I've been working on this story

[Rita]

I've been working on a short story series called Daughter of the Goddess. It is 3 parts, and I'm debating about adding one or two more parts. But at the same time I've considered leaving it where it is. I'd like to know people's opinions.

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...

[Sarah]

I really like the story. I found it captivating.

Possibly you could add a decription of Peaches? It's harder to picture her without it.

[Rita]

I'll try to see where that might fit. The problem with that is that it is written from the POV of Peaches. She can't see herself, and she is often so busy looking down at her feet that she wouldn't stop to describe herself.

[Kenzie, Help feed the hungry. Donate to 30 Hour Famine!]

You could add things in subtly. Like when she brushes back a strand of hair or something instead of just saying, "I flipped back a piece of hair that got in my face," you can say, "I flipped back a piece of golden/black/brown hair that got in my face."

[Rita]

Thanks, Kenzie. Good idea. I'll look into that when I edit.

[Paige]

Similarly, you can say something like,

I frowned, seeing _________'s new tan. If only my skin was as dark as hers.

Or,

I glanced up towards his face, cursing my shortness. Being only 5'2, everyone else made me feel like a dwarf.

Or,

I felt my green eyes flash angrily at her words.

Whatever, you know?

[Rita]

Yep. Good point. Thanks, Tink.

[Rita]

I have added another chapter in the story of Peaches, Daughter of the Goddess.

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...

[[deleted user]]

coolio i'll check it out!

[Paige]

Anytime, Rita! Good luck!