CLOG - Comedy Literature Only Group discussion
Introductions
Mod
Let's see. Well my name's Rob - obviously - and I've written two comic fantasy novels:
Unreliable Histories
The Endless Land
I set up this group on Goodreads because its honorary founder, Alastair Miles, leads a much busier life than I. (I'm sort of a Baldrick to his Edmund Blackadder; a Jeeves to his Wooster.)
CLOG originated on another site but the forum died horribly in a freak cost-cutting accident. It left everyone adrift, traumatised and looking for somewhere to settle. You remember the opening scenes of Battlestar Galactica? Well, it was a bit like that, except that the role of the Cylons was played by accountants or management consultants or something.
Anyway, here we are, setting up a new home, shifting the furniture about and shouting questions such as 'whose hat is this?' down the corridor.
We're very eager to find new housemates to share the chores and perhaps to give us something new and amusing to read. If you fancy popping in, please introduce yourself and pull up a chair.
Baldrick? You're selling yourself short.Jeeves? That's the other end of the sidekick spectrum!
As to me. Blackadder - I lack his attitude, Wooster - I (sadly) lack his money.
I think you're more of a successful reboot.
Anyway, enough rambling. And don't let me get in the way of new arrivals. Don't be afraid, we don't bite (and we definitely try not to suck).
Mod
I'll start with my harrowing beginnings.
I was born at a very young age. I spent the first year of my life shitting my pants and pissing myself. When I was just a baby my own mother used to force her nipple into my mouth. I cried a lot in those early days. My parents used to keep me in a wooden cage in the corner of the room.
Things soon changed. We're all friends now of course and I've since learned that my start in life was not unlike most others.
Eventually I started writing. And drinking. It was because of this combination that I was unable to take anything seriously and so found myself in the lonely depths of "comedy writing".
And that's it really. Birth to book in three paragraphs.
I became a part of CLOG back when it was a flourishing and successful beast on Authonomy. But Harper Collins tried to destroy us. First they removed comedy as a genre. It didn't work. Still we kept writing. Still we made it to the editors desk. They tried dishing out lousy reviews. But still we lived. Still we WROTE! In the end they had no choice but to shut down Authonomy altogether. CLOG, it seemed, had been defeated.
And now its here on Goodreads. IT LIVES!!! HA HA HA!
Rob Wingfield here, introducing stuff. I met Rob G through Authonomy and we realised that we are just as mad as each other (despite me being old enough to know better) so have been egging each other on for a while.I'd been writing for a few years, but in the last few, decided to dump my job early, take what little pension that left me with, and go in search of a seedy garret to starve to death in, whilst generating literary masterpieces that nobody will ever read until after I'm dead.
Now I'm busy helping people via the Inca Project (www.incaproject.co.uk) - not just in comedy, but anything slightly out of the ordinary. I pestered Robert Rankin at a convention and he agreed to let me use his name, on the understanding that if we passed in the street I was to hide in an alley and pretend not to know him. As the master of farfetched fiction, he was ideal for the Incas, so who could argue with that?
Now writing and rewriting my own works has taken me forth to a round dozen (www.cantbearsd.co.uk) in various genres, although satirical sci-fi seems to be my vocation (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fifth-Correct...) as I vomit written revenge on the many organisations and people who have crossed me since I became old enough to be annoyed.
My current gripes include commas, the use of the apostrophe and the taxation system. (Give me my $30 back, IRS - I am not (repeat, 'never have been') an American citizen, so why are you stealing my paltry royalties?)
Finding your group was an act of God. Put that down as a benign act for the moment. Any other group I tumbled into was was either pretentiously superior or over-crowded. How could I get a word in with 987 members filling over 32 pages with their comments and photographs? I need help. I can’t find an appropriate genre title for my writing. What is the genre for stories that make people laugh, but are not funny, that take the piss out of authority figures and institutions (is that satire?), that are full of zany characters who take over the story and decide where the books go, that revolve around ordinary events that turn out to be unusual, that are peopled by characters who are never what they appear and who live in a world that is bigger than the touchable, smelly, tasty, loud reality we see on opening the curtain in the morning.
I like that you drink whiskey and whisky, struggle with commas, have stories of priests who shout “feck off”, zombies who wander around pontificating about the reality of death, and you have a spread of age that allows me to fit in at the top end without feeling I have to explain why I came late to writing. How could I not ask permission to join you?
A brother-in-law type person, who knows everything and everyone, on reading my first book said, “I couldn’t read this shite”. He is strongly Irish with a tendency to use a Roddy Doyle type ripeness of language. “How could any fecker row from Ireland to Auckland, and in a rubber dinghy at that? He’d have to be mad to even think about it. This is pure stupid, so I stopped reading it after two pages.” Does that qualify me for membership of your group?
P.S. I am an orphan author without friends and with no followers. Can anyone spare a friend or unearth a follower?
Mod
Thank you Andrew. Since yesterday I have started on 'Unreliable Histories', 'Father McGargles' and 'Love. Death and Tea'. All my kind of books and my type of writing.
I feel I am at home.
Mod
HI Ted!So anyone who may have read Roundhead, fancy a beta read of book 2?.
I'm actually finding no Authonomy quite productive.
Let's keep the conversation going. I am Will Once. Well, actually, I'm not. It's a pen name and a rather good one, don't you think? The idea behind the pen name is that I can say things like bottom, boobs and willy without the day job knowing.
I've written two comic novels so far. "Love, Death and Tea" is a parody of zombie and fantasy novels, told from the perspective of a pacifist sentient zombie. Think "Tea time of the caring dead" and you're on the right lines. It's very British with influences of Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams and Monty Python.
Next up is "Global Domination for Beginners". This is the James Bond story told back to front, where the main character is the megalomaniac bad guy. And if that makes you think of Austin Powers and Dr Evil, then be reassured. My number one is nothing like that.
Today I am hyper excited because I am bringing out a new book. Unfortunately for fellow Clogees, this one isn't a comedy. To Know the Dark is an alternative fantasy novel with no jokes in it. Well, no intentional jokes.
What else by way of introduction? British, male, married, one son, a fabulous wife (and, no, you can't borrow her), no pets, not much hair. According to my birth certificate I have done 51 revolutions around the sun, but I still feel 14.
Mod
And might I just add that I've read them both and enjoyed them thoroughly. Ditto 'To Know the Dark', which is clever and experimental and all the more enjoyable because of it.
Hello,I'd like to apply for the position of an Apprentice Clogger.
I don't have much experience in this field, but know that if I work hard, I can learn from the Masters. (I'm quite self sufficient and don't take too much looking-after. I've been inoculated against excessive exclamation marks but may still need a parenthesis booster.)
I bring along a plethora of hats, several of which my wife wouldn't be seen dead walking next to me with. But perhaps that's a line I can build upon.
I can also supply my own woggle. It's of real leather and bears the mysterious mark of the wolf.
Mod
I see you've written a book called Damp Dogs and Rabbit Wee, and it has 12 5-star reviews. My god man, that's outstanding!
"The one on Amazon.com is my fave," he says while blowing his own trumpet and thereby alienating the rest of West Scotland for being a smarmy little git.
Welcome mate, bout time you joined our comedy rebellion. Good to see DDRW doing so well.
Great to see Bad Business as the completed article,Andy. Got it downloaded so I can read the final few, post Authonomy, chapters while on hols in the New Year. It's gotta sell BIG.
CT? Nah, I didn't get where I am today without recognising CJ when I see him. How's it going me old matey? I have your wee Doggy book locked and loaded and ready to Kindle fire.
Mod
I'm seeing you all over Facebook, too. Reviews, readings, prize giveaways... Somebody's doing their marketing right. Good to see.
Corben wrote: "CT? Nah, I didn't get where I am today without recognising CJ when I see him. How's it going me old matey? I have your wee Doggy book locked and loaded and ready to Kindle fire."Hi Corben, yeah - found there was already a CJ Thomas author selling on Amazon. She writes erotic fiction. Was tempted to go with the name in the hope of some accidental sales, and also liked the idea of some sweet old lady in Bible belt USA buying a book about dogs ... and opening a delivered parcel to find a book cover with some semi-naked bloke and a glamorous woman in bright red scanties peering at her.
But I didn't.
Here! Where's your 'Mars' book? I was enjoying what I read on Authonomy, but can't find it on Amazon ore here. I accidentally deleted it from my i-Pad, coz I'm a bit of a numpty when it comes to technical issues.
Rob wrote: "Cee Tee wrote: ""The one on Amazon.com is my fave," he says while blowing his own trumpet and thereby alienating the rest of West Scotland for being a smarmy little git."I'm seeing you all over F..."
Thanks Rob. Been quite lucky, I think. I've also got a defined and relatively narrow potential market place to work within, so that makes things a little easier.
I'll no doubt have my eyes well and truly opened when I publish my second effort. ;)
Cee Tee wrote: "Corben wrote: "CT? Nah, I didn't get where I am today without recognising CJ when I see him. How's it going me old matey? I have your wee Doggy book locked and loaded and ready to Kindle fire."Hi..."
You'll always be CJ to me.
I knew your book would be popular. I bet DDRW sells very well in bookshops. It's the book that every dog owner wants.
Thanks for noticing that TWMOM hasn't found a home. It's doing the rounds at the moment. Another few months of rejections from the industry pros and it'll be time to throw in the towel. If you want it I'm very happy to send it. You might enjoy it over Christmas ... maybe.
Corben wrote: "Cee Tee wrote: "Corben wrote: "CT? Nah, I didn't get where I am today without recognising CJ when I see him. How's it going me old matey? I have your wee Doggy book locked and loaded and ready to K..."Yeah - I'm off on holiday on New Year's Day and have a few stocked up, but would love to read the finished TWMOM at some point. But you know how it goes: sun; sea; beer .....sleep. I'd hope to get through a few books so if you're able to send, that'd be great. If not possible - no worries. I'm happy to pay when it's finally released.
Cee Tee wrote: "Corben wrote: "Cee Tee wrote: "Corben wrote: "CT? Nah, I didn't get where I am today without recognising CJ when I see him. How's it going me old matey? I have your wee Doggy book locked and loaded..."I'll send it to you. Oh, hang on a minute, I don't think I have your email address.
Corben wrote: "Cee Tee wrote: "Corben wrote: "Cee Tee wrote: "Corben wrote: "CT? Nah, I didn't get where I am today without recognising CJ when I see him. How's it going me old matey? I have your wee Doggy book l..."Cheers Corben,
Best use my ceeteejackson@gmail.com one. (But how can I get that downloaded onto my Kindle app for my i-Pad? Indeed, is that even possible?)
Corben wrote: "Tis done, CJ."Cheers Corben ma man.
Just in for a quick breakfast. Will try getting it onto my Kindle app this evening and will let you know.
Thanks.
Och! I'm bloody hopeless, me. I couldn't get it into my Kindle reader I'm afraid, Corben. Tried to get it into Dropbox. Think it might be there, but can't find it.Never mind - jut let me know when it becomes available to buy commercially and I'll buy it then.
Cheers.
CJ - It's probably just a case of re-calibrating your I-Pad's discosculator prefix. 3.48 should sort it out. Do you have a screwdriver and some tin foil? If not just crack the casing open using a rock. Then hotwire your I-Pad's workings to your smartphone and shout at it. If it doesn't respond, shout louder and throw in a threat. By the way, I'm not an I.T. professional.
Hi Guys, another refugee from that HC ghetto. I've dropped the Downsman nom de plume as my recent works lack the rural connection of my early efforts; and I ran out of goose feathers for the quill.So I'm just another sad hopeful waiting for the world to catch a sense of humour, and scribbling away to pass the time while waiting. Strudwick's Successor has been up on Amazon for almost six hours with not a single sale. At this rate I'll have to cancel Christmas and send back the Harrod's hamper.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Strudwicks......
Hi smilers and smileesMy apologies for my silence, I was brought low by some vicious lurgy that was using all my body energy to fuel its journey back to whatever part of the universe it belongs to. I know I am on the road to recovery because today I finished my commentary on Jemahl's chapters he submitted some weeks back for review. A cracking piece of writing and well on its way to being a superb book. A brilliant follow-up to The Last Roundhead.
Hello Cee Tee and James. Knowing that you have dealt with some of the long stay residents and have still come back, allows me to position you in the galaxy of worthiness that is the hallmark of this group.
Cee Tee, ignore Corben's superior technical advice. I open the window, say a few strong words from the rawest vernacular and threaten to throw the malfunctioning equipment out the window. Then I phone a Kevin I know and the problem is solved.
Hi everyone from Rafa in Madrid, Spain! Tuesday now, so...Bring out your dead...
Mod
Mod
Hardest genre, definitely...
Welcome aboard. At least here you will find your work appreciated. Even if we do criticise the hell out of it.
Hi ya there. Welcome to our motley band of misfits.
Raff wrote: "Hi everyone from Rafa in Madrid, Spain! Tuesday now, so...Bring out your dead..."
Hey Rafa, man. Good to meet you. You don't play tennis by any chance? Just one thing, mate, it's not Tuesday. You might have been caught in a temporal shift. That sort of thing is always happening to me. Anyway, put your dead bodies out tonight for collection tomorrow. And make sure you close the lid properly on your dead-body collection bin or the cats'll get it.
Hey Rafa,Welcome. This is a great wee group to join.
I'm really only an apprentice CLOGGER at the moment, not having written a 'proper' book yet. But, and here's the clever bit: having read all the various posts & discussions, and committing them to my plagiarism notebook, I'm sure it won't be too long before the woggle is mine. MINE, I say. All mine.
Well, in the interest of good manners, I think it best I formally introduce myself. So here goes.Hi, I'm Rich. I'm from the UK, but don't hold that against me. Sometimes when I'm home alone I like to hold a recreation of the Battle of Hastings using improvised Lego pieces and make the cat watch. I don't have a cat. I once rescued a litter of puppies from a burning building and am also prone to telling outrageous lies. I'm also wanted all across Eastern Europe for a series of different cheese offences--but that's really another story.
I also play guitar. Terribly, and passionately.
Looking forward to getting to know you fine gentlemen.
(Also: what's a woggle?)
Mod
I can't remember quite how it all started but back in the land of Authonomy, out of the thousands of manuscripts that were on the site, at the end of each month 5 would make it to the Editors desk to get reviewed by Harper Collins. Each month someone from CLOG invariably managed to find their way on to the the desk (some of them by saying very nice things about the editor at every possible opportunity, eh Corben?). And then us CLOGers would award that person the prestigious Woggle.
A Woggle is a thing that scouts use to hold their neck scarf thing together.
Mod
Thanks for clarifying, Andrew. Woggle added to the word bank.
Well, I think I may have found my home...I tried to write high fantasy - it ended up comedic. I tried to write dystopia - it ended up the most ridiculous book I have written to date.
If, say, your book's strap line was "How to usurp a totalitarian behemoth with a monkey wrench", do you think that my writing may qualify?
I hope so. In the meantime, I am hoping to discover some hidden, humourous gems here.
Welcome. And that's a damned fine name, if I may say so. When I'm not hiding behind a pen name of Will I've been known to travel under the alias of Iain. The proper spelling, of course! ;-)
Welcome to our small, but expanding, band.
Hi all,It's Paula here, from the Antipodes.
I'm the author of the bawdy, Odyssey in a Teacup, and I've almost completed the sequel (which is just as colourful). My muse is the ancient goddess of obscenity, so, I'm not entirely responsible for what I write. It's not my fault. Really. It's not. And being an Aussie doesn't help. Piss-taking is our favourite sport.
But I'm cool with all of it. Personally, I think life is absurd, I hate bloody rules and what I write is an up yours to moralism.
Look forward to participating in discussions.
CLOG - Comedy Literature Only Group
Books mentioned in this topic
Small Stories: A Perfectly Absurd Novel (other topics)The Sprouts of Wrath (other topics)
Pussy Planet and Other Endearing Tales (other topics)
Unreliable Histories (other topics)
The Endless Land (other topics)
This is meant as a platform for discussing humour (fictional or otherwise), and the challenges of writing and self-publishing it. We help each other out by providing critical feedback on our respective works and, on occasion, by offering a much-needed shoulder to cry on.
If you have a work in progress or a finished comic masterpiece, by all means let us know so we can get a feel for the sort of thing you do. However, please note that this isn't really the place for shameless self-promotion. (There are other threads for that.) It's a friendly community of writers and comedy-lovers, so if you're happy to read a bit, air a few views and generally get involved, we'd love to hear from you.