Nothing But Reading Challenges discussion
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Everything I Never Told You, by Celeste Ng (Anything Goes BOM) Start Date: December 12, 2015
At this point though it's the 80's! Wasn't Nathan the Class of '81??? I agree with you guys, are these people living under rocks??? My dad was a Mexican immigrant raising an interracial family in Southern California (which, yes, is very different from Ohio) but we never experienced these intense stereotypes.
Mod
Heh. I guess I always assumed that in a logical world the mom would just go back to school after the kids moved out. Heck, even after Lydia goes off to school, there's only Hannah left so you can do school and have kids. Dunno.. I guess this was the 70s... ..."
I was a kid in the 70s and my mum worked. And actually, my Mother in-law in the 80s was a computer engineer! Which, yes, was highly unusual for the time, but not completely unheard of.
I'm not sure it was ever explained why Marilyn couldn't study and/or work and still be a mother?
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
I think it definitely played some part,but not the largest part. I think there were so many issues that were rolling around in her head.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
I think Marilyn did because she wanted to live through her daughter. I feel that she felt she missed out on being sn independent women which was big at that time. I am not sure why James was the way he was with her
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
I do think that is why she did it. But she also was treated differently. She was more upset that they were letting Nath miss school,when should was not aloud .
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
I think it will make them wake up among other issues. Maybe even force them as a family to talk.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
I really feel badfor Jack. He comes across as a caring guy.
Yeah, I grew up in Southern California as well, at around the same time., And I was in a mixed race family, and it was pretty much a non-issue.And if Nathan was the class of 81, this is even less likely I'm thinking, and why did nobody care that the boy got into Harvard???
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
I'm sure it played some part in what happened to Lydia. She didn't want to be left at home without him there to help cope with their parents.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
For Marilyn, I feel that she wanted Lydia to live out the life she never did. For James, I think it has something to do with her looks - he's always talking about her blue eyes. He just thinks she's special.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
Absolutely, yes!!! I felt that right away!
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
I'm not sure the marriage can withstand it.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
At the beginning of the book, I thought he was the 'bad seed' to stay away from, but I'm slowing changing my opinion of him. I still can't put a finger on exactly what happened though.
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
She probably saw that she was about to lose her buffer, the only thing that made her parents tolerable. I think it was a big reason for what happened.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
The mom is treating Lydia like a mini-me, using her to correct all the mom's "mistakes." And the dad sees too much of himself in Nath, and seems to think he's hopeless, so hes decided Lydia is going to be the shining star.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
I think she was upset about Nath leaving so she wanted to end the celebration. The attention she gets is so horrible, why would she want more of it?
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
Maybe they will finally have a real conversation about all the issues that have been building up in their relationship. Maybe they will realize that they shouldn't be together. Or maybe they will make the changes necessary to make their relationship healthy. But seeing how they deal with everything else, they'll probably just pretend it never happened.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
Oh Jack... poor Jack! I take back all the bad things I said about him.
Dec 14 - Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-618. Hannah has made a promise that she will find out what happened to Lydia. Do you think she feels guilty for not speaking up about what she saw the night Lydia disappeared?
I’m sure that Hannah feels some sort of guilt. I also think that she wants to find out what happened to her sister and perhaps she is scared as well.
19. In Chapter 5 when the police stop to update the Lees, James seems embarrassed when Officer Fiske mentions Lydia's lack of friends, and Marilyn just talks about Lydia's school work and intelligence. Do you think this foreshadows something, or is this just fitting in with the theme of the book? Do you think the police are looking into Lydia's parents as suspects? Does their suspicion have merit?
I don’t think her parents had anything to do with Lydia’s murder. I do think that they were not as involved with their daughter as they thought they were. They did not realize how out of touch they were until her death.
20. Marilyn finds Lydia's hidden contraband. Do you think Lydia was really using these items, or were they placed there to gain attention?
Because the contraband was well hidden, I would venture to say that she was using.
21. There seems to be some familial violence like Hannah being under the table when her parents are fighting and James slapping Nath when he asks about astronauts. Do you think this has always been this way, or only during stressful times like Lydia's death and Marilyn leaving? Do you think the violence plays a part in Lydia's death?
This family appears to be dysfunctional, but I don’t think that any abuse was taking place. I think that everyone is stressed out over the events, and this is how they are reacting.
22. Even Marilyn, who was studying to be a doctor thinks of a "man" when she hears the word doctor? I work in the ER as a nurse. The male nurses are still mistaken for doctors and our female doctors are mistaken for nurses. Is anyone else guilty of thinking this way?
When I was younger, I thought it was a little strange for a male to be a nurse. Now, it is the norm. I try not to stereotype professions.
23. Marilyn finds out she's pregnant with Hannah so she gives up on her schooling again. Do you think Marilyn resents Hannah because of this? Do you think this is why Hannah seems to be ignored by the rest of the family?
I think that this has been a problem for Marilyn, but I can’t understand why the other family members would ignore her.
24. During the scene where Nath pushes Lydia into the lake she seems to accept death and let herself drown. What do you think of this scene? Was she unhappy back at this point in her life?
I am sure that Lydia felt pressure all of her life to meet the expectations of her family, especially her mother.
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
I think she felt that she was being abandoned, even though she knew it was wrong to feel that way about Nath.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
She was the first daughter to become old enough for Marilyn to live through vicariously.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
Yes, I think she did because that was her position in the family - to get all of the attention.
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
They may make it since both abandoned the family at some point.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
Jack was just as sad and confused about losing his friend as the rest of them. Poor guy! Nath was misplacing his anger.
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I did suspect this possibility from the start but I was absolutely sure of it since Lydia's mother returned home with her unreasonable expectations for Lydia after being absent for several months.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
I agree. It was very frustrating.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
He had to fight for his dreams alone without his parents or siblings support and Nath has decided long ago that he will break free from the toxic environment of his home. He is a survivor.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
Being different or with different interest than the mainstream of popular kids can be lonely and depressing. People are social animals by nature. If you are bullied and neglected and too young to deal with your feelings alone, suicide can look like an easy answer.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
I don't know. I really can't see Marilyn and James change that much in their beliefs and behavior. For Hannah's sake I hope their home life gets better and she'll have her parents back in some ways at least. My heart broke so many times for her and how she was treated by her parents - the unwanted and invisible child.
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?Lydia clearly didn’t want Nath to go off to college, using devious methods to try and prevent his leaving, but I don’t know if his leaving impacted what happened to her.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
The parents were selfishly focused on their own issues and needs, and failings in life, which they tried to transfer to Lydia, because she was the bright older sister.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
Yes, she definitely does this as a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction when Nath is about to divulge his good news.
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
It can go either way. The affair will break up the marriage, or the marriage will break up the affair.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
Jack is the unknown and mysterious character. He brings this element of suspicion to the story and propels the reader to continue reading to find out who did it or what happened. I think Jack will be a surprise to us when it comes to what really happened.
25. Lydia really relied on Nath to be around to act as a buffer for her parents. Without him, things probably went south very quickly.26. I'm not totally sure why James focused so hard on her, but Marilyn is obviously trying to make Lydia into the doctor she never could be.
27. I think subconsciously she loves the attention. But I think she thought her failure would be softened by Nath's good news.
28. Hard to say exactly. Marilyn could act like her mother and forgive him because that's what "good wives" do, or she could kick him out.
29. At the time, I still didn't think Jack had anything to do with it. It just seemed too obvious.
Just finished this today and I'm not sure yet how I feel or what to rate the book. My heart was breaking for Lydia as I read the last few chapters. She was reaching out for help and felt like she had nowhere to turn. Especially her last call to Nath when he was visiting Harvard almost had me in tears. (view spoiler)
At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?I suspected this from the beginning due to her home life and the expectations that were put on her even as a young child. She did appear to be depressed and didn’t want to live up to her parent’s expectations. I felt so bad for Lydia towards the end of the book. She was reaching out but no one noticed her.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
I agree especially with the flashbacks. With each flashback, repetition set in.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
Nate wants to break free from this disruptive environment. He is looking forward to getting away and being able to “find himself” at college. He doesn’t want to die but wants to understand what caused his sister to commit suicide.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
My oldest daughter is a senior in high school. There is so much drama with kids, making good grades, and just trying to fit in. Often times parents or adults do not understand that their kids are hurting. Kids don’t want to disappoint their parents and are afraid to talk to them.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
I am not sure that the ending is realistic. I don’t see how all of a sudden
Marilyn and James are able to just forgive each other. The affair has to weigh on Marilyn’s mind, and I’m sure that James is worried Marilyn might pack up and leave. Jack and Nath will be be fine. Hopefully, Hannah will receive the love and support that she deserves. I am not sure if I can recommend this book or not. I have very mixed emotions.
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
I think that had a lot to do with what happened to Lydia. She was upset that he was leaving her when he seemed to be the only one that could understand what she was going through.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
Lydia's mother was so excited that Lydia was smart and interested in all of the same things she was as a child (or so she thought) and she wanted to help shape her into being her best self. I think she had good intentions but didn't realize how wrong it was of her to push so much on Lydia without actually getting to know her daughter for real. Her father saw someone who could be popular and fit in with the crowd, and he wanted her to be that since he never could.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
I don't think it was ever about getting attention. She didn't want to tell her family but ended up having to.
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
I strongly hope that James feels guilty, as he should.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
So Jack was someone who would be mentioned and then I'd forget about him again and again, so I didn't have much opinion on him. I have finished the book though and have opinions now that I'll save for the final questions!
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I thought from close to the beginning that it was probably suicide. I think it made me sad for Lydia that she couldn't be herself around her family and had to act like someone else.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
I agree. I felt like there wasn't ever a moment that really surprised me.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
I think he's so used to being ignored and pushed away from his family which feels like he's sinking and going "under" but he always keeps his head up and remembers that it won't be forever as long as he can get away.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
I can't claim to know this at all, but I feel like feeling worthless, lonely, or making other people disappointed are a few reasons I would think of that teens may commit suicide.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
I think it's slightly realistic, and I had hoped that Hannah would eventually get her family's attention, but it was so sad to me that she had to lose her sister to gain that. I just never really liked any of these characters. Hannah was my favorite and even she wasn't talked about that much. So I would say overall, I wouldn't read it again or recommend it, but I was able to finish it!
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
I think Nath and Lydia were really close will Nath was going off to college but then Lydia seemed to think that he was leaving her alone to deal with the parents. She felt abandoned and all alone.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
I think Lydia was the focus because she was the first girl and the one with blue eyes. They focused all their regrets on her to fix.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
I think she wanted to prove she wasn't perfect and maybe didn't want to be.
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
The mom already left once so maybe she'll leave again, especially with the stress from the death.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
Jack is a strange one. He might have been playing a prank on Nath and Lydia ended up dead or they could have been hanging out at the lake and she drowned some how.
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia? I think it had a huge impact because she was losing her ally in the house, the one person who could take the heat off her even for a little bit. It’s too bad she was so afraid to stand up to her parents or at least communicate with them in order to relieve some stress that had been filling up inside her. In a way Lydia was pushing some of the weight onto Nath as well so it was no wonder he wanted to go away to college.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on? LOL That’s pretty funny. I think Marilyn picked Lydia because she wanted to mold her into what she couldn’t be and live vicariously through her. I feel Nath was just the wrong gender for that kind of projection from Marilyn.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention? I looked at it like she knew her parents were happy so dropping the bomb about failing during a wonderful moment wouldn’t make it as harsh of a reaction. But then part of me thought she did it on purpose-not for attention-but to spoil the moment for Nath since she was incredibly sad he was leaving for his dream college and she was envious that he got the chance to shape his own destiny.
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be? I don’t think it will lead to a divorce unless that is what James wants. Marilyn is oddly calm about it probably because there might be some residual guilt from when she just up and left for her selfish reasons. It’s kind of an even playing field now.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened? I think Lydia confided in Jack so he knows more than he’s letting on but I don’t think he murdered her.
30. I always suspected Lydia committed suicide, especially when Nath was trying so hard to point the finger at Jack.31. I was surprised by what actually happened to Lydia because I was so convinced about the suicide, but the rest was pretty predictable.
32. I think it means a literal sense of he was taught to swim, but his sister's inability to swim really taught her how to drown. In a non-literal sense, Nath got out of the emotional abuse and neglect, but Lydia didn't.
33. I think there is a distinct lack of empathy training at schools and in work places.
34. It wasn't too bad. A bit anticlimactic, but I wasn't expecting one.
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
I think everything started to pile up and this was the icing on the cake
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
I think they both wanted a different life and tried to obtain that through Lydia
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
Yes that was my thought
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
Jack was one of my favorite characters in the book
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I didn't care for Lydia's parents and learning about her suicide made me feel for the whole Lee family.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
He has spent his whole life being ignored and maybe not feeling loved and has worked hard to achieve his dreams
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
I did like the ending very much. I was happy to see the Lee family finally come together and act like a family!
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I thought it was suicide pretty early on. It just made me pay closer attention to the way her family was treating her. At first I thought it was going to be because of something at school, like bullying that got out of control.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
I don't know if it was ever meant to be a big mystery- and the repetitiveness mirrors the way Lydia had to deal with the same crap from her parents day after day. So it kindof fits.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
Nath has survived his parents. The way he was treated by them could have dragged him down, but he didn't let himself "drown."
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
There's a lot of pressure on kids, and a lot of kids don't live in great situations. It can be overwhelming, and maybe- like Lydia- they can't see a way out
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
I liked the ending, because it shows the possibility of moving forward without showing that everything immediately became better. In a lot of books-or movies or tv shows- it seems like everyone has a heart to heart and then everything is magically fixed. Here we see that things might get better, probably will get better, but it's not going to be perfect and it won't happen all at once
Playing catch up , just started the bookEverything I Never Told You, by Celeste Ng (Anything Goes BOM)
12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2 ~ Answered
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12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4 ~ Answered
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Dec 14 - Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-6 ~ Answered
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Discussion Questions Dec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
Discussion Questions Dec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
posted here
Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-21. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
I am really enjoying this book. I read it because it was a group read. Yes I do read this genre.
2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
I was a geek in school and didn't have many friends. I preferred reading and sports. I lived on a farm so I was bussed to school and most of the kids lived in town. Don't know what else she could be hiding from her parents.
5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
I am not sure maybe they feel that they need to keep
Lydia's secret from the parents. I don't know if he is involved.
6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
I think it was Lydia
7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
Perhaps she chose that place because she felt no one would look there for her.
8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
I'm a blender. I don't like having attention focused on me.
9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
1966 not sure what happened but it was a family secret. don't think it is related to Lydia.
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I thought it was a strong possibility pretty early in the book. I did have to make a decision to keep reading as my father committed suicide almost 4 years ago.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
I agree that there really weren't any major surprises, good or bad, in the book. It could have been many pages shorter and told the same story just as well, in my honest opinion.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
I looked at it both literally and figuratively. We know he was taught how to swim, and not drown, literally. Figuratively, he managed to stay afloat living with his parents and the dysfunctions going on there.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
I taught at a middle school and there were quite a few students who were suicidal, but thankfully got help before they went through with it. Most of them felt like an outcast, like they didn't fit in, like they had too much pressure on them to be perfect all the time, or that their parents didn't love or want them. So sad.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
I suppose it was realistic enough but I didn't really love it that much. It was a bit lackluster to me. Since the rest of the book was so even keel, I guess the ending did fit in though. I doubt I would recommend it to anyone.
Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-21. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
So far I don't have opinion about it. I did read it because it's a BOM. Not sure I would otherwise.
I do read mysteries so that's ok with me. I don't think this is going to be much mystery as it's going to be about family dynamics.
2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
I'm not sure. I grew up in different part of the world and in different time so I can't really say I understand everything about it.
So far I can only guess there'll be looks and comments about children and family as whole.
3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
She did have secrets, but I'm not sure she had that by that point. Didn't Marilyn also said that she was most of the time turned away from Lydia and she wasn't really paying attention to her? I'm not sure that Lydia was different from her siblings. At least not at that point. It was mostly parents treating them differently.
4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
Not sure yet.
5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
I don't think that Jack was involved in her disappearance but he was definitely involved with Lydia in some way.
I have a feeling everyone in that family knows something and not telling.
6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
Lydia leaving a house.
7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
Well, that would be perfect place if she wanted to kill herself.
8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
Blend in definitely. :) I'm happiest in just sitting on the side and letting others stand out.
9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
Their relationship did seem little forced. He wanted to prove he's 'normal and American' so he has blonde wife. She wanted to spite her mom and everyone else and picked a guy who couldn't be more different. I don't think they'd marry if she didn't got pregnant.
I thought she left because she had affair. Not sure if it's related to Lydia's death. It happened about 10 years before.
Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-49. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
Jack's fear proves he knows something. I still don't think he was involved in her death, but maybe he was the one that triggered it. *shrugs*
10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
Louisa probably wanted it to happen from start. Now he had moment of weakness and she used it. I don't approve his behavior and I hope it was only one time thing. Not that I believe so.
To be honest I didn't see so far that he is good father or husband. He seems to involved in others opinion of him and doesn't really pay attention what's going home. Now, there'll be another person he can start ignoring :)
11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
I don't think so. Not that I wasn't influenced. More like I don't care and so far I'm not regretting.
12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I had feeling Nath new what's going to happen. I wouldn't be surprised if something similar didn't already happen. As for Jack, he was again more interested about others opinions and how it would look then about his kid. Those things don't just vanish after some time.
I have a feeling that kids will spend fortunes on therapies in future :P
13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
She should have told them what she wants and what she's planning to do. It was selfish of her. OK, I understand not saying anything to James and leaving him, but not saying anything to kids? And they were still to small to understand!
I'm not saying she shouldn't have left, but she should have planned it better and different. if nothing else, she knew that James is useless at home and that her children will probably starve.
14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
Again, different time and place so I can't really say anything about this. Over here stay-at-home moms are practically nonexistent.
15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
At first I didn't like them, but now I think they work ok. It gives us more insight at characters and what happened that lead to Lydia's death.
Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-618. Hannah has made a promise that she will find out what happened to Lydia. Do you think she feels guilty for not speaking up about what she saw the night Lydia disappeared?
I really feel sorry for Hannah. My heart is breaking every time when author says how she's invisible in her family and how she keeps sitting under tables. (It still brings tears!)
I thinks she knows more then we think at this point.
I believe she doesn't feel guilty for not speaking up, but maybe for not following Lydia that night when she saw her leave.
19. In Chapter 5 when the police stop to update the Lees, James seems embarrassed when Officer Fiske mentions Lydia's lack of friends, and Marilyn just talks about Lydia's school work and intelligence. Do you think this foreshadows something, or is this just fitting in with the theme of the book? Do you think the police are looking into Lydia's parents as suspects? Does their suspicion have merit?
It just shows how this family doesn't know anything about each other. Both parents see only what they want to see. Both of them acting like they have only one child!
I don't think police suspect parents. i believe they are angling to suicide and what they found out from parents will only prove that theory.
20. Marilyn finds Lydia's hidden contraband. Do you think Lydia was really using these items, or were they placed there to gain attention?
Both? She was trying to rebel from perfect daughter her parents were making her and forcing her to pretend.
OK, I'm not sure she was using both of them. Probably only smoking and other one was for shock value. :)
21. There seems to be some familial violence like Hannah being under the table when her parents are fighting and James slapping Nath when he asks about astronauts. Do you think this has always been this way, or only during stressful times like Lydia's death and Marilyn leaving? Do you think the violence plays a part in Lydia's death?
So far it looks like isolated incidents, mostly on James' side when he was loosing. I don't think there was physical violence involved, but psychical, definitely.
22. Even Marilyn, who was studying to be a doctor thinks of a "man" when she hears the word doctor? I work in the ER as a nurse. The male nurses are still mistaken for doctors and our female doctors are mistaken for nurses. Is anyone else guilty of thinking this way?
Not so far. OK, maybe only in cases of male nurse, but only because they are not that common over here. I think I saw only one in my life (not that I had plenty of opportunity *knocks on wood*). :)
23. Marilyn finds out she's pregnant with Hannah so she gives up on her schooling again. Do you think Marilyn resents Hannah because of this? Do you think this is why Hannah seems to be ignored by the rest of the family?
Yep. Hannah is guilty her dreams are going to remain just that and she is again forced to become someone her mother wanted.
OK, so Marilyn and James became so focused on Lydia that they were ignoring their other children, but I can't figure out why did Nath and Lydia ignore Hannah too.
24. During the scene where Nath pushes Lydia into the lake she seems to accept death and let herself drown. What do you think of this scene? Was she unhappy back at this point in her life?
They were all unhappy.
Lydia saw it as escape from her life, all those pressures from mom and pretending to be what she's not.
Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-49. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
yes I think perhaps he is why she died.
10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
He was wanting to be comforted and for whatever reason felt he couldn't have that with Marilyn. I don't think that was on his mind until the situation presented itself. No my opinions haven't changed about him.
11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
Yes
12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I don't think James handled it well.
13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
I think perhaps that was the only way she could have done it. James was against her working.
14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
I have never been a stay at home mom as I have no children and I have always worked.
15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
My father died when I was 10 and that situation was what led my mother to work full time. I became a latch key kid. So for my teenage years I was on my own. I had a few friends homes that I could go to and hang out.
16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
I like the use of flashbacks gives more depth to the characters and helps me understand them better.
Dec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-21625. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
She was starting to feel abandoned. Maybe if she remembered she has another sister, she could find another support in her.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
In mom's case, Lydia was supposed to become everything she couldn't - go to school and finish it, have career and not be stuck with family. In dad's case, Nath was reminding him too much of himself - what's like to be different from everyone else and not having friends.
And for both of them Hannah didn't really exist.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
I had same thought.
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
I'm not sure. I see it going both ways - James and Marilyn working through it just so they don't make scandal. On the other side I can see them both going in separate ways - James with someone who's like him and Marilyn finally having opportunity to fulfill her dreams.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened?
Oh, I'm starting to think that Jack isn't really as bad as he pretends to be. Not to mention he's probably not a player everyone thinks. (or I'm reading too many m/m books :P)
I think Jack and Lydia were only friends - both were keeping secrets and they found 'support' in each other.
Dec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I started suspecting quite early. Probably as soon as we found out family dynamics. And It didn't ruin my reading since I wanted to see if I'm right. (usually in mysteries I never guess right murderer :P)
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
I wasn't reading previous posts since I didn't want it to spoil my reading.
Since we from first line know that character is dead, I don't see problem with predictability. Everything was expected. As for repetitiveness, if it was there, it blended with story. Since I'm not sure I noticed either, I guess it didn't bother me :)
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
He was swimming since he was 3yrs. His body reacted instinctively.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
Actually, I was crying last few pages :)
I think it was realistic. There was no magic that made them living HEA instantly, but it showed how they had to adjust and learn to live in new circumstances.
I'm happy they finally started to notice Hannah (sadly it had to happen this way)
12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4Since I'm kind of behind, I may just make a few "day 2" comments.
First, not mentioned in the questions, but one of the things that struck me the most was poor Hannah - she kept wanting comfort from her mother- both during and after the funeral, and couldn't even hold her hand. That was sad.
And the parents kind of ignore Nathan too, or don't help him (like at the pool). It seems like all of the pressure was on Lydia, which makes me suspect suicide even more.
I'm guessing re: Jack - maybe he was helping her with physics.
I have DEFINITELY had pressures in my life that have influenced my decisions. In fact, I wanted to be a doctor originally, and my mother pressured me out of it. My dad told me to go into computer science because it was a growing field. (And I did.) They may have been right, I'll never know, but I'll always kind of regret not making my own choices.
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
Maybe around midway through once they kept pointing out the stress.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
It did seem to repeat the mantra of her being pressured and the asian thing and etc.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
I think your body instinctively tries to live. I assume it was probably something more metaphorical and meant something like he has already figured out how to be his own person in life and not drown. Though Lydia figured that out right before she drowned so... maybe it's just the literal meaning.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
I thought statistics said bullying. I think in a more generic case it's the fact that teens have high levels of hormones (and new hormones) running through their bodies which causes things to be more heightened. It's almost like having an illness of some sort since your body isn't functioning normal til you learn to adjust. We didn't have any suicides but we did have a few deaths my senior year 2 from drinking and one from heart problems.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
I thought it was a bit to touchy feely. They skipped over a lot of the hard learning to trust each other again part.
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I thought it maybe was a suicide from the beginning.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
Agree
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
He was taught at a young age to swim so his body floated and swam to the surface naturally.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
The pressure to do everything and be perfect and experience everything but any mistake you make could "ruin" your life.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
Sort of and yes.
Everything I Never Told You, by Celeste Ng (Anything Goes BOM)12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2
12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4
Dec 14 - Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-6
Answers
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Discussion Questions Dec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216 ~ Answered
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Discussion Questions Dec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end~ Answered
(view spoiler)
Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-618. Hannah has made a promise that she will find out what happened to Lydia. Do you think she feels guilty for not speaking up about what she saw the night Lydia disappeared?
I think she does.
19. In Chapter 5 when the police stop to update the Lees, James seems embarrassed when Officer Fiske mentions Lydia's lack of friends, and Marilyn just talks about Lydia's school work and intelligence. Do you think this foreshadows something, or is this just fitting in with the theme of the book? Do you think the police are looking into Lydia's parents as suspects? Does their suspicion have merit?
I think James is embarrassed because he had no friends growing up and history is repeating. Marilyn's hopes of being a doctor are now being projected onto Lydia.
20. Marilyn finds Lydia's hidden contraband. Do you think Lydia was really using these items, or were they placed there to gain attention?
I think Lydia was using these items. It was her way of rebelling perhaps.
21. There seems to be some familial violence like Hannah being under the table when her parents are fighting and James slapping Nath when he asks about astronauts. Do you think this has always been this way, or only during stressful times like Lydia's death and Marilyn leaving? Do you think the violence plays a part in Lydia's death?
I think because no one really speaks about the issues this is how their frustrations manifest. I don't think violence is a part of Lydia's death.
22. Even Marilyn, who was studying to be a doctor thinks of a "man" when she hears the word doctor? I work in the ER as a nurse. The male nurses are still mistaken for doctors and our female doctors are mistaken for nurses. Is anyone else guilty of thinking this way?
I come from the world of finance/accounting. Bankers and accountants are still considered male professions.
23. Marilyn finds out she's pregnant with Hannah so she gives up on her schooling again. Do you think Marilyn resents Hannah because of this? Do you think this is why Hannah seems to be ignored by the rest of the family?
Yes I think so. Hannah is ignored because Lydia is getting all of Marilyn's attention and time.
24. During the scene where Nath pushes Lydia into the lake she seems to accept death and let herself drown. What do you think of this scene? Was she unhappy back at this point in her life?
I think she was unhappy because her life was not as it had been and now she is getting the attention from her mom and she doesn't want it.
This book is not one that I would normally choose to read. At first, I liked the book but the further that I read the book became more and more sad. Upon finishing the book, I felt sad for all the characters.Unlike most of the comments that I have read, I don't think Lydia committed suicide. I think her death was accidental. I feel that she was trying to change how she lived and reacted to everything. She wanted to begin her "new lease on life" by taking the plunge into the lake and surviving (one of her comments was that the dock wasn't far, she could make it). I think that her death is extremely sad, as her intent was to start new with a survival attitude, instead of a "please others" attitude.
The book made me think and recognize some harming traits that all of us have. For that matter, that it was thought provoking, I would say that I liked the book overall.
Angie wrote: "Unlike most of the comments that I have read, I don't think Lydia committed suicide. I think her death was accidental. I feel that she was trying to change how she lived and reacted to everything. She wanted to begin her "new lease on life" by taking the plunge into the lake and surviving (one of her comments was that the dock wasn't far, she could make it). I think that her death is extremely sad, as her intent was to start new with a survival attitude, instead of a "please others" attitude."It's almost like it was in the middle. I don't think it was intentional per say but it's hard to tell how much was her feeling invincible as a teenager and her not knowing how to swim and remembering drowning before. I think she was more trying to kill off her old life than end her life.
Discussion QuestionsDec 15 Chapters 7-8 Pages 158-216
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia?
I think Lydia was feeling that with Nathan gone to Harvard there would be no one else to be a distraction for her parents. Hannah was too young and is hardly mentioned in interactions.
26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on?
For Marilyn Lydia represented what Marilyn could have been. I really don't see how Nathan was ruined. He was accepted into Harvard which is all that his father wanted.
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
I think she has a love/hate relationship with the attention. She wanted the attention off of Nathan because she didn't want him to go and leave her behind.
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be?
Not sure but perhaps it would be best if James ended it.
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened? I think Jack was a symbol of what Lydia wanted, not to be smothered by her parents. I was thinking that perhaps Lydia committed suicide but now I am not so sure. Perhaps an accident that was not intended. I don't Jack was involved.
I agree you could kind of go either way as to whether it was suicide or an accident. On the one hand she did have those thoughts about changing her life and the dock not being very far. But she could also have been making excuses in her mind, in denial as to what her real choice was. She knew that she didn't know how to swim and that there would be no one to help her if she couldn't do it.Maybe she thought that there was a chance she would make it and if she did, her life would be different and she would be strong enough to accept the challenges. If she drowned then it would be all over and she could finally rest (which I think she also welcomed).
Interesting in its ambiguity.
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I had thought about midway it was a suicide.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
I don't think it was repetitive or predictable. I just enjoyed the writing and the story and it made me think a lot about my teen years and the pressure put upon teens in order to succeed.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
At first I thought it was reference to swimming lessons but I think it was more than that and he learned how to deal with the pressures and he knew he would soon be out from under his parents.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
I think sometimes that teens feel like they are listened to. I cant imagine being a teen today with all the pressure to fit in and succeed.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
I liked the ending. Nathan got to go into space. I think he also loved Jack.
Team Morrigan1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
I am kind of bored so far. I read this because it was the BOM and I am trying to read books that I would not normally read on my own. I do usually read historical fiction and mystery but this isn't really grabbing my attention from the beginning.
2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
I know that was a difficult time in America and there was a lot of racism. However, the way the author is writing the novel I am more uncomfortable than anything else. I am interested to find out what happened with Marilyn and why she was "lost" in the past.
3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
I find it strange. I have never thought that my children had secrets when they were that little. Marilyn seems very off.
4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
I wonder about that - my experience was nothing like that. I didn't make up friends so I don't know why a person would go to all that trouble. I wonder if her parents put a lot of pressure on her to be normal. I wonder if the fact that she doesn't look like her father made her stand out in school to be picked on.
5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
It is strange to me that they wouldn't say anything when they find out she is missing. You would think that they would be smart enough, especially Nath who is 18, to know that is important.
6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
Lydia
7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
I have no idea. She could have either jumped in herself or someone dumped her there or she was pushed in.
8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
I am somewhere in the middle but leaning more towards wanting to blend in.
9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
I think their courtship and marriage is strange. I think Marilyn is very strange. I don't know but that is about the only thing I would like to find out. (besides what happened to Lydia)
Discussion QuestionsDec 16 Chapters 9-12 Page 217-end
Team Yhi
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book?
I suspected it was a suicide right at the beginning, when we learned that she had no friends at all.
31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree?
I don't think it was repetitive or predictable. I just enjoyed the writing and the story and it made me think a lot about my teen years and the pressure put upon teens in order to succeed.
I don't think it became repetitive, but it was a little bit predictable most of the time.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means?
I don't think that he meant it literally. While he was underwater, he realized things that made him not want to drown, and to continue living.
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide?
Teenagers have to put up with the pressure of school and social life, and live up to their parent 's and teacher's expectations. Sometimes they might feel like it's too overwelming, and they have no one to turn to.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not?
When Nath fell into the lake, I thought he was going to die, so I was very relieved by how things turned out.
Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-49. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
Yes it has. It is obvious that Jack was just trying to help Lydia and they formed an unlikely friendship. Jack probably knew more about her than her own family did.
10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
This is a new relationship? If so, that is extremely weird. I thought they had been having an affair not that this was the first time.
11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
Being a parent you always feel pressure. The difference is I never thought of my children as a burden, Marilyn had kids before she was ready and she blamed them for the result of her unhappiness.
12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I think it was disgusting how Jack reacted to that and blamed his son for it. The job of a parent is to protect their children and stand by then and help them through these situations.
13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
Absolutely, she is an unstable, selfish woman. Who makes a decision like that instead of talking to her husband and trying to find a way to make it work. Instead of being open and honest she lied and ran away. Immature and selfish.
14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
I don't even know. To be honest I don't even care. This book is so boring lol.
15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
I believe that people are influenced by what their parents do and how they act.
16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
I don't like it. It feels strange and disjointed.
25. Nath and Lydia seem to be very close up until a bit before her death. How much of the fact that Nath was going off to college do you think impacted what happened to Lydia? I think it was huge. I think she felt abandoned all over again.26. I've often joked when our eldest does something ridiculous that "Oh well, this one's ruined, we'll try again with the next." However, the Lee's seem to have actually taken that to heart. Why do you think it was Lydia that they focused on? I think mom was trying to have a do over of her own life
27. Do you think Lydia mentioned she was failing at physics just to put attention back on herself? Does she hate and crave the attention?
yes to both
28. The affair has been found out! Or at least very strongly confirmed. What do you think the fallout will be? NC
29. Thoughts on Jack? Thoughts on what really happened? NC
Allison Ann wrote: "Karrie wrote: "Allison Ann wrote: "Chapters 3-4I truly don't understand why so many novels have everyone miserable. Is happiness so hard to have? To write about? I suppose most people find it more..."
Ohhh boy do I agree. There are times that I just want light and sweet.
Berit wrote: "I was a kid in the 70s, so how realistic is this to have happened in the 70s? I was thinking maybe if it was 20 years or even 10 years earlier it would seem more realistic, I don't remember there b..."I was a kid in the 70's. It seems to me that at that time if a woman wanted to go to school she could. The whole running away thing to go to school just made no sense!
Joanne wrote: "I agree you could kind of go either way as to whether it was suicide or an accident. On the one hand she did have those thoughts about changing her life and the dock not being very far. But she cou..."I agree Joanne, it was almost like her way of flipping a coin and whichever way it went...it went...
30. At what point in the book did you suspect that Lydia’s death was a suicide and do you think that had an effect on your reading of the book? I agree with some of the other comments about this one. If it was a suicide, it was kind of a passive one.31. Some posters have mentioned now that the book became predictable and/or repetitive as it went on. Agree or disagree? yes.
32. When Nath ends up under the water, this quote, “he’s already learned how not to drown.” (p 290) is stated. What do you think this means? I think it was meant to relate to his ability to cope with the dysfunction in his life. I think we all deal with it to a certain degree!
33. We had a high suicide rate at the high school where I taught. We could not pin down only one reason that this happened so much at our school. What do you think is the major cause of teen suicide? i think it is a very sad and very complex issue. Each case is different. I am so grateful that my kids are OK. It is a super scary thing.
34. Was the ending realistic and did you like it? Why or why not? It was very sad. And the ending frustrated me.
Nothing But Reading Challenges
Books mentioned in this topic
Everything I Never Told You (other topics)Everything I Never Told You (other topics)
Also, I probably liked this book, because it made me feel like a clear candidate for parent of the year, compared to these parents!
And in the end I had hope for Nathan and Hannah.