Everything I Never Told You, by Celeste Ng (Anything Goes BOM) Start Date: December 12, 2015

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12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
I don't know how I feel about the book yet. I like the writing but I am getting annoyed with the abrupt shifts in character viewpoints. It doesn't bother me so much if there is section breaks or chapter breaks before the character changes but this is one sentence in one person's head and the next in another person's head. It is taking some getting used to! I had the book on my TBR. I didn't consider mystery a genre I read a lot until this year. I have read a few recently that I have really enjoyed.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
In 1977 I think this kind of relationship was still pretty radical and frowned on. In 1957 it was definitely more this way but not much changed in 20 years. It made me sad reading about how both of them were treated. Especially thinking about what it would have been like to live as a woman back then, compared to the advantages that we take for granted now. It hits a bit close to home.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
I thought this was a weird way to describe a baby. I think it was just her shock that she had missed something so important.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
I related quite a bit to this. I had very few friends in high school and the ones I had I never felt really connected to. I spent most of my days in the library doing homework. My reading of this is that Lydia is too smart for the people in her high school. She is ahead of them in mental development and therefore cannot connect with them at the level of high school girls. Not sure what else she is hiding but I am sure there is something.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
I don't think he is involved in her disappearance. I think it is one of those appearances can be deceiving situations. I get the feeling that he was Lydia's one true friend. I think they didn't tell their parents because they were trying to protect Lydia.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
I think it was likely Lydia leaving the house.

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
It seems suspicious. I am very curious to find out the reason she was there!

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
I used to want to blend in to the point of being invisible. I was terribly shy as a kid and teen. I am getting a lot more outgoing as an adult but there are definitely still times I wish I could blend in more.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
I don't know if they are related but it will be interesting to find out. Marilyn came back and Lydia is dead. This makes me think something different is going on but I could be wrong. I thought their courtship and marriage was sweet. I like that they were attracted to each other because they were both so different, they didn't fit with normal society. I felt sad that Marilyn's mother abandoned her for marrying a Chinese man though. It seems to me Marilyn did exactly what her mother wanted yet got punished for it.

[Karen E]

Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
-I’m enjoying reading this book so far, for TTIV and team points. Yes, the genre is one I would normally pick up.


2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
In the 1950s a marriage between 2 different races would be looked upon as taboo, and with great prejudice by general society. There have been great strides since then, but society is not there yet, (by a long shot) and is slow to embrace people just being people.
Within the Lee family, the husband sees himself as the breadwinner and the wife as the homemaker in keeping with this time period. It was the standard for the most part in those days. A man did not want the wife to take outside employment for fear that others would view him as unable to provide well enough for his family. This made career and/or paid work, only a dream for most women.


3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
Marilyn has issues, one being that she didn’t even know when Lydia had begun walking! “it could have been weeks ago...” She thought of it as a surprise, so I suspect she would think Lydia had secrets only because Marilyn didn’t pay attention enough to notice.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
High school is a trying time for all kids, just because they’re teenagers and everyone is trying to fit in. It seems there were too many issues for Lydia, of which we aren’t aware of all of them yet, but I suspect she was lonely and insecure with herself. She dealt with it by putting on a great facade for her family.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
Nath has stated he doesn’t say anything about Jack, because they’ll say “Why didn’t we know about this before?” He would have too much explaining to do, about all the times he covered up for Lydia. The story leads us to suspect that Jack is involved with her demise.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
With Lydia portrayed as the favorite in Hannah’s eyes, she believes she has heard and seen Lydia leave the house. It could be an illusion, but I guess we’ll see.


6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
It seems to make it a suspicious death.

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
Marilyn is very smart and good in school, and everything else that she does. She liked that, and it was a way of surprising people which made her stand out. I don’t blame her for wanting to show off a little, since some men/teachers were condescending to her; for example when she wanted to work in the shop, but she was told the equipment would be more than she could handle and she would be too distracting to the boys in there. James didn’t like being different (ethnictiy) so just wanted less attention and to blend in.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
As the story develops I think we will understand more about Marilyn’s early disappearance.

[Ashley]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

I saw this floating around with lots of good reviews so really wanted to read. Yes it is.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

To be honest I'm not really sure of the differences - I would have presumed that they would have still had some issues if they had met in the 70's.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

I think she's had a burden placed on her by her mother - to be different, exceptional.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

I'm not sure - I don't think that there is a reason why she shouldn't have friends. Maybe this comes back to mix race and not being accepted - or maybe she didn't put herself out there to others when she was younger.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

Maybe they are trying to protect Lydia. I don't think that he's involved but maybe he has an idea of what is happening.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

I can't remember so not sure!

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

I'm hoping that it's nothing sinister.

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

I'm to blend in - I don't need to stand out or have everyone's attention focussed on me. I think you can do well in life and still blend in!

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

I think that she had enough - that she was fed up with a life that other's could not accept.

[Kay Kay]

Berit wrote: "Good questions! I can't answer all of them, because this is a re-read for me.
Something that I was very curious about where the racial relations, especially in 1977, where I grew up and went to sch..."

I went to school in the midwest in the '70s and '80s in a small town. We were all white. There just were no minorities around unless you drove into a big city. I like to think that a minority family would have been well received, but you never know.

[Kay Kay]

I too have finished the book. So I will try not to give anything away!

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read? I really liked the book. I read it for the tower teams challenge. I would say that it might fall into a genre that I would read.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics? Gender relations and race relations had begun to change, but it is a long road. There are still issues today!

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings? I wasn't sure she was. I just thought that might just have been mom's perception.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations? I finished the book, so I won't answer this one. I did realte to her high school experience though. I never really fit in either.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death? I think they don't want to upset the parents. No speculation from me.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim? pretty fishy (get it!)

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in? I would say that I want to blend in. I am kind of shy.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death? I think it was sweet.

[Vikki]

Karrie wrote: "Berit wrote: "Good questions! I can't answer all of them, because this is a re-read for me.
Something that I was very curious about where the racial relations, especially in 1977, where I grew up a..."

I actually grew up in Toledo which is mentioned in the book as being an hour from Middlewood. It is mostly white and Catholic but not racist. My mom said when she was growing up in the 60's and 70's, it was more divided-- there was the Polish part of town, German part, Irish, etc and everyone kept to themselves. The university had most of the "non-white" races living around it.

[Erin]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
I've been hearing about this book for a while, so I was excited to have a reason to pick up a copy. So far I think it's really well written.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
Race and gender relations may have improved from the 50s to the 70s, but there's still prejudice shown. People are still shocked that James Lee's wife is white, people still whisper about "broken" families. It's changed, but the racism/sexism is still there.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
Lydia seems more introverted than her siblings, more self-contained.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
My high school was microscopic, so it was a pretty different experience. I know the go-to thought here is that Lydia doesn't have friends because she's not popular or people think she's weird and different, but maybe she doesn't have friends because she doesn't like the people she's in school with. Maybe she prefers to be alone. And sometimes it's easier to let your family think what they want than to upset the their expectations.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
I don't think he actually killed her, but I think he might have put events in motion that lead to her dying.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
I think she saw Lydia sneaking out.

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
I hope I'm wrong, but it seems like she probably killed herself.

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
If I'm with people I feel comfortable with, I don't mind standing out. With strangers, or just in public in the city, I prefer to blend in. But that's mainly about avoiding cat-calls, to be honest.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
Maybe Marilyn was disappointed about not getting back to school, or she was feeling trapped. I don't think that it would have anything to do with Lydia's death, but who knows.

[Joanne]

Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

I do like it so far. I got a free audiobook awhile back and it sounds like something I would normally read so figured now is the perfect time to finally get to it.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

I'm would guess there's a big improvement in how the kids are treated vs how the parents were with regards to race but I'm sure we'll see more as the story goes on how much racism they experience. Although I certainly don't feel any sympathy for the Marilyn's mother and her actions, I can see how even if she were more open-minded at that time, she would still be aware of how hard a life a mixed-race couple would have in that era.

Marilyn had to be the best at everything in school just to be regarded as even being worthy of having a spot or a chance, which I think is pretty realistic at the time for women. Even now there is the saying that "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good." Marilyn was very ambitious and she wanted her daughter to achieve all the things she couldn't do herself because she got pregnant.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

I'm not sure what to think about this one. I think maybe Lydia surprised her mother at a very young age with how quickly she caught on to things (like walking) and Marilyn started to feel that she could pin her hopes and dreams on this over-achieving daughter. This put more pressure on Lydia.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

I really feel for her. Having to pretend to have friends so your parents don't know that they only talk to you to get the homework answers is sad. I wasn't very popular in school. I had a group of friends, but my parents were so strict I wasn't ever allowed to see them outside of school so we weren't that close. I can relate to feeling lonely and being a teenager is such a turbulent time of life. Everything feels like a much bigger deal than it would to an adult. Lydia seems to feel like she can't disappoint her parents, which must contribute to her unhappiness. Who can she confide in?

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

I think her siblings are scared they will get in trouble for knowing about Jack and sneaking out and not doing/saying something right then and there. I'm guessing Jack is her first real friend, who makes her see how she's always tried to please other people and it made her miserable.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

I think Lydia was sneaking out. Maybe to meet Jack?

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

Not a good idea if she voluntarily went to a lake when she couldn't swim. I can't either and I'm terrified of water. It sounded like she was too, so there must be an important reason why she would choose to. Unless she was killing herself, like some others have suggested.

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

Major introvert with social anxiety so I'm all about fitting in.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

It's interesting that these two would be drawn together when they're so different. I feel like in the whirlwind of first love, Marilyn forgot about all the dreams she had for herself. Once she was pregnant she was out of choices and had to give up what she had fought for all her life. It doesn't seem like Marilyn would be happy staying home with children when she wanted to be a doctor.

James' moment with the TA (where he brushed the ladybug off her hair) made me suspicious that he may have had affairs with students and when it was shown that they met when Marilyn was a student I felt even more so that he may have secrets.

I'm very curious to find out why Marilyn disappeared after they had been together so long.

[Audra]

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
I am enjoying this book. It is a genre that I real often. Something intriguing about a story that unravels like I have a feeling this one will. I had seen it on reviews but moved it up my list when I saw it was a read for this group.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
I'm sure they would view the difference in the 20 years as great. Being as they were judged so much I'm sure they did not want the same for their daughter. Maybe that and the mother's relationship with her mother changed how they parented their daughter.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
I thought the wording of it was strange. But I know that it is not unusual to worry that you child takes their first step, says their first word, etc. when you aren't around or watching.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
I think that we obviously still have a lot to learn about Lydia and her true life. Mine would have been much different. I had many friends that I hung out with. It does make you wonder what people are actually hiding and if you truly know them.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
I think that they didn't want their parents to think that they had missed something about their daughter or that they were bad parents. I'm not sure yet if he is involved.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM? Lydia

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
Well it makes sense that either she killed herself. Or that someone knew she couldn't and took her out there. Makes me wonder if maybe she could have been pregnant and it was trying to be hidden. There has to be a connection made with the entirety of Chapter 2 and her death, maybe it is that both her and her mother had forbidden loves and pregnancies.

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
I think I'm more of one to want to blend in. I don't like being the center of attention.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
I'm sure their relationship was pretty typical of an interracial marriage at that time. I'm not sure what Marilyn disappeared for but it definitely will be a big part of the storyline and possibly her daughter's death. They make a big deal about how Lydia is so much different than her siblings. Maybe she is a child out of an affair from one of her parents that occurred during the time Marilyn disappeared.

[Brie]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

I had signed up for this BOM because of Tower Teams, but I was so behind on a few books that I wasn't planning on participating anymore. Then, tonight on a whim, I started it...and oh WOW am I glad I did. I love it so far.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

Aaaah this is a good question and one that I was thinking of throughout the second chapter especially. The Lee family definitely struggles with racism in the late 70's. The son noticed in the store with the woman who messed with her eyes. The daughter notices it more at home, what with Lydia looking more like their white mother and therefore being the favorite. James notices it at work, less so now than in the late 50's, but it is ever-present all the same. They, as a family, seem to place quite a bit of focus on it...though I think that's more in their minds and thoughts than in their actual behaviors.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

Lydia seemed more private. It looks to me like she sort of went along with whatever was asked of her, but had a secret life all to herself. She didn't stir the pot or cause trouble, but that doesn't mean the quiet one is the most well-behaved.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

I don't think Lydia has friends because I don't think she wants them. It's almost like she's just biding her time until she can get out of there. How was MY high school experience? I was...not as well behaved. I was definitely just as studious. I was a real a**hole to my parents and I still apologize to them to this day and try to make up for it.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

I think (and hope) it would be too predictable if Jack had a heavy hand in her death. I'm sure he's probably involved in some way, or at least knows a lot more than her family does at this point, but I don't think/hope he killed her. I think her siblings are scared. They also know more than they're letting on, but I think they're only JUST realizing that -- it's like they each keep getting snippets of memories where they go, "OOOOOH! THAT'S what that was about!"

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

I DON'T KNOW!!!!! That suuuuuuuper creeped me out! I didn't like that at all (maybe because I purposely avoid windows at night for that very reason)!!!

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

Maybe she went along to the lake with Jake because she wanted to fit in with him? Maybe it was all an accident, a simple mistake that went too far? Maybe she didn't go to the lake at all but was dumped there?

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

Oh we are getting PERSONAL! :) Ok...well...I'm an introvert. I CRAVE solitude. I am mostly in my head and because of that I can be seen as anti-social, rude, or judgmental -- it is none of those things -- it is because my heart starts to palpitate when I have to interact or carry on a conversation with someone. Yet somehow...IM IN SALES! I used to work in the entertainment industry! So...I'm both? What it comes down to is, I want to blend in...until I manage to speak...and then I want that one statement to cause me to stand out.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

I thought their courtship was sweet! It was magnetic and innocent, yet passionate. My heart broke for them at their wedding, but I loved that they got past her mother's disapproval. I don't know why Marilyn left. I wondered if maybe she had a breakdown? Postpartum depression, as mental health care, especially for new mothers, was not exactly like...existent? Affair? I didn't think it had anything to do with Lydia's disappearance but now that you planted that seed in my brain...

[Vikki]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

Yes. It has been on my TBR. Yes

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics? Apparently all races are not equal and interracial marriage is not legal in the 1950s. In 1977, there may have still been some racism in social interactions.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

It seems like Marilyn is not close to Lydia and was not around/ watching/ paying attention to Lydia when she was young.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

I think Lydia being interracial and academically inclined made her a social pariah. I think Lydia was faking most of her life and personality to please her parents.

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

They are afraid of disappointing her parents. I think Jack make have something to do with the disappearance.

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM? I think Jack was looking for Lydia.

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

That her body was dumped or she outgrew her fear and her parents didn't know about it.

8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

You can never totally fit in or be the center of attention. I think I am in the middle.

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

I think it was quick. I am not sure why Marilyn disappeared but I think her marriage/life was not going the way she is expected. I think her parents unhappiness fueled the kids unhappiness.

[Kenya | Reviews May Vary]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

[Skandia]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

So far, it's keeping my interest. I don't read this genre very often but I like to read some general fiction from time to time. This book I picked up because of the BOTM

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

Looks like nothing much has changed regarding race relations. Lydia and her brother are still the only Oriental pupil in their school.
In Lee family dynamics it's more to do with gender relations though. Looks like race is not the issue for now.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

It's hard to answer the question because I have read further and I know the actual answer to that question, but from the start it's obvious that especially mom is favoring Lydia over her other children.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

I don't think that sweet, innocent Lydia is actually that sweet and innocent. There might be a whole secret life that her parents know nothing about because they only see what they expect and want.
Luckily, my high school experience was nothing like Lydia's. I had a lot of friends and hobbies.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

I got the feeling they are afraid of their parents and to tell something bad about Lydia ( like a relationship with weird boy next door) would turn their parents against them.
I think Jack might now something but he is not the murderer.
Right now I suspect it could be a suicide.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

It was Lydia for sure.

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

Suicide?

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

Opposites attract. Lydia's mom and dad saw the qualities they desired in each other and that was one of the things that pulled them together.
I'm more of an introvert, so maybe I gravitate towards blending in but in the other hand I have a strong self-consciousness and my own opinions that don't blend in always.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

Marilyn was lost. Her dreams and desires and reality didn't match. She wasn't a good match with James from the beginning and got frustrated of her life that was resembling more of her mothers dream than hers. I don't think James understood the needs of her wife to be more than mother and homemaker.
Can't answer the last question because this would be a spoiler for others.

[Anna]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

10. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
Not really. I had guessed that Jack was only the tip of the iceberg of Lydia's private life. Lydia talked to him in a way she never did to her family. That made him important no matter if he helped/caused her death or not. I hope he opens up at least to Nathan.

11. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
If it wasn't for his daughter's death he wouldn't have gotten into Louisa's bed. My opinion is the same for him. He is a troubled human being, that lets other people choose him or for him. He did it with his wife, he did it with his jobs, he did it with his mistress. His need to blend in makes him weak, he can't stand out not even in his grief. What happened to his family probably feels like another rejection to him. I can't excuse him, but I understand him. This family feels broken after Lydia's death. They can't even grieve together. So he found the first person to show him compassion and let her take him home.

12. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
I'm too old or too young to have this kind of pressures. I picked a path and I'm walking it. At 18, the hard part was to find that path and probably at my 50s there will be a time I will challenge the path's worth. At the moment, I'm just walking and hoping everything will be alright! :)

13. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I guess you mean James experiences and his reactions. He is a coward in my humble opinion. He tries to forget his wounds instead of sitting down with his son and help him understand how prejudices shaped his life and how to escape this endless circle of shame and fear. Him not talking to his child is the worst thing a parent can do. If they can't teach through their experiences what are parents for? He just left his son fight his legacy alone.

14. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
She was looking on the problem the wrong way. Career or family you couldn't have them both. She rushed into a marriage she wasn't ready to support and she ended up hitting a wall. Different times, different desitions, but I can't really say who was the less worthy to have a family and children of these two people.

15. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
I don't think her mother was happy. I think she was contented. It is the mentality of "If life gives you lemons, you better be able to make a hell of a lemonade". Women of that generation were housewives 99,9% of the time. Being a really good housewife might be a reason for pride even. I don't know the woman enough to discern hidden aspirations. I understand Marilyn's sense of disgust for this kind of life, that sense of pointlessness, for a person who needs to stand out, in a life that is made for people to blend in and die anonymously. I don't agree, but I understand her.

16. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
I would say that parents are really important in the shaping of our character. Not every child responds the same way, though. There are those that strive to imitate/please them and those that labour to erase/undermine their influence. Let alone all the shades in between. I'm sorry to say I was on the second category. I thought my mother was too kind, too easy to let herself go in favour of the others. I fought for independence. My father was totally independent, too proud to ask for help, too strong to let anyone find out he was in pain. I'm trying every day to be human, to allow others to stand by me. As you can see it is a tough scale to balance, but I'm working on it. They didn't have a clue about their influence on me. I was the only child, they did their best, and then they left too soon.

17. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
I like them. They add depth to the characters and their decision. It is a strategy that can go very wrong if you overdo it, but it works well for me in this book.

[Laura]

Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
I do like the book so far. Yes, mystery and historical fiction are both genres I enjoy reading. I wanted to read this book because it has been on my TBR for a bit but also for the tower team points!

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

I think Marilyn is blind to the racial prejudices that her children encounter.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?



4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
I think Lydia doesn't have any friends because she is "different" I don't think that Lydia has the same dream to be a doctor as her mom did even though that is what her mother wants for her.

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM? I don't think it was Lydia that she saw.

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
She either committed suicide or she was murdered.

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

I prefer to blend in. I don't like being the center of attention.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

I think Marilyn disappears in 1966 because she feels trapped and isn't happy with how her life turns out. (view spoiler)[ I think she comes backs to her family because she finds out she is pregnant with Hannah (hide spoiler)]

[Daphne]

2/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship? I'm all for free love, and wanting the ones I love to find comfort and solace wherever it works for them. So for me, I'd be happy for James, but I know the rest of the world doesn't work like that, and it will probably cause strife.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions? I suppose I do. I've made the decision not to procreate. I just don't enjoy or want children. I do love animals and learning, and that is where my world is now. It's not the traditional life by any means, so there is always a bit of blow back. My family supports me 100%, but I'm sick of explaining to coworkers that I don't want kids or traditional marriage that involves monogamy.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character? This scene just completely irritated me. WHY DID SHE HAVE TO LEAVE?!? Heck, my mom went back to school at 40 and got two degrees while a single mom with my brother and I. They were in International Business Management and she also became a Registered Nurse. This is after working her life at the Hoover factory as a blue collar worker. I did not understand at all why she had to leave her family to go to school. It felt very stupid.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here? It works, but I'm not a huge fan. I just rolled with it until I finished the book.

[Daphne]

Victoria wrote: "Karrie wrote: "Berit wrote: "Good questions! I can't answer all of them, because this is a re-read for me.
Something that I was very curious about where the racial relations, especially in 1977, wh..."

I grew up in small towns below Cleveland/Akron. Very insular communities, but my parents were completely laid back, and let us find our own way. We luckily didn't end up tarnished by it.

This did make me think about the one black kid that went to highschool with me. It was a small town with a large Mennonite community (half the kids were named Yoder and they were dating). The black guy was well liked and on the football team. He was also adopted by a Mennonite family when he was an infant. He was quite light-skinned, and the family actually thought they were adopting a Caucasian baby until his skin darkened as he aged and it became obvious their mistake. Luckily, no one ever treated him any different, and it was told as a funny story rather than a mark of shame.

[Amy]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
I like the writing style so far. I think the story will get better as we learn more about what happened to Lydia. I found myself pretty bored with Marilyn and James' backstory. I've had this book on my to-read shelf for ages, so I picked it up when I realized it was going to be a BotM

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
I think people are more accepting of their family dynamic in the 70s, and I think we'll find out more on how their looks play a role in their own family.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
I thought it was an odd statement. She obviously looks a little different than her siblings, which I have my suspicions about, but we really need to learn more about their relationships.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
My experience was much different. Even when I was asked to give someone answers or to do their homework, I would always adamantly refuse, and I think it's sad that some people let themselves get taken advantage of so obviously.

4. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
I think he may know what Lydia was like more than anyone in her family, but I don't think he killed her. I guess we'll find out!

5. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
No idea!

6. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
It makes me think that she either committed suicide or someone who knew her well killed her.

7. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
I think this was a great quote and helped understand their parents better. I definitely prefer to be my own person, but that doesn't mean I want to be the center of attention.

8. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
I thought their first kiss was weird and not really believable. They're just boring for me right now, but I do want to know why she disappeared. No ideas as of yet..

[Laura]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
I don't think Jack was involved with Lydia's disappearance. I do think he was a person that she could go to.


10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
I think Lydia's death /funeral is an excuse for him to justify what he did. Obviously he was unhappy in his marriage or he wouldn't have stepped outside it. Yes, my opinion of James has changed. I don't believe there is any excuse for cheating on your partner.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
As a parent I think that we always feel pressures and expectations.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I don't think Jack handled that situation very well. I think he didn't tell Marilyn what happened because they are a family who doesn't talk about anything. They are a "sweep it under the mat" family and "pretend it doesn't happen" family.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
I can understand her reason why she thought she had to leave but it doesn't mean I agree with it. Parents today are "trying" to balance career and families, I suspect a bit harder to do during that time. Right now neither parent is a very likable character.


14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
I'm not so sure that Marilyn's mother was satisfied with her own life.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?


16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
Yes I like the use of flashbacks. I think in this book it certainly does work for the author.

[Vikki]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

That Jack was a player but maybe Jack was really just friends with Lydia. I think that Jack breaking off whatever relationship he did have with Jack would have deeply hurt Lydia.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

I think it was going to happen eventually but the funeral gave them the opportunity/ excuse to do it. I think you could see it coming so it really didn't change what I thought about him.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

I think all women have competing pressures between work and children.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

I think James handled it poorly and should have been more empathetic to the teasing Nathan endured and James was embarrassed by the situation too so that did not help the situation and was probably the reason he did not mention it to Marilyn.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

I think she should have at least left a note or just gone to the university in town. I understood her feelings but did not agree with the way she handled it.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

I think that it was sad and lonely being a housewife back then.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

I think all parents have a big influence on their child's childhood but as a child starts to become more and more autonomous that the parents start to have less and less of a say or influence on their children.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

I like the use of flashbacks in this novel and think it works well.

[Becky ♡The Bookworm♡]

I'll jump in soon for the discussion! I should have the book from the library in the next day or so. : )

Team Morrigan

[Audra]

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
Still the same. I think had something to do with it, but no sure what his role is yet.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
I'm not so sure that this is the first time. But in times of grief people do things that they can't truly explain. I think he wanted to be close to someone and it was evident that his wife wasn't needing the same thing during her grief. Is it right? Of course not. Just trying to think through what he was going through at the time.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
Oh, sure. Who doesn't? In my family it's the norm to marry and have children young. At 27, I'm not married yet and feel the pressure from my mom to do so so I can have babies. I want that for myself, but not as pressed as she is for it to be right now. There have been many others in the past in terms of who to date, schooling, etc.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I'm still not sure what happened in the pool. At first I thought Jack was trying to be the nice kid. But afterwards, with his speechlessness I'm not so sure. I'm sure they didn't tell Marilyn because he didn't want to explain how he once felt too.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
It's obvious she felt trapped. But the fact that she planned it out and stocked up the food for them really makes me wonder what kind of person she truly is. How could she not see that it is possible to have both? Or maybe during that time it still wasn't possible.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
I think the comments noted were forced ones. Her finding things that justified how she should feel in hopes that she could convince herself of it.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
Of course people are influenced by their parents. I was lucky with my parents. They were always around, at every event, and had high expectations of what I was to be then and in the future.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
I like the use of flashbacks. It helps to build to storyline. The reader starts to put things together and after another chapter another piece gets put in place. Gradually, things are starting to make more sense as we understand the characters better.

[Berit☀️✨]

As I've mentioned before, I've already completed this book, it was over a year ago, now I'm rereading it, but I will try to answer everything without spoiling anything :-)
9 Jack was a good friend to Lydia, I'm glad she had him in her life. Player or not
10 I think what James did was on excusable, it was his way of coping, and dealing with a bad situation, but still extremely on excusable
Although I believe it was inevitable.
11 Marilyn (view spoiler)[ Seriously pissed me off the entire book, I have no compassion or empathy for the woman, that may sound harsh, but as a mother I believe your children always come first, and she just couldn't get over the justice of her own life, I mean stuff happens to everybody you just got to deal with it! (hide spoiler)] Me personally I have never felt any pressure to be any which way in my own life, thankfully! Most of my pressure is internal, and really not all that much :-)
12 I think at the pool James was more embarrassed for himself that his son was tease than anything else, , It was one of those points in the book I wanted to reach through the book and shake James into reality!
I grew up in a family where my brothers were adopted from Vietnam their mother was Vietnamese and fathers were US service man, I also grew up during this timeframe, but I grew up in Southern California so people were of every different kind of race, so none of this ever was an issue.

13 as I mentioned in my spoiler, Marilyn was not my favorite person, I don't understand leaving your children.
14 I don't believe Maryland respected her mother and what her mother did, and that bothered me, obviously the woman bother me at all times.
I am a stay-at-home mom, for the most part with an extremely part-time job, I think both working mothers and mothers have different problems and things to overcome, and I don't believe either is easier than the other, they're just different.

15 there is no job harder than being a parent, my parents had a tremendous influence on me, as I do on my own children, I think it is just you do the best you can and then keep your fingers crossed that everything turns out OK! At some point they have to fly and you have to let them.
You just need to always remember they were their own people not miniature yous , There wants may be different and what you want for them, but you need to support them, as best you can, and within reason :-)

[Karen Michele]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

I do like it a lot. I had it on my radar, but picked it up at this time since it 's a BOM!

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

It definitely traces the time periods of change in racial relationships and legalities. Unfortunately, some of the beliefs carry on. I remember my mom saying things about "thinking of the children" in a mix raced marriage.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

It seems to be literary foreshadowing of Lydia's personality and relationship with her mother.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

It was similar, actually, but I did have a close group of friends. I just didn't spend much time socializing with the "in" group at all.

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

I'm not sure why they didn't tell about it, but I think it's too easy an answer to the death at this point. Maybe he is involved at some level, but I think there will be a lot more to it.

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

Probably Lydia.

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

It makes it more of a mystery since she usually didn't go by the water.

8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

It depends on the situation. If I don't know anyone, I definitely like to blend in.

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

I enjoyed the chapter and thought it was a solid story of courtship and marriage. I don't know about the disappearance yet.

[Allison Ann]

Chapters 3-4

I truly don't understand why so many novels have everyone miserable. Is happiness so hard to have? To write about? I suppose most people find it more interesting to read about pain and sadness than simple contentment, but I just don't get it. Happiness shouldn't be an impossible goal. I was different and bullied as a child. I still made friends. My parents taught me to stand up for myself and they stood up for me if things got too tough. They had to work hard, but they also made time for things they enjoyed. They didn't have to abandon their children to be happy.

I truly think people should have to pass a psych consult and a parenting course before they are allowed to have children.

[[deleted user]]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
No, I trusted him from the start. Like I said in the last questions, I think he was Lydia's one true friend.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
I think Lydia's death has a lot to do with this. It has been mentioned that Lydia looked a lot like Marilyn so perhaps James is having trouble with his feelings for his wife because of this, his feelings might be wrapped up and tangled around Lydia's death right now. Also, he is grieving so he is not thinking straight. A lot of people do things they wouldn't normally do when they are in pain.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
Not really. I tend to be honest with people about my needs and my feelings. If there is something that doesn't suit me I don't do it. Times have changed though. This is a lot more acceptable for women than it was in the past.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I understand James not wanting to get involved when the children were around, kids can be very embarrassed by their parents jumping in, especially male kids. They want to believe they are strong enough to stand up for themselves. I completely get Nathan's reaction. From his point of view, Jack was making fun of him. However, I think Jack was legitimately trying to be friendly. I think Nathan doesn't tell Marilyn what happens because James already pretty much cut down his behaviour by saying he needs to learn to take a joke. Nathan doesn't want to appear like a wimp so he doesn't make a big deal of it.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
I was proud of her for trying to return to the life she always wanted but I think she should have told her family. Abandoning them like that is not fair. It was something she needed to do though. Her mother's death made her realize she wasn't living the life she wanted to live. Like I mentioned above, people do things they wouldn't normally do when they are grieving.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
No. They both lived lives they didn't want. They were both equally unhappy. It seems like Marilyn's mother tried to live through her by pushing her to find a man.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
My mom was great during my childhood. She was a bit overprotective but she was always there for me. My dad wasn't around.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
I am enjoying the flashbacks. I think it works well for this story.

[Joanne]

Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

I think it was made clear in these chapters that Nathan has baggage when it comes to Jack and doesn't trust him (the swimming incident plus the rumours of him sleeping around) but I think that Jack was probably the one true friend Lydia had. I think she probably confided in him and that's how he knew how unhappy she was.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

I wasn't sure whether this was the first time. I thought there was a line that was something like "she tasted different" (maybe he meant: different than his wife?) but then then later it seemed that it was the first time. I don't know, I suspected this already even before it happened. I don't really care for him as a person regardless. He doesn't seem very supportive of his wife or kids in general.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

Not really. I get comments sometimes because I'm in a long-term relationship but have no desire to get married and don't want children. Luckily those decisions are much easier to make today.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

I think James still feels so much shame from being the only non-white person growing up and he hasn't dealt with this in any way. It makes him unable to help his children when they experience the same treatment and bullying. He wants his children to be outgoing and popular but doesn't set any example for them on how to make friends and interact with others. He also made it worse by on the one hand offering no support to Nathan in the moment and by ridiculing him to Marilyn right in front of the boy even though he knew it was not "just a joke".

I think Jack did try to help by getting in the pool and is a kind-hearted person but he was just a child and didn't realize that Nathan would feel humiliated regardless and take it out on him.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

Maybe it's because I don't have kids and don't want any, but I can completely understand her need to get away. She never made the decision to have kids. It was an accident and at that time she felt her only option was to get married. She gave up all her dreams and even when she just wanted to get a job her husband shot her down and was a jerk about it, thinking only of his own ego. I wish that she would have told him before leaving but I don't think she could have stayed and gone back to school full time as James would not have been supportive at all. Looking at the timeline, I'm guessing she ends up coming back because she gets pregnant again.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

I would guess Marilyn's mother felt trapped by the expectations of society as well but she probably never let herself think of any alternatives, whereas Marilyn was so close to being something different and keenly felt the loss when her options were taken away. I can't imagine how stifling it would have been to have no choice but to stay home and raise children. For some of course that's the dream but I personally would have gone crazy.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

I like the alternating chapters. I'm interested to see where this story goes.

[Amy]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
I still don't think Jack had anything to do with Lydia dying, but I think he probably knows more than anyone else.


10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
This whole section of the book made me really dislike James. I think his daughter's funeral put him in a bad spot, but that's no excuse for what he did. I'm not impressed with his character one bit.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
Maybe sometimes I feel like I need to be somewhere or do something for someone since I don't want to disappoint them, but that happens very rarely. Usually the people in my life are understanding.


12. When James and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. James remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that James handled the situation at the pool? How did James’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I think James should have said something to Nathan. I think he was probably embarrassed himself, but I don't think he should have made Nathan feel bad with telling him he needs to take a joke. When he said that, I wanted to punch him. I don't think he realizes it, but James is kind of a jerk!

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
I felt disappointed that that was the reason she abandoned her family. I completely understand her wanting to go back to school, but there's absolutely no reason she couldn't have told her family first. If James refused, she should have just left him since she obviously didn't care enough to stay anyway.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
Marylyn's mother obviously thought that being a stay-at-home mother was much more satisfying than having a career, while Marilyn felt the exact opposite. I think both of them were sad with their lives, although Marylin's mother may never have admitted it.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
My parents were both very lenient with me, but I was always a good kid, and I have them to thank for that. I didn't witness drinking, drugs, etc in my life, and I grew up seeing what a loving relationship looks like. It gave me high expectations in my own life, and I'm thankful for that. They never made me feel like I had to do something just because they wished they had.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
I think the use of flashbacks here is okay, although it's not the best laid out.

[Snowtulip]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
I still don't think he had anything to directly do with Lydia's death.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
I think grief overtook him and he wasn't thinking clearly, this doesn't mean I condone his behavior, I just think this family has a lot of communication that they need to do because nobody seems to be happy.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
Not really, I do not have children, so I haven't had that type of pressure before.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
James didn't handle the situation well, again, this family doesn't seem to communicate with each other. I'm sad that Nath didn't realize that Jack was trying to help him. Seems they could have been friends.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
She had a dream that she wanted to fill in a different time than I'm used to, but to abandon your family...just made me sad that she would do that.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
The flashbacks work in this story so you can get a snapshat of what has influenced everyone's current personalities.

[Rebekah]

2/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

I think Jack tried really hard to befriend this family and they won't let him in.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

Yes, it is gross. I don't like cheaters and I don't like that he is in a position of power over her.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

If you are a smart successful woman even today you are going to get pressure and comments about settling down, the clock is ticking, etc.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

I think Jack tried to help the situation. Kids get teased. I didn't think it was as big of a deal as the dad made it out to be.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

She just reached her wits' end. I wish she could have gone about it a better way. Telling her husband and her children how she felt instead of just disappearing.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

They both feel trapped. The grandmother felt she followed the rules and became a good cook, but her husband still left her to raise her daughter alone. She didn't want that to happen to her daughter. The daughter thought she could be educated and ended up also being a lonely stay at home mom.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

My parents definitely tried to influence me in some ways but have also always supported me in whatever I wanted to do. They don't insist I do things the way they did or that what they want will make me happy. They ultimately want me to be happy.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

Flashbacks work well since we don't know what each generation is experiencing otherwise.

[Debbie (Doc)]

Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

So far, I am not sure about the book. Chapters 1 and 2 were fast reads but they left me with quite a few questions. I have been looking at this book for a while and decided to read it since it’s a buddy read.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

1957 was different in terms of discrimination than 1977 although there were still discrimination issues during this timeframe. I don’t think that Marilyn and James thought their marriage through when they began to see each other. Perhaps, Marilyn has been unhappy since she was not able to attend medical school and others discriminated against her and her family.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

I am wondering about this myself. Part of Marilyn’s description of Lydia stated that she had blue eyes rather than “Chinese”. This makes me wonder since the other children appeared more Chinese than American.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

I can’t really relate to Lydia’s high school experience. My oldest daughter is a senior in high school, and I still can’t relate to Lydia’s experience. I do think that Marilyn is attempting to live through her daughter, and Lydia didn’t want to upset her mother.

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

I think that Lydia’s siblings are afraid of their parents reactions to them. The parents do not accept the siblings like they did to Lydia. I think that Jack knows something but not sure if Jack was involved.

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

I think that she did hear Lydia leave.

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

My first thoughts on the lake is that Lydia committed suicide or Jack talked her into a romantic getaway at the lake.

8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in

This is a difficult question. Marilyn wanted to stand out due to the way that she was brought up by her own mother. James wanted to blend in, because people assumed that he was Chinese and many thought that he did not belong in the US.

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

I think that Marilyn and James had a fling - women did not pay attention to James, and Marilyn had little to do with men her own age. During that time, races did not mix, especially for marriage. I think that Marilyn may have realized too late that she made a mistake. I have no idea why Marilyn left for a few days and hope that it has nothing to do with Lydia’s disappearance.

Tower Teams - Team Horus

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
Yes, it grabs your attention quite quickly. I decided to read it simply because it was a BOM, available from my library and a short book :)

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
Such a great way to start the book. I hadn't thought of the time periods too much, other than life for a woman should be easier for Lydia in terms of wanting a career than it was for her mother

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
Interesting that she would think that. I think there is a bit of projection happening there. I'm not sure that Lydia is so different, I'm interested to learn more about them

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
It seems that for most people High School is something you "survive". I hated my first school and went and found myself a different school for my last few years which was much more inclusive.
Interesting that Lydia is kind of making up a 'normal' life for her parents. Is it because she is embarrassed because she feels pressure to be 'normal'?

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
I think unknowingly the parents must have expectations on the children to be 'good'. They both seem to be taking the blame in different ways for Lydia's disappearance and are too scared to speak up

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
I thought this was a flashback to the last night Lydia was home and it was Lydia

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
Not sure yet. I'm hoping her death was just a bad accident

8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
I like how they are both so different in this way, and yet both end up standing out by being together in a society that doesn't accept different races marrying

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
I only imagine it was Marilyn having a bit of a breakdown as she realised she had become a homemaker instead of a Doctor. At this point I'd be surprised if it was related

[Corey]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

I am enjoying the book quite a bit actually. I've seen it in the book store and have considered picking it up multiple times, I even almost picked it up on my trip from Indiana to Florida, but went for Paper Towns because I knew John Green would grab my attention for the whole trip. Now I see that this would have too. I have read books like this, but I am more of a fantasy reader.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

I don't think I've ever considered there being a whole lot of difference between those two times frames, maybe for women, things were a little easier in the late 70's but I think even in 2015 we're still seeing a lot of issues in terms of race. I think it subsided somewhat in the mid 80's but clearly with everything in the news it hasn't changed much.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

I don't know that she's much different. I definitely think the author has created Lydia to be secretive, and isn't too subtle in letting us believe that this is how Lydia operates. Lydia though probably would love to open up, but doesn't seem to have the friends or the connection to another human being that would give her that ability. Jack is probably the first person she has ever had a connection with and that is why she goes wholeheartedly into that relationship, outside of the eyes of her family. I look forward to really seeing how all of these relationships pan out.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

Ha, my High School experience was much like Lydia's I think. I never really had any friends in High School, in fact if it wasn't for facebook I would have no connection to any one from High School at all. I had a lot of people in high school that I spent some time with, but was generally lonely, never spent time outside of school or band events with anyone from High School, so I relate to Lydia a lot on that stand point.

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

I think that is the nature of siblings and the expectations that we believe our parents have for us. Like James and Marilyn had issues with the expectations they felt from their parents, I think their children have the same issue. And like the officers said, some times children are mad at their parents and the parents don't even know.

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

Exactly what she believed it was Lydia leaving.

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

I think she went on a boat ride with Jack, and fell in and unfortunately because she couldn't swim she drowned, Jack didn't know what to do, and we'll see what happens later in the book.

8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

Good question, I think I am more of the blending in when it comes to reality, though more than anything I would like to stand out, just talk myself out of it sometimes, haha.

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

Not sure, there is something the author wants us to know about this time, so it will come in at some point. Not sure how though.

[Reed]

Sorry I am a little late to the discussion, holiday shenanigans kept me from getting my reading done on time! I've really enjoyed reading everyone's answers, a lot of things to think about now.

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
I honestly decided to read the book because of the reading challenge and my library had it available at the time. It’s not normally a book a would pick up on my own unless someone recommend that I do but I am always open to any story. I really enjoyed chapter one but my interest flagged a bit in chapter two during the backstory since I don’t see how it is necessary at this juncture.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
I didn’t research the time period yet but you can tell by Lydia’s other two siblings that they seem more outgoing and socially accepted by their classmates than James was during his schooling.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
I loved that description as well as the haunting way she was just suddenly in the doorway. It’s as if Lydia was already independent where as her siblings wanted to be part of the family dynamics and maybe be coddled.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
I think it’s incredibly sad that Lydia would mislead her parents that she has a social life and to waste so much time pretending and lying about it seems so silly to me. I feel like both her parents would understand feeling like an outcast and if they knew that she was this lonely they could have offered her advice, given her hope that there was someone out there for her. Coming from a family of 4 secrets like this would not have lasted long, 2 of my siblings would have made fun of me mercilessly for faking friends and the other one would have quietly gone to my parents thinking something might be wrong with me. I am very disappointed in Nath for not trusting his parents enough to tell them about what Lydia was doing or the fact she was hanging out with Jack.

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
I think Nath might want to play the hero and try to figure out Lydia’s disappearance on his own and at this point, yes, I feel Jack will have insight into her death whether it was a murder or quite possibly a suicide.

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
I was thinking it might be Nath going out to confront Jack.

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
It’s this piece of information that leads me to believe she wanted to commit suicide because why else would she go out in the boat presumably alone?

8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
Once again, fantastic lines that sum up high school. I pretty much blended in at my school since it was huge and we all wore uniforms but I never did things just because everyone else was doing them or wearing a certain style, I was unique and to this day I couldn’t care less about trends. I was self deprecating and sarcastic and my parents mistook this as insecurity yet my self esteem was fine. It took them a decade to see they had the wrong daughter in therapy back then.

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
I think their courtship sounded very typical and nice and they were brave for sticking together when waters seemed rough up ahead. As for Marilyn’s disappearance in 1966, I have no clue, maybe a mini breakdown over feeling like her wings were clipped that she never reached her full potential and “what ifs” plagued her?

[♦Ashley♦]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

I do like the book so far. I decided to read it because it was a BOM and wanted points for TT. I do normally read mystery, but more of the thriller/suspense variety.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?

I can't believe what a difference 30, 40, or even 50 years makes! I know the history is true, but I'm still shocked it was illegal to marry people of difference races.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

It made me think Marilyn might have had some post partum depression. Maybe Marilyn had secrets of her own and was transferring them onto the baby??

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?

I am from Ohio, but I went to school in the 90's and 2000's. I haven't read enough to really understand what Lydia's high school life was like yet to compare and contrast. Lydia may not have any friends because of racism in the 70's. High school is so weird! Everyone wants to fit in with everyone else, but also be unique and different.
Lydia must have been put under a lot of pressure by her parents to make up friends.

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

I don't think Jack is involved directly with Lydia's death. Nath and Hannah may not want to say anything for fear of getting in trouble for keeping secrets, and not coming out with the information right away.

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?

No idea, Lydia sneaking out to meet Jack?

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?

Someone could have dumped her after she was already dead, or someone knew she couldn't swim.

8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

Those lines are so true. It depends on the audience but I tend to un-purposefully stand out more...I think?? Once I get too much attention, I tend to get uncomfortable.

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?

It gave me insite into Marilyn and James' characters. Unsure why Marilyn disappeared. I have a feeling Marilyn is going to regret not finishing school.

---------------------------

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

My opinion of Jack hasn't changed. I still don't think he was involved with Lydia's disappearance.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

I think the death of Lydia was just an excuse for James to step out of his unhappy marriage. It was wrong of James. If you're not happy, get out of the first relationship for starting another. I don't agree with cheating. If both parties are agreeable to an open relationship that is different.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

I do feel societal pressures to have children. I've been married for 8 years and my husband and I just don't want children. I usually get looked at like I have two heads when people find out we don't want kids. I just don't understand why people think that is weird.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

I think Jack was trying to be nice to Nathan, and Nathan was embarrassed. It was probably a good thing that James didn't jump in, it probably would've made things worse. James should've discussed the situation in private with Nathan.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

I agree with everyone else. I don't understand why she thought she had to leave her family to go back to school.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

Marilyn's mother may have been perfectly happy with being a homemaker. I don't think it's enough for Marilyn, which is why she pressures Lydia to be a doctor.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

My mother positively influenced me by encouraging me to do well in school. I never had any doubt that I would go to college, although I was the first in my family to do so.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

I like the flashbacks. It gives me more insight to the character's personality, and why the characters are the way they are.

[Delta]

Day 1

1. I'm reading this for the Tower Team points. I don't think I would have picked this up unless it was for a challenge of some sort. I'm not usually into the family drama genre.
2. It's an interesting way to tell a story, but I kept forgetting the timeline. Some things, unfortunately, never change.
3. I don't think Lydia is different. I think Marilyn was raised to think women were of another species and so she was immediately compared to Nathan.
4. I had some "true" friends in high school, but I was never part of the in-crowd. I didn't do extracurricular activities and I didn't really hang out with people outside of school. I also don't have any siblings, so I spent most of my time actually alone.
5. I feel like Nathan didn't say anything because he had no real proof of anything. It was an area of Lydia's life that she didn't talk to him about. And Hannah is barely a character at this point. I don't think Jack is involved. It sounds like a suicide.
6. Probably the boat on the lake.
7. Sounds like suicide.
8. I think it's fancy talk and doesn't really say anything at all until you read more into the story. I like to blend in. I'm not outgoing in the slightest and I embarrass easily.
9. I know the answer so I won't spoil it, but it felt like it eventually led to Lydia's death.


Day 2

9. At this point we still don't know enough about Jack to say much, or enough about Nathan to say if he's a trustworthy perspective.
10. As a character, he's not all that likable, but I didn't really like Marilyn either. Of course, adultery and cheating will put you in my bad book every time, but I can see why he felt he couldn't get the comfort he needed from his wife.
11. I think everyone feels pressure. I know I feel a lot of pressure at work. I majored in theatre in college and now I work at an engineering firm. Two totally (but not completely) different worlds.
12. I feel like James didn't have much time to react to the situation at the pool, but I don't think he would have done anything even if he had time. If he had told Marilyn, I think that he thought she would want to move them somewhere else.
13. I can understand the desire to finish something you start, but she had two children. Did she really think James wouldn't have worked with her?
14. Marilyn obviously is not satisfied with being a housewife. That's why she left and why she pushed Lydia so hard. Marilyn's mother was obviously fine with being a housewife (although she did teach class at the high school).
15. My parent's didn't have too much to say about my teenage years. I made good grades and didn't get in trouble so they mostly left me alone.
16. I think the flashbacks work well for telling this type of story.

[♦Ashley♦]

Dec 14 - Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-6

18. Hannah has made a promise that she will find out what happened to Lydia. Do you think she feels guilty for not speaking up about what she saw the night Lydia disappeared?

19. In Chapter 5 when the police stop to update the Lees, James seems embarrassed when Officer Fiske mentions Lydia's lack of friends, and Marilyn just talks about Lydia's school work and intelligence. Do you think this foreshadows something, or is this just fitting in with the theme of the book? Do you think the police are looking into Lydia's parents as suspects? Does their suspicion have merit?

20. Marilyn finds Lydia's hidden contraband. Do you think Lydia was really using these items, or were they placed there to gain attention?

21. There seems to be some familial violence like Hannah being under the table when her parents are fighting and James slapping Nath when he asks about astronauts. Do you think this has always been this way, or only during stressful times like Lydia's death and Marilyn leaving? Do you think the violence plays a part in Lydia's death?

22. Even Marilyn, who was studying to be a doctor thinks of a "man" when she hears the word doctor? I work in the ER as a nurse. The male nurses are still mistaken for doctors and our female doctors are mistaken for nurses. Is anyone else guilty of thinking this way?

23. Marilyn finds out she's pregnant with Hannah so she gives up on her schooling again. Do you think Marilyn resents Hannah because of this? Do you think this is why Hannah seems to be ignored by the rest of the family?

24. During the scene where Nath pushes Lydia into the lake she seems to accept death and let herself drown. What do you think of this scene? Was she unhappy back at this point in her life?

[Corey]

Chapter 3-4

This was an interesting section of the book for me, a lot to take in. One of things I love about this book is the interesting characters, they are so fleshed out, you can really see them as actual people, not just paper people.

James is very disappointing, I feel as though he tries so hard to be like everyone else, or to feel accepted by everyone that he makes really poor decisions. What is it with him and students? That was a really upsetting paragraph, I had to read it twice to make sure what was happening, was what was happening. I feel for him sometimes, I think when it comes to race and acceptance, he is still developmentally a child, and wasn't able to really handle the bullying that was happening to his son, which is unfortunate because this cycle will happen as well for Nath when he gets older.

Marilyn, I was somewhat disappointed by the reason she left, but at the same time I understood it completely. A lot of people don't truly understand mental illness and I think this look into her character really shows what a lot of people with such illness go through. I think Marilyn is depressed even if she is good at hiding it. After her mother's death and the realization that her life may be as meaningless as "being someone who cooked" really brought her to a breaking point. I think a lot of us wish we could just pick up and leave, but do to things we feel obligated to do, we rationalize it and justify our continued trajectory without doing anything to change it. I like that Marilyn finally decided she just needed to make a move, I wish I could do the same in many instances.

Nath, I don't know why, but I love his character, even though his isn't quite fleshed out yet, I just feel like I get him. He is definitely his own person, and I think he owns it, even though he does consider his parents and their wishes for him, I definitely see him hopefully breaking the mold that has been set with parental expectations that seem to be the center of this book.

To kind of answer the discussion question regarding the parental influence found heavily throughout the first 4 chapters, I think we all find ourselves being who we are is in some way influenced by our parents, their goals, their livelihood and their expectations of us. And not just our parents, our whole family and even the people we decide to become friends with. Sometimes I feel like we lose ourselves because of the obligations we feel to these people to be the person they want and/or need us to be.

[Skandia]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

No. I still think he knows something but he is not directly connected to Lydia's death.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

He needed something that he didn't get from his wife. Their marriage wasn't clearly happy for a long time now.
My opinion about James wasn't very good from the beginning so it's not a surprising move from his side.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

I did when I was younger but not anymore.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

I really think that James and Marilyn are the perfect examples of bad parenting. The pressure their children felt and their expectations were just crazy.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

I can understand Marilyn wanting something for herself , to go for her dream and be a doctor but her ways of doing it were just plain wrong. As a mother, I can't imagine just leaving without a word. Marilyn was plain selfish and a mother can't be that selfish.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

Ironically they both were unhappy. Her mother had a house and a wish to be a perfect housewife but had no man and family to take care of. Marilyn actually made a choice to be a housewife when she married and got pregnant but was never happy with her choice.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

I think my parents definitely influenced my teenage years and all of it wasn't a good influence. Do they understand this today? I don't think so. Times were different and generations have different beliefs. I'm trying not to repeat same mistakes with my children.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

It's confusing sometimes.

[Wendy]

message 43: by Victoria (last edited 12 hours, 53 min ago) Dec 11, 2015 07:12PM
12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?

Yes I do like the book so far. It pulls you in right away. I decided to read the book because it was the BOTM and it made me read outside what I am use to. I do not normally read this type of book. I am an avid romance novel reader.


2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
I am really not sure how to answer this. I know in 1957 things were way different when it came to race and dating or marrying outside of your race. It was strongly frowned upon. It seems that Marilyn played to her own drum and did everything different from your typical girl at that time period. I feel that like Lydia, James went through life alone. This was something that they had in common. I am surprised that James did not notice this about his daughter until she was gone. It also seems like on the outside Lydia was a people pleaser and it seemed in some ways James also was.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?

It seems like even as an infant Marilyn knew that Lydia was different and keep things locked within her. That she wasn't an overly expressive child. By listening to her brother Nathan's thoughts he seemed more confident and out going.

4. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations?
My high school experience was different I was a child whose father was in the Navy and we moved my freshman year. It was tough at first. Lydia just seemed like she was inside herself. I think she wanted her parents to be proud of her and not worry that she was struggling socially.

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?

I am not sure that he is involved. I think the author wants you to think he is. I am not sure why the brother or the sister don't mention Lydia's secrets.

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
I think she saw Lydia. I think her death was an accident. I think maybe Lydia was meeting someone to prove something to herself.

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
I think she was meeting someone and didn't want to let them know she was afraid of water.
8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?

I am fine with where I am. I don't want to stand out and I feel that I get along with everyone and blend in.

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
I feel for both of them that at that time things were so hard for mixed race couples. It wasn't fair and glad that they didn't let it stop them from forming there relationship. I am still not clear about Marilyn's disapperence and not sure why it would have something to do Lydia's disapperence.

reply | flag *

[Wendy]

2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

I don't think Jack harmed Lydia,I think he was her confidant. I do think he might know what happened. But I definitely don't think he killed her.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

I think her death played a huge roll. I think the assistant has wanted James, but I don't think he has reciprocated. I think he feels like when he is with her he doesn't have to think about anything else. I definitely do not think it is right. But this whole family has a problem talking about how they feel.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

No I am pretty happy with my life. I have a wonderful husband, not to say that we don't disagree and argue but I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. If I was able to change anything though it would be to travel more and definitely finish getting my degree.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

I think as a father he should have said something to them. It was wrong and not called for. I almost feel like sometimes Jack is trying to befriend Nathan but he just want let him.i am not sure why James doesn't tell Marilyn but I think that is there main problem. They do not communicate.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

I think it was horrible and she was a coward. They could have discussed it and maybe come up with a way for her to be a mother and go to school.


14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
I think Marilyn's mom loves the idea of a stay at home mom. I think Marilyn feels like she is in adequate being a stay at home mom. That she could be and do so much more.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

Not sure how. I learned to be independent because my mom had to work so I took care of myself and my three other brothers and sister .

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

I think she use it to let us know why each family member is the way they are. They have so much baggage

[Erin]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
I thought Jack had done something to make her kill herself, but after his discussion with the police, I'm not too sure. It seems like he was legitimately her friend.But I think he probably knows more than he's saying.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
People have different reactions to grief. People can make horrible decisions when they aren't thinking clearly.Does it make him a great guy? No, but I think his actions after this are what will really decide the type of person he is.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
Not really. My family might want me to have a "good job" and "settle down" but I don't really feel pressured by that.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I don't think he handled it well, but I don't know what he should have done, or what he should have said. I think the main mistake was just pushing his son to play with them in the first place- if your kids isn't comfortable sound certain people, why force them into that situation?

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
She was frustrated and really unhappy, and I can understand that. I can even understand leaving your husband if it's not working. But leaving your kids- I have a hard time with that.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
Ok, Marilyn assumes her mother was really unhappy and sad and alone- and maybe she was, but maybe she was prefectly fine. Maybe cooking all the time, and keeping a clean house is what made her day good. Marilyn is looking at her mother's life and assuming that it was miserable, but she's only considering her personal point of view.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
Oh god, I don't even know.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
I think it works because we're trying to see what could have ended Lydia's life, what lead to it, so it's almost like going to the beginning to figure out what happened.

[Karen ⊰✿, Fiction Aficionado]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
I still think it was an accident (or possible suicide). I don't think Jack was responsible

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
Ugh. I hated this and almost stopped reading the book because this is just so stereotypical. I really hope this fits with his character as we read on and wasn't just a cheap throw in by the author

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
I think having kids means you have competing pressures all the time. If you work you feel guilty for not being with your kids and vice versa

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
I like that Jack tried to save the situation and yet Nathan didn't see it that way which is a shame

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
I had assumed this would be the reason, but I can't pretend to understand. She should have spoken to James about her feelings

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
I think it is entirely personal. Some people love it, some people tolerate it, others hate it. The one thing we shouldn't do is judge

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" as they say. My 3 year old is addicted to documentaries and reading. Need I say more. lol

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
I do like it as it gives us a slow reveal as to the characters. Although the book pulled me in straight away, I'm now not so sure. It is an easy enough read, but I'm not sure that I'm enjoying it.

[Skandia]

Dec 14 - Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-6

18. Hannah has made a promise that she will find out what happened to Lydia. Do you think she feels guilty for not speaking up about what she saw the night Lydia disappeared?

I'm sure she felt like she could have saved her sister if she would have told her parents so there might be some guilt.
Throughout the book my heart broke for little Hannah - unwanted and invisible for her family.

19. In Chapter 5 when the police stop to update the Lees, James seems embarrassed when Officer Fiske mentions Lydia's lack of friends, and Marilyn just talks about Lydia's school work and intelligence. Do you think this foreshadows something, or is this just fitting in with the theme of the book? Do you think the police are looking into Lydia's parents as suspects? Does their suspicion have merit?

Well actually as I see it, Lydia's parents have a big role in her death but I don't think police is suspecting them of murder and looking into it in this angle.

20. Marilyn finds Lydia's hidden contraband. Do you think Lydia was really using these items, or were they placed there to gain attention?

She might used those items as a sign of rebel against her parents

21. There seems to be some familial violence like Hannah being under the table when her parents are fighting and James slapping Nath when he asks about astronauts. Do you think this has always been this way, or only during stressful times like Lydia's death and Marilyn leaving? Do you think the violence plays a part in Lydia's death?

No, I don't think there was much familial violence at all. These were just isolated events. I don't think they hit their children regulary.

22. Even Marilyn, who was studying to be a doctor thinks of a "man" when she hears the word doctor? I work in the ER as a nurse. The male nurses are still mistaken for doctors and our female doctors are mistaken for nurses. Is anyone else guilty of thinking this way?

Nope. For me the female doctors and male nurses are normal as it should be today for everyone.

23. Marilyn finds out she's pregnant with Hannah so she gives up on her schooling again. Do you think Marilyn resents Hannah because of this? Do you think this is why Hannah seems to be ignored by the rest of the family?

Yeah, unfortunately I think she is a remainder for Marilyn what she lost because of her. And my heart broke for little Hannah because of neglect and indifference her family treated her with.

24. During the scene where Nath pushes Lydia into the lake she seems to accept death and let herself drown. What do you think of this scene? Was she unhappy back at this point in her life?

I think she might have started to feel the pressure from her mother but on the other hand the lake event determined Nath as a savior for her and someone to count on when she feels like drowning. It's the irony how brother and sister shaw this event from totally opposite way.

[Ashley]

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

I don't think that he was responsible

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

I think that he is grieving and searching for someone to comfort him - I was really disappointed in him for doing this - it seems out of character

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

No

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

It was nice that he tried to help out

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

I think that she was fed up - I don't think she expected her life to be that way and to feel so difficult

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

I don't think that either of them is satisfied with their life. I think that Marilyn's mother thought this was what should be done if life whether Mailyn believes that there is something different for her

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

Obviously all parents influence their children's lives - I'm not sure how they influenced mine - I don't know life any differently

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

I don't think that they work as well in this novel as other's - I wanted to focus on the main story

[Chava]

Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?
No, I still don't think he had anything to do with Lydia's death. I still think it's a suicide, but I do think that Jack knows more

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?
I was very disappointed in this turn of events. I thought it was a bit standard for such a thing to happen, it didn't show much imagination by the author. In the story itself, I was disappointed that he betrayed his wife like that who clearly is also mourning.

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?
I'm the mother of 4 kids of 5 years and under and I can honestly say that I've thought of leaving the family for a while, but only when I'm totally overwhelmed, totally sleep deprived and usually haven't had breakfast :). However, I could never turn my back on my kids, they come first above all else.

12. When Jack and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?
James'need to be considered an average American is so great that he minimised any experience by Nath. He so badly doesn't want the same to happen to his son, that he just denies it ever happened.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?
Nope, very relate-able as described in Q11

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?
yes, I think Marilyn's mother believed this to be the purpose of any woman, where Marilyn couldn't think of anything worse. I personally don't have an opinion about it, there's merit in both staying at home and working.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?
Oh I can write a whole essay about this, which I did for my Masters degree in family therapy :). The short answer is yes they've influenced me

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?
The flash backs are at times a bit annoying. I want to get to the reasons why Lydia is dead already. I'm hoping the story will progress soon, the flash backs are getting tiresome.

[Sonia]

12/12-- Day 1 Discussion Questions Chapters 1-2

1. Do you like the book so far? Why did you decide to read it? Is this a genre you normally read?
Well, this time I read the plot. And some reviews. And saw it on the Goodreads Award. And I love the increase of BOM discussion the tower teams always create. And yes, I am enjoying the book so far. Can't wait to read more.

2. Lydia dies May 3rd, 1977 (first lines of the book so this isn't a spoiler) and Lydia's parents met in September 1957. What differences and similarities do you see in regards to race and gender relations between these two time frames in the book (or in history, if you looked it up)? What part does it play in the Lee family dynamics?
This one is a hard one for me, because differences between US and Portugal in that time-frame are HUGE. College was only for a few priviledged ones in the 50s. And our 70s were marked by an overseas war, a revolution and some political turbulence... plus or emigration boost was to go out and not in... But, considering that at this current age, even if is not PC, there are still gender/race issues, I would be surprised if it wasn't an issue for them.

3. What do you think of Lydia's mother, Marilyn's description of her first born daughter's first steps and the line "...Lydia, still small enough to cradle, had secrets" ? How is Lydia different than her siblings?
I think it is easier to think that way than her being the one at fault, since apparently, she didn't pay as much attention to her daughter even back then,

. How does your high school experience compare with Lydia's? Why do you think Lydia doesn't have any "real" friends? What other things do you think Lydia is letting her parents believe are true to meet her parents' expectations? This is the part that bothers me in the book. It has a modern feeln instead of a vintage one. I may be wrong - and again, it may be the different country excuse - but they seem to describe the teenagers in the 70s like the current ones. Were the phone calls that common? Were the girls expectations that accurate? Plus, it doesn't seem like her parents knew of her... at all. I would expect this to happen at current times... not in the 70s.

5. Why do you think Lydia's siblings, Nath and Hannah, do not tell their parents about Lydia's friendship with Jack? Do you think Jack is involved in Lydia's disappearance and/or death?
They don't want to get in trouble. Because the "why don't you tell us?" will certainly be their parents answer. Curious enough, I don't think so.

6. Who do you think Hannah saw/heard on Wednesday at 2AM?
Probably Lydia sneaking out. Who knows.

7. What do you think of Lydia's body being found at a lake when Lydia could not swim?
Good way to get rid of evidences. Water washes all.

8. What do you think of the first lines of Chapter 2, "How did it begin? Like everything: with mothers and fathers... Because more than anything, her mother had wanted to stand out; because more than anything, her father wanted to blend in. Because those things had been impossible" ? Where are you on the personality spectrum of wanting to stand out versus wanting to blend in?
I'm a well of contradictions. I want to blend in but stand out at same time.

9. What do you think of Marilyn and James' courtship and marriage? What do you think happened in 1966 that made Marilyn disappear for a few days and do you think it is related to Lydia's disappearance and death?
It seemed too rushed. And out of character, because Marilyn and James didn't look like in the spur of the moment people

Well... maybe she ran away to get back to college? The book said it would take her 8 years to get back. But nothing make us believe she finished it. Maybe she wanted to prove herself she still could have her dreams, instead of being a mother and a wife?

[Chava]

Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-6

18. Hannah has made a promise that she will find out what happened to Lydia. Do you think she feels guilty for not speaking up about what she saw the night Lydia disappeared?
yes and I think she wants to fix her parents' unhappiness and conflict.

19. In Chapter 5 when the police stop to update the Lees, James seems embarrassed when Officer Fiske mentions Lydia's lack of friends, and Marilyn just talks about Lydia's school work and intelligence. Do you think this foreshadows something, or is this just fitting in with the theme of the book? Do you think the police are looking into Lydia's parents as suspects? Does their suspicion have merit?
I don't think anyone is looking at the parents as suspects. I think the parents not knowing is a sign of them not being very in tune or connected with their children to know what their lives really are like. I think both parents for their own reasons are in total denial about Lydia's life.

20. Marilyn finds Lydia's hidden contraband. Do you think Lydia was really using these items, or were they placed there to gain attention?
I think she might have been hoping to use them, but I don't think she was there yet. I don't think it was for attention, because the police would have been able to find them if that was the case.

21. There seems to be some familial violence like Hannah being under the table when her parents are fighting and James slapping Nath when he asks about astronauts. Do you think this has always been this way, or only during stressful times like Lydia's death and Marilyn leaving? Do you think the violence plays a part in Lydia's death?
it said that the slap was a one-off, but caused a rupture between James and Nath that never got repaired. I think it was due to the stress.

22. Even Marilyn, who was studying to be a doctor thinks of a "man" when she hears the word doctor? I work in the ER as a nurse. The male nurses are still mistaken for doctors and our female doctors are mistaken for nurses. Is anyone else guilty of thinking this way?
At times, but I've mistaken both ways (males for nurses when they were doctors and vice versa). I'm proud to say that my children don't have this preconceived idea, they call everyone doctor :)

23. Marilyn finds out she's pregnant with Hannah so she gives up on her schooling again. Do you think Marilyn resents Hannah because of this? Do you think this is why Hannah seems to be ignored by the rest of the family?
Good point, not sure. I was thinking that this was an unwanted pregnancy and what the effect of that might be.

24. During the scene where Nath pushes Lydia into the lake she seems to accept death and let herself drown. What do you think of this scene? Was she unhappy back at this point in her life?
I thought that was rather strange and I wondered if Lydia just was curious about what was happening. I don't think she was depressed at this point in time though

[Karen Michele]

12/13-- Day 2 Discussion Questions Chapters 3-4

9. Nathan has decided not to let anyone know about his suspicions about Jack. Has your opinion about Jack or his possible role in Lydia’s disappearance and death changed after Nathan confronted him and/or after he overheard the exchange between Jack and the police?

No, I've thought from the beginning that he knows something, but is not solely responsible because that would be too obvious.

10. James begins a new kind of relationship with his research assistant, Louisa Chen. What role, if any, do you think his daughter’s death/ funeral play in his moving toward this change? Do your opinions of James (as a dad, husband, character) change as a result of their relationship?

I hate adultery once married. It definitely lowered my opinion of James - weak!!!

11. In the flashback to 1965 in chapter 4, we see some of the various pressures that Marilyn feels on her life and her decisions. Are there any areas in your own life where you feel competing pressures or expectations that influence your decisions?

Oh, yes - as a teacher that was constant and the balance between family and work was always present. I love retirement!

12. When Jack (James?) and Nathan are at the pool, Nathan is teased by his peers. Jack remembers his own experiences with teasing. What did you think of the way that Jack handled the situation at the pool? How did Jack’s expectations for Nathan and Nathan's behavior contribute to the situation and how it went? Why doesn’t he tell Marilyn what happened?

I think James handled it poorly, but at that time there was acceptance of the saying "boys will be boys" and that's just the way it is. Anti-bullying campaigns are quite new and the idea of standing up and confronting bullying is even newer. I'm not sure why Marilyn wasn't told. Perhaps for that same reason - it wasn't something that was dealt with up front.

13. In the summer of 1965, Marilyn leaves her family for a period of time. What did you think of that decision and how she did it? Did it change your thoughts about her as a mother, a wife, a character?

I didn't like it and couldn't relate to it. It seemed weird to keep it a secret. I grew up in that time period and I don't think there was a need for secrecy. Maybe she felt it would be a fight if she brought it forward and just wanted to avoid conflict.

14. Marilyn finds her mother’s old cookbook with advice about being a good housewife. What do you think they’d each say about being stay-at-home mothers? Do you think one is happier or more satisfied?

I don't believe Marilyn's mother was a stay at home mom. She was the home economics teacher. I believe it is more a statement about how a working outside the home mother ends up trying to do two full time jobs. I think satisfaction is the key, not stay at home or work, but satisfaction in the roll of caregiver when at home. I don't think either woman is happy.

15. Already, the novel says a lot about how people are influenced by their parents. How did your parents influence your childhood and teenage years? Do you think they understood their influence (and the limits of their influence) on you?

Parents are a huge influence. I think the best parents understand that and it guides their decision-making.

16. What do you think of the author’s use of flashbacks in this novel? Do you like this strategy? Does it work well here?

I enjoy this strategy. I think it's working well. I'm not having trouble following when we are in the present and when we are in the past.

[Amy]

Dec 14 - Day 3 Discussion Questions Chapters 5-6

18. Hannah has made a promise that she will find out what happened to Lydia. Do you think she feels guilty for not speaking up about what she saw the night Lydia disappeared?
I think she wishes she had went looking for her.

19. In Chapter 5 when the police stop to update the Lees, James seems embarrassed when Officer Fiske mentions Lydia's lack of friends, and Marilyn just talks about Lydia's school work and intelligence. Do you think this foreshadows something, or is this just fitting in with the theme of the book? Do you think the police are looking into Lydia's parents as suspects? Does their suspicion have merit?
I think it's both of their personalities shining through. James gets embarrassed when he realizes how much his kids take after him, and Marylin is so obsessed with Lydia becoming a doctor that she sees what she wants to see. I think they may be a little suspicious. I don't personally think they killed her, but I do think they may have pushed her to her breaking point.

20. Marilyn finds Lydia's hidden contraband. Do you think Lydia was really using these items, or were they placed there to gain attention?
I think she was using them. She hid them well, so I don't think she really wanted her family to find them. Her mom had said her room usually smelled like cigarette smoke, so that wasn't surprising.

21. There seems to be some familial violence like Hannah being under the table when her parents are fighting and James slapping Nath when he asks about astronauts. Do you think this has always been this way, or only during stressful times like Lydia's death and Marilyn leaving? Do you think the violence plays a part in Lydia's death?
I think it only happened during stressful times, which is still not ok! Especially when James hit Nath. I'm really starting to like him less an less as a father, and I didn't even like him to begin with. I think it may have been another reason Lydia was fed up with living - her parents were putting too much pressure on her and even her siblings.

22. Even Marilyn, who was studying to be a doctor thinks of a "man" when she hears the word doctor? I work in the ER as a nurse. The male nurses are still mistaken for doctors and our female doctors are mistaken for nurses. Is anyone else guilty of thinking this way?
I've grown up around female doctors and male nurses, so I don't find it difficult.

23. Marilyn finds out she's pregnant with Hannah so she gives up on her schooling again. Do you think Marilyn resents Hannah because of this? Do you think this is why Hannah seems to be ignored by the rest of the family?
I think that's definitely possible, especially in Marylin's case. I'm not sure why James would ignore her since Hannah is the reason he got his wife back.

24. During the scene where Nath pushes Lydia into the lake she seems to accept death and let herself drown. What do you think of this scene? Was she unhappy back at this point in her life?
I think this may have been the reason she went back to the lake. She always remembered the feeling of relief and wanted to finally feel that again. That's just me guessing!