The Native Princess (comments would be great)

[Mariettedr]

With shaking hands, Nayeli slipped the necklace around her neck. The wolf locket rested between her breasts, the thought of it burning her mind.
Hael.
She needed to find Hael.
She got up from the bed, her heart bewildered. “Keep the wolf close,” she found herself saying.
She opened the doors to his chambers, refraining from running. She needed to see Hael’s face, needed to throw her arms around him in terror. She rushed down the hall, her heart running away with her chest.
Great Seas, Aiden was a wolf.
“Princess Nayeli!” someone exclaimed behind her and Nayeli jumped around. Startled, she rested her eyes on Duchess Leilani Kubovy. “There you are! I’ve been looking for you this entire day. You weren’t in your chamber and nowhere else to be found.”
Nayeli swallowed and tried to regain her composure. “Duchess Leilani,” she said and bowed her head. “Is something the matter?”
She neared Nayeli and waved her question away. “Should there be something wrong for me to want to talk to you, Princess?”
“Of cause not, Duchess.”
Leilani folded her hands together in front of her, watching her. “Princess Nayeli, as you know, matters between the Kubovy family and the Princess of the Maya Isles has not been at best. I was very pleased when you accepted our invitation to the ball. I did not have the chance to talk much with you at the ball, but I would like to do so now. I think it is important that we share a vast friendship, don’t you?”
Nayeli nodded her head. “I agree, Duchess.”
“It’s settled then,” Leilani chirped. “I’ve arranged a feast for us in my sunroom here at the castle. This is a matter to be discussed in person, not in the great hall. My servants are ready to serve us with the finest cuisine.”
“Now?” Nayeli blurted.
Leilani frowned at her. “Yes,” she started. “If you don’t have more important matters to attend to, I would like to restore a relationship between the Kubovy family and the Maya Isles.”
Guilt clutched her heart. Leilani was right and she knew it. She would have a quick meal with the simple Leilani before seeking Hael.
“Of cause I have time to dine with you, Duchess. It would please me to restore our friendship to the fullest. Would Duke Leynar be joining us?”
“My brother went with the King,” she explained. “Let us leave the men to their bidding and deliberate lighter matters. Follow me?”
Nayeli nodded her head and found herself trailing along next to the Duchess. She truly was beautiful, her feature so fine and subtle. Her blond hair was pulled into an elegant chignon. Nayeli felt quite aware of her wet and loose hair, she had not even pulled a comb through them. How she must look to the Kubovy family, she had no idea.

[Mariettedr]

The Duchess escorted Nayeli into her sunroom where a table was being served with more food than was necessary for two women. But Nayeli’s stomach was turning in hunger and she could surely devour most of the food on the table. Her Tiger agreed.
Leilani’s chamber consisted of a large sunroom and a bedroom that led off to the left. Nayeli had found that Leilani visited Adarmar Castle often. Most of the times when Nayeli had come to visit the castle, she had found Leilani here. She looked around the decorated sunroom. This chamber was strictly used by her. She practically lived there.
Nayeli set the thought aside, turning towards the table of food. Leilani chirped around her, showing her to her seat. She took off her cloak and hanged it on the back of her chair. Nayeli might dislike Leilani, but she must acknowledge that the woman was at least trying to restore the fragile bond. Years of reigning together would lie in front of them and Leilani knew it. Nayeli admired her effort to restore order and peace between them.
“Wine?” Leilani chirped. “I’ve noticed that you like it.”
Not having the courage to dismiss her notions, Nayeli nodded her head. “Thank you, Leilani. I appreciate the effort you are making. It’s important that we form a bond in union.”
Leilani smiled broadly. “Why, yes, it is.”
She placed Nayeli’s wine in front of her. To no surprise, Leilani was not drinking with her. Clearly emphasizing their differences, Leilani poured juice for herself. Nayeli refrained from groaning.
“Time to eat,” Leilani chirped and sat down across the table from Nayeli. “I hope that you are hungry?”
On cue, servants emerged and brought even more food to add to the table. It smelled wonderful and Nayeli’s stomach welcomed the aromas. As all the servants left the room, Nayeli allowed her Tiger’s sense of smell to take in the food they were about to consume. To her delight, there was a sweetness to the smell.
“I hope the food will be to your liking,” Leilani said and waited for Nayeli.
“I am sure it would. Thank you, Duchess.”
Realizing that Leilani was waiting for her to start, Nayeli started plating for herself. Leilani smiled in joy, starting to do the same. The silence stretched between them, Leilani’s smile still on her face.
Nayeli picked up her cutlery. “Is there something specific you wanted to discuss, Duchess?”
“You haven’t had any of your wine,” Leilani observed, placing her plate in front of her. “I would like to start by apologizing for my brother’s actions in Eldenwood. It was not necessary to kill that poor animal.”
Nayeli placed her cutlery back unto the table and reached for her wine. “I overreacted to say the least. Let us put it behind us, Duchess.”
Nayeli brought the wine to her lips but before taking a sip, her smile faltered.
The creature of her heart recoiled at the sweet smell that touched her nose. Her stomach turned.
Fully aware that Leilani was watching her, Nayeli subtly closed her mouth and titled the wine against her closed lips. The wine licked her skin and fell away once she lowered the glass again. Nayeli swallowed a knob in her throat and reached for her napkin to lightly dap over the wine on her chin.
Drogonflower…
There was Drogonflower in her wine and it was burning her nose.
She lifted her eyes towards the Duchess that was watching her intently. The false smile that was always present on Leilani’s lips was gone now. Nayeli met her stare.
“Anything else you would like to get off your chest, Duchess?”
“I realized he would never love me,” Leilani said and shook her head.
Nayeli knew she would be talking about Aiden. She lifted the wine to her lips and feigned drinking another mouthful. Leilani’s eyes shone with enjoyment.
“Who would never love you, Leilani?”
“The King, of cause,” she purred and stood from her chair. “You should know that I’ve offered him a different path, but he didn’t want it. He didn’t want it because you were in my way.”
Nayeli rose from her seat as well, Drogonflower burning on her lips and through her nose. She touched her uneasy throat and glared at the beautiful Duchess Kubovy.
“Are you feeling alright?” Leilani chirped.
Nayeli’s blood pulsed through her animal heart, her anger rising. As each second passed and Leilani’s smile broadened, Nayeli could feel her hold on her creature slipping. She pushed the creature down, taking control of her fury. What would come next, she wanted to be fully aware of. She wanted to remember this.
Nayeli pushed her chair away from her and made her way around the table.
Leilani yelped in surprise as Nayeli approached.
If she had drunk the wine, she would be on the floor by now, suffocating from the effect of the wildflower. Leilani shouted something at her but she ignored it as she reached for the woman. With all the strength her Tiger body possessed, she swung the woman onto the table. Food scattered away from them. Nayeli’s hand came down on her throat and held her to the table.
Leilani screamed.
Nayeli ignored it and tightened her grip on the woman’s throat, cutting off her screams. With her other hand, she found herself tucking off the Duchess’ dress. Leilani protested in horror, kicking at Nayeli. Nayeli ripped her shoulderless dress down and the woman shouted once her chest was bare. She shouted at Nayeli, fighting against her Tiger strength.
But Nayeli had to know and it was her discovery that pushed her past her own control. The animal that shared Nayeli’s soul snarled at the sight of the snake tattoo next to Leilani’s left breast.
“Snake,” Nayeli growled into Leilani’s face, her eyes burning in their fury.
Nayeli slipped her hold on Leilani’s throat, giving her the chance to scream for her guards at the top of her lungs. When her mouth was opened to its full width, Nayeli clenched her teeth and reached for her wine to plummet it down the Duchess’ throat.
Leilani choked on the wine and Nayeli released her. The woman fell to the floor and clutched her gorge. She convulsed and Nayeli was shocked at how quickly the poison influenced her.
Nayeli stared down at the gasping woman as the Castle’s Guard banged on the door. Stricken with panic, Nayeli ripped her cloak off her chair and pulled it on over her shoulders. She touched the anti-poison in the hem of her hood, her eyes on Leilani again. The woman was jerking on the floor, her throat hoarse as she tried sucking in air.
When nobody answered, the door to the sunroom sprang open. The guards wore the Kubovy family’s dark green and their eyes widened at the sight of their Duchess on the floor.
Life found Nayeli’s heart and she found herself running into Leilani’s bedroom. She threw open the door to her balcony. She was over the rail of the balcony before she could think it through. Guards were screaming after her as she dropped to the ground. It hurt. She tasted dust and blood in her mouth, but she couldn’t stop.
She scrambled to her feet and fled.
She was bewildered beyond reason and her heart was pounding in her ears. She had to get out of the Castle. She needed to find Hael. But without realizing where she was going, she found herself pressing through Akira’s chamber doors.
“Akira!” Nayeli cried out. “Akira! Where are you?!”
She heard the shouts of the guards that were following her but ignored it and ran into Akira’s room. What she found there ripped her heart out of her chest.
“No, no, no!” Nayeli screamed and fell down next to Akira on the floor.
Akira’s eyes were still open and staring at Nayeli in horror. She was clutching her throat and struggling to breathe. Her lips were blue and her eyes were starting to close.
Screaming her groan of hate, Nayeli ripped open the hem of her hood. The packet of anti-poison fell out and without thinking, Nayeli emptied the packet’s content into Arika’s mouth. Akira reacted immediately and whatever she had drunk or eaten came back up her throat. Nayeli fell away from her as the Princess started puking profusely.
Tears of relief pierced Nayeli’s eyes, watching as the guard in dark green scrambled into the room. She got to her feet, ready to fight, ready to defend, but there were too many of them. They had her to the floor before she could even think of guarding herself. They were screaming and cursing at her, condemning her for the loss of their Duchess.
With the smell of Drogonflower and vomit in her nose, she welcomed the taste of blood on her lips as each blow struck her. She was the perpetrator that had killed the beautiful Duchess Leilani Kubovy and each blow they rewarded her with reminded her of how good it had felt to throw the wine down that snake’s throat.

[Ed]

I'm not into Fantasy but this is pretty good. You should definately write an entire book and publish it.

[Mariettedr]

Ed wrote: "I'm not into Fantasy but this is pretty good. You should definately write an entire book and publish it."

Hi Ed

Have you read the entire story so far? I have completed the entire book and I am posting it bit by bit.

Anything that is unclear? Any advice for me? Please feel free to give me your opinion on the characters and tell me if there is anything I need to improve.

Thanks for reading ;)
Mariettedr

[Ed]

I didn't realize the entire (?) book was here. Frankly I don't enjoy reading on a computer screen. What I did read I liked very much and you should publish it. Creatspace costs you nothing and is an in to Amazon and Kindle. It seems a very marketable book. Through in some sex and you'd have a real winner I think.

[Mariettedr]

Ed wrote: "I didn't realize the entire (?) book was here. Frankly I don't enjoy reading on a computer screen. What I did read I liked very much and you should publish it. Creatspace costs you nothing and is a..."

Hi Ed.

The entire book is not on here yet, still busy editing the last part of it. Will post it once I am happy with it.

Its my first complete story and will definitely look into Creatspace. Thanks for telling me about it.

Thanks for reading.
Mariette

[Willow]

This book is amazing! I love it so much! You are an amazing writer!

[Mariettedr]

ฬเll๏ฬรђเภє wrote: "This book is amazing! I love it so much! You are an amazing writer!"

Hi Willowshine

So glad that you like it ;) Any questions so far?

Thanks for reading
Mariette

[Abdul]

Native princess is pretty much strong character you should definitely publish it