Net Work Book Club discussion
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A Drabble fever - share yours.
message 251:
by
Michael
(new)
Mar 08, 2014 01:46PM
It's a disturbing story. To rewrite it in a longer form try taking the key parts and separating them into their own drabbles.
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Both are powerful, for The beginning I would have liked to know more about the why.
Frenchie wrote: "Michael wrote: "Both are powerful, for The beginning I would have liked to know more about the why."Sorry, do you mean why they were left?
I have made a FB page https://www.facebook.com/raisingaw..."
Yes, it seemed that something was missing when I read it.
The Beginning has just made me remember something. A few years ago, there was an article in one of our local papers. A woman had given birth to twins, one was black and the other white. It was a mixed race marriage, but the docs said it was a one in 10 million chance of this happening. The twins must be in their teens now.
It is, but sorry to be a pain, but I think you could develop this further. A story is more than just a sequence of events, there needs to be some emotion in there as well.The drabble starts well, after then there is something missing. Don't get me wrong what you have is good, I'm just in editing mode at the moment :-)
I mean that after the opening three lines it becomes a sequence of events. It needs something else, something more emotional. As I said I'm in editing mode so I'm probably over analysing it :-) Reading it again I don't get who's voice it is, who is telling the story? What do the events mean to them?
Take my comments as you want, if you're happy with it then don't rework just because I think there's an issue. If they help though then cool :-)The narrator makes sense, I guess we'll discover his/her role as the drabbles are released.
Frenchie wrote: "If you are still around, and not fed up, here is a re-write. I changed direction. Maybe this time, it will make more sense.
Since I have read and re-read all your drabbles out there, and consider ..."
Spot on and you should always question - take advice, but always make your own decisions :-)
Dave wrote: "I'll give you one for your cause Frenchie, I take no pleasure in writing it, as it is so sad. But maybe there is some beauty in the actions of the youngest girl. It is also a true story. When I fou..."Holy shit that's grim, but well put together.
Dave wrote: "Hello Michael, I'm pleased to meet you. (Says Dave, offering his hand)"Indeed - it's good to meet you.
Frenchie wrote: "Michael wrote: " Spot on and you should always question - take advice, but always make your own decisions :-) "Thank you. Me thinks you are already fed up. :-)"
Far from it :-)
How you managed to pull away and become the man you are, after dealing with stuff like this, I don't know. You must have a very strong character.
The Imp has decided he needs to cast a bit of sunshine into this thread :-)The Imp Rocks Out
Heavy bass shook the house; you could say that it literally rocked the house. The little yellow demon bounced off the furniture while banging his head to rhythm of the pounding drums. I was surprised that the neighbours weren’t complaining.
Scratch that, no I wasn’t, the Imp had tamed them. I don’t know how, but he had them eating out of the palm of his chubby little hand. They even knew that he existed, his dominion was expanding.
And then oh my God, he started to sing.
“Like an Imp out of Hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes...”
More good ones, even the dark ones are good.Dave you asked "I do not seek to shock, only to pose a question, why do some women stick up for these men? Is it love?"
Quite often the abused is convinced it is their own fault they are beaten or assaulted. Not a view I agree with, but that is one of the reasons they put up with the abuse.
So how do you decide on what topic to write your drabble Frenchie?
Frenchie wrote: "The DogThe child saw the woman with an axe and the dog's lead .
'Don't do it', she grabbed the woman's arm. The woman raised the axe, the child recoiled. She didn't need words to understand.
It w..."
WOW. Scary ending
It's sad. I wonder what is more sad. Parents that are cruel to you and all the animals, or parents that are nice to all the animals, but not to you.It's good to have editors :D
Frenchie wrote: "LOL Ellie, you should ask this question to the real writers, not to me. To those who can write novels, not just 100 words..."Don't be hard on yourself, Frenchie, you've written more than enough drabbles to qualify as a 'real writer', especially as the 100 word limit means you have to come up with more new ideas for your stuff than most writers have to think up in a lifetime!
Andrew wrote: " Frenchie wrote: "LOL Ellie, you should ask this question to the real writers, not to me. To those who can write novels, not just 100 words..."Don't be hard on yourself, Frenchie, you've written..."
Agreed, writing is writing, the length of it (oo-er) doesn't make a difference.
OOOOhhhh you are AWFUL Michael - but I like you **big shove and wobble off on high heels, a la mode de Dick Emery**(if you don't know who Dick Emery is - then you are probably scratching your head and thinking - "what on earth is this nutter on about" lol)
Nice - I wrote a short story for Something Nice 2 which is along the same lines (but very weird, of course ;) )
No, it's not out yet! I've got about 19,000 words of new short stories, trying to finish off a few more before I publish - probably around June...Still not sure what I will call the second collection :)
That's a nice idea, I suppose it might help drum up a bit more interest in the collection before it's published as well :)
Frenchie wrote: "Andrew wrote: "That's a nice idea, I suppose it might help drum up a bit more interest in the collection before it's published as well :)"Well, if you need help to spread the word or for anything..."
Thank you! I'll certainly take you up on that!
The Little Alien could be your Imp :-)
I like The Little Alien and the Sun God too :-))
Frenchie wrote: "Michael wrote: "The Little Alien could be your Imp :-)"She would need to hang out with the Imp to learn mischief. Which I am sure, he would delighted to teach LOL"
Better hanging out in this group, to learn mischief.
The latest drabble in the Murder Drabbles series was posted yesterday in the Indie Book Bargains newsletter (you can sign up for the newsletter here: http://www.indie-book-bargains.co.uk). If you haven't read the rest of the series then you can do so here:http://thecultofme.blogspot.co.uk/p/m...
Alone in a Cell
Before I knew it I’d been processed and deposited in a cell, I’d never seen the inside of a cell before. I wasn’t impressed, but I was a little intimidated. I guess that was the point, they left me alone for over an hour.
In that time I worried about what they knew, did they know everything?
The two parts of me wrestled between having nothing to worry about to assuming that I was now condemned. Slowly though the cold part, the sensible part gained the upper hand and when the cell door finally opened I was ready for them.
Looks good, I once wrote a story about a vampire who had been a vegetarian :-)
It was one I wrote nearly 30 years ago, it no longer exists except in my head.
I might resurrect it one day :-)My final confession is my favourite short story I've posted on my blog:
http://thecultofme.blogspot.co.uk/p/m...
Thanks Frenchie and in other news:No Matter How Deep has been chosen as the Drabble of the Week on Drablr.com, check it out here:
http://drablr.com/mbrookes/drabble/bd...
I will do later, I've had to spend the day in bed, but feeling a bit better now.
My latest drabble has been posted in the Indie Book Bargains newsletter (you can sign up at www.indie-book-bargains.co.uk for a daily drabbles and Kindle bargains), I've also posted it below.You can read my other standalone drabbles here:
http://thecultofme.blogspot.co.uk/p/1...
And for fans of drabbles and other forms of short and flash fiction come and join the Facebook group I've set up for people to share and discover great stories in those forms:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/short...
Face in the Mirror
I stare at my face in the mirror and I can't be sure that it’s really me. My eyes are hunted and bruised from nights of disturbed sleep. A dread has stalked my dreams, twisting them into nightmares that linger even in dawn's embrace.
In the mirror I glimpse a malformed shadow lurking behind me, its touch is cold upon my skin and fills me with terror. My will fails and I fall into the mirror, my final scream frozen in glass.
I gaze at my reflection and admire my new face, I think I'll wear it for a while.
He's busy with his evil little schemes :-)
I love drabbles. Believe it or not the first time I ever encountered them was here on GRs. They're a true art form, the skills of which sadly elude me.
I liked the idea and so thought I would give it a go.....Silence, it was almost tangible, the air was thick with it. Who would have thought, two people, in such a small space, could so successfully ignore each other. The mirror on the back wall, making it harder to avoid eye contact.
His heart pounding as he looked up, there was no denying it, she was without doubt the loveliest creature he had ever seen. His mouth was dry and his palms sweaty, he realised she had seen him.
He opened his mouth to speak but was interupted by the doors opening. Turning, she smiled at him as she stepped out..
Once you start drabbling it's even harder to stop :-)
COURAGE
Tommy crouched, veiled in the shadow of the wood. Out in the sunlit meadow, other boys were playing ball. There would be no way for Tommy to quell his desire. For if he did, the others would find his purpose laughable, and torment him forever thereafter. She would have thought him so gallant. She would have been so happy.
He strode out of the wood, to centerfield. A yellow, a red, purple and pink. The little bouquet of wildflowers he held, and back to the wood he went. Past the others with mouths hung open, shocked at this strange behavior.
Tommy crouched, veiled in the shadow of the wood. Out in the sunlit meadow, other boys were playing ball. There would be no way for Tommy to quell his desire. For if he did, the others would find his purpose laughable, and torment him forever thereafter. She would have thought him so gallant. She would have been so happy.
He strode out of the wood, to centerfield. A yellow, a red, purple and pink. The little bouquet of wildflowers he held, and back to the wood he went. Past the others with mouths hung open, shocked at this strange behavior.
One of mine today on IBBCheated by Kath Middleton
I really hate the feeling of being cheated. When someone offers you a job and you do a good one for them, you expect due recompense. The kind of work I do is looked down on by many people but someone has to do it. The place would be in a right state without me and my kind. Anyway, they had a problem and I was the man to remove it for them. They couldn't. It's a skilled job you know. I asked nicely for payment. Then I demanded. Eventually I removed Hamlyn's children the same way as its rats.
Frenchie wrote: "Nice to have you back drabbling, David.
A nice one.
I wrote one earlier in the night but I am a bit dubious as if I should post it here or not... I think I'd rather not :-)"
Thank you, Frenchie, the drabbles are a lot of fun, and a good exercise. Who knows, a story may even grow from one of them. :)
A nice one.
I wrote one earlier in the night but I am a bit dubious as if I should post it here or not... I think I'd rather not :-)"
Thank you, Frenchie, the drabbles are a lot of fun, and a good exercise. Who knows, a story may even grow from one of them. :)
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