CLOG - Comedy Literature Only Group discussion
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Jemahl
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Oct 15, 2017 04:08PM
So, I don't know if my fellow cloggers remember the short stories that were supposed to come out last year, a few of you beta read and made suggestions on them. Well they are released on Friday by Holland House as an ebook and fill the gap (fnarr) in the series. Only 99p and cheap at thrice the price, I think, maybe I have that wrong - maths was never my strong suit. Anyway, I give a shout out to the cloggers in the acknowledgements. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Davenants-Ot...
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Well. I'm not sure this is the right place for me.But my therapist Dr. Gregson says I should give it a try.
So, here I am.
I am not much into humor. I don't really see the spiritual content or aesthetic value in jokes, puns, jests, or idiot references to farts and foolery.
I am an undertaker by trade. I live with my four great aunts who have taken religious vows of silence so that they may purify their souls and avoid temptations to quarrel. While not religious myself, I abstain from all wine, women or excuse to frolic in frivolity.
I believe I can be of benefit to CLOG. I believe I can act as the counter-weight to your pendulum swings between predictable pun and inevitable punch-line. I shall be the inert ingredient in the medication of your souls, as you settle down and see that life is more than funny hats and rubber chickens.
I shall add my grave and serious face to the audience of your mirrors, and my solemn demeanor shall be as a dull grey light leading you from the swamp of comedy to the sound footing of seriousity and social worth.
This, then, is my mission.
Hi Raymond. Welcome to the House of Cloggers.I like to think I'm the unfunny one around these parts, but perhaps we can job share?
I am the self-appointed Second Lord of the Broken Promise and specialize in fictional books - you know, ones I talk about, promise to write but never actually seem to make happen.
Good to make your acquaintance, kind sir.
Welcome aboard. You can have the third oar on the second tier. The management is most considerate. Even the shackle chaining you to your bench has a softly padded lining. There's a nice view of the overseer's drum over the old chap in oar two, and we get fed twice a day whether we are hungry or not.
Just a brief word of warning though. Take it easy on your first few days rowing... The captain wants to go water skiing next Thursday.
Cee wrote: "Hi Raymond. Welcome to the House of Cloggers.I like to think I'm the unfunny one around these parts
Oh. Great. Another 'claimant' to the title of 'Least Funny'.
Poser, I am so inert to all forms of energy that my blood is used to contain radiation spills. I make librarians feel they are noisy; trappist monks whimper for a good 'knock-knock joke'.
I was once trapped in an elevator for two days with three buzzards, two ravens and a mime.
I was the only one to walk out alive .
Raymond wrote: "I was promised a window seat ."You must have misheard. You remember the old chap I mentioned? The benches are rather close, don't let him eat the beans! Otherwise it will be 'Wind, oh wind, oh wind!'
James said [some blither] Gregson said this would be a 3-hour cruise! I demand to see the American ambassador!
Raymond wrote: " James said [some blither] Gregson said this would be a 3-hour cruise! I demand to see the American ambassador!"
Just shout. He's in the tier above you!
To the People of Clog: This is to say that I, I (ow! I'm saying it, I'm saying it, ow!) that I renounce my attitude of non-cooperation with the authorities of this terrific site.
The Council has been merciful, and I (ow!) promise to be funny in the future and obey my chief rabbit and will row like hell. I thank the authorities for this chance for my re-education and can I have some water now?
Maurice wrote: "Hi Ray!"Maurice? Is that... you ?
Raymond wrote: "Maurice wrote: "Hi Ray!"Maurice? Is that... you ?"
Oops! I've lost face... Must do something about that.
Maurice wrote: Oops! I've lost face... Must do something about that."It is the tradition of the warriors of my people that when one loses face, one goes into the kitchen and smears it with honey, then lies in a hill of ants till the stings and misfortunes of outraged insects give you a new face.
Please send pics?
There is a honey in my kitchen, but probably not the sort you mean. Never mind, I've found my old face. Appearances have been restored.
Jemahl wrote: "My short stories are out "UK Kindle denies me my just right to purchase this product. Says I'm a damned colonial.
Which is true but hurts feelings. Comforted myself with a patriotic U.S. purchase of 'Last Roundhead'.*
* I recall the early MSS for its loving elegy of Alexander Pope.
Hmm I dunno why that is, maybe its taking time to go through in the states. It should be available though, I know book 2 isnt out over there until next year so maybe the publisher is planning something with the short stories for that.
curry and lager turns ones bowels into a waterfall of fire...
Just to say, The Last Roundhead is at 99p and $1.29 if you're over the pond. I think the deal is only for a week or so, so grab it while you can.https://www.amazon.co.uk/Last-Roundhe...
Hi everyone,My name is Andres and I just finished my first comical fantasy, The Black Wizard. I look forward to meeting some authors in a similar genre. Well then, nothing left to say. Excelsior!
Andres wrote: "...Well then, nothing left to say. Excelsior!..."Nothing? I don't THINK so, Junior Probationary Clog-Dancer Andres.
Entrance exam to CLOG requires a minimum 20,000 word thesis on comic.... (wait for it) on comic (thrum, thrum)... Timing. Also rubber chickens, dim peasantry, homicidal nobility and historical perspective on flatulence. For extra credit anything you can blither about weasels is a plus. No one knows why but weasels are always funny. Disgusting rodents, if you ask me. Not that anyone does. I've been stuck at 'Temp Clogger Lvl 4' since I didn't laugh at one of Gregson's idiot jokes.
I didn't take the exam anyway I have an uncle on the CLOG board. He isn't funny either.
But enough about me, I always say. I Liked the 'Black Wizard' blurb. "The roses hope he stops so they can smell him."
You'll fit in fine.
Mod
For some reason, I've missed all notifications on this thread since about October last year, so I can only apologise for having not stepped in earlier. However, I believe it is important that I do so now.
The supposed 'requirement' for a 20,000 word thesis was almost certainly a prank. I'll name no names here, but I'm thinking it was probably one of the Andys. You didn't need to do the clog dance either, though I'll admit your YouTube video 'audition' was amusing.
The rubber chicken element of the syllabus is only for those taking the 'Classic Slapstick' module, which is really only useful for senior politicians and children's party entertainers.
Flatulence isn't so much a topic for most CLOG members; more a sort of casual hobby.
Weasel blither, of course, remains obligatory.
I trust that clears things up and, Andres/Spencer, I hope it saves you both a lot of unnecessary time and effort. Welcome to CLOG.
Welcome, Andres. Congratulations on your first book.And to my fellow Cloggers, apologies that I haven't been around overmuch. A little matter of a heart attack that I decided to have around a month ago. I have no idea why - it wasn't what I had planned for April.
Apparently all that advice they give you about eating healthily and exercising ... it turns out that they weren't kidding. In the past month I've been poked, prodded, bled, squeezed and photographed in more places than I knew I had places.
Not recommended.
Mod
God's gonads, Will, that doesn't sound like any sort of fun at all. Except maybe the squeezing bit, though I suppose it very much depends. Anyway, I really, seriously hope you are well on the way to recovery now. I'm sure everyone here wishes you the very best. We need you around.
Will wrote: "Welcome, Andres. Congratulations on your first book.And to my fellow Cloggers, apologies that I haven't been around overmuch. A little matter of a heart attack that I decided to have around a mon..."
Blimey!
Sorry to hear that Will - hope you're on the road to recovery now. What you got planned for May?
Thanks, guys. It was a bit of a shock. I'm recovering now, although I have another procedure to go in early June. The weirdest bit is when they operate inside your heart by pushing a tube along your wrist and into your chest. And this self same tube is able to blow a balloon around itself and fit a metal stent (basically a pipe) to expand your arteries and keep them open. And all under a local rather than general anesthetic.
It feels very much like the Incredible Voyage but without Raquel Welch.
As you might imagine, writing has stalled somewhat. Hope to get back to it soon.
Mod
Who's still writing? I know Ray is (there's no stopping the man) but who else?
I've kind of stalled, mainly because I've been waiting to see what happens with Shelf Life in spring 2019. And also because it's been hot and sunny, of course, so I've been spending all my free time kayaking, walking and finding waterfalls in which to frolic. None of those are easy to do with a laptop.
If you haven't been writing, I'd like a list of excuses please - the more improbable and unconvincing the better. Will - you're excused because you've actually had a proper excuse. (Needless to say, I hope you're back to full chipperness now.)
If anyone does have anything in progress and it's shouting out for a bit of feedback, I'll be going on holiday shortly, and it would be nice to have something on the kindle.
Good to hear from ya, Rob.I was just thinking all had gone quietI'm still writing. 'Evhen & Uurth' has stalled @ page #80 - mainly coz it's summer and my busiest time of year looking after wee household pets.
And cutting grass (measured on my Fitbit as 2.6 miles walking up and down and up and down and up and down etc.) And an elderly, attention seeking cat. And elderly parents. And ...yadda, yadda, yadda ...
Also I'm now writing for Bank of Scotland pensioner Association and my Football Club match day programme - but I'll get there!
Really looking forward ro seeing your book in Waterstones and being able to say, "I know this dude."" :-D
I've nearly completed a sequel to Publican's Progress, continuing the alliteration I've titled it Policeman's Perplexity. Having difficulty working up the enthusiasm to draw the end of chapter illustrations.I've also been looking after the grandson, and various other family commitments. Revived some earlier works, and put them through Draft2Digital to maximise their on-line presence, and designed a few fonts as a means of inserting section breaks between parts to maximise presentation over the various ebook formats.
I'm waiting on beta readers feedback on Book 3 at the moment (featuring D'Artagnan) and I've been planning book 4 - treasure island meets apocolypse now in the colonies - which I am rather excited about, as long as I can avoid cultural appropriation tags and upsetting half the native american nations of the east coast. Hence I have been walking the dog a lot.
Hi Rob, no fancy excuses to offer. I definitely haven't packed in the writing, and various doodling continues when time allows, but somehow none of it really fit for human consumption. I'm still awaiting some great inspiration flash that will launch me into a new project.
Mod
A fine list of excuses, there Colin. Fine work. Plus, if Facebook is anything to judge by, one or two minor celebrations.
I was enjoying E&U, so do send me an updated draft when you've got more done.
Mod
Wow. You kept that quiet. (Or was I just distracted for several months?) Good effort. You're making me feel guilty for not having done more of my own writing. If you need a beta read, feel free to send something over.
Mod
Damn it, you're at it too. Now I'm definitely feeling bad. I wish I hadn't asked this question. Both books sound like they have the potential to be a lot of fun. Heart of Darkness was always one of my favourite books - and Conrad one of my favourite authors. Very best of luck with it. And the same offer goes for your Candy#3; happy to offer a layperson's feedback if you wish.
Mod
That's more like it. Thanks Maurice. I may sleep better tonight.
Waiting for inspiration: that's a pretty good summary of my situation. I have a loose collection of unrelated ideas at the moment, some of which might be strong enough to support a plot, but I can't decide whether to start something completely new, or to continue with something set in the world in which the Shelf Life story took place.
If SL does well enough, then it might be commercially sensible to focus on some related tale / sequel, but since a) I can't know that in advance, and b) I'm a natural pessimist, I feel that I might be better writing something else entirely - i.e. whatever feels like the strongest story. I quite like the idea of some sort of swashbuckling historical tale... I don't know, maybe something that combines bits of Treasure Island and Heart of Darkness. (Just don't tell Jemahl.)
Have you had any thoughts on what sort of setting/ era you might choose next? You've obviously got a good record on all things AI, which is certainly topical, so some near-future tale might be particularly marketable. But then I also really liked your further-future story - 'The Anomaly'. I thought your style lent itself very well to that too. Do you find one more fun than the other?
Rob wrote: "It's gone very quiet lately. Too quiet...Who's still writing? I know Ray is (there's no stopping the man) but who else?
I've kind of stalled, mainly because I've been waiting to see what happen..."
Hi Rob - I’m writing a bunch of short stories. Does that count? I rather like the short story format. It’s the shortness I like, the shorter the better - one word stories being the best. I’m planning a collection of one word stories starting with “A” and ending with “Zyzzyva”. It’s going to be epic.
Now then, has anyone heard of Instafreebie? It’s a site where authors give away ebooks, previews, short stories etc - can be published or unpublished work. They allow authors to create a preview of the first few chapters of their books with Amazon links at the back so readers can happily clickety click and buy the book. My writing buddy – Mark Ro-Ro Roman – is setting up a “Giveaway” group for comedy and humour in September if anyone’s interested. All that’s needed is an ePub, MOBI, and PDF version of the piece. Mark is giving away a collection of short stories.
Any Cloggers interested? Might be helpful for you, Rob, to create a buzz ahead of the launch of "Shelf Life".
You sad little men. Also you ladies too.You struggle to lift a pen? You whine your writing days are through? Bah! I alone have the strength to continue.
Down the road, up the stairs, into the wardrobe, across the burning desert (Alaskan flambé) and down the rabbit hole again then straight on second star to the left quick stop at starbucks then into the valley of the shadow of death, over the mountains of the moon and then finally, finally! I give in and ask directions of one of the yokels.
"Hey, yokel! Where do I get back onto the path of my paragraph?"
I'd ask the little computer lady-voice in the car dashboard but she doesn't get complex literary metaphor.
She's not the only one.
Rob wrote: "Have you had any thoughts on what sort of setting/ era you might choose next? ..."I've been persevering with one I think I mentioned to you before that is part space opera, part comedy of manners, but it's yet to quite jell the way I had hoped. I also had a go at continuing The Anomaly, which has an ending with an obvious sequel -- but again it hasn't quite captured the feel of the original.
Meanwhile the publisher interested in White Matter has decided not to take it on, so maybe it's time to bite the bullet and self-publish. Problem is, everyone in arm-twisting reach has already read it so I'm not sure whether it's worth the effort.
Not all doom and gloom -- there is one thing with a contemporary setting that seems to be working alright, still early days though so I won't say more to avoid jinxing it.
Mod
Yup. Certainly does. Did you ever read Ray's two-sentence ghost story?
Corben wrote: "Has anyone heard of Instafreebie? It’s a site where authors give away ebooks, previews, short stories etc. They allow authors to create a preview of the first few chapters of their books with Amazon links at the back so readers can buy the book. My writing buddy – Mark Ro-Ro Roman – is setting up a “Giveaway” group for comedy and humour in September if anyone’s interested."
Sounds good. At this stage, it might be too early for Shelf Life (I don't yet know the publicity arrangements) but perhaps I could give Unreliable Histories a gentle push? I haven't promoted it for far too long, and since there's a link of sorts between UH and Shelf Life, it might also help with the latter. That's assuming that's acceptable to the estimable Mr Roman, of course.
It would be nice to contribute towards a sort of 'CLOG compendium'.
Mod
You struggle to lift a pen? You whine your writing days are through?"
I prefer to think of it as 'quality control' rather than writer's block. The effect, however, is much the same...
Rob wrote: "Corben wrote: "I’m writing a bunch of short stories. Does that count?..."Yup. Certainly does. Did you ever read Ray's two-sentence ghost story?
Corben wrote: "Has anyone heard of Instafreebie? I..."
No, I don't think I've read Ray's very short ghost story. Will it give me nightmares?
UH would be a brilliant addition to the Instafreebie Group Giveaway. You don't have to give the whole thing away if you don't want to, just the opening few chapters and buy links at the end. Mark Roman is going to sort things out on Friday ... I think you have his email address.
Anyone else? It would be nice to have a CLOG orientated promo. "Together We're Stronger" - now where have I heard that before.
Mod
Thanks. I have. I'll drop him a note and find out exactly what he needs. Anyone else? It would be nice to have some company...
I'll check out the site. Haven't done anything with DD&RW since last year, But not sure if it would count as 'comedy,' anyway.If site takes previews and unpublished work, it may be worth me tidying up and banging up a few chapters of E&U. I take it I would just save a separate copy of my Word doc, but saving as PDF and that would be it?
Cee wrote: "I'll check out the site. Haven't done anything with DD&RW since last year, But not sure if it would count as 'comedy,' anyway.If site takes previews and unpublished work, it may be worth me tidyi..."
I take back the bit about previewing a few chapters of WIP. Don't think that would be a good idea, coz if not the finished article,, and crap until properly edited, it will put potential readers off. Conversely, if it's pure dead brilliant, and the reader can't wants to shell out and actually BUY the damn thing ... well, they'd be waiting months for the end.
I do recognise a coupe of authors who have books on there. So presumably, it's sound.
Mod
Sure it does. Why wouldn't it?
Cee wrote: "I'll check out the site. Haven't done anything with DD&RW since last year, But not sure if it would count as 'comedy,' anyway.If site takes previews and unpublished work, it may be worth me tidyi..."
A few chapters of DD&RW would be ideal. It most certainly does count as comedy ... and with twenty-one 5-star reviews it's a very popular book. Well worth breathing new life into it.
Mod
Amen. What he said.
CLOG - Comedy Literature Only Group
Books mentioned in this topic
Small Stories: A Perfectly Absurd Novel (other topics)The Sprouts of Wrath (other topics)
Pussy Planet and Other Endearing Tales (other topics)
Unreliable Histories (other topics)
The Endless Land (other topics)
