. Tell the reader exactly what the book is about, but don't feel like you have to give it away. Just be specific and give me something CARE ABOUT. You've got a potential reader's attention for probably thirty seconds before they get bored- make them care/laugh/think about something so you can get them to finish the blurb. In my experience, I think too many writers fall into the trap of thinking that being vague and mysterious will hook readers, when actually the complete opposite is true. As a reader, I what to know exactly who and what I am dealing with, and what genre it's in, or I'm putting your book back on the shelf because it's not worth the risk of getting halfway through if I realize I don't like it.


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