Beta Reader Group discussion

Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb help needed asap!!!

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message 1: by Barbara (new)

Barbara Tsipouras | 103 comments I feel hooked with the second. Hopefully the "tone" of your novel matches the blurb.

I personally don't want to get too much information with a blurb. It just has to be catching. And the second is.

If you decide to take the first, I'd stop after "for that matter..."

message 2: by Emma (new)

Emma Jaye | 143 comments I love the second one, but only if the book is in the same style.

message 3: by Richard (new)

Richard Langridge Thanks, Emma!

message 4: by Barbara (new)

Barbara Tarn (barbaragtarn) Emma wrote: "I love the second one, but only if the book is in the same style."

Exactly! :)
If you want blurb advice, check Dean Wesley Smith's blog, he has done a series on how to write sales copy - i.e. no plot in the blurb! ;) (this is the last chapter, you need to go backward - ASAP, since he'll probably take them down when the book comes out)

message 5: by Kate (new)

Kate | 5 comments I love the second one! It would definitely get me to read the book.

I agree with Barbara about stopping after "for that matter..." if you use the first one. I kind of stuttered over the next bit of it thinking it was over, anyway.

message 6: by Richard (new)

Richard Langridge Thanks, Kate!

message 7: by Marianne (new)

Marianne Perry | 5 comments The second one is sharper and moves faster. My choice, too. Best of luck.

message 8: by Richard (new)

Richard Langridge Thanks, Marianne, appreciate it!

message 9: by Kate (new)

Kate | 5 comments Richard, when this novel is out, post here! I want to read it.

message 10: by Isobel (new)

Isobel (isobeletc) | 1 comments I love the second one, I think it makes it better that it's a bit different than a common blurb.
Defiantly want to read :) Good luck!

message 11: by Richard (new)

Richard Langridge Thanks Isobel and Andrea!

message 12: by Michele (new)

Michele | 24 comments The second one caught my attention more too, but I agree with the others who said to use it only if the rest of your writing matches that style.

message 13: by John (new)

John Jones (johnijones) | 7 comments I learned that a blurb is best written by someone other than the author. The author is too close to the material to get a truly objective look at the story. I would strongly recommended paying someone to write your blurb. In my case, the person who I paid to write it, detected angles and components of the story I would NEVER have seen. A good catchy blurb is the key to getting people to buy your book. It is the last divide between your book and its purchase.

message 14: by K.D. (new)

K.D. McQuain (kd_mcquain) | 3 comments I like the second one better. It grabs your attention quickly which is important. I think it would be more dramatic if it concluded with the "pretty scary, huh? "

message 15: by Lise8 (last edited Sep 04, 2015 04:32PM) (new)

Lise8 | 29 comments The thing is: would all these people who voted for the second one still vote for it if they had not read the first? I am not sure. (It might be worth posting this question on another site with just the second blurb to verify or revoke this possibility)

I like the tone of voice of the second one, but not that you address the reader as such, unless this is the style of the whole book.

I think you could combine the humor of the second with the info of the first (which is pretty funny too), and then you could be onto a real winner.

So my vote goes for the first with some tweaks. Here are some editing suggestions for your consideration.

Dan Pratt never asked to be the saviour of humanity. All he ever wanted was to get drunk and play video games with his best friend Frankie.

But then one day he hits rock bottom and etches a plan to strike back against a universe that has spurned him—starting with revenge on his tyrannical boss.

Only, as it turns out, his boss isn’t actually his boss anymore.

Or human, for that matter…


message 16: by Quoleena (new)

Quoleena Sbrocca (qjsbrocca) You've received some good comments for your descriptions already, so I'll add this: your elevator pitch hooked me.

The book is about two best friends who, after a prank on their boss goes horribly wrong, find themselves suddenly caught in the middle of an alien conspiracy.

Good luck with the book!

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