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Bits and Pieces > Ruby's diamond filled castle of insanity,

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message 1: by Ruby (last edited Jan 01, 2014 05:57PM) (new)

Ruby (rsr13) | 8 comments Sooo im new to this group but this is where ( I guess ) I post my writing and stuff.
Ill probably post bits of a book Im working sooo enjoy if you wish
please feel free to give me feedback , good or bad all is appreciated


message 2: by Ruby (last edited Jan 02, 2014 06:45AM) (new)

Ruby (rsr13) | 8 comments Time seems to freeze. The men at the doorway seem to be waiting for a answer. The one who spoke leans against the doorway completely at ease as if he had just announced it was his birthday. Nobody moves or speaks. What did the man mean? What did he mean he was here for Aaron and me?
I try to remember if I had done anything worth getting arrested lately, nothing comes to mind. But he didn't look like a police officer he looked more like a military commodore gone goth. Even worse.
Eric finally breaks the silence. He straightens up and even though he's the tallest person I know, he still has difficulty looking the man straight in the eye.

“Im sorry you must have made a mistake” his voice sounds assertive and confident, but I as his sister can hear the faint quiver hidden in it.
I don't blame him, the man is definitely nightmare worthy.

“Do Aurora and Aaron not live here?” the man says raising an eyebrow as he gestures toward us, still cooly uncaring. Aaron's grip tightens on my hand and I could feel him tense all over. He takes a step back pushing me behind him putting a subtle hand on his lips warning me not to make a sound.

Ye-yes they do but I don't see any reason for that to interest you” Eric says every word etched with the force of staying calm. “Now if you don't mind we were just about to have breakfast so if you would excuse us”
Eric made to close the door but in a flash the man’s hand rested on it pushing it back open. There was a knife in in his hand that wasn't there a minute ago
“I would like to have a private word with the youngsters then if you don't mind” his voice was icy cold and communicated clearly that we did not have a choice in the matter.
Suddenly he impales the silvery knife in the doorway with such force that it sinks in several inches. His eyes completely black and cold. Merciless eyes.

I had the sudden impression that if we refused we might find that knife in one of our throats instead of the wall. And I would really like to remain breathing. Aaron must have felt the same way because he stepped forward letting go of my hand leaving me behind and said
“I’ll speak with you”
Eric makes to shove him back but Aaron puts a hand on his arm “Its alright brother, I’ll be fine” Eric seems to struggle to let go of him though. His eyes give an almost unnoticeable flick in my direction before he releases him.

“Excellent” the man announces his voice dripping with false pleasure. He places his hands on Aaron's shoulder, A gesture that he clearly thought looked fatherly but gave the expression he was was examining a rotten fruit that he had received at a restaurant.

“Now” the man said “The girl?” He turned back toward the house and look straight at me . “Come now” he said beckoning with his finger. He looked like one of those evil villains from movies that always seem like crazy french guys, except that this crazy french guy had a knife, a very sharp knife. I stare right back at him scared to even breath. Something about him makes me want to run and run far, but I stand my ground captured by his gaze.

“She has nothing to do with this” Aaron says his calm voice breaking slightly. “Lets go, she is not who your looking for” he griped the mans wrist and tried to tug him around. I shudder I would never voluntarily touch him.

Your wrong” the man says pulling his arm back out of my brothers reach. “She is.”

Before I have time to wonder what in the world he means the man moves. He darts out his hand and makes a grabbing gesture. Im yanked out of my frozen stank and somehow I shoot toward him like a magnet. It seems to happen in an instant and then i am standing next to my brother gasping like a fish out of water unable top comprehend . Aaron grips my shoulders and rounds on the man.
“I told you she's got nothing to do with this!” he yells at him.

“Unfortunately I don't agree” he replies cooly. Instantly there is an uproar boys shouting at him. I can see Thomas and Terry restraining skinny little Timmy who is punching the air like a madman. Eric is yelling at the man and is poised like a cat ready to spring. The house is filled with noise and I feel as if it should be shaking. I suddenly feel dizzy and the room seems to be swaying. I stumble back, Aaron moves to catch me but Instead I fall against the door frame holding my hand.

“Enough” the man says his voice barley louder than a whisper. Absolutely nothing happens and the yelling continues. Despite all that is happening I cant help a small smile.
I love my family.
The man looks slightly annoyed but still calm as he turns toward me. I suck in a breath and press my self closer to the wall determined to stay as far away from him. He takes a step forward and lowers his face to my eye level.

“You have a difficult family here” he muses his voice clear.
Despite the strange situation Im still Rory June, still the spunky little girl who got sent home on the fist day of middle school. So I spit at him ( Don't judge me what would you do If a weird man walked in saying your family was difficult ).
He wipes it away calmly or what must be a mask of calm because his eyes are full of anger

Then it explodes.


Theodosia of the Fathomless Hall (taelianaofthewind) ...I revoke my explanation that you can post your writing here, ooer; I'm sorry, I didn't see :(.
Lovely! I love your writing, Ruby! It's honestly much better than many published stories today. There are quite a few grammatical and spelling errors and it's sometimes indistinct...


message 4: by Ruby (last edited Jan 02, 2014 06:35AM) (new)

Ruby (rsr13) | 8 comments It's the start of the second chapter in a book Im currently working on so it might not be totally clear. Im really bad at grammar but I will go through and try to corrects some of the errors. Thank you!


Theodosia of the Fathomless Hall (taelianaofthewind) Uh-huh. My pleasure. I am glad you don't mind the critiques! Bon courage for the grammar, and have fun writing :).

(view spoiler)


message 6: by Ruby (new)

Ruby (rsr13) | 8 comments Umm the link didn't work but I would be more than glad to read your writing. l'll go and look at it now.


Theodosia of the Fathomless Hall (taelianaofthewind) Oh. Shoot.

(view spoiler)

I think that's because I neglected to even ADD it. Man O Man.

Regardless, thank you thank you thank you, whatever writing it is!


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