Week 209 (April 13-20). Poems. Topic: Eclipse.

[Ryan]

You have until April 20 to post a poem, and April 21-23 we’ll vote for which one we thought was best.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don’t use a poem previously used in this group.

Your poem can be any length.

This week’s topic is: Eclipse

*Thanks to Rachel Strayer for the suggestion*

The rules are pretty loose. You can write a poem about anything that has to do with the topic. I do not care, but the poem you post must relate to the topic somehow.

Have fun!

[Ryan]

Nice one, Al.

I sit here trying to write something and my mind keeps regurgitating Bonnie Tyler singing about eclipses and hearts!

[M]

I remember that song: “Total Eclipse of the Art.”

[Ryan]

Hah! That's gold, M.

[M]

A very nice poem, Alex!

[[deleted user]]

very nice, Al :)

M, I won't ever forget you :P

[[deleted user]]

Here is my poetry submission for the topic: Eclipse
Feedback is ALWAYS welcome!

RIDDLES by Melissa Andres

Riddle me this
And ask me that.
How is a fiddle
Played by a cat?

How does a cow
jump over the moon?
How does it make
young lovers swoon?

Astronomers tell us
'Bout the eclipse
Caused by planets
Stars and ships.

Science isn't always right
So don't believe it's real
That man in the moon above
Just forgot to pay his bill!

[[deleted user]]

Love your poem, Alex! Very sweet!

[[deleted user]]

Thanks, Alex! I like to be fun! :)

[Sarah]

Ryan wrote: "Nice one, Al.

I sit here trying to write something and my mind keeps regurgitating Bonnie Tyler singing about eclipses and hearts!"

HaHa Ryan! I remember that one. I think that shows our age.

[Ryan]

Nice poem, Melissa. I like the rhythm and rhyme a lot and think your first stanza is a ripper. Like Al said, this one is lots of fun.

[[deleted user]]

Thanks again, Ryan! It amazes me how everyone here has been so incredibly nice! I am so stoked by this group!!

[Greg]

Eclipse Me

Eclipse—
Burn out the sun,
Block out the moon…
so that I can escape!
This prison of words and emotions
that builds and builds
until the Explosion.
I run and run, trying not to be—
Overcome! Overcome by the finality…
of something said (or done)
in rage and pain.
That fear—it keeps me locked up
in a room in my head. In me.
There was a window once, but somehow—
Somehow it’s closing, turning black…
turning to wall. Soon, I’ll be nothing.
I’ll close up (further)!
A MANnequin in a room.
A body—no heart—no soul
No words.
No man.
Eclipse—me
Let me go.
Let me go!
I resent what I thought—
What I thought I wanted.
I’m a prisoner.
Window close—window gone—
Eclipse.


Feedback welcome.

[Jim]

sorry to delete this poem. sending it somewhere. just send me a message if you want to read it. thanks, guys!

[Sarah]

Jim, Its great, actually I think it's beautiful. Well done!

[M]

Midday


A bead of saliva hung from her scraped lips
in noon’s eerie pallor. A solar eclipse
in moments had dimmed the moss-draped courthouse square.
Her eyes stared with bloodlust through long, tangled hair.

I knew she’d be on me before I could run.
Her blouse’s shell buttons were pulled or undone.
The steps of the courthouse sprawled weed-grown and wide,
and rain-rotted ceilings awaited inside.

“I loved you!” she spat as she leered hungrily,
her broken-toothed smile stirring anguish in me.
Then shadows grew sharper. She stepped back, confused,
her fingers exploring a cheek that was bruised.

[[deleted user]]

The Eclipse Copywrite ©2014 Catherine Niedzwiecki

Day spring breaks with a star and an eclipse
The soul searching night is brought to an end
Hope is a sea anchor supposed on ships-

sublunary weight of a hand that dips
through a reflection the light does attend.
Day spring breaks with a star and an eclipse.

Seafaring strangers take turns with the whips
that light and darkness use to wound and mend.
Hope is a sea anchor supposed on ships

thrown by and far toward a fate that slips
beneath a watery star that commends-
Day spring breaks with a star and an eclipse.

Doubt strikes the surface of my young, pale lips.
You throw a whisper - a fisherman's bend.
Hope is a sea anchor supposed on ships

While the land watches shadows taking sips
of a moment that will drag or transcend.
Day spring breaks with a star and an eclipse.
Hope is a sea anchor supposed on ships.

[[deleted user]]

Cat wrote: "The Eclipse Copywrite ©2014 Catherine Niedzwiecki

Day spring breaks with a star and an eclipse
The soul searching night is brought to an end
Hope is a sea anchor supposed on ships-

sublunary wei..."

or "doubt strikes the surface of my mute, pale lips..."

[Robert]

Forever Light

Wrapped in purple and topped with thorn
The Light suffered much that brutal morn
The Powerful, who thought they stood so tall
Decided to wash their hands of it all

On a painful trail to the top of the hill
All burdens Light carried had to fulfill
The burdens fell and there was a lull
Help came to carry them to the place of the Skull

Light between two of us that incredible day
One would go with Light, the other would stay
Below there was much weeping where a Mother stood
But they would be cleansed in water and blood

As a soaked sponge would touch Light's lips
The coming darkness wouldn't last, like an eclipse
Confusion and fear would still come their way
Until replaced by great joy as the stone rolled away


Hope all of you have a wonderful Easter!

[Nicky]

Hi, managed to get my act together this week and have finished my poem - here it is, feedback as always is welcome.

My Shadow Between Us

Her face, pale, serene.
Gracefully she glides her distant arc.
Timeless, beyond reach; her beauty drags the very waves from the shore.

You: proud, brilliant.
Your fiery passion bathes all within your reach in glorious light.
Radiant, volatile; your power and passion bursting with life.

Here in the middle
I am stone; caught between the darkness and the light.
To stand between would be to cast my shadow across your face; a blood moon.

--------------
Nicky

[Ryan]

Parker and Barrow
(Bonnie and Clyde)

On the day that I met her, I should have known better;
Mondays bode ill for new friends.
With lunar-sea tides and light and dark sides
Most moon day trysts wane to weak ends.

I'll admit that time stopping and the sound of pins dropping
Are cliches I'd never quite understood.
For the first time in years, to my hankering ears
Even love at first sight sounded good.

Aphelion eyes, dark hair and toned thighs
Presaged a blue moon ascending;
With a wink and a gun, to block out the sun
In total eclipse, never-ending.

Bonnie, taking my hand: you've the look of a man
Who'd rather not sleep 'til he's dead.
I refuse to work harder or pay for my Prada,
Let us dance with the Devil instead.

~ R ~

any feedback appreciated

[Srdjan]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here, just registered :D . I hope you will enjoy my poem and I hope I am not to late to enter.

Feel in love under the blue sky
My heart beat fast
I thought I'd die

Under the stars we stood
Listened to the world
And we both understood it

The eclipse was about to start
Your eyes got dark
But I still could see them

It then I made my mark
When it was fully dark
Our eyes locked and you stopped my heart

As our lips locked
The light of the moon came back
It shined upon us

That was the moment you stole my heart
The moment we became someones art

-Written by Srdjan Solkotovic

[[deleted user]]

Ryan wrote: "Parker and Barrow

On a Monday I met her but should have known better;
A moon day bodes ill for new friends.
Lunar-sea tides with light and dark sides
Can make Monday trysts wane to weak ends.

I'l..." Your writing makes me learn differences of lunar and solar, blue moon or recurring, and harvest (no correlation), and aphelion and demesne attainable. Thank you!

[[deleted user]]

Cat wrote: "Ryan wrote: "Parker and Barrow

On a Monday I met her but should have known better;
A moon day bodes ill for new friends.
Lunar-sea tides with light and dark sides
Can make Monday trysts wane to we..."

By product poem in a response:
Red bird moon
recrudesce blue
Recruit full
Rectifier Full
Recreant quarter
Red Osier Hamper Moon
Red handed moon
Recumbent New
Recuperating Waxing of a Gibbous
redempting crescent or capp crescent
silly page 708 Life's lessons in phases on one or two pages
relaxed redan crescent

[[deleted user]]

Cat wrote: "Cat wrote: "Ryan wrote: "Parker and Barrow

On a Monday I met her but should have known better;
A moon day bodes ill for new friends.
Lunar-sea tides with light and dark sides
Can make Monday trys..."

Stoccado crescent
Stipiate Full
Still birth new
Stilted crescent
Stingy quarter
Stippled New
Stock full
Stiver New
Stimulant gibbous
etc. fun~!

[Ryan]

Thanks, Cat! Slight edit - a peony for your thoughts?

[[deleted user]]

I heard a quote once - read from a magazine: Peonies are the hussies of Spring. Named after Paeon. Thank you!

[Ryan]

Hi, Greg. Bleak and barren, that's some powerful writing. Your poem is sleek and lean and very effective. Really enjoyed it.

[Ryan]

Jim, wow! What a scene! Your writing is exquisite and I love the story. You made me yearn for a life where a shard of golden pottery is a treasure once more.

[Ryan]

Beautiful, M, although I kept picturing a Emily Blunt as the vampire/zombie! Your description is vivid and startling. I love the rhyme between lips/eclipse in lines 1&2 followed by the break after eclipse that flows on in line 3 so seamlessly.

[Ryan]

Cat, those repeated lines! Executed perfectly, I was holding my breath anticipating each one. And now I have 'sublunary' - what a word! Such a treat this poem is.

[Ryan]

A happy Easter to you too, Robert. I love the flow of your poem. Your consistent word choice effectively paints a vibrant picture. And wow, those first two lines blew my socks off!

[Ryan]

Hi, Nicky! I really enjoyed the ambiguity of your poem. The moon/maiden dual image is very well done. Your final two lines are my favorites, they are so finely constructed. This is a stunning poem.

[Ryan]

Hi, Srdjan, welcome aboard! What a nice poem to introduce yourself with. I really like your idea of listening to the world together and understanding it. Beautiful first entry, congratulations on finding the courage to post for others to read.

[Srdjan]

Ryan wrote: "Hi, Srdjan, welcome aboard! What a nice poem to introduce yourself with. I really like your idea of listening to the world together and understanding it. Beautiful first entry, congratulations o..."

Thanks for the warm welcome, I hope to contribute more in the future, I am not new to writing but I didn't post my work online for a long time :)
Thanks for the welcome and feedback :D

[Nicky]

Hi, Ryan! Thank you for your comments much appreciated. Your poem was really cleverly done - I enjoyed reading it. Haven't we all learnt a lot about eclipses this week!!

[Ryan]

Thanks, Nicky. I have no idea how I started with eclipses and ended with Bonnie and Clyde! Appreciate your comments :)

[M]

Thank you, Ryan! I'm out of town and am using my wife's iPad. I can't believe she bought this thing on purpose.

[Robert]

Ryan wrote: "A happy Easter to you too, Robert. I love the flow of your poem. Your consistent word choice effectively paints a vibrant picture. And wow, those first two lines blew my socks off!"

Thanks, Ryan. I've only been part of the group for several weeks but have really enjoyed it.

[[deleted user]]

Robert wrote: "Ryan wrote: "A happy Easter to you too, Robert. I love the flow of your poem. Your consistent word choice effectively paints a vibrant picture. And wow, those first two lines blew my socks off!"
..."

I liked it, too, Robert~!

[Ryan]

M wrote: "Thank you, Ryan! I'm out of town and am using my wife's iPad. I can't believe she bought this thing on purpose."

Give it a chance, M. I felt the same when I was given one as a present years ago. Now it is indispensable. I do 95% of my writing on it before transferring the file to word for final editing, nearly all of my reading, majority of my music-listening and guitar-recording. It is an amazing tool for me.

I've just discovered Scrivener so I'm using my laptop more frequently, but I hear there will be an iOS version of that soon. Worth playing with for awhile before you write it off completely.

[Robert]

Cat wrote: "Robert wrote: "Ryan wrote: "A happy Easter to you too, Robert. I love the flow of your poem. Your consistent word choice effectively paints a vibrant picture. And wow, those first two lines blew ..."

Cat wrote: "Robert wrote: "Ryan wrote: "A happy Easter to you too, Robert. I love the flow of your poem. Your consistent word choice effectively paints a vibrant picture. And wow, those first two lines blew ..."

Cat wrote: "Robert wrote: "Ryan wrote: "A happy Easter to you too, Robert. I love the flow of your poem. Your consistent word choice effectively paints a vibrant picture. And wow, those first two lines blew ..."


Thank you very much, Cat!

[[deleted user]]

Robert wrote: "Cat wrote: "Robert wrote: "Ryan wrote: "A happy Easter to you too, Robert. I love the flow of your poem. Your consistent word choice effectively paints a vibrant picture. And wow, those first tw..."

You are welcome!

[Ryan]

Robert wrote, Cat wrote, Robert wrote, Ryan wrote....and all was well aboard the good ship WSS...

[[deleted user]]

Ryan wrote: "Robert wrote, Cat wrote, Robert wrote, Ryan wrote....and all was well aboard the good ship WSS..."

What is WSS? Am I on the right ship?

[Jim]

Ryan wrote: "Jim, wow! What a scene! Your writing is exquisite and I love the story. You made me yearn for a life where a shard of golden pottery is a treasure once more."

Ryan, Happy Easter... Monday... bit late.:)

thanks!

[[deleted user]]

Jim, your name means SUPPLANTER - the same as the name Jacob - who I wrote about yesterday and discovered on Goodreads Color Poems. :)

[Jim]

Cat... should I be scared? :)

[[deleted user]]

A quote from Carl Jung in this U.S. AM:

The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it.
[info][add][mail][note]Carl Jung, "Modern Man in Search of a Soul"

James is in the bible. James/Jim and supplanter. I am just exploring meaning and origins. :) Both my mother and her sister married Jim's. :)

[Jim]

interesting. :) no wonder I don't have green fingers!