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The sad thing is...I can so see a man doing this! :)
Omgosh that is so stinking funny! I had to send it to my dh. lol
Hehehe I can totally see my honeyman trying to do this!! I know he plans on buying me one soon too (most likely for our 2 year anniversary in July). I'll be nice though and warn him before he attempts it.
Am I the only one who thinks it's weird to get bought a taser for your anniversary present? What's wrong with perfume? You can spray that into an assailant's eyes, if random street violence is a recurring problem in your vicinity! I'm not being facetious, I'm English! ;)
Too funny!! I can totally see a guy doing this to prove how manly he is and how a taser wouldn't affect his as badly as the guy in this story. Crazy!
Melanie, I know, we're a weird couple. He has a history of buying my little weapons for occasions - he bought me a boot knife for V-Day last year. But I think it's sweet that he worries about my safety so much :-)
Oh my goodness. I cannot believe anyone would actually test this on him/herself! That is hysterical...Did he actually loose his balls, or am I totally missing his humor here?
No, no, no--a taser is not an anniversary present! If your guy wants to get one for you because he's worried, then he should just get it for you. If you car needs new tires because the old ones are bald and it's not safe any more, would he buy you new tires for your anniversary?!
Ha, of course not! It's just become a little tradition with us. And of course we do the normal stuff, like dinner, chocolate, stuffed teddies, etc. Our most important goal on holidays / anniversaries is to just spend as much time together as possible and have fun - the gifts are really just a little extra thing. And I look forward to his gifts - I'm not really a perfume or jewelry kind of gal :-)
Haha, Teri! There are kids toys based on the same premise so it might be a nostalgia thing? At the same time, plenty of engineers would go for that kind of thing, myself included, but I definitely wouldn't show it to company... This guy is totally ridiculous - its called a taser for a reason, pocket or otherwise. Just because you didn't buy a cattle prod doesn't mean its not going to hurt! I had a teacher in middle school who almost lit herself on fire because she had a 9 volt battery and some change in her jeans pocket. This guy totally reminds me of that story.
Simple proof that common sense... really isn't common.
With this story, I keep thinking of the comedy tour, "You can't fix stupid!" ha
teri wrote: "well you know, my husband is such a gadget freak that he would really just have to try it. He gets the dumbest stuff. He got this big thing that looks like a sort of open cylinder, and you pull b..."That sounds like a fantastic gadget Teri! I could do with one of those as a corrective tool for disciplining the cat! At the moment I'm using a horn from a bike (I blast him with it, the puff of air and noise scares him, I don't belt him with it or anything!!!), which is very effective, but horribly loud! ;)
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4" in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, " don't do it dipshit," reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION... WHAT THE HELL!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.