Introductions

[Alastair]

Raymond wrote: "Alastair wrote: "As for the present topic, the main problem with these animated wildlife films is that they don't have enough spaceships "

Commander Bambi sits easy in the Captain's chair, fawn fa..."

Now that's more like it! :)

[Alastair]

Jemahl wrote: "I never liked Bambi, there, I said it, and Thumper is just a smug twat too.

Send us a copy of your new opus, Alastair."

Back on my PC and replying is easy (sing to the tune of Summertime [and the living is easy]). Are you still at the same hotmail address?

[Jemahl]

Yep, same hotmail address.

I think it's just Disney anime I have come to hate with growing passion. WRT to Watership Down, I remember Dad taking me to see it in the cinema on one of our 'weekend visits', and afterwards there was a sign in a restaurant - You've read the book, seen the film, now eat the cast - a joke I didnt get for about twenty years.

[Alastair]

Jemahl wrote: "Yep, same hotmail address.

Cheers, email sent. Any other takers, please let me know.

[Ian]

Hello there. Sorry for barging in but I saw your light was on and thought I’d drop in on the off chance that I could use your loo.

You see I’ve been stumbling around the internet for a while trying to find somewhere to flog my book and when I saw this place, I thought to myself, I thought, “Here looks a likely place to find likeminded writers of a comedic bent. I hope they have a serviceable toilet.”

Back in July m’ co-writer Richard and me done published our first novel entitled ‘Igor and the Twisted Tales of Castlemaine’. It’s a comedy horror, or horror comedy depending on your persuasion.

Richard is a guru of all things horror, from Hammer to Universal and a lot more besides, while I throw in the occasional knob gag.

It’s the tale of Igor, Victor Frankenstein’s lickspittle lab assistant who decides one day that he’s had enough of the beatings and abuse, and heads out into the world to find a new life-less-ordinary. Eventually, he wends his way to the accursed village of Castlemaine, meets Esmerelda and gets up to all sorts of jolly capers with a whole gamut of weird characters. Some old, some new, some borrowed and some clearly emanating from a disturbed mind.

Imagine Hammer House of Python meets Hitchikers Guide to the Mortuary with a good swig of Spike Milligan mixed in, all topped off with a cheesy crust of Carry On double entendre for bad taste.

So anyway, that’s us. What I hope to achieve from joining ‘comedy writers anonymous’ is to garner tips on how best to flog my book to a wider audience without resorting to bribery, threats or violence. That hasn’t worked very well for us so far.

So, thanks for listening. I’m guessing it’s the door over there in the corner? I can just make out several copies of Razzle lying on the floor within, and the cloud of flies are a bit of a giveaway too.

I brought my own loo roll.

Cheers,

Ian

[Rob]

Ian wrote: "Hello there. Sorry for barging in but I saw your light was on and thought I’d drop in on the off chance that I could use your loo."

Hi Ian.

Many apologies for the silence; I didn't get an email notification for some reason.

You must think us a very dour and unwelcoming bunch. We're not - we're very nice - though you might decide that one of our many Andys is an exception. (You see, that was his bedroom with the magazines and all the flies, not the loo. That's upstairs, next to door saying "Beware of the Leopard." Andy was less than wholly impressed with the gift you left him but I'm sure it will all blow over in time.)

For some well-considered advice on book-flogging, whips and all things S&M, you could do worse than to visit the INCA Project. It's run by our very own Rob Wingfield, ably assisted by Jim Court. They've worked immensely hard to collate all sorts of useful tips, including stuff about promotion, editing and formatting manuscripts etc. so it's well worth checking out. You never know; one or the other of them might also catch sight of this message and offer some wisdom of their own.

Igor sounds lovely, by the way. I really hope things work out for him.

[Alastair]

Hi Ian and welcome. Rob's message prompted me to get onto Goodreads and say hello too. Plus, I thought I'd better wait until you'd finished in the bog.

I can certainly vouch for the help on offer here. As for me, I'm doing some rewrites based on feedback from members here and from a publisher. I'm hoping I can push Sub-Luminal back under a few noses when I'm done.

In case I forget, or dont' get back on here again for awhile, a very Merry Christmas everybody and a Happy New Year.

[Rob]

Alastair wrote: "In case I forget, or don't get back on here again for a while, a very Merry Christmas everybody and a Happy New Year."

And to you, Alastair. (And to everyone else too, of course.)

[M.T.]

Hello, I write humorous sci-fi fantasy books at about the speed glaciers move, or possibly continental drift because, if I'm honest, the glaciers might be moving a bit fast these days for that comparison to be strictly honest. I'm writing one now which is taking a small eternity and I have an awful lot of not finished things which I'm trying to sort out. I suspect some time, in about five years, I'm going to end up discovering I've finished two trilogies, a stand-alone and a memoir all at the same time.

So yeh. Hello and Merry Christmas everybody.

[Rob]

Welcome, M.T. / Ms McG (whichever you prefer.)

I sympathise. In fact, I think I'd be envious of a glacial / tectonic pace. It says something, I suspect, that the most worn key on my keyboard is the one for 'delete.' (I was going to write "the key saying 'delete'" but, in truth, it no longer says that. Alarmingly, what letters remain spell out a word that most closely resembles "die" but I choose to ignore that.)

That's a long way of saying that what pace I have maintained has actually been backward. So Merry Christmas, and consider yourself one of CLOG's speedier movers. Here's to your success in 2027.

[M.T.]

Rob wrote: "Welcome, M.T. / Ms McG (whichever you prefer.)

I sympathise. In fact, I think I'd be envious of a glacial / tectonic pace. It says something, I suspect, that the most worn key on my keyboard is th..."

Mwahahargh! Yeh, my keys are just worn shiny in the middle but that's probably because I tend to write on my iPad and so I highlight huge chunks to delete using the touch screen! Back at you.

Just call me Mary or MTM.

[Rob]

Then Mary it shall be. (I will confuse you with a film studio otherwise.)

Glad you have you (and Ian) on board. Let's hope you can motivate the rest of us to get things moving again in 2023. I know that Alastair is making good progress on his latest, and I have no doubt that several others are beavering away too.

So what I actually mean, I guess, is that I hope hope you and Ian will motivate me to get things moving again in 2023.

[Robert]

G'day all. Yes, please do tap us for any pieces of wisdom we can share... Here is a quote from me about writing... "Never give up! (But it's okay to have a day off now and then)."
And then from Jane Austen
“I am not at all in a humor for writing; I must write on till I am.”

[M.T.]

Love that! Yeh, my mojo is a capricious beastie!

[Raymond]

Ian wrote: "Hello there. Sorry for barging in but I saw your light was on and thought I’d drop in on the off chance that I could use your loo. "

Ha. I remember stopping by too. Knocking on the CLOG door late at night. Asking for directions to the highway. They were having some sort of party, but seemed friendly if kinda austro-brit-geeky.

I had a few tequila shots, and they invited me to dare the hedge maze in back of the Gregson's estate. That was years ago. Can't find my way out. The topiary clowns won't let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me

But it's a good resource for comic writing and no one gets out no one gets out and there are many literate folk who have insights into quality writing help help help

So: welcome, Ian!

[Rob]

Raymond wrote: "But it's a good resource for comic writing and no one gets out no one gets out and there are many literate folk who have insights into quality writing help help help"

As moderator, I suspect that there might be a hidden subtext in this message but since it's nearly Christmas, I'll overlook it. And any newcomers: pay no heed to our eccentric friend - he's very entertaining really. We've insisted that he stay until Christmas dinner. He'll be the roast of our merry gathering.

Toast. I meant toast.

[M.T.]

🤣🤣 a bit like the hotel California then? We can check out any time we like but we can never leave ...

[Raymond]

M.T. wrote: "🤣🤣 a bit like the hotel California then? We can check out any time we like but we can never leave ..."

Rather like that. Although I prefer metaphors of drains. We are but bubbles in the bath, and we can never get out, because the drain is clogged.
(crickets laughing hysterically)
Crickets think I'm rather funny.
But they're American crickets so they get me.

Hi, M.T.! Welcome

[M.T.]

The crickets sounds better than the tumbleweed I have.