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Contest 7/8/09-7/15/09
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Paige/Tink's Story: RewindApprox. WC: 3200 words (It's a little long sorry!)
Rewind
I’m a girl with a backspace. I never have to worry about what I say. I never have to think before I speak, because I can just go back and erase it.
I don’t know how it happened, or why. But anything I say, I can change. Words aren’t permanent, not for me. I can take back my words.
This, of course, means I never learned how words can hurt. I never learned to make-up after a fight, because I never had to try. I never got in fights. I never, ever had to apologize for my words.
That is, until the day when my sort-of perfect world was shattered into a million tiny pieces.
**************
It started on a normal, boring, 100% average Tuesday. I got up, I got dressed, and I brushed and straightened my hair. I ate breakfast and brushed my teeth.
Then I waited for Kali to come pick me up, the way she does every day. At 16, I’m old enough to drive, but unfortunately, I don’t have a car. This leaves me dependent on my best friend.
She was late, just like she is every morning, speeding as usual to make up lost time. Big surprise.
Kali hit the brakes and waited as I jumped in the car.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Kali said, as she sped off towards school. “My mom was yelling about my earrings, saying that they were too long and flashy for school.”
Her earrings are colossal. They’re huge peacock feathers that touch her shoulder, and they’ve got sprinkles of silver glitter sparkling in the light. I can kind of see where her mom’s coming from.
“So I had to fight it out with her,” Kali continued. “And then I had like half a bit of toast and-”
Kali tends to be a bit theatrical. She had probably woken up late, been gently scolded by her mother for her earrings, and then leisurely eaten a feast for breakfast before looking at the clock and dashing off to get me.
I was a bit annoyed, and, without thinking, I cut her off. My green eyes
flashed in the rearview mirror as I spoke, the way they do when I’m angry.
“ Kali, I know you want to be an actress, you love the drama department and you’re the lead in the play, but please, cut the dramatics.”
Kali’s face closed, mouth set in a hard line. I sighed. I should’ve known better. I should’ve just let her finish her explanation and then reassured her it was okay, instead of interrupting and snapping at her. Now I would have to fix my slip.
I closed my eyes and rewound the scene in my head, flying backwards until I got to the part where I had cut her off. When I opened my eyes, she was saying it again.
“-of toast and then the car wouldn’t start. I’m sorry. I bet we can still make it to class on time.”
The same scene as before, only better. Every time I did this, it was like some modified form of de ja vu.
Instead of cutting in, I let her talk. Then I told her what she wanted to hear.
“I’m sure you’re right. We’ll make it. Don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal.” This was the better answer, the one that wouldn’t offend anyone.
Kali beamed. “Thanks, Silena. I promise never to be late again.”
I laughed at Kali’s words, at her determined expression. Sure, she’d never be late again… until tomorrow.
Kali laughed too, her dark mane of hair bouncing against her tanned skin. Her green eyes twinkled and her sprinkle of freckles shone in the sunlight like polished copper.
She pulled into the parking lot. I looked at the clock. 7:47. I had three minutes to be in class. I yanked my messenger bag out of the back seat and hopped out of her bright blue Mini Cooper.
“I’ll see you in third period!” I shouted over my shoulder as we ran in opposite directions. Kali just waved, the bangles on her hand jingling. She dashed off, and I turned and bolted.
I dashed through the school and fell into my seat just as the bell rang. Mr. Reed raised an eyebrow but let it go. I quietly breathed a sigh of relief.
“Class,” Mr. Reed said. “I’d like to introduce you to William Kent. He’s just moved here, and I hope you’ll all treat him with respect. William, come stand up here.”
I cringed in sympathy. Poor guy.
I scanned the room and saw a tall figure in a black leather jacket and jeans stand up. He walked to the front of the room and turned around.
All the girls in the class murmured to their friends, and I knew why. William was attractive, with tousled brown hair falling into stormy gray eyes.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m Will.” He raised a hand in greeting.
He glanced over at Mr. Reed, who nodded. Will sat down again, and I realized that he was sitting two seats in front of me. In my rush, I must’ve missed him.
Mr. Reed changed subjects. “Now, open your books to page 153…”
I started turning pages, but my thoughts weren’t really on history. Instead, I let them wander free, wondering about this new student. Will.
Exactly 47 minutes later, the bell jolted me from my light doze. I shut my book and swept the hair out of my face as I picked up my books.I glanced at the clock and began to walk faster. If I hurried, I might be able to catch Kali and give her all the dirt on this new guy before second period.
I was in the hallway when some pushy jerk ran into me and knocked all the books out of my hands, spilling them all over.
I sighed and got down on my knees.
“Here, let me help.” A male voice spoke above my head as I kneeled, picking up my books.
“I’ve got it, thanks.” I replied icily, assuming this was the same guy who had bumped into me.
I stood up and turned around, then felt my cheeks burn.
Will was standing there, looking amused. He was holding two of my books.
“These belong to you, I think.” Will set the books on top of my stack. He smirked slightly, and I felt the blush on my face deepen.
Oops. Well, that little mistake on my part was easy enough to fix.
I closed my eyes and recreated the scene in my head. Just a little bit
farther… right there. Okay.
“What are you doing?”
My eyes and mouth both snapped open in shock. It hadn’t worked. How could it not work? It always worked!
Calm down, Silena. It’s just a fluke. Try again, you can do it.
I shut my eyes tight and tried one more time. I strained harder, playing it all out in my head. Come on, come on…
“Look, I’m not sure what I did to offend you, but closing your eyes and ignoring me isn’t going to make me disappear.”
It hadn’t worked. What was wrong with me?
“I- I- Listen, I have to go.” I tripped over my words as I made a desperate dash for freedom. And yet, even as I ran, I could feel his puzzled eyes on me.
The next thing I knew, I was hyperventilating in a deserted hallway near my next class.
How could this be? I had never not been able to erase my words before, to replay the moment. Was I broken?
That couldn’t be, could it? I’d gone back this morning with Kali no problem.
Maybe it had been something to do with Will. Was he the exception to the rule? Was that even possible?
The two-minute bell buzzed, and I got to my feet. No matter what was going on, I still had to get to class.
I walked into my classroom and was relieved to see that Will wasn’t in this class. I wasn’t sure that I could handle that right now.
I sank into my seat, head resting on my arms. Mrs. Castillo started chattering in Spanish, and I forced myself to listen to her words. Still, the back of my mind kept following the same twisting path, trying to figure it all out.
That period passed in lurches, going fast and slow at different times. I wanted to talk to Kali, but I also didn’t. I couldn’t explain my confusion to her, but I wanted her take on Will. I was sure she ‘d have some opinions about him- that’s just the way Kali was.
I rushed out of class and towards 3rd period. Someone grabbed my wrist and I spun sideways.
Kali stood there, laughing. “Hey, you! Have you seen the new guy? Oh my God he was in my 2nd period class and he sat right next to me!”
I nodded. “Yeah, Will was in my homeroom, and then I talked to him in the hall.”
“You did?” Kali’s eyes grew wide and intrigued. “Tell me everything! What exactly did you say, and what was his exact answer?”
I glanced at my watch. “Kali, we’ve got to get to class, we’re going to be late. I’ll talk to you at lunch, okay?”
Kali’s face changed into a pout, but I ignored her and kept walking. I really wasn’t in the mood for this. I never should’ve told her I’d talked to him. She would want to know everything, and I’d have to lie.
I thought about rewinding the moment, but then changed my mind. I wasn’t risking it, not today.
Kali walked beside me as we hurried to get to class. Mrs. Nerena was talking, but since class hadn’t officially started yet, all she could do was glare.
Mrs. Nerena turned around to write on the board, and a note flew into my lap. I frowned at Kali but opened it up.
What’s wrong with you today, ‘Lena?
I scribbled a response.
Nothing- just not feeling great. Not enough sleep last night.
I tossed the note back in her direction. She read it and didn’t look super convinced, but she let it go.
I had thought, more than once, that I should tell someone about my ability. Something always held me back, though, and I think it was that I knew that no one would believe me.
I wandered around all day, not really aware of what was going on. I just
kept thinking about this morning, panicking, even. What was I going to do the next time I saw him? He was actually in my 7th period class as well as my 9th period, but I stayed well away from him. Still, we would probably bump into each other eventually. I had to have some explanation. I spent most of my day worrying and avoiding Will.
Kali was frustrated with my unresponsiveness at lunch, but let me be. She was a good friend and knew when nothing she could do would change anything.
The end of the day came far too slowly, but come it did. I packed up my bag and Kali drove me home. I nodded as she chattered about her day and acted interested.
As soon as I got home, I did my homework, just to be done with it. Then I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
I was trying to figure out what I was going to say to Will when I saw him next. What excuse could I come up with? I had an eye infection? Short-term memory loss? ADHD? Dementia? Those were all ridiculous, and I knew it, too. I was getting really frustrated when the doorbell rang.
Who in the world could that be? Mom or Kali would’ve just come in. Maybe the UPS guy was at the door or a pizza delivery boy had gone to the wrong address.
I sighed and got up, fussing with my hair. It was all messed up, and I gave up once it looked somewhat decent.
The doorbell rang again.
“Coming!” I shouted. I ran down the staircase.
I opened the door, and there stood my worst nightmare.
It wasn’t a UPS guy or a lost pizza guy. I could only wish I was that lucky.
No, standing on my front porch steps was the last person I ever would’ve
guessed, other than my long gone dad who had taken off when I was a baby.
It was William Kent.
“Hey.” Will said, looking uncomfortable. I stood there, speechless. What
was he doing at my house? How did he even know where I lived? Was he some kind of psycho stalker?
“Can I come in?” Will asked, his stormy gray eyes concentrating right on me.
I stepped out of the way and held the door open, still without saying a word. He looked at me, still unsure, and I shrugged.
He walked through my door and stood there, tall enough that he sort of loomed over my five feet six inches.
“Here, we can go sit in the kitchen.” I finally managed to speak, pushing the silky chestnut strands of hair out of my face.
Will walked behind me as I led the way to the kitchen. I sat at one of the stools on the bar behind the stove, and he followed my lead.
“So…” I said, unsure how to word this. “What are you doing here? And how did you even find out where I lived?”
Well, that was blunt.
Will had a little half of a smile on his face, and he looked embarrassed.
“I came here to talk to you. And your address is in the school directory.” He reached into his pocket and held up the directory.
“Wright High School doesn’t protect its students’ privacy very well, does it?” That was a scary thought, that anyone could find out where I lived.
Will chuckled. “Not really.”
“Wait a sec- how did you know my name? I don’t think I ever told you.” I
frowned. Maybe he really WAS a stalker!
“Your name is on the inside of your textbooks, and they were flipped open in the hallway this morning, remember? I just picked them up and saw your name.”
Oh. Maybe not.
“What did you want to talk about?” I feared the answer, but figured I might as well get it out there.
“Well… I just didn’t understand what was going on with you earlier. I mean, what were you doing?” Will’s face was bewildered. “Normally, I would’ve just let it go, but it seemed so strange. I didn’t get it. Why were you just standing there with your eyes shut?”
I grappled with myself for a moment. Lie, and let him think I was crazy? Or tell the truth, and make him positive?
“Will, do you believe in, like, supernatural powers?” I held my breath as I gauged his expression.
He didn’t get the relevance, but played along. “What, like mind reading? Not really.”
“I’m going to tell you the truth, but you have to promise to believe me, okay?”
He nodded.
Here goes everything, I thought, and took the leap.
“I can rewind entire moments and change them. Like, not the events, and not what other people do, but what I say. I can erase it and say something else.” I said the words fast, trying to get it over with. I was telling a complete stranger my most important secret. Was I crazy?
Will’s brows shot up. “You’re kidding me, right?”
Will obviously thought I was insane. Great.
Was I kidding him? No, not really. In fact, not at all.
I shook my head no.
“Okay. Let’s say, hypothetically, that I do believe you. How do you do it? And why?”
“I just… imagine the scene in my head. It’s almost like a remote control. I just rewind until I get to the part where I messed up, and then I pause it. Then I hit play and change what I said. And why? Well, how many times have you said something that you immediately wish you could take back? Well, I can, so I do.”
“Okay. But what does this have to do with me? And this morning?” Will’s eyes were intense, and I looked down at the countertop to answer.
“It doesn’t work on you.” I whispered the words, as though saying them softly would mean they weren’t true. “I tried, this morning, after I snapped at
you. When I shut my eyes and ignored you, that’s what I was doing. But it didn’t work.”
Will’s voice was soft now too. “Has that- has that ever happened before?”
“No.”
I looked up at him. “Do you believe me?”
Will frowned, his brows nearly meeting in the center of his forehead. “It seems impossible, but I can’t believe someone would make something like that up, you know?”
He believed me. I had finally told someone, and the person believed me. I felt a little thrill at the thought, the thrill that often comes with secret sharing
That little thrill might have something to do with the fact that I was mysteriously attracted to Will. Okay, so maybe not mysteriously. He was gorgeous and interesting. I just couldn’t help but be drawn in by his cool and collected air.
I realized I was staring at him and shook myself.
“Listen, do you want a snack or something?” I asked as I slid off my stool and walked over to the fridge.
“I have some cookies and lemonade,” I suggested, seeing Will’s blank expression.
“Ummm… sure.” Will’s eyes were distant, and I could tell he was thinking hard about something.
I grabbed the plate of cookies and the pitcher of lemonade and tucked two cups under my arm.
“Can I ask you something?” Will asked as I sat back down and began to pour the lemonade.
I nodded. “Okay.” I bit into one of the cookies, waiting, while he appeared
to be searching for the right words.
“So… if you can take back anything you say, how do you ever say what you
really feel?”
I swallowed the bite of cookie in my mouth.
“What do you mean?”
“It just seems to me that you would never truly share what you actually
thought or felt, because you would constantly be changing your words.”
“And…” I trailed off, not really getting his point.
“And, that just seems like a lonely life. No one would ever really understand you.”
“Well,” I said, a slight smile playing on my lips. “Maybe you could be the first one.”
Will grinned, and I held his hand in mine. A silent promise passed between us, and I smiled happily.
Everything was changing, and that was scary, but some instinct told me that it would be better this way. Instead of walking alone, Will and I could go forward. Together.
Hi, I joined the group a while ago, but until now, I haven't had the chance to participate. I'm so glad I could this time. I'll warn you, this story isn't for the faint of heart. (It's not gruesome, but not pretty either.)Julie's Story: Broken
Approx. WC: 1,300 words
Drat! I hate it when that happens. I thought to myself for what seemed like the millionth time. I clenched my eyes shut, and suddenly wished I wasn’t there, or that I could somehow undo the damage that had been done.
Reluctantly, my eyes opened. The sales clerk, mouth still slightly opened, only stared at me in disbelief. Her large blue eyes had a streak of fear, and incredulity of what she had just witnessed.
“Are you OK?” She managed to say despite her shock. I found that I could only respond in a timid nod. I should have been asking her that question.
The glass figurine had shattered into thousands of tiny shards with the touch of my fingertips. Saying it shattered is putting it mildly, it had all but exploded. There was glass coating the counter, in front of the counter, and behind as well.
No one could tell it had once been a hand spun glass figurine of two doves nested inside two concentric hearts. I’d been admiring it for my mom and dad’s 40th wedding anniversary gift. It wasn’t my taste, personally, but my mom ate this curtsey stuff up. It was perfect. I could have imagined my mother placing it atop the frilly anniversary cake.
The clerk had just told me the price, which was slightly out of my budget. I’d looked up at James, my husband of seven years, and his disapproving look. I don’t know if he didn’t like the figurine, or that he thought it was too expensive. That’s how James was. There were very few discussions between us. His way was the only way. He made the money, and he made the decisions.
My eyes had stung when he gave me the look. That one that wordlessly told me I was wasting his time.
His hand had been around the upper part of my left arm the entire time. Fingers tightly gripped. He squeezed, and tugged when I had reached out, almost in defiance. I wanted to touch the birds for myself. I wanted to feel the cool, smooth glass beneath my fingers.
He squeezed harder, this time causing me physical pain. That’s when the anger had come. The rage. The same rage that made my vision hazy, and caused my shoulders to tremble involuntarily.
I had heard the shatter, and seen the shards fly out in all directions. As if in slow motion, the woman at the counter had shielded her face from the flying slivers.
That’s how we came to be here, now staring at one another. I could almost hear the ticking of the overhead clocks in what seemed like slow motion.
My husband brought me back to reality. Once again, I heard James cursing at me in a low tone in my ear. He apologized to the lady at the counter, and he slowly pulled me out of the store, backing out at first, but then turning me around midway. We hastened our steps until we crossed the threshold of the expensive collectible shop.
I looked at my shaking hands, to make sure there wasn’t any blood. My hands were clean this time, like they often were. My hands hadn’t done the breaking.
Walking with his hands still clenching my shoulders, I could feel his fingers digging in, and I worried about bruising. He found an isolated spot between some vending machines, and backed me against the wall, like he often did.
“WHY DO YOU CONSTANTLY EMBARRASS ME!” James shouted, shaking me with each word, not worrying about causing a scene. His eyes were always wild when his temper flared like that. He lifted hand above his head.
“Ma’am, are you alright?” The older woman asked passing by. She was wearing a velour jogging suit with matching sweatband around her short, curly coif. She must be one of the “mall-walkers” that all my friends talk about. They were groups of women who make laps around the mall for exercise.
I don’t know why I was focusing on all this. …Oh yes. Now I remember…the anger. I had to keep my mind off of the anger, before someone really got hurt.
“Ma’am, do you want me to get security?” She asked again after I hadn’t responded.
“Lady, you should mind your OWN business. My wife and I are simply having a discussion.” He spat the words in his harsh tone.
The woman backed away, but never removed her gaze from mine. James turned back around to face me. The woman made a gesture that told me she’d be making a phone call, and look off in a sprint.
He realized that he needed a more private place for a discussion he grabbed me once again, dragging me to the nearby service hallway, the one that said “Staff Only."
I was being pulled so fast that I wasn’t positive my feet were actually supporting my weight. I suddenly felt ashamed. I felt like the kid that was being taken out of the store for acting up, like I was going to get a spanking for my misbehavior. Involuntarily, the tears began to swell up inside of me, fighting to break free of my tear ducts.
Pulling me through, he let the door swing shut behind us, and we were alone.
“You need to cut that out! I told you before; you need to stop. You need to put that out of your mind, whatever that is. MAKE IT STOP!” His words seethed.
“You know I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s something I can’t help. I’ve tried, you KNOW I’ve tried.” I pleaded to no avail. The tears leaked out now, giving away my pain and fear.
“You don’t try hard enough! You NEVER do, or this wouldn’t KEEP HAPPENING.” He shouted louder. I saw his angry fist ball up. He’d hit me before, but it was usually his palm or even the back of his hand. He’d never used his fist.
“WAIT! STOP, I’ll try, I promise, I’ll try harder. I’ll do whatever.” I dropped to my knees pleading.
“You know what, I don’t think you love me, or you would have already stopped. I think you WANT to embarrass me. You don’t respect me.” His manipulations began, always with the love and respect.
I choked on my sobs.
“You know I love you.” I lied. At this point, I’d do or say whatever just not to feel his fist on me.
“I don’t think you do. If you loved me, you wouldn’t make me this angry!” He yanked me back to my feet. I felt my shoulder click in the socket as he tugged abruptly.
He revved his fist, and that’s when the anger came. Red heat radiated from my core. My shoulders once trembling with fear, now reverberated with pure rage. My hands swung up to shield my face. It swung further out than planned, but then, who really plans these situations.
My palm grazed his forehead on the upward swing. I hadn’t realized he was standing so close. There was a jolt of energy that transferred from my palm to his sweaty brow.
That’s when I heard the pop. It was like the sound of a light bulb being broken inside a sock. The sound was unmistakable, but muted. I felt a concave indentation in that same forehead in that half-second before James crumpled on the ground.
Looking down, still mostly unsure of the event that occurred before my eyes, I looked down to see his eyes rolled back. There was a slight trickle of blood escaping from his nose and his ear.
What have I done?
Fragmented thoughts flitted through my brain, adrenaline pulsing through my body. Coherent thought wasn’t possible. Fight or flight now ruled my thinking. The fight was over, so now the flight took over.
I ran. I ran as far as I could.
Then, I never looked back.
Mod
♥ Tink ♥ (Paige) wrote: "I was trying to figure out what I was going to say to Will when I saw him next. What excuse could I come up with? I had an eye infection? Short-term memory loss? ADHD? Dementia? Those were all ..."
I need that Backspace super-power myself! Great idea, and fabulous story!
:D
*****THIS IS THE FINAL DAY FOR ENTRIES. THE DEADLINE IS MIDNIGHT TONIGHT!
Great Job, Julie! That was intense and I loved it!
You both did a great job! Congratulations to you both. If you're ready for your reviews, so am I.Tink - Rewind
word limit: over
errors: 20
fit the theme (1-5): 5
fit the genre (1-5): 3 (more like fiction)
text (1-5): 4
flow (1-5): 5
Overall: Very unique! I really enjoyed this story. I could use a power like that constantly. I do, however, think you need to have some longer sentences and paragraphs. You did a great job!
Julie - Broken
word limit: within
errors: 7
fit the theme (1-5): 4
fit the genre (1-5): 3 (more like fiction)
text (1-5): 4
flow (1-5): 2
Overall: Very intense! I liked it a lot. I wouldn't want to meet someone with this power in the street. It was very interesting to see how the power unfolded itself. The only thing I didn't like was that I didn't feel like it flowed very well. Great story!
This is a tough one. However, Tink went over the word limit and made a lot of errors. However, the flow of Julie's was not good. I said with the very first time I judged that I was paying more attention to fitting the theme and the story itself than to the errors. Tink also went over the limit, though. If Tink would have only had the over limit on words or the fewer errors, I would have no problem with this. However, it was both. Her sentences and paragraphs were very choppy too. I had forgotten about that.
THE WINNER IS:
Julie. That was an excriciatingly tough decision. Congratulations, Julie!
Congratulations, Julie! Randi, I understand your explanation very well, and thanks for helping me improve my writing!
Thanks! Wow, I wasn't expecting that! Tink, your story was incredible!Thanks Randi, for the input! I'll go back through and work through ways to improve the flow.
Thanks again! It's been a great learning experience.!
:D
Aw crud I missed it XD Oh well. Had a busy week. Good job everyone!
Mod
Congrats Julie!
LOL that's okay guys thanks for giving it a go. :)
End: July 15th 2009
Min WC: 1000
Max WC: 3000
Theme: Powers (Meaning, any ability that most people don't have, like reading minds or whatever)
Genre: Sci-fi/Fantasy
Judge: Randi