Writing an interruption

[Lynda]

I have a bad habit of writing action beats or tags in my dialogue and never quite know how to punctuate them.

Can anyone advise on the following, please:

"You trusted him then? As I understand it he painted Her Ladyship at Lockington Court, which ..." The Superintendent chose his next words with care. "...Has many treasures."

[Rosemary (grooving with the Picts)]

Only thing I would say there is that "...Has" would look happier as a lower case h, as it's a continuation, if you see what I mean. Otherwise it's perfectly clear to me :)

[David]

The way I'd do it, which is probably wrong.

Court, which ..." the Superintendent chose his next words with care, "...has many treasures."

I've found the best way to solve problems like this is to look in already published books and see how they do it there.

[Kath]

Definitely lower case for has but I think I would't continue the ellipsis. You have it at the end - which..." so I wouldn't put it again. It's the same pause. I don't know if there's a rule but that's a gut feeling.

[Kate]

This is how I would do it - I wouldn't use ... because you've already conveyed the pause by breaking the dialogue. And I wouldn't start a new sentence because the dialogue is a single sentence.

"You trusted him then? As I understand it he painted Her Ladyship at Lockington Court, which," the Superintendent chose his next words with care, "has many treasures."

Like David I try to look at published books but they can vary as well!

[David]

Hmm, maybe Ignite has the best answer, for me anyway. I would keep the ellipse in if the character is a careful precise thinker and speaker, giving the impression that the words are chosen with care, otherwise you could drop it altogether.

[Lynda]

Thanks, everyone. I knew, I just knew I tell yer, that the capital H was wrong.

Quite a few variations there. I think I'll keep one ellipsis but I daren't go with Kate's - my proofreader would go mad.

[Patti (baconater)]

I'm with Iggy on this one.

Has your dry spell wetted up again then Lynda?

[Tim]

David has it... almost. You have a space before the trailing ellipsis, which shouldn't be there (or you should have a space after the leading ellipsis). Generally no-space is considered better, although neither is technically "wrong" (but you should be consistent).

Comma after care, because you are continuing the sentence. Lowercase has (same).

I don't thing the break in the dialogue on its own conveys enough pause for the situation, IYSWIM, so I'd definitely keep the ellipses.

[Lynda]

Not so's You'd notice, Patti. Such efforts as I make are very half-hearted. I simply don't feel like or (heresy!) enjoy writing at the moment.

I've been looking for the root cause, and think I might have found it. But that's a whole new thread. Stay tuned.

[Patti (baconater)]

Hear and ready to listen, of course. :)

[Patti (baconater)]

Here as well. Sheesh

[Darren]

Patti (baconater) wrote: "I'm with Iggy on this one.

Has your dry spell wetted up again then Lynda?"

You can't ask a lady that!

[L.F.]

Kate wrote: "This is how I would do it - I wouldn't use ... because you've already conveyed the pause by breaking the dialogue. And I wouldn't start a new sentence because the dialogue is a single sentence.

"..."

I agree with this. According to the various rule books I have depended upon for forty years, Kate's rendition of the sentence is the correct format.

[Lynda]

Darren wrote: "Patti (baconater) wrote: "I'm with Iggy on this one.

Has your dry spell wetted up again then Lynda?"

You can't ask a lady that!"

Lol, Darren.

I actually dreamed about you last night. Someone (female, might have been Patti) was offering either to buy lots of your books or a way to sell more. To add to the (wet) symbolism, we were on a riverboat at the time and the river was brown, dirty, and full of fish. Weird.