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Shadow~Watcher of animoo, eater of chips, and takers of naps! Fear me!~
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message 51:
by
ѕolanιne
(new)
Aug 27, 2015 04:53PM
Mine no clue about yours. Wow you did I never did my homework so I stayed inside during recess me and four others.
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In 7th grade i cursed my teacher out, and left lunch early.
Have you ever seen someone get arrested for trying to leave middle or high school?
Wow you really are the darker of the twins
How about running away from your house with the wild dream that you would walk all the way to you girlfriend in pennsylvania?Or flicking the techer off because he told you to shut up?
I love doing that stuff.
Geez I tried to runaway once but I could never get down my road I was going through some hard times.
I have a black heart. Only 5-6 people know me in the true way.Lexi
Braelin
You
Tabi
And some people at school
Yeah many people don't get me they think they do but they don't that's why I started this.
I think i also win in the self harm area...
Mines unintentional I'm a clutz just yesterday I was in Walmart and I slipped on a coat hanger I ended up with a scrape and a bruise
I have a giant scar on my leg from a sharp rock. Told everyone it was a "biking accident"
Shadow~ Join The Dark Side we have waffles. wrote: "Mines unintentional I'm a clutz just yesterday I was in Walmart and I slipped on a coat hanger I ended up with a scrape and a bruise"Fail.
Also have a scar on my neck. I tried to..... You know what, but lexi and a friend at school stopped me just in time.
Knowing me all my scars (and I have a lot) are from tripping, falling, stove burns, sticks, slipping, concrete etc.
That's good I'm glad she did who else would help me through the BS that is life.
Not you almost u know what her stoping you
Just found a new favorite saying that discribs
Dang cat. Describes me.I may look calm, but in my head I've killed you three times, in three different ways, and hidden the body.
Hi Shadow here. I just had my first day of school and boys who read this I don't mean this to be offensive. My friend Abby wanted me to be social. She wanted me to socialize with boys. Boys I don't know. Ugh anyway it was a cool day my home room teacher Mr.C is awesome. But there's only five girls out of like twelve of us. We're out numbered.Anyway that's all,
Shadow out.
Hey Shadow here. I just got asked to my schools dance. I'm so nervous. I said yes. I don't know what to do squeal like a girly-girl or play it cool.Shadow out.
Be yourself! Once I had to direct a play in my school, and everyone thought that I was shy and they didn't listen to me. And well, that pissed me off, so I started giving orders and sometimes I had to yell so they would listen to me, but at the end I made myself respect and everyone followed me. So, be yourself, don't let the nerves control you and you'll do great
Shadow here time for an update. My weekend was pretty calm. That's usually a good thing. My excitement is building up I can't wait for the dance. I'm also coming down with a cold :( thats never fun. I had my physical on Friday found out I'm 5'3 yay! I also found out that I'm taller then half the girls my age. Which boosted my confidence up. Thanks guys,
Shadow out.
Hey it's Shadow here. Today was great except for this afternoon. When I was called names. Well nicknames really. Anyway it ticked me off and my temper got the best of me. And I tackled him. Anyway I'm out.
Hi Shadow again I just wanted to share the entry from my notebook journal it gets personal. Here it is. Monday, September 9th, 2015
I was close to tears to day. I thought that this program would help me. It has academically so far, but not so much with my already low self esteem. It happens almost every year of my god damn fricking life. You know what I'm talking about. No matter how hard I try they always seem to find a way to break down my walls and destroy me. I try my best to ignore it, but I feel useless, weak, and alone. I haven't so utterly alone in my life. I've always had someone to have my back, to have a shoulder to lean on in times of need and now I don't. People try to understand me when I don't even understand myself. I just want it all to go away. My worry, pain, and anxiety to disappear. I hope and pray everyday and everyday I'm disappointed.
That's all I have to say.
Shadow here I just wanted to share another entry from my journal.Monday, September 16th, 2015
I went into Big Lot's today and my low anxiety went up 98%. I thought he would be around every corner. I was so paranoid that he was going to be there and he would see me. I was scared of him being there that I half listened to my mom. I never thought I would be scared seeing him, my own dad, my flesh and blood. But I am. We won't have spoken in two years this Easter.
Thats all,
Shadow
Wow! Hey guess what... IM ALIVE! Okay, okay it's been a while I know and nobody is on, but who gives a damn? Not this girl. Anyway I'm going to give you the major details of my time away. I've broken down more than four times in the past month. Those of you who read my past posts know me and my biological father are not on the best of terms. This Easter marked three years of no contact with him, I'm not sure what it was that triggered it, but I'm almost positive HE had something to do with it. I've been bullied more now than the ice age is over in the beautiful state of Maine, why? Because I've been wearing tank tops which unfortunately show off how skinny I really am. I mind you before you read this am a very healthy 106 lbs, I've been labeled anorexic, starved and underweight. I have also become a anchor to one of my... unstable friends. He errr well tried to leave this world.... but I have become their go to gal. I've gotten into anime DAMN YOU ADAM! Anyway I have watched Mirai Nikki aka Future Dairy, and am almost finished with Shingeki no Kyojin aka Attack On Titan. Um that's really it I'll update more often even though no one will read it.
Live free and be happy,
Shadow~Don't become fates puppet, cut lose your strings and write your own destiny~
I read this. I was going through my groups, getting rid of the ones that hadn't been active recently, when I saw that someone had commented recently. It was you.I mean, I may not have conversed with you before, but I thought it would be nice to know that someone read your words.
Aw thanks, yeah I forgot about it but I saw it and said why not write an entry.
Hey hey hey I'm writing because I'm no longer going through a rough patch, I'm so happy and honestly I haven't been this happy in years! I still haven't spoken to D-Bag aka my ex father also know as my blood father but who honestly gives two shits, I don't. But yeah high school, honey shit it's finally here I don't know wether to be okay or terrified knowing me I'll just laugh about it. Anywho I can't do running do to a knee injury :( so that's a bummer in my summer (ayyyye it rhymes) but other than that bye! Maybe I'll be active but I dunno if anyone else is. Either way, I'm here if anyone wants to talk.Be you and if anyone tells you different I'll strangle them with a rabbit,
Shadow.
Hahahaha, well sh*t, I haven't written anything in ages, but ya know what no one reads this anywayyyyI feel like sh*t.
There done.
Shadow OUT.
Holy sh*t...do any of you have anxiety? I'm like having a panic attack right now, my stomach is upset, I feel clammy, my heart is pounding, my head is swimming.And all I'm doing is sitting in class after school, surrounded by people I don't know.
Hahaha great....
Log - 2/3/17So I've been shaking for the past half hour on the edge. I've decided to draw all over my arm to calm me down.
Oh joy I got yelled at for using a coping method
Teachers have no idea what the hell I'm going through. I'm legit shaking so bad I look like I'm standing out in the cold.
Fucking like let me do this, I've said four times I'm feeling anxious.
Got a threat that they would take my pen. I didn't listen.
They took it. I have about three more soooo.
Ok. Just saw this and thought that I would say something, but honestly Idk what to say. Hmmm...First, why are you feeling anxious? Is there a specific reason or are you having some kind of anxiety attack? (Since it has been a long time since you posted... Are you better now?)
Second, fuck the teacher! It doesn't matter how hard one explains to them that you're feeling bad, they never fully understand the depth of it. I have used copying methods most of my life because I feel bad for very different reasons(anxiety, lack of confidence, etc), and you know what? Even though I have been "lectured" I don't care because I know my reasons for doing it.
So....umm try to stay calm. And also don't think no one reads this, I know there are people doing it: for example me, who came across this accidentally. (Yet I spend a lot of time reading most of the posts in this chat to understand better what was happening to you)
Lots of love,
Ale.
I was having an anxiety attack of sorts, more like a panic attack which lasts shorter and is less strong. Being on edge due to a really bad anxiety attack I had last night. I am feeling a hell of a lot better, my arm is now covered in pen ink. So my mom will kill me for that, but oh well.
I know, I straight out told her "Look my anxiety is spiked right now so I kinda need to do this." But after a while, it went down to the norm. Sadly switching classes it started again seeing as it's social anxiety.
Also thanks, I know some read it. It's enlightening to know you read most of the posts.
Thanks,
Shadow.
