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Contest 6/5/09-6/12/09
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Mod
You can judge, that's cool. And yeah, I better move this... LOL Oops.
Molly's ExcitementRandi's story
Approx. words: 871
Little Molly Taylor went to her first day of school. She is 2 years old, but the government wants her in elementary school. The school; the teachers; the students; the faculty; etc. didn't want her there, but the government insisted.
Molly was accompanied to school by her mom. The mom didn't want here more than anyone else in the class. She definitely didn't think she was ready for elementary school. She knew, however, Molly wasn't like the other children.
Only 2 years ago, the government finished a grand experiment with the help of scientists and researchers. They created a robot girl named Molly.
Molly Taylor.
They now want to see if she can handle situations in the "outside world". This is the reason why she is now going to first grade at the age of two. They made her a genius. They wanted to see if their experiment worked.
Molly sat down right in the middle of the class, a very conspicuous place to sit. The other students sneered and jeered. They made fun of poor little Molly.
Molly quickly became the prize student of her class. All of the other students were jealous of her. They thought that she was just trying to show everyone else up. They were having a pow-wow as to how to get her out of their class. She was a know-it-all, and kids don't like know-it-alls, unless it is them.
Aside from being smarter than the other students were, she was downright weird. She walked stiffly, never showed any emotions, and she talked very...robotlike. I must admit, that is kind of freaky.
Molly felt like she didn't fit in at all. She couldn't figure out why. She was keeping up with them schoolwise. She just couldn't figure it out.
She decided to go up and ask someone what she was doing wrong. She went up to Rudolph and asked him. Rudy told her how creepy everyone thought she was.
Molly asked Rudy in a very mechancal voice, "What are these things you call emotions, and what is their purpose? They must be good for something, or you wouldn't have them. How do I get these things named emotions? Do they come from the sky? I would like to learn more about them."
Rudy tries to explain, "It is when you feel something deep in your gut, and you can't get rid of it. For instance, we are all excited about the upcoming field trip we are going on. The excitement burns in my gut and then travels all the way up to my brain so I can feel the emotion. Excitement is a very good emotion. It feels very good."
Molly was made to get all of the physical problems that normal kids get. She was hungry, and she felt a churning and emptiness in her gut.
"I believe I am experiencing excitement. It is not a good emotion, though. How could you think this is feels good? My stomach is churning and burning. Is that called good and fun here?" Molly inquired.
"That's not excitement or any other emotions. That says you are hungry or have the stomach flu. There is a difference between deep in your gut and superficial feelings. You are just hungry, Molly," replied Rudy.
OH! I think I am getting more excited. Something is about to come up from my stomach," said Molly.
She then proceeded to throw up all over the schoolroom floor.
"Well, that was fun. I can see why everyone likes it so much. I certainly had fun. Are there any other feelings I can feel like excitement?" asked Molly.
"There are many, many emotions. However, they all produce different feelings'" explained Mrs. Powerhouse.
"I am about to feel more excitement," said Molly urgently. She then ran for the bathroom.
When Molly returned, she said, "I am seeing more and more how excitement works, and I can do without it. Thank you for showing it to me, though," announced the girl.
Mrs. Powerhouse checked Molly's temperature. It was 102 degrees. She immediately sent her home. "You're not through feeling your excitement. You will continue to have this experience for three or more days."
When Molly got home, she asked her mom, "Why are there emotions when no one wants them, anyway.?"
"Please, don't judge all emotions by this experience. Excitement is a wonderful emotion. That is not what you are feeling. You are feeling a human malady called stomach flu. I'm not sure you will ever be able to feel emotions, because I don't think the government gave them to you," explained her mom.
Molly retorted, "I hope I never have this feeling of excitement ever again. If this is what it feels like, I don't want anything to do with it. End of subject."
"Now, why don't you put your head down and sleep for a while? I'll be back to see how you're doing," asked her mom.
"I hope I'm not as excited when you come back, Mommy. Good night," said Molly tiredly.
"Good night, Molly," stated her mother, who smiled as she walked down the stairs.
Mod
Sorry, I haven't been on here much lately, hence me missing the deadline. Well, I will look over Randi's entry and post comments later, but since it's the only one, Randi wins! lol! =D
Elaine wrote: "LOL, Paige!Sorry, I haven't been on here much lately, hence me missing the deadline. Well, I will look over Randi's entry and post comments later, but since it's the only one, Randi wins! lol..."
LOL Wow that sucks... it's okay. I had a really hard week, and excitement was so not on the menu.
Mod
Word Count: Within limit
Spelling/Grammatical Errors: 9
Fitting To Theme (on a scale of 1-5): 5
Captivating Level (on a scale of 1-5): 5
Fluidity (on a scale of 1-5): 5
Sentence Structure (on a scale of 1-5): 4
Overall Notes: Cool! Very unique! At the beginning there was a little confusion between tenses (past tense and present-tense where both used). Other than that, just small things, nothing big. Good job!
Thank you, Elaine. I appreciate the comments.
I'm published!!!! This particular story is published. I'm so excited!!!!
Oooh, congrats~! Where is it published?
My friend is starting a publishing company, and I am his first published author. I don't want to give too much info until I talk to that person.
My friend just said I could give you the name of the company. It is ponderworthy.org, and it will soon have the other one I did in this group (I don't do anger).
Mod
Start: 6/5/09
Finish: 6/12/09
Theme: Excitement
Genre: none (whatever you want)
Judge: Elaine (Lai)
Judge on: The usual, fitting the theme and grammar
WC Min: 500
WC Max: 1500