"Love is always real. It belongs to the giver..." Courage of Fear, Barbara Boyer

[Barbara]

"Love is always real. It belongs to the giver. It does not mean it did not exist if it was not received." Courage of Fear, Barbara Boyer

This by far is one of my greatest of all enlightenment and therefore one of my most prized quotes from my novel, Courage of Fear. It had been, and sometimes still can be, the one area of a serene life that causes me the most pain and indeed the most pleasure (can one have one without the other?)... and like so many other things, I find a common bond there with many other folks for I find alas I am not alone and others too suffer and rejoice in the same complexities of the heart.

This quote actually came about (as so many do) as a culmination of many things, like the string theory, that lead to the one thing that exists at the end, yet not without branching out in many directions first. The journey of this enlightenment began for the most part with Sweet Child of Mine love, or the once perceived loss thereof. . .

Now granted this philosophy of unconditional love was always a back-burner thought... yet the depth of this particular philosophy of unselfish love on my humanism side was pure unadulterated selfishness on my part. My humanism thought process was a way for me to rationalize the reality of who I thought was the one was never the one at all and Sweet Child of Mine (a guns and roses song, if you didn't know) simply turned out to be Thick as a Brick (a jethro tull song)... As a spiritual woman this philosophy held a depth and weight, and possibly a perfect, ascertainable, achievable goal of omnipotence-- k, maybe not omnipotence yet a higher sense of self for sure... alas, opposing forces as usual. . . and as a human a true impossible constant affirmation of my imperfect existence.

K, so if you were able to digest all of that lets break it down, shall we?

To this day I will tell you, and my friends will indeed affirm, I have a profound love for this person, as I do for many people. As far as god's kids this love was someone anyone would like to hang with in the sandbox. He was fun and adventurous; an outlandish pride yet underneath that was this very sexy compelling naivety. His emotions most definitely could be found on his face with little or no words spoken... definitely one of the Good Lord's finer pieces of artwork with an integral brain and logic and reasoning skills that could heighten all great thinkers to states of orgasm. He is, for sure a MacMan--the full meal deal. Who couldn't love that?.. With or Without him, the love was still there. That love was pure. He was and still is, just a really great person.

Yet then there was what I call my human side where my heart beats Tull ... the one that said how could I love someone who treated me this way or that way? How can a man be that way above yet also be such a . . . well. . . ass?.. shit?

Of course during this time, again the string theory, is where other folks would cross my path who were going through similar situations; never exactly the same, yet enough to sit up and pay attention. Like the woman I talked about in the post "Love is not an act based on Conditions. Love is the condition..." Our two situations were completely different, but our premise the same. How could we still love men like that... that caused so much senseless pain (or did they)?

Oh, this sent me into serious debates and searching with my Creator. I would question, "Well, if I take the spiritual road and love above what has been done to me am I not leading with the chin?" or I would stomp like a spoiled child (I am sure any of you who have been following my post will have a hard time believing that... ) and demand "But what about me? What about my heart? Doesn't it matter how much I put into this? Shouldn't he pay (thoughts of gay personal ads with his photos and phone numbers crossed my head--joking... well, no not really)?" And then there is of course the all time favorite that many a jilted lover lets pass their lips with such whimsical absurdity, "What is wrong with me? Why doesn't he love me?"

Oh, poppy-cock, hogwash... bull crap! Does that even matter?.. was about the response.

In the scheme of things I did and continue to love him. That is real. That is tangible. My life was better because that person was a part of it for whatever time the Universe allowed. It really had nor does it continue to have anything to do with me or with him. Either it is or it is not. Simple. Whether that person loved me or not doesn't matter. I don't need to know what was in it for him. I can (and sometimes I must constantly choose to) live above the pettiness of my own ego and false pride. I didn't love this person for what his presence did to me. I loved this person for everything about him I mentioned above. . . everything I see and perceive him to be... everything he is and is not. Whether we are together or not doesn't change who he is... and who he is is what I love. Plain and simple. If we are together or not doesn't make it any less real. It is what it is and that is all that it is. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck... as Popeye would say. If love is conditional based on how someone acts or what they do or don't do we become hostage takers and not lovers.

Love is real. Whether someone receives it or not doesn't make it any less real.

Today may we reacquaint ourselves with our lost loves (now folks, don't be picking up the phone and saying the Author of this great book, Courage of Fear told you to call... wait a minute?... no really don't.) Today let's dig within ourselves and find our lost love. Embrace it. Give thanks for it. Release the hostages from our grips and love again. Rise above and find the power of unconditional love... even at the cost of our all too familiar ego. . . and confirm Indeed my love, the love that I have given and continue to give, is real. In this moment and possibly the next I will choose to continue to love someone, even when I am not loved in return... that is real.

As always have a grand day all.