Far from the Tree
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how can anyone like this book?
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Wow, yeah, I guess I know what you mean but imho this author expressed beautifully some of what I also see as obvious shared wisdom. I skipped around reading the conditions/syndromes that I was more interested in. Robash possibly you are more evolved than the rest of us? ;)
I have an undergrad degree in English with a psychology minor. I began grad school in psychology and have advanced degrees in social service administration and nonprofit management. I am 72 years old. FAR FROM THE TREE just won the prestigious Anisfield Wolf Book Award and the author is going to speak at the influential Town Hall Series program in Cleveland in February.
I thought the book, though somewhat too long, was superb and have enthusiastically recommended it to a great many people, especially those who have been or are currently involved with any of these issues as well as people who are not.
It opened my eyes to a different way of looking at families with exceptional children and think the similarities and differences were presented very well. I don't think a lot of people would have considered the cases of child prodigies and children conceived from rape as having anything in common with children who are deaf or dwarfs.
I liked hearing different perspectives showed there is no one solution for everyone. It did provide a way for people dealing with these situations to consider their options as well as where to find support groups when desired.
I'm sorry that Robash was not able to appreciate the brilliance of this outstanding book. I expect it to be a valued reference for a very long time.
By the way, "its" is the possessive form of the neutral pronoun "it." To write the contraction for "it is," the correct way is "it's" to indicate the missing letter. What is the meaning of all the ellipses? To indicate missing words in the middle of a sentence, three periods are used. To indicate missing words at the end of a sentence, four periods are required. Agreement of subject and verb calls for "There are no new insights...." "I could even read...just skimmed.... " is a run-on sentence.
I am obviously educated and do not live under a rock.
Judie..sorry if I offended you. But I loved this book !
Hi Laurie,You didn't offend me at all. I saw that you gave it 5 stars and read it the way I imagine most people would by reading the sections that were the most interesting to you. By doing that, though, you might have missed how he related the other areas and how people with conditions with which the reader might not be familiar were discussed.
I had never thought about how the age of the child or cause of the pregnancy or access to others with the same condition share some aspects but differ in others.
I was offended by Robash's comments because they were so nasty and negative. In addition, people who call others uneducated should be sure they use correct grammar.
Thanks for your comment.
I gave this book five stars, something I rarely do. And I read every chapter. I thought the research that went into "Far From The Tree" was nothing short of amazing. Not only did Solomon interview hundreds of families, he also did a ton of research on each condition. The bibliography takes up 35% of the book.
The personal stories of the families are both heartbreaking and inspirational, without being overly sentimental. For example, Solomon confronts the rift in the autism community over childhood vaccines and he doesn't sugar coat the condition, interviewing parents whose children are at the low end of the spectrum.
It's not stating the obvious, it paints a vivid picture of what it's like having a child with Down Syndrome, or autism, or schizophrenia. I consider myself a fairly well-informed person, but I learned so much about these conditions.
I didn't like this book--I loved it. I was left with admiration for all the parents profiled in the book and tremendous gratitude for my own "normal" child.
Judy, I totally agree.
I am not downplaying the struggles of parenthood when dealing with medical or psychological conditions of children. Painting a vivid picture is fine. And a book about these issues is great...but like anything..its only great if the book brings something NEW to the table. Lets be objective and not emotional here. I will have to say that the information in this book is akin to what you would find in a introductory child psychology textbook or Oprah Winfrey episodes dealing with parenthood over the last 15 years...I thought this book was dull and obvious and did not offer anything new but stated the same old information..it simply was not up to par and I started this topic because its shocking how easy it is to impress people...no disrespect to anyone person in particular but I am being frank.
Robash wrote: "I am not downplaying the struggles of parenthood when dealing with medical or psychological conditions of children. Painting a vivid picture is fine. And a book about these issues is great...but li..."You only read 30 pages. All the good stuff comes after
page 31.
I think the first part about himself was way too long. It was interesting to know how he became interested in the subject but think he should have been much briefer. You can skip that part and get to the main body of the book.I have no problem with people having differing opinions about a book. Insulting them crosses the line and diminishes any argument you may wish to present. I don't know how you gained all the knowledge that makes you say there was nothing new in it. I found a new perspective on examining family relationships.
I was speaking to someone today whose daughter is entering graduate school for a social work degree and a neighbor, who is a physician, was one of several who have recommended the book to her. If it was so obvious and common knowledge, I don't think it would be receiving the acclaim it has. It is an important resource for people in that situation as well as those who have never been in that situation although there are many other ways that a child grows up in a family who is different from the child.
Also, because you accused people who liked the book of being "uneducated" and, in my reply, I pointed out several specific grammatical errors in your post, you did not bother to correct them. I forgot to add that sentences begin with a capital letter.
lol fair enough...I would agree with you that this book is getting alot of praise much to my chagrin...but hey on to the next book!
Robash wrote: "I am really shocked at how many positive reviews this book is getting...I mean really? Its full of information that is...obvious....its all common sense...there is no new insights offered here at a..."WHAT? This book is so moving, so intense...I gather you've never had any of the life experiences he talks about, so you don't realize how deeply it affects those who have.
Judie wrote: "I have an undergrad degree in English with a psychology minor. I began grad school in psychology and have advanced degrees in social service administration and nonprofit management. I am 72 year..."THANK YOU JUDIE!! As I wrote above, I suspect those who've never had such experiences do not recognize its depth. I so appreciate hearing from someone older--I am almost your age.
Robash wrote: "I am not downplaying the struggles of parenthood when dealing with medical or psychological conditions of children. Painting a vivid picture is fine. And a book about these issues is great...but li..."What's wrong with being emotional? I too find Robash's comments offensive, as the parent of a child born with a chronic medical condition, now 48, and related to what I read of this book. I also am offended since R. only read 30 pages, and has not responded to any of the issues raised by Judie and others. Especially concerning the "uneducated" remark and ignorance of basic English usage.
I read 30 pages and then skimmed through a lot of the rest of it. A book needs to suck me in with it's sentences. I would love to hear some new insights the author pointed out that I missed. So far, people have pointed out that the book acknowledges the struggles of parenthood when dealing with debilitating conditions...but that is not helpful it just points out struggles, where are the suggestions with how to cope? Where are the new insights? Marcy I am sure it is very difficult and the book is relateable but is that enough to make a book great? Maybe for you but not for me. I am gay and struggled with my parents on this issue, but I don't want a pity party which is what a lot of this book seems to be
"Where are the suggestions with how to cope?" One of the best features of the book is that in most cases there is no single answer. It presents various options, e. g., mainstream children or educate them with other children with the same condition? Cochlear implants or not? Perhaps if you read more instead of expecting a book " to suck [you] in with it's (sic) sentences" you would learn that the reader has a responsibility as well as the author. You would not continue to make the same grammatical errors. I'm sorry your parents weren't more supportive when you needed them. Fortunately, my daughter didn't have that experience. Perhaps if you read the other sections that didn't relate to you personally, you might have gotten more from the book. You might have learned that the struggles you endured are not unique to the GLBTQ community.
Marcy wrote: "Judie wrote: "I have an undergrad degree in English with a psychology minor. I began grad school in psychology and have advanced degrees in social service administration and nonprofit management. ..."Thanks to you, Marcy.
you just proved my point Judie...cochlear implants...mainstream children or other children with the same condition....these are age old issues rehashed over and over again..nothing profound. Pointing out my grammatical errors has nothing to do with the book itself. And I went through all the sections of the book equally not just the gay section...this book is weak in my opinion period...stating the same old same old is not offering anything new...
Robash wrote: "you just proved my point Judie...cochlear implants...mainstream children or other children with the same condition....these are age old issues rehashed over and over again..nothing profound. Pointi..."You're correct that pointing out grammatical errors has nothing to do with the book. What it does show is your attitude toward information that doesn't conform to your ideas: My mind is made up. Don't confuse me with facts. It is especially pertinent when your original comment referred to people who liked the book as "not educated or living under a rock."
Personally, I thought Sue Klebold's story was incredibly profound. This was not something that appeared in the coverage of Columbine or on Oprah. What do you do when your child is responsible for a massacre? I was also fascinated by the discussion of Ashley, the "pillow child," whose parents arranged to have surgery for her that stunted her growth so they could continue to take care of her at home. The national news had two minute stories on this controversy with lots of talking heads giving their opinions, but the parents have never spoken about their decision to anyone.
I would say that neither of these situations fall under the "same old-same old" category.
And Robash, if I can read Fifty Shades of Grey all the way through before posting a one star review, you can do more than read 2.5 pages of every chapter of this book before you trash it along with the people who read it in its entirety and liked it.
Judy wrote: "Personally, I thought Sue Klebold's story was incredibly profound. This was not something that appeared in the coverage of Columbine or on Oprah. What do you do when your child is responsible for a..."Excellent observations.
I only read a small portion of this book because its size was daunting to me. I'm going to have to get the Kindle version and just read it when I can. I didn't know the pillow child's story was in there; I'd read about that awhile back and was aghast at those parents, so I want to see what they say. Also, it would be good to read more discussion about the book here rather than about the ignorant opinions replete with errors of one of the discussion members.
The book is long but can be read in sections. Each situation (e.g., dwarf, deaf, etc.) can be read independently so it will seem shorter. As you complete more of them, you should notice the overlaps and differences. For example, I had never thought about what problems child prodigies and their parents might encounter and how those problems and solutions relate to other children who are different. Reading some reviews on Goodreads and other sites may also give you more information. NOTE: The book is shorter than Harry Potter. :-)
Well, I didn't read Harry Potter! And won't.I knew a prodigy/genius whose father once talked about how difficult it was to raise such a child.
Neither did I.How did people react to him?
I appreciated the research that went into the book (and as a former deaf-ed major I can attest that what the author said about Deaf Culture seems accurate), but I think the book is too long. The author seems to think that the way to write a 500-page book is to write a hundred 5-page magazine articles and string them together.I read this at about the same time as Common Ground, a book that handled a complex social issue (busing to integrate the Boston public-school system) by describing the experiences of a few representative people in great depth and giving a summary treatment to many more. Far from the Tree would have been a much better book if the author had exercised a similar discipline.
I agree that it was too long, especially the introduction. I think separating the categories would have negated an important aspect: the relationships, similar and different, between the various situations. The contrasts and comparisons were important.
the way to write a 500-page book...Actually, Seth, this book has over 1000 pages. Too much for me.
I thought it was well-written and informative. This wasn't a book for me to read cover to cover, but the subject matter was very interesting.
Robash wrote: "I am really shocked at how many positive reviews this book is getting...I mean really? Its full of information that is...obvious....its all common sense...there is no new insights offered here at a..." It's a bit disingenuous to read just 30 pages and be so negative! Some of the chapters are better than others, but you can be highly educated and still appreciate the thought-provoking analysis.
Robash wrote: "I am really shocked at how many positive reviews this book is getting...I mean really? Its full of information that is...obvious....its all common sense...there is no new insights offered here at a..."Maybe you should have read the book instead of just flipping trough it before you give your opinion.
Ann wrote: "Robash wrote: "I am really shocked at how many positive reviews this book is getting...I mean really? Its full of information that is...obvious....its all common sense...there is no new insights of..."Agreed. I'm looking forward to hearing Andrew Solomon speak in Cleveland next month.
Thanks, Esther, for your comments. You seem to have had a very interesting, challenging life and have managed to become a successful, caring woman. I bet there is at least one book in you waiting to be written. Best of luck to you and your child.
I am about to wrap up reading this book. I have read a variety of comments and reviews some of which really surprise me. However, I am a pretty basic person. I do not feel my time was wasted. I learned from it, paused a great deal for thought, discussed parts of it with friends and am painfully familiar with some of its contents. As a result of reading it, I was able to carry on a conversation with a dad who had one Down Syndrome child and one autistic child. I was volunteering at a gathering of special needs parents and children, others at this event were off whispering about how he was treating his children implying his inability to care properly for them. I would venture to say if it had been a woman they would have sympathized more than criticized. I was appalled. Because I read this book, I was not afraid to talk to him, I had a better understanding of how he was engaging with his children and an enormous amount of respect for his commitment to this labor intensive parenting. His fatigue was evident...so was his isolation. I have lived some of the experiences detailed in this book both as a child and as a parent. There is a lonely darkness that comes with this and Solomon did a decent job of shining a light all around the people and experiences. I am grateful for his effort and for my ability to take advantage of reading it. Some books entertain and amuse...some challenge and some educate. This book helped me to grow in empathy and understanding and made reaching out to others a little less intimidating and fearful. So I say 'well done' and hope others can glean as much from its pages.
Hi Christine,It seems like the book accomplished everything Solomon wanted it to do. Thanks for sharing your comment.
This book was one of the best on its topics that I have ever read and I have read a lot on these topics.Almost nothing in it is "just common sense" - at least, the sense that is in it is not "common" it's quite rare.
wow! I am definitely in the minority with this book...people love it...good for them..no hard feelings...I did not like it
Hi Robash, At least you tried. Sorry that it didn't meet your needs but I doubt if any book will please everyone. By the way, I hope you were able to get to Cleveland for the Gay Games.
Robash wrote: "wow! I am definitely in the minority with this book...people love it...good for them..no hard feelings...I did not like it"I share the same sentiments, I don't see the hype either.
I agree. I think that Far From the Tree has perfectly good intentions and is overall a detail rich and touching account of different struggles that families go through. There were a few major problems, however. For one, the author seemed to support an anti-choice sentiment that many of the families described. Of course there is nothing wrong with going forward with a pregnancy of a potentially disabled child if you are comfortable with it but the author seemed to be trying to guilt potential mothers against making a choice that they wanted to make. This was especially true and especially upsetting in his documentation of children born from rape. The decision of whether or not to have a child should be the MOTHER'S choice and not one influenced by outside groups. Also, I was really uncomfortable with how some more extreme disability advocates described prenatal testing and/or terminating the pregnancy of a disable child as eugenics or even genocide.
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Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity (other topics)
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Fifty Shades of Grey (other topics)Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity (other topics)
As a result, its painstakingly boring. I could not even read most of it after the first 30 pages just skimmed chapters...are you guys who are giving this books favorable readings simply not educated or living under a rock?