And for those of us who can't scare a chihuahua with a nervous condition...

[Christina]

As mentioned in my previous creepypasta post, I thought I'd open the floor to our humorists as well. Crappypasta are stories that are meant to be scary, but look more like a five year old's halfhearted attempt to prank a favorite uncle. My personal favorite will always be 'And Then A Skeleton Popped Out' which you can read right here: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/AND...

For this thread, all are welcome to make us laugh by showing us exactly how unscary you can be, while attempting to be scary. Got that?

Again, keep it cleanish and shortish.

Have fun! Show us your skeletons and tell us once and for all, who was phone?

[Jay]

WROTE BY A DEAD GUY: It was a dark. The light go out, wich is why dark. The dog runned away. A hungy bear come in my door and kilt me, and this bear know where UR house is.

[Christina]

When I was a kid, there was this house in the woods and a guy with an axe lived inthe house and if you went into the woods he would chase you with his axe. One day I went into the woods when I knew the guy with the axe would be sleeping and I stole it right from the chopping block in his front yard but when I touched it something weird happened and the guy disappeared and I was trapped! The next day some kids came into the woods and I chased them with my axe.
The end?

[T.R.]

Once upon a time there was this woman and she was making supper and her husband comes in and she is surprised to see her husband and she hugs him but then he BITES HER and she's surprised and falls to the ground asking why. Oh I forgot to say her husband died a long time ago and she was very sad about it. But then they both got up as zombies and went to the neighbors' for dinner.

*Please note I told this story to my dog and he wasn't scared, but he's only half chihuahua.

[C.B., Beach Body Moderator]

"I'm sorry", the operator said, "but the calls appear to be coming from inside the house, and were dialed by someone with a hook for a hand that turned out to be you all along!"

[Christina]

Gosh darn it I love you people!
:D

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

"For this thread, all are welcome to make us laugh by showing us exactly how unscary you can be, while attempting to be scary."

I know nothing about being unscary. Nope.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

There was this old lady who lived down the street and my parents made me go to her house all the time and she would keep me and keep me and not let me leave and then she would make me eat weird things and then she would make me sleep with my brother and then she would make me eat more weird things and the weirdest part of all was that she was not just an old lady that lived down the street in a big scary creepy house that was big and creepy and scary and all that stuff but it was also that she was really creepy and I would beg and I would beg and plead and tell my parents I didn't like to go to the old lady's house but they would make me go to the old lady's house every day and maybe I would not get to come home at night because I would stay there all night and then one day I found out that the old lady was my grandma and then I found out that she was dead so I ran and I cried and I ran to my parents but it was too late because they bought a puppy and forgot all about me and my brother because... we were dead too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. This means we were ghosts.

P.P.S. This is a fictional story. I'm not really dead. Neither is my brother.

P.P.P.S. But, my grandmother is.

P.P.P.P.S. AND SO ARE MY PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!

But, the puppy is fine.

[Christina]

Dwayne wrote: ""For this thread, all are welcome to make us laugh by showing us exactly how unscary you can be, while attempting to be scary."

I know nothing about being unscary. Nope."

I considered summoning you in my original post. ;)

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

Jay wrote: "WROTE BY A DEAD GUY: It was a dark. The light go out, wich is why dark. The dog runned away. A hungy bear come in my door and kilt me, and this bear know where UR house is."

That's why all the bear dung in my yard smells like you. It all makes sense, now.

[Joselyn]

loving these little stories, would you all want me to showcase these wants to on my blog? maybe like lights creppypastas

[Christina]

This one time I was going to my car in a parking lot. It was late at night and there were no lites. I started to open my car door but a security guard came out of the mall (this was a mall parking lot, guys, which is why it was dark. they turned off the lights) and said:

Nooooo! Don't get in the car!!!!

Oh my god, I said. I heard an email about this. Is the killer in my car?

The security guard smiled and I could see fangs so I was scared.
No, he said. I AM THE KILLER!

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

B.B. wrote: "I had been visited by the waddling shadow potato man. "

I love this one!

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

I used to have this pair of pants. I loved those pants. I didn't like to wear anything else. I wore no socks. I wore no shirt. I wore no underwear. I only wore my pants. My mom told me they were dirty. My mom said she wanted to wash them. I said NO! My pants did not get washed. My pants got all kinds of food on them. My pants got all kinds of dirt and stains on them. I would not wash them.

One day I woke up and I was naked. My pants had taken themselves off me. They were moving and walking on their own. I tried to attack them, but was repelled by the smell of them. I had worn them for months and my pants had become very stinky.

My stinky pants got out of my window and went around the neighborhood and killed everyone they found. They killed robbers and joggers and homeless people and whoever else was out at three in the morning. I could not go stop them because I had no other clothes to wear.

My stinky pants killed everyone on my block. My stinky pants killed everyone in my city. The other day my stinky pants called and said they are coming to your town.

They are looking for you. They won't kill you right away. They will make you wear them first.

[Jay]

AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Crap! She seen me looking in her window. I need to move before she call the cops.

Hey! You got nice windows.

[Andrew]

Great! You guys have got the knack. Love watching kids with their stories. You seem to capture it!

[Melissa]

Hyper realistic blood oozed from the hyper realistic wound on his hyper realistic chest. It was all so hyper realistic!

[Charles]

when u kill a spiders and bunches of tiny littler spiders run off, each one of those little baby spiders is a fragment of the original spiders that will grow into bigger spiders and hunt u down forevers

[Melissa]

Once, there was this guy on the bus who kept staring at me and staring at me. He followed me home and stared at me through my window. I told him to go away and he did... so he could go stare at you!

~fin

[Christina]

Melissa wrote: "Once, there was this guy on the bus who kept staring at me and staring at me. He followed me home and stared at me through my window. I told him to go away and he did... so he could go stare at you..."

Oh gad! We found him! He's up in comment #16... Just... Staring... At our windows...

[T.R.]

It was a dark and stormy night. The wind howled, the rain poured in buckets, and the trees went scratch scratch scratch against my window like sharpened fingernails. And it was then that I realized...I'd left the top down on my convertible, and I'd just had the interior reupholstered.

[Christina]

There was once this author (that's how you know this is going to be scary, guys, relatability) who was writing a book. It was a horror book with a bad guy who did horrible things. The end.

[Jay]

There once was a boy named Sue,
So bad, he was raised in a zoo.
He ate all the lions.
He slapped a big snake.
There’s no use in cryin’
Your leg’s now his steak.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

there was this boy and this girl and they went out on this date. And they made out and all that and she ended up pregnant. they went ahead and had the baby but they didn't like it at all, cause with a baby around it was hard to go to parties and play video games. So, the boy named the baby "Someone Shoot Me". When the boy was old enough to talk they sent him to an NRA meeting and he was asked his name. Now the boy and the girl have time to play video games and drink root beer again.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

There were these two boys named Brad and Hank. They lived on the same street. One day Brad and Hank were outside playing together and they said, "let's go to the old house over there on the same street we live and explore it" and they said, "yes, we should do that" even though they were really very scared and they were shaking with scared feelings. So, they went to the really ancient house and went in. They saw that the house was really very old and probably built in 2008 maybe in May or so. And in the house they saw books and then they found a pipe organ.

The organ played itself.

The boys became very scared and wanted to run, but they said, "no, let's keep looking around" and they found some pictures like old pictures hanging on the walls. The eyes moved! ON! ONE! of. THE! PICTURES!

And the boys got really scared and they wanted to run but they didn't run. Hank and Brad kept looking around and they went to the basement. It was really very scary in the basement and they saw a mouse. Brad stepped into a spider web. "Eek," said Brad.

then they saw a dead body of a dead man in the basement. He had died there! And. HE! Was a SEA! CAPTAIN! But, they didn't run away. They began to look at his body and it was all gross, but he still had clothes on so that helped. They found gold in his pockets. Like, a whole lot of gold. Almost a hundred dollars worth! And they ran away and were going to go to the bank.

But, Hank looked at Peter and Peter looked at Brad and Brad looked at Hank and they realized there was a third boy with them now! And that scared them because he wasn't there when they went into the house but he came out with them.

"Give me my father's gold," said the boy and they lied and said they didn't have it. So, they were rich and bought bicycles.

But, they both got a NOSE! BLEED! THAT VERY SAME! night.

[T.L.]

In the deepest darkest part of the forest there was a witch who lived in a cottage. Smoke could often be seen rising from her chimney.

A black cat was often seen lurking around. Many animals seemed drawn to the place and were never seen again.

All the people of the village...went to her for help actually. She was great with healing herbs and a lovely person! :-)

[Geoff]

I was a kid once. Probably 5 years old. I followed my cat by crawling into the space under our neighbors house. Oh, and I took a flash light. I used the flash light to shine a light in there to try to find him. Then he opened his eyes when I shined the light on the spot where he was sitting right next to me. The eyes glowed like green fire just as he jumped at me and scratched my face and I wet myself. That night I had a really bad dream where the the cat had really big green fire eyes and wanted my eyes instead so he started scratching at my face. I woke up with a scream and discovered I had wet myself.

[Christina]

And resurrecting the crappy pasta thread too! Be funny by being bad at being scary! Just, keep it cleanish!

[Tara Woods Turner]

Jay wrote: "WROTE BY A DEAD GUY: It was a dark. The light go out, wich is why dark. The dog runned away. A hungy bear come in my door and kilt me, and this bear know where UR house is."

Omg awesome

[Riley, Viking Extraordinaire]

There are some things people are meant to do in life, and others that they aren't. This is one of those stories.

Sitting on a crapper eating a bowl of refried beans. *Shudders*

[Melissa]

I could see a reflection in my computer screen. Someone was behind me. slowly I turn around and! It's just a mirror.

No, I was wrong! There is something behind me. I can feel staring at me. I turn around and... it's just my cat.

So I go into the kitchen to get something to eat, and there I discover... that we're out of soda. Dang it!

The end.

[Tara Woods Turner]

had so much fun with Hannah today we played in the garden and she likes my new doll a whole bunch and I asked her to ask her mama for a doll like mine and they can be best doll friends like me and Hannah are best friends. Hannah said her mama won't give her no new doll because her mama said there are too many mouths to feed and some more stuff but I gave Hannah my favorite coloring book so she can smile. I think her tummy is always growly cause she has a mean mama but my mama and daddy get so upset and yell and yell if I bring Hannah home for supper and they say they don't see anyone and there is no Hannah. Ha ha that is funny so I laugh because Hannah is right there looking and then I don't laugh because Hannah has an angry face so I don't bring her home anymore oh well. Oh yeah speaking of well So excited tomorrow Hannah says we will have the best day ever! Stupid school starts next week so Hannah and me are gonna have the most fun and she told me there is an old well near the mill and it is a magic well and if you throw five pennies in you get your biggest wish and it's really true and not a stupid story for babies and Hannah said her mama took her to the well and made a wish and her mama's wish came true and oh my gosh mamas don't make stuff up even if they're mean ha ha. So excited and Hannah said her wish is that we are friends forever and never ever be apart like sisters and she always wanted a sister. So I'm gonna get up early and make sandwiches and maybe some oatmeal cookies they"re our favorite and tomorrow is gonna be so awesome!!

[Jane]

When the old woman who lived in the shoe ran out of money she called her children to her knee and looked sadly into each beloved face.
'Babies' she said in a broken voice 'we are going to have to get a payday loan!

[Missy]

My dog ate a stink bug once. And then licked my face.

[T.L.]

An author sat alone in her dark little hovel of her writing room.
The only sounds were the tap tap tapping of her keys, and the wind howling outside.

A chill air descended around her.
Shirking off her blankey she scurried into the kitchen as quickly as she could.

She put the kettle on to boil, and opened the coffee canister.
There...was....no...coffee!!!!! (*screams*) <:O

[G.G.]

Missy wrote: "My dog ate a stink bug once. And then licked my face."

My dog did the same but after eating her sister's poop

[Missy]

TL Clark (author of love) wrote: "An author sat alone in her dark little hovel of her writing room.
The only sounds were the tap tap tapping of her keys, and the wind howling outside.

A chill air descended around her.
Shirking o..."

TL! The really scary stories are meant for the other thread! YIKES! Now I'm going to have nightmares. How could the author have let that happen?!

[Thomas]

Once, in the middle of the night I heard thumping on the floor...

-thump thump thump-.

I was so scared, and then it got louder!

-thump thump thump!

It kept going, faster, and louder!

-thump thump thump!-
-Thump Thump Thump!-
-THUMP THUMP THUMP!-

I didn't want to get out of my bed, but I was worried about my dog, so I got up and tiptoed to my door. I peeked out and there was my dog, itching his ear. I was so relieved that I was scared for nothing...but then he turned out to be a dogpire (a dog vampire) and he bit me! Now I'm coming for you!

[Sam (Rescue Dog Mom, Writer, Hugger)]

Missy wrote: "My dog ate a stink bug once. And then licked my face."

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs away)

[Sam (Rescue Dog Mom, Writer, Hugger)]

It was foggy the night I walked home from a Halloween party in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Noticing the street lights were out up ahead, I paused. I had left my wallet at home, so I couldn't call a taxi. I had no money, no credit card, and no driver's license. I had recently moved to town. If I died tonight, my body would remain unidentified for quite some time.

With no other choice, I continued walking. My heart pounded as the fog swallowed me whole. I dug out a chocolate bar from the stash I had pocketed at the party. Nibbling away, I suddenly heard a click behind me. I froze. Was that a gun? Then I heard a voice.

"Hand over the chocolate and nobody gets hurt."

[Christina]

Dwayne wrote: "I had finished my masterpiece. I knew this would be the one, the book that everyone would flock to. This one would change the world. This one would inspire generations. Best of all, this one would ..."

Hey, this is the funny story thread, not the pants-soiling nightmare thread! ;P

[Christina]

Christina wrote: "pants-soiling"

Actually, I wrote pants-pooping. Curse you, autocorrect, for trying to make me sound classy!

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

Christina wrote: "Hey, this is the funny story thread, not the pantaloons shitting nightmare thread! ;P..."

Fine. Fine. It's deleted. *sticks tongue out*

[Christina]

Just remember, you did this to yourself. Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!

[Kevin]

In the next room there were disturbing sounds. People were gasping and horrified. I couldn't stop myself and I went in to the room. It was my worst nightmare, there were two of them. I wanted to rip my ears off and claw my eyes out. It was . . . it was . . . the presidential debate. Ahhhhhhhrrggggg

[Lillian]

As I read, I thought, "what a great hook for a book beginning!" Then I laughed! This is an apt description of what a person might feel about the low bar or as one commentator said, no bar, for the debates. Thanks for using your creative sparks to create laughter.