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Bulletin Board > Short Story Wars - You Be The Judge

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

Hi everyone! We're going to pit two short stories against each other. You guys will be the judges and determine which one is the victor and gutted loser.


Story #1: The Face

We played with volleyballs which were solid like bricks and grippy like leather. Over classmates in PE I had an advantage as a baseball player which naturally made dodge ball my favorite game. I tightened my grip on the hexagonal ridges and locked onto the target. Bringing my leg up, I winded back. Planting my good foot down, I jerked my arm forward like a slingshot, hurling it forth; sweat flying from my brow in the effort. Releasing a breath of relief, a hand flatly raised over my eyes in the mimic of a baseball cap, I looked on in satisfaction as the projectile bulleted towards her. I blinked confused, catching the flicker of flames"no doubt imagined"trailing the spinning ball.

The collusion was surreal. The ball met the face of the beauty in a twisting impact that was all I could’ve hoped for as she was swept off her feet. I beamed, elated for the girl I had a crush on had finally noticed me.



Story #2: Pool Boy

Kicking out, pain spiked through my legs, my heart skipped a beat, they had cramped. I was out of breath, out of hope. As I sank further into the brilliant blue of the chlorine infused waters, I churned, flailed, struggled, in the fight for life. I was reduced to prayer; prayer for help, for guidance, for a savior, all I needed was one, just one, just this once to notice me, to detect my distress, my presence. No one came, I was forgotten, no, I was never remembered. Eyes wide, open; the light was guided out of them.


message 2: by Dennis (new)

Dennis Kitainik Both of these are great descriptive writing, but require proofreading!


message 3: by Dwayne (new)

Dwayne Fry | 349 comments D.J. wrote: "Hi everyone! We're going to pit two short stories against each other. You guys will be the judges and determine which one is the victor and gutted loser."

A brother and sister writing team? How sweet.

Both had a lot of story packed in a few words, which was cool, but the first had a twist that I liked. I am going to go with that one.


message 4: by Richard (new)

Richard Mallett | 2 comments Although I liked both I think I will have to go for Story 2 Pool boy, for me it felt more immersive.


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