Struggling Writers discussion
Stuck on Your Writing?
>
I'm having trouble creating emotional shock in my characters!
date
newest »
newest »
One thing you might want to do is imagine how you would feel if that happened. Think about your physical reaction, or some of your thoughts, and maybe write about or describe them before the character says anything. That's what I do. Just my .02
Ali wrote: "I don't know if anyone else has come across this problem, but I have an issue with creating emotional shock with my characters. For instance, when a girl hears that both her parents died in a car c..."How old is your character? That will have some bearing on the reaction to, and was it a tragic accident or an ongoing illness.
My daughter was 5 when her father died, I told her simply that daddy had gone to be with grandma and grandad. She just looked at me and said, 'it's okay mummy, grandad, will take care of him now'. Then she went back to playing with her Barbie. The funeral was even more bizarre, I said we were there to say our goodbyes to daddy and she sat there without saying a word right up until we got back in the car. 'You said we were going to say goodbye to daddy, but he wasn't there.' Hard, to explain.
Sarah wrote: "Ali wrote: "I don't know if anyone else has come across this problem, but I have an issue with creating emotional shock with my characters. For instance, when a girl hears that both her parents die..."I very much agree with the age bit. Children (for the most part) don't really comprehend death until about twelve or so and then you have to factor in their personality.
When I write I try to stand in the character's position, write it how I would react and then tweak it from there to how they would react due to their personality (having something already on the page is really helpful).
If you can develop your character so that your reader identifies with them sympathetically, unless they love your character they wont be shocked by their situation.
Here's one way that I like to display shock. For example:
"Elena, your parents died in a car crash."
Nothing.
Voices.
Apologies.
Ears ringing.
Breath speeding.
Heart racing. No, heart wrenching.
God, make that ringing go away.
Dead?
Impossible.
She's lying. She's a god damn liar!
That wasn't the best example but hopefully you get what I mean. Use incomplete sentences, pay attention to the five senses, and somehow make them work against the shocked character (i.e. ears ringing, tunnel vision, no vision?, etc.).
That's really good advice! I think the fragments and the choppiness really create alarm and alert the reader that something is wrong. :)
There is another way to indicate shock is to used a prop. Here is an example from a little idea I had.
The distance hum of the computer echoed in the distance
Lana stared out the window it can't be true he can't be
dead. The cup scatter on the floor as Lana lost her fight.
♪ Tara ♪ wrote: "That's really good advice! I think the fragments and the choppiness really create alarm and alert the reader that something is wrong. :)"I definitely agree with that. In some books I've read, when a character's response consists of so many choppy sentences and one-word phrases, even my heart starts to race.
Choppy and short sentences are very good to use in creating emotional shock. That's probably because it's how someone would think during those situations. This is what I would base my writing off in those moments:
1. confusion, like the character doesn't know what is happening/ what's being talked about.
2. Once confusion fades, the character doesn't believe it and denies it.
3. Depending on the character's age and personality, they would feel sad, angry, betrayal, or numb.
I'm not sure if this would work, but it might. If not, just put yourself in your character's shoes to figure out how they'd react.
Hope this helps!!!!!!!!
You can also use physical cue.Eyes welling
Stammering
Trembling
Headiness
Eyes dilating
flush
"With the comprehension of the news, her face went ash as her trembling hands rose to stifle the cry that would not find breath to give it sound."
Not so great ... but, you get the jist.
Kelseyc wrote: "Use incomplete sentences, pay attention to the five senses, and somehow make them work against the shocked character (i.e. ears ringing, tunnel vision, no vision?, etc.)"Yes! Definitely do this!
I'm afraid to be too rushed when doing this. Like...
"Elena, your parents died in a car crash."
I broke down bawling. "No, no, no! Mommy," I whimpered.
You see how in this example the character just immediately reacts? Like it doesn't seem natural to me... Sorry if this question is really weird and awkwardly worded. I don't really know how to explain it well :(