Help with Editing and Italics

[Julia]

I have been reading a book called "The First Five Pages", and now have a question regarding italics, and I feel that I really cannot continue editing until I know more.

My novel is a historical fantasy with elements of time travel and telepathic communication. There are conversations between characters that occur both telepathically and vocally. There are also many POV portions that focus on characters' thoughts. In both situations, I use italics extensively; in the dialogue, especially, this is an issue, as there are places where the only way that the reader can discern telepathic from vocal communication is font change (italics).

Removing the italics is possible, but it will make much of the text difficult to understand, and when I change things in POV from italics to regular font, it will change the tone entirely.

For example, the very first sentences (which use italics in this way, although I cannot use italics on the post and have indicated them by asterisks before and after):

"*Bloody good time for Angela to die*, Daniel thought as he navigated his rented Mercedes out of the crowded airport parking lot. The sedan had been Arwein’s single concession to Daniel’s comfort after they had gotten the call. The cream-colored leather driver’s seat smelled of cheap polish, somewhat diminishing the effect Daniel sought as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. Glancing with annoyance at something flickering in his vision, Daniel noted a ridiculous pine-tree air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror, which he promptly yanked down.

*Stupid thing.*"

A maroon minivan cut him off as he pulled out into the street. Its windows were rendered useless, slathered as they were in stickers. Completing the picture was a stick figure decal of a family with a dog stuck haphazardly in the rear windshield.

*I don’t even know her! I wasn’t expecting to do this for another four or five years, at least. Why won’t this bloody air-conditioning work?* He fiddled with the controls, which he had already set for maximum effect. He glared at it. *Damn thing.*

I could change it so that it reads:
'Daniel thought sarcastically that it was a bloody good time for Angela to die. He navigated his...'
or
'Daniel considered the poor timing of Angela's death as he navigated....'

But that really changes the flavor of the text such that the reader is a bit more removed from Daniel's thought processes... and Daniel's thought processes form the backbone of the book. And what to do about "stupid/damn thing" eludes me entirely.

And then, for the telepathy, consider:
“My Lady, this is a most gracious offer, but I must decline. I have been given a charge, and I must submit; I cannot well protect Her Grace from halfway down the hall, though I am certain that I would be well-fed and well-attended. Please extend my thanks to His Grace.” *I can protect you both here; I can keep Thomas in his place. Leave me.*

In this passage, Daniel is injecting subconscious thoughts into Catherine's mind. How to do that without saying something awkward and clunky like, '...Leave me, Daniel projected' for every instance will make the text unwieldy, especially if I have to do it in paragraph after paragraph.

And then for dialogue (this example comes from the second book, which I am currently writing):
'“Lie down, Daniel,” Arwein said, rather more gruffly than he intended. Stepping to the boy’s bedside, he pressed Daniel back into the mattress.
“What are you doing?”
“Staying with you for a few days, while you get better.” Arwein arranged his documents neatly before turning back to Daniel. *“Would you like to practice?”*
Daniel looked a bit startled, but responded after a few moments, *“With you?”*
Arwein felt a sharp pang of regret at the boy’s surprise. *Ah, what a mistake it was to let this go.* “*Yes, Daniel; with me.*”'

I really am at a loss about what to do. The first book is over 400 pages; the second is at 250 and is about 2/3 done. Obviously, it doesn't matter at all what the content is if nobody reads it, but... the content will be drastically changed by removing the italics.

Please, I could really use your input. And (she chuckled ruefully), if you should see in the above that there are significantly greater issues than italicizing, don't hold back.

I really want to get this right. Thank you again.

[Dana]

I think it's fine to use the italics when the person is speaking telepathically, however don't combine them with quotation marks. For example, that dialogue section should be fine as:

"Staying with you for a few days, while you get better." Arwein arranged his documents neatly before turning back to Daniel. Would you like to practice?
Daniel looked a bit startled, but responded after a few moments. With you?
Arwein felt a sharp pang of regret at the boy's surprise. Ah, what a mistake it was to let this go. Yes, Daniel; with me.

Now, the really important thing is that if you're going to use the italics for the telepathy, then you absolutely cannot use it for internal thought - no exceptions!

Instead, I would suggest rewording the sections to incorporate the third-person point of view. You can get away with keeping straight-lifted thoughts once in awhile, even without italicizing them (like "Damn thing.") For example:

Bloody good time for Angela to die, Daniel thought as he navigated his rented Mercedes out of the crowded airport parking lot. The sedan had been Arwein's single concession to Daniel's comfort after they had gotten the call. The cream-colored leather driver's seat smelled of cheap polish, somewhat diminishing the effect Daniel sought as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. Glancing with annoyance at something flickering in his vision, Daniel noted a ridiculous pine-tree air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror, which he promptly yanked down. Stupid thing.

A maroon minivan cut him off as he pulled out into the street. Its windows were rendered useless, slathered as they were in stickers. Completing the picture was a stick figure decal of a family with a dog stuck haphazardly in the rear windshield.

He didn't even know her. He hadn't expected to do this for another four or five years, at least. And why wouldn't this bloody air-conditioning work? Daniel fiddled with the controls, which he had already set for maximum effect. He glared at it. Damn thing.

Do you see what I mean?

[Julia]

Yes, I do! Thank you very much.
Good Lord.
400 pp on the first book... 250 on the second...
Face-palm.