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Why do i feel so alone...
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message 1:
by
Alexi
(new)
Nov 04, 2015 01:26PM
This is a journal talking about my life. If u can`t listen 2 me ranting on and on about how stupid my life is then u can go read a happy journal. But i`m warning u my journal is anything but happy.
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i`m sorry if i posted it in the wrong journal. it`s my first journal.
Totally understand that one! Needed help making my first one yesterday.
so let`s see...oh, yeah my life. we`ll my life is kinda a miniature hell. wake up in the morning, with the worst headache ever. don`t eat breakfast, just grab an energy drink from the fridge. walk 2 school, and basically either go on goodreads or ignore the teacher through all my classes. i have free period around 1:00. go to the lunch room and eat probably a pack of cookies and then go 2 the bathroom and throw up. then go back 2 class. the whole school day is the same process. come home grab another energy drink, get back on gr. then cut,eat, throw up, and same process all day.
and the worst part is that my parents don`t see their "precious" daughter doing all of this. they don`t ask why she always wears long sleeves. they don`t ask why i don`t ever come 2 dinner. they don`t here me crying all night. they think i`m a regular teenager who`s going through major mood swings.
April wrote: "So it's constant monotony?"basically, yeah.
Because I totally understand monotony and headaches. I can't imagine what the rest of that must be like though. Anyway, I'm not really sure what to say. So I'll keep listening.
Parents never understand. I hate how they always act like they know more about what is going on with us than we do ourselves. It's extremely irritating.
My dad isn't like that, but my mom...horror story.
i`m just done. i`ve had enough. i think it`s goodreads thats keeping me together. i don`t know. no psychiatrist helps. i can`t do this.
Seriously, I understand that. I'm really trying to move out of my house, but they make it so difficult.
bullshit, bullshit, and just more bullshit. thats my life. bullshit.
But hey, just hang in there please. I kind of need to talk to people.
But where is all the bullshit coming from? Just your parents or like everyone?
Everyone. Basically everything. I think I'm going crazy!!
MaskI was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.
Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.
Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.
Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.
Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..
Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.
But till then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here.. waiting.
Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem...
#FamilyFriendPoems
If you ever need to talk or anything, feel free to message me. I understand rough times, though I'll admit my problems are different. Just check out my journal and you'd understand. It isn't happy though, but I'm trying to make it less depressing because I am trying to be less down in the dumps myself. But if you want to talk... I'm an excellent listener
my convo with my mom today:me: goes to backyard
mom: sitting there reading magazine
mom: heyy!!
me: hi
mom: honey i`m going to alaska for a business trip with ur father today. blah.blah. i`ll be back in 3 weeks.....blah.blah.don`t get into trouble....and the parental lecture.
me: okay...
it`s so sad how i`m used 2 this. i don`t talk 2 my parents for weeks. and when i do it`s either to tell me that they're leaving or if they talk 2 me about not eating much. which they only do when the therapist tells them to.
i already took 5 headache pills and my headaches not getting better.
Mod
no my parents always leave an aunt or someone with me.:]]
and now it 4:39 and i`m still awake. life`s messed up.life sucks.
Wow!! Life proved 2 be a even bigger piece of shit. Had a chemistry test, psychology test, and algebra test. Probably failed all off them .
now i sit here hating these 3 damn people for making me look like a sity piece ojf shit
