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Coddy; creation by Monster&Minion, inc.
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message 101:
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Jenna ⭐
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Jun 26, 2014 03:29PM
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((the original post was like three lines I'll make it better XD))
Addy bit her lip, glancing at her friend after a moment of quiet. Silence between the two of them was usually companionable; the two didn't need words to make things friendly. Silence often spoke louder than their words, anyway; the things they didn't say always meant more than the ones they did. Maybe Addy did a lot of reading and knew her way around language, she couldn't quite say the same about her friend. "Can I talk to you?" She asked softly, her words carefully planned out. Words, and actions. It was all thought out. She'd insult him for being stupid, and continue in that direction. Though, insulting him really got her nowhere. She did it constantly. "Please, it's important, Coop."
Why had he done it? That was her question. Why had he thrown away every chance they'd ever had of seeing each other again? If Coop dropped the excuse about not being able to watch her die, she was going to flip out. He wouldn't have had to watch her die, but now she'd have to watch him do just that. Because, no matter how much she cared about her friend, Addy's stubbornness always won. The Capitol had taken too many of her family's lives; she wouldn't allow them to do the same with her.
Call her selfish; Addy knew she was. At least she was honest about it.
And here was the moment he'd been waiting for. The moment that Addy opened her mouth, Coop fought the urge to cringe. This was not going to be good at all -- he could see that coming from miles away. Yet, despite the want he had to just act like he'd never heard Addy say anything, he knew he couldn't do that. It was quite obvious that he had in fact heard her. There was no way around this one.
"Yeah, sure." Coop replied, slowly looking over to her with the starts of an innocent looking grin on his lips. He hadn't nothing against talking at all. He was sure that there were a few things he could have said too, not that he was expecting her to let him. For some reason, he felt like this was going to be more of a scolding than anything. It was for this reason that Coop did not move a muscle yet. The longer he could stay out of firing range, the better.
Addy bit her lip, heading off to a corner out of the escort's earshot. They could monitor them, but Addy didn't need them hearing what she was saying. It wasn't exactly in the 'sportsmanlike' spirit of the games. As if killing other people was sportsmanlike. "What the hell were you thinking?" She asked him under her breath, wide turquoise displaying the fear and anguish she'd been feeling ever since he said those fateful words. Cursing wasn't something she did often; it got her point across. "Now we'll never make it out alive. Coop..." She mumbled, shaking her head sadly. "Why?"
Maybe he didn't want to feel useless; Addy understood that. But now, they'd both be useless, because one of them was going to die, and though Addy was well aware of the fact that her friend couldn't help his stupidity sometimes, she'd thought he'd see it. "You realize one of us is going to die now, right? We can't make it out of this alive."
Coop had no choice but to follow her. He stood there in the quiet corner with his arms crossed over his chest, daring to look her in the eye as she spoke. However, he couldn't hold the gaze for long after seeing all the pent up emotions she held coming loose. His eyes dropped to the ground for a long minute as he opened his mouth, putting no emotion behind his words. "I'm doing what I said I would, okay?" Without meaning to, he found his eyes looking back up to hers, as though he couldn't help himself. He'd cringed when she swore, but he wasn't going to let it faze him. His mind was made up already and there was no amount of words that was going to change his mind.
"We're not both going to make it, but one of us will." It was quite obvious who he was referring to. Even the biggest of idiots like himself could have picked that up. In the end, Coop would do whatever it took to make sure that she stayed by his side for as long as possible. He would protect her and be all she needed, but if he had to choose between her living and him dying, he would choose her. He would always choose her.
Addy shook her head, mumbling a few inaudible words under her breath. "You're insane," she stated after a moment. "Coop," she pleaded. "Take it back. Please. I'll make it home." She knew she couldn't take it back, but she hated thinking that he'd willingly die in her place. She bit her lip. Normally, she'd wrap herself in his hug, and just close her eyes. Now, though, she felt it more reasonable to slap him across the face, and she hardly even felt sorry. "Take it back. Please, Coop, please." Her lip trembled, all her pent up emotions starting to show finally. Her eyes started watering, but she ducked her head to avoid the cameras.
You know what, screw the cameras. The Capitol was already going to put her through hell, anyway, making sure that she had the hardest time possible getting out of that arena. Showing she cared about her best friend wasn't going to change that.
In all honesty, Coop didn't know whether he was insane or not. He supposed that with all that he'd done in the past day, he really could be. If he really thought about it, he'd done exactly as she was thinking. He was offering his life up, giving away everything he'd ever lived for. His parents were going to be out of his life, he wasn't ever going to see his home again, and he wasn't going to keep breathing past some point in this next week or so. He would never see his home again, never walk in the door after a long days work to his mother's cooking, nor would he ever get the chance to sit alone and just think about things. Now it would all be televised as it was at this exact moment. Now it would all be over. Now he would have to die.
Trying to calm himself and stop thinking such dark thoughts, Coop took a sharp intake of breath and focused on the here and now. He was still living, there was still air in his lungs. That's all that mattered. "Addy." His voice was stern as he spoke, "Stop." Perhaps it was cold that he was acting in such a manner, but he could hardly take her crying. It was bad enough knowing that she was upset with him for this, but it was even worse seeing it.
"Just stop. I can't take it back and you know that. So stop making me feel like this is my fault." That brought up another question. Whose fault was this? His? Hers? The Capitols? Who was the one to blame in this situation? For the life of him, Coop couldn't picture neither a name nor a face to fit it to. It just seemed like a problem the world had manifested from no where. An awful problem that the brown haired boy wished had never been brought up in the first place.
Addy shook her head violently, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Whichever one of them won, the other would be sent back in a body box. She wouldn't be able to stand if that were her, so why did Coop think he could do it to her? He'd always been stronger than her, why had he done this to her? She didn't want to win if it meant seeing his cold, lifeless corpse mailed back to her hole. He wouldn't want that, either. So why had he done it? Addy would manage to hold her own, if she tried hard enough.
"Coop," she mumbled helplessly, biting her shaking lip, clenching her fists so tightly that she felt the skin in her palms break. "I'm so sorry," she breathed after a moment, finally realizing what she'd done. "Oh my god... Coop..." She didn't talk after that, knowing words would cause her tears of frustration, fear, to fall. She didn't need that on the cameras, even though she knew they'd likely already seen them.
It's not like anything they did could hurt her, anyway. They could tear her heart out, and Addy knew she'd still be waiting for Coop to take back what he'd done. Addy may be smart, she may have read books, and logic was her weapon, but this wasn't within her normal boundaries. Coop defied her boundaries; best friends did that. "I can't believe you did that..."
While it may not have been for her, it was obvious to Coop why he'd done this. For him, it wasn't a matter of who would be going back home alive and who would be going back home in a casket. In Coop's eyes, it was more a question of how he was going to ensure that she was going to win these games. If it came down to it, he would put himself in the line of fire to ensure that she wasn't shot. He would stand there and take the hit, no matter how powerful or painful. He'd signed up for this and as such, he knew what he was doing. He was doing this for her because he'd rather give up his own life than see her die.
Though he'd been frustrated just a moment before, Coop felt all that wash away the moment she apologized. He could do this around her; he couldn't be happy and arrogant and cocky because he truly wasn't. He was scared -- no, terrified about this entire thing. Though he liked to believe that he had this all under control and that he could control the swell of time and fate, Coop knew that wasn't possible. He was just another boy, just another tribute from another district. What chance did he have in keeping both her and himself safe against these people? There were careers in this match. There were people who had volunteered just for the sake of it, not because they wanted to save their friend. They were killers and he was just Coop: conceited Coop with absolutely no experience in the murder department.
"It's okay." Coop breathed, his voice quivering for a moment as she broke down right in front of him. "It's fine, okay? It's fine." His head was shaking all the while. He hadn't meant to do this, to make her feel bad. All he'd wanted was her to be fine and now he'd ruined it all. Maybe she really could have made it if he hadn't stepped in like this. Maybe they could have both been fine. But now that wasn't possible and one of them wasn't going to make it. It was over. Before he knew it, Coop had reached out his hand in an attempt to grasp hers. Though it was an attempt, he never really made it. Instead, his hand just wavered in front of hers, unsure of whether or not to actually make contact. He was still fearful of making it all worse.
The moment Addy noticed his hand reaching out for hers, she clasped it tightly, wrapping her arms around herself. "One of us is going to die," she mumbled after a moment. "Maybe both of us. You know that, right?" She asked softly, biting her shredded lip. She imagined the Capitol would find a way to fix that up, take away a part of her identity. It's what the games did; ruin children. She was no exception. "There's no way one of us will go home without seeing the other in a casket, Coop." Addy chewed on the inside of her cheek, tightening her hold on his hand; so big in hers: small, delicate, yet strong. A mere example of true friendship, one that had always been steadfast between them. "I'm sorry..."
She'd been alone all her life, and Addy hadn't had the slighted problem with spending her time in the Capitol just as alone as she was used to, maybe find a few allies, and then win. After that, she wouldn't be alone. That was the thing about Addy; she always thought she'd be going through things alone. That was how she liked to do things. Not that she didn't enjoy Coops company, but... it's complicated. Keeping people away was better, that had always been her idea. Keep them off, they'll stay safe.
So things like this didn't happen, Addy finished, her shoulders shaking, fingernails digging half-moon marks into his hand. She shouldn't have let him get close enough to care; he'd literally end up dead. It wasn't okay, and they both knew it. Once again, Coop's impulsiveness had doomed them both, and Addy was too caught up in needing to be right that she couldn't even realize it. The tears in her eyes said otherwise, though.
The sheer relief that flooded through Coop at the feeling of her hand entwining with his filled him with enough audacity to pick his confidence right back up. He nodded his head to her question, but soon let his lips lift up in a lopsided smile, "But you'll be okay. I promise." That was something he knew he couldn't keep -- he didn't know how this was going to turn out -- but he it was all he could do to tell her, even if it was a lie. Promising it made it seem more real, like it was actually possible. And if he was sure of it, Coop was going to make it happen somehow. Some way, he'd ensure she was fine.
"You'll get over that." He spoke, trying not to focus on the fact that he was practically saying that it wouldn't matter whether he ended up five feet under the ground or not. "You'll live and forget about it and I'll..." He shook his head, not letting those words come to light. "It's fine, Addy. You'll be fine. Everything will be fine." I'll be fine. Those last few words weren't spoken out loud, only given to himself to try and reassure the fact that it wasn't going to matter whether he went home dead. He'd be ready for it.
But what if she's not? What if she wouldn't ever be ready to see him die? What if... what if it drove her towards the same fate, or what if it was all for nothing and she ended up dying without him there to protect her? What if he never even got the chance to step up and step in front of her before a blade sunk into her chest? There were so many possibilities swimming around in Coop's head that it was almost impossible to block them all out. When he did, he wondered if he'd be able to do that for much longer or if that dam would leak and he'd be left with only remnants of his confidence.
Or would it break right when he needed it to stay in tact.
"I don't want to see your body in a casket," Addy mumbled after a moment. "I don't want you to die in those games." She knew she was being selfish, but in a way, so was he. He was expecting her to endure his death, watching his life slip away. He was being selfish in the fact that she'd watch him die and he'd be done living in this hellish world. In that moment, Addy decided it was safe to be selfish in her own way, and defend him the same way he'd do her. She wouldn't let him die for her, not possible. "Coop, I don't want to watch you die..."
Okay, she was selfish. She knew that. Humans were selfish. Everyone was. Even Coop was being selfish; he'd rather put her through the pain of watching him die than suffer it himself. Maybe it could be viewed as noble, but to Addy, it was just stupid. Whatever had happened to minimizing the damage? Addy had already known she'd come out of these games scarred for life, the last thing she needed was for his death to ruin the likelihood of her victory. Knowing Addy, the moment Coop was dead, she'd give up.
That's why she wanted him safe, at home. Where the Capitol couldn't and wouldn't touch him beyond a simple harmless interview.
At this moment, Coop didn't care if he was being selfish. He'd accepted his fate, now she just had to accept hers. "It doesn't matter whether you want to or not." He said, voice raising in volume without his knowledge. Coop wasn't meaning to be selfish or loud or demanding, but he couldn't help himself. He just wanted her to deal with what he'd decided and be done with it. Why couldn't she just do that? Why couldn't she just accept the fact that he wasn't going to make it? He already had, so what was the problem?
Deep down, though, Coop knew how she felt. He understood entirely, from the way she wanted him to keep himself alive rather than her and the way she didn't want to see his body shipped back in a casket. He would have felt the same had the roles been reversed and this was her unbecoming. But still, Coop couldn't help but feel like this was different. Maybe that was just because it was already happening -- because he had been the one to make this decision, and he was sticking to it.
"Addy, it's going to happen so just... just deal with it." Bad choice of words, he knew, but there wasn't anything else he could think to tell her. It was just best if she accepted it now rather than later when he was already gone.
"Just deal with it," Addy repeated blankly, but it was clear to anyone who'd heard her--which, at this point, was likely all of the train car and any camera, too--that his comment had stung much more than he'd meant it to. Addy had always done her best to be kind and forgiving, especially when it came to Coop and his recklessness; lack of think before speak, but that was something she didn't quite like hearing. Here she was, losing her best friend after everyone else who'd been stolen from her in these wretched games, the only person she'd hoped to go back to, and he took that from her in an instant.
"Just deal with it. Fine then," Addy shrugged nonchalantly, taking multiple steps back from him. Sure, she always tried to keep herself in line, but she also didn't take well to being told what to do, and sass had long since become her quickest defense. "Maybe I should tell you to just deal with me walking out of this train car and onto the deadly tracks, huh? Because that is exactly what you did! And you didn't even stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I could make it out alive, did you? No, of course you didn't. Because Addy can't do anything. Addy needs someone to protect her. Addy wouldn't last ten minutes in the arena, not without big strong Cooper to protect her. Is that what you were thinking?"
Stopping abruptly, Addy choked on a hiccup and swiped helplessly at her eyes. "Your parents need you, you know. Only one of us is getting out of this alive, and you don't seem to believe it'll be you. But whatever. They'll just deal with it, won't they?"
With that, Addy turned on her heel, her long blonde braid whipping around behind her, and asked the nearest staff member to guide her to her lodgings, hoping that nobody noticed just how hard she was trying not to cry.
There was the regret: it sank in the moment that Addy repeated the words back to him. Just deal with it. Was he really that harsh? Was he really just telling her to get over it? To move on and forget that everything had happened? Would I be able to do that? he asked himself, his gaze dropping to the ground. Would I be able to just get over it? Mentally, he shook himself out of it. It didn't matter, really. At the end of the day, he was going to do this regardless of what either of them said. This was the right thing to do. This was what he had to do.Wasn't it...?Coop opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Addy was already speaking. The words she used cut straight through him and his back go rigid with a start. He didn't bother trying to get a word in after that. He already knew she was right. He didn't think before doing this; he didn't ever consider that she could make it out on her own. Because when he'd seen her standing up on that stage, the first thing he'd seen was her standing in that arena. He'd seen her fighting in it. He'd seen her struggling in it. And he'd seen her dying in it. And right now, if he couldn't stand seeing her angry with him, how in the world would he have handled seeing her dying? Both of the choices he'd had to make, it seemed, ended on bad terms.
And then she brought up one of his deepest worries: the rest of the people back in District twelve that had cared about him. Even though he was so close to Addy -- closer than he'd been to anyone, he was certain -- there were more people that he cared about. There were his parents and the friends he'd left behind. There were people he saw every single day that, even without knowing them well, meant something to him. Maybe not much, but something, and it was hard to believe that he didn't mean anything to them. If he died, he'd be affecting a large number of people. More than he'd thought when he'd volunteered. Could it be that his number was greater than Addy's?
No, stop it. It's not, he talked himself into believing, It's just my parents. That's it. And they will: they'll get over it. It wasn't a big deal. Not a big deal at all.
"Addy, I-" He didn't bother finishing his words, for when he looked up, she was already gone, her blonde hair disappearing from view just as he began to speak. By his side, his hands balled up in tight fists.
That wasn't supposed to happen. Not like that. He'd known she would be angry with him and he'd thought he would be prepared for it, but he hadn't been.
Cooper stood there for a long while, just thinking about what he had to do now. Just thinking about how many days there were until the end came. But somehow, in the middle of that, thoughts of Addy always reappeared and he found himself wanting to find her and apologize. He'd say that he hadn't been thinking, just like always, and then everything would be alright. Even as he retreated to his own room, he wished he knew the words that would make this up to her. But there weren't any, and Coop knew it. He was stuck with this decision and he was stuck with Addy's hate for it. He just hoped that one of those would fade before the days he was counting finally ran out.
(view spoiler)
