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Through My Eyes
Don't tell your friends not to stress about you. Its going to happen. We, your friends (granted its probably just me but still), care for you. I want you to be ok and happy. I will try to help you as much as I can.
I agree with Parzival u can't tell ur friends not to worry...that's what we do!! We don't like seeing our friends suffer!!! If there's anything anything at all that j can do to ease the pain or suffering I'm here for u to help in anyway i can!!!
I can't keep going on like this...my heart in shattered pieces. I'm sorry. I lost myself...and now I'm losing my fight. I can feel it. It's a matter of time before I say "fuck it" and take my life. I don't want to live anymore. I'm ready to die...I want to die. I hate feeling numb except when I cut. I hate sinking into the waves of depression. I'm sorry. I've lost my fight. I can't continue on. I'm sorry. Good-bye :'(
Hey u can work through this u can beat it!! Don't let the emotions control u...u r the author of ur life u r in control!!! You might feel shattered and broken now but somehow you'll pick up the pieces...and I'll be here to help...don't give up...I no that it's hard feeling soo numb but one day that feeling will go away...I'm praying myself that it will bc otherwise I'm in the same boat as u!! We can do this together Nyx continue fighting one day at a time!!!! Can u do that with me...bc I myself am dangerously close to tipping point...we can help each other get through this...and we can survive!!!! *hugs* just don't give up!!
I am here for you Tif. I will help you whenever I can. If I need to hike to your college I will. You are beautiful and you can survive. Its not going to be easy but it is going to be worth it. Believe in yourself just as I believe in you. You can survive with everyone here that cares for you. You are amazing, beautiful and you are kind. Don't take your life bc things are hard. If things are hard then all it is, is a test of your faith. You cant do it on your own, even though it feels better. You need someone stronger than you. Someone always there for you. Someone way bigger than you. No one can do everything on their own. We need help. Life isn't easy but its something we need to get through before we get the reward. Its like college. Its rough but you have to continue to preserver. We all care for you. Don't kill yourself if one person cares for you. SO never kill yourself bc there is always one person that cares for you.
*sigh* I'm still here. Unfortunately
Good!! We can work through this together....Yes??
idk anymore.....I'll help you the best I can....but there's no hope for me
There's always hope Nyx... God is here with us!!! Pray to ur Father seek for his comfort at ur time of need....
I don't want u to focus on just me...I want us to work through it together.
Have you ever read the footprints poem!? Well if u haven't here it is...
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
I don't want u to focus on just me...I want us to work through it together.
Have you ever read the footprints poem!? Well if u haven't here it is...
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
Thanks
And I'm finally out of the hospital
And I'm finally out of the hospital
The suicidal thoughts and depression
Since losing my aunt and grandma haunts me in the day....just how bad is it at night...?
I really hope next week won't go as bad as I'm anticipating....
It's like my heart's already being ripped to shreds...I can't picture it any other way though...
I'm not even sure what I'm going to say :(
This might break me just as bad...if not worse....like the breakup did :'(
Next week. Next week I'm telling them I'm not going home....
idk....I feel like it'll destroy me completely if it's going to go the way i feel like it's going to go
Very good song Parz!
Try to not think about how it will go Nyx...what will happen will...Just remember that God is right there with u and will help you through it...He will pick up the pieces and put you back together...You just have to believe he can.... You are never on your own!
Walk on the water is another song that has gotten me through hard times...and sums up what i just said
Try to not think about how it will go Nyx...what will happen will...Just remember that God is right there with u and will help you through it...He will pick up the pieces and put you back together...You just have to believe he can.... You are never on your own!
Walk on the water is another song that has gotten me through hard times...and sums up what i just said
Same with In The Belly of the Whale by Newsboys.
thanks guys....I'm going to bed though. Night
Don't ask...don't talk to me....just ignore me. Got it? Good. Even if you do ask what's wrong, I won't answer so save yourself the time and forget about it
Artemis. What happened between your family?
However...I'd like to welcome someone back into my life....
welcome back Suicidal Thoughts
welcome back Suicidal Thoughts
Yesterday I officially moved out of my grandma's house. I'm now living with friends. One of my friends and I went through the totes I brought....my writing was depressing even back then...I've come to conclude I've been depressed for awhile now...I just showed it (or didn't show it) in different ways. I wrote about it when i was 18. I've tried to commit suicide at 20. I'm starting to think that when my ex broke up with me...my depression did start showing. I'll have to find the writings and post them on here. My friend claimed one. I'll have to ask her for it again...just temporarily
Finally someone admits the damn truth! Thank the lord. For fuck's sake...took long enough -_-
Today was a day that had ups and downs. It ended with me having two wine coolers though...so I'm happy...even though its not enough to get me drunk
Pulling an all-nighter tonight
I can't help anyone anymore...the failure would kill me worse than anything else...I'm sorry :'(
Don't kill yourself. Don't leave. Please stay.
i'm not killing myself or leaving.....i'm just changing....
People can see through the lies when i say i'm fine...can they see through the lies when i say i don't care? Can they see through the lies when i say i don't want to help you or talk to you?
I guess I'll find out....how many people can I lose in one week....?
I guess I'll find out....how many people can I lose in one week....?
There are ways....let my inner demon loose....act like I don't care...drive everyone crazy because of how stubborn I am....annoy the hell out of everyone....there's ways....
Another big question....will I be able to lie to myself as well?
I've done it before....can I do it again?
Another big question....will I be able to lie to myself as well?
I've done it before....can I do it again?
Its possible....I just need to push everyone's buttons...one by one...i don't make a habit of pushing buttons.....but i can do it.
i'm already aggravating someone. I can tell. he already "yelled" at me in a chat with me and him. by yell...i mean he used caps lock. i can tell i'm aggravating him with all of this. everyone loses their patience...
It doesn't matter, though. I'm not who I used to be. I don't know who I am. And I'd rather hurt myself than hurt everyone else. IDC about eating. Telling everyone that I can't help them anymore is gonna kill me inside....I've lost one person....now I just need to get everyone else to see
i'm already aggravating someone. I can tell. he already "yelled" at me in a chat with me and him. by yell...i mean he used caps lock. i can tell i'm aggravating him with all of this. everyone loses their patience...
It doesn't matter, though. I'm not who I used to be. I don't know who I am. And I'd rather hurt myself than hurt everyone else. IDC about eating. Telling everyone that I can't help them anymore is gonna kill me inside....I've lost one person....now I just need to get everyone else to see
...that seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through. & for purpose? I mean really, what is the objective? Wouldn't it just be easier to just remove everyone from your friend list? Then the choice is yours weather you wish to communicate with them or not. But,then again, what do I know?
I guess I could do that...it's a possibility. it wouldn't be so painful though....and i deserve to have my heart ripped to shreds...I should feel the pain....feel the loss...which will only be accomplished if i lose people one by one...
What's worse....both my aunt and grandma think I can't make it out here alone....i'm starting to believe them and that in itself is killing me. I can't pay my phone bill...I self harm...I don't eat...i have suicidal thoughts...but I don't want to go back to them. I can't. That would only make things worse for me.
That's everything....I think....
Just don't stress yourself out over it...I'm fine